Marie Callender's Small Apple Pie

So the Small Peach Pie was a disappointment, but mainly due to the filling. Therefore I thought maybe the Small Apple Pie will fare better. However, since I had a bad experience with the other one, I didn't want to wait 50+ minutes to be disappointed, so I made this one in the microwave. That's much faster (~10min) and the box doesn't even recommend one over the other, so I feel it was a valid choice. It's about 680 calos for the full pie, which is I think less than the peach was, so I thought I'd just eat the whole thing. Why not! It's the weekend!

This pie was maybe better than the peach one, but still not as good as a normal pie. The filling is too small of apple pieces, too goopy of thick goop. The crust is fine, so I don't think the microwave made a huge difference either way (maybe slightly less good), but the filling is just Too Fake. IDK what sort of small pie is ever going to have copious real full slices of apple, maybe it's impossible, but like...the mcdonald's apple pie is way better (and fewer calos!!), why can't they copy that a lil more?

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Marie Callender's Small Peach Pie

Marie Callender's pies are usually decent and supposedly safe (even though they make PB pies!!) so even though I've had a rough week allergy wise, I'm going for this mini peach pie. Even though it is single serve, it is 780 cals, so perhaps it is double serve. I decided to make it in the oven to optimize the pie experience, but it does take 45 minutes. It smelled good and I think cooked up well. Unfortunately it didn't quite hit the pie spot for me. The crust is good as always, flaky and buttery. But the filling is weirdly goopy and the peaches are small pieces rather than full slices. It does taste processed. I don't dislike it or anything, but if this is actually what peach pie tastes like (and I don't think it is!) then peach pie kinda stinks.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Mrs. Smith's Dutch Apple Pie

Okay Mrs Smiths!! This is a solid pie. Unfortunately it is 3500 calories or so. But it tastes good as apple pies do. The crumble topping basically turned into a regular crust topping for me, which made me worry I overcooked it, but then the filling was kind of white and goopy which made me worry I undercooked it. I dunno, man. It also did have a hint of the "animal fat/rancid" taste I got from the Mrs Smith's pumpkin pie, so I guess I didn't spill gravy in that one but rather there's something weird that I'm sensitive too in these pie fillings. That's too bad. It's only in some bites here though. I also think it's better warm (or tepid) than cold, so I might try microwaving it for my next slice. And did I mention the high calorie count? But it does taste good. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Mrs. Smith's Pumpkin Pie

As with all pies, this is like 3200 calories, but hey, it's the holidays! Plus I shared it with my family, of course. I think it was pretty tasty, and a good texture -- mine just happened to have a weird "old animal fat" taste to it for some reason. I'm guessing somehow there was a turkey or gravy spill that I didn't observe, otherwise there's something very weird in Mrs Smith's home. Without that taste, though, this was solid. So I would get it again!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Marie Callender's Pumpkin Pie

My parents had this pie for a holiday meal at their place, and although I was nervous about allergens (they make a peanut pie!! eek!!) the packaging read safe and so I consumed the pie. And my review was: 'really good!'. Nicely said, past-me. I do love pie.

Overall
Cost: 4/10
Taste: 8/10

JJ's Bakery Strawberry & Cream Pie

Somehow knowing this was the last of the terrible pies made it a little better. I will never buy these again, but this was less bad because I have no expectation for what a strawberry cream hand pie should be like, so the weird thin goop filling wasn't as upsetting, even though it was certainly fruitless thin goop. Crust was fine. These are better cold than hot, but they are still bad. :(

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

JJ's Bakery Boston Cream Pie

Curse the day I decided to buy these pies! Luckily there's only one left after this. Whew. OK, so the inside texture is still freakin' weird and goopy (and thin). It did taste a lot like a boston creme donut filling+frosting, though. Didn't really go with the pie crust. Overall, filling and fatty and sugary, and not worth it. Weird stuff.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

JJ's Bakery - Lemon Pie

Continuing along with our pie-rade of horrors, this, too, was bad. The outside is basically what I want in a hand pie, but the inside was really bad and weird. Like silly putty, but lemon colored. Yikes. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10

JJ's Bakery Apple Pie

JJs Bakery is one of the biggest letdowns of my adult life. Dang. I was really hoping apple would magically be good, and I even heated this one up, but it was no good. Tasted less like anything, but still very disappointing. Hardly any (goopy, weird) filling, no apple chunks to speak of, just real bad.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10

JJ's Bakery - Cherry Pie

Oh no. They say "Real Fruit Filling", but the vibe I got was "real toxic filling" instead. I was so excited for these pies because I've been yearning for a Hostess Fruit Pie for the longest time, but you know the allergy info is sus for those. So this wasn't a great dupe. The crust is pretty good, heavy and glazed (maybe too heavy). But the inside was "eh" at best. Not wet or full of fruit, more like a congealed jam. Luckily I was ravenous when I ate this, but in retrospect, it was not great.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Mrs. Smith's Original Apple Pie

Mmm, pie. I bought this for myself, but when my parents came over for Thanksgiving I felt obligated to make this pie, lol. That's probably for the best, since since 1/8 is like 400 calories or something. The tragedy of pie. Anyway, this tasted to me exactly like the little wedges of pie you get from Burger King, which I can't get anymore due to allergies but which I remember fondly. So this is tasty but not really "gourmet" feeling. In fact, I thought it tasted better cold than warm! Rare for a pie.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Marie Callender's Lattice Apple Pie

I'm a big fan of apple pie, and my last attempt to have it was on a cruise in October where I was sadly disappointed. So this Christmastime nut-free pie was a godsend! Sure, I got sick (flu sick) after eating a bunch of it, and it isn't good for you, but it really was tasty. The top is sugary, but not JUST sugar crumbles like the Dutch Apple Pie, instead it's an actual crust. Nothing weird or standout about this pie, just solid sweet apple filling and normal bready crust. Yum.




Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 8/10

Edwards Hershey's Chocolate Crème Pie

For you Burger King fans out there, this is what's known as their Hershey's Sundae Pie. I was all about those as a kid once the apple pie gained a peanut warning. Now I think this pie has a nut warning, but only at BK! (The same is true for Arby's turnovers vs. the boxed Pepperidge Farm version). Nevertheless, I'm pretty sure that the product is exactly the same. We're talking a cold pie with a dense crumbly chocolate crust, vaguely chocolatey moose, and some whipped topping with chocolate drizzle. It's very sweet and pretty fun to eat, although the saturated fat levels on this baby are next level. I do like that these are in single-serve boxes, though; that's very convenient and encourages me to buy it over something like an entire pie. The taste and texture for me are just OK, and I get a little sick of it by the end, but I also crave these sometimes. Classic pie!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10