Pillsbury All Purpose Flour

I was thinking about Poppin' Fresh the Pillsbury Doughboy recently (as one does), and I realised that commercial food mascots were a way bigger deal, culturally, in the 1900s. Because like, there was no streaming, and so commercials were like little TV shows, and the only kid-friendly ones were for food and toys, and they all had wacky mascots with lovable catchphrases. Also I had a ton of mascot toys because they came free in the foods. Anyway, I used to get Gold Medal Flour, but this is the only flour at my store (that isn't nut-ified) and it is perfectly serviceable. In fact I've made so many cakes and breads and muffins and breadings with this stuff that it's become my new default flour! Not much to say about it, but it does the job. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Bonus content from Wiki:

In the 1970s, a Pillsbury Doughboy family was created and sold as dolls individually and in the form of various playsets.

Included in the family are:

• Poppin' Fresh
• Poppie Fresh, described by the Advertising Icon Museum as forming a couple with Poppin' Fresh beginning in the early 1970s .
• Granpopper and Granmommer (grandparents)
• Popper (boy) and Bun-Bun (baby, girl)
• Flapjack (dog) and Biscuit (cat)
• Uncle Rollie

 

Blueberry Toaster Strudel

I'm glad I got to try these before embarking on my restrictive new "brain calming diet"! These hard-to-find blueberry strudels are superior to all the red-filled strudels, and possibly even to the apple strudels. King of Strudels! The filling also was much colder than in other flavors, even with the same 2 toaster cycles as always, but maybe my freezer is colder or some other wacky variable. In a way, I am now motivated to stay alive so I have a chance at healing and eating these again. At the same time, let's be honest, the toaster strudel ceiling is not quite that high, so maybe those are some desire-for-what-once-was goggles talking.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Pillsbury Toaster Strudel - Cream Cheese & Strawberry

These seem so appealing on the surface. Back when I could eat a danish, or a cheese crumb pastry, those were top tier treats. This treat is bottom tier. To be fair, it comes at the end of my 'try every toaster strudel in my store' mission, and I'm experiencing heavy toaster strudel fatigue. But even if this were the first strudel subtype, I'd think "there is no cream cheese here! and the strawberry filling is Bad! a waste of a tasty pastry!". It's all true. 

The ""cream cheese"" is actually sour cream and sugar, per the ingredients, which I guess is similar to cream cheese, but tastes only like a pocket of wet air. The strawberry filling is the same as in the strawberry flavor, and I didn't like it. Too strong and medicinal. These do have little ridges on the sides of the pastry, like an empanada, which I didn't notice on the other flavors. That's fine.

To conclude the toaster strudel saga, only apple is worthwhile. There apparently exist blueberry and cinnamon flavors, both of which have potential, but neither of which are at my local shoppe. So perhaps someday we will revisit the toaster strudel mission (but not for quite a while). (It's important to have goals.)

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10

Pillsbury Apple Toaster Strudel

Finally! As I predicted, this is my favorite filling so far. See you never, fruity red innards ! That's not to say it's perfect; it's still a little artificial, and too sweet and fragrant for my preference. But definitely better than the others I tried, and I've only got one new flavor left at my store (which I think is just strawberry and cream cheese so I'm not too hopeful). And these are still hard to open the frostings of, still annoyingly sticky. Plus it gave me a little tummy ache, which the other ones didn't really. Maybe just bad luck though! Still the top pick!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Toaster Strudel - Strawberry

These strudels are really vexing me! The filling tastes both medicinal and artificial, just like the cherry flavor! Even though it's got real strawberry juice in! Not good vibes. Also still so sticky and messy to eat, which is a personal peeve of mine. But at least these ones aren't expired (I checked before buying this time), and the frosting and pastry itself are good. I am really awaiting a non red-fruit flavor now! 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [4$ish]
Taste: 6/10

Toaster Strudel - Cherry

More like Toaster Boo-del! (I originally considered Toaster Poo-del but thought that was a little too harsh.) This flavor is whack. Also, the freezer aisle was super crowded so I bought these without my usual ingredient/expiry check, and while I'm not allergic, they were expired!! My store sucks. But I ate them anyway due to Sunk Cost Fallacy and also my parents would say "omg it's frozen, they're FIIINE". But they were not fiiine. I mean, they didn't make me ill(er), but I think it's not just in my head that the pastry felt old, less flaky, stale. What's more, and what's assumedly not oldness related, the filling is surprisingly distinct from the raspberry flavor -- in a bad way. It's bright red, and not fruity, more medicinal. I do not love it. It's edible, but not worth the bad nutrition. Where are you, apple?

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10

Pillsbury Raspberry Toaster Strudel

The horrors persist, but so does toaster strudel! I can't believe I haven't reviewed a single flavor yet. They are wildly inconvenient compared to a pop-tart -- you have to toast them, usually twice, the icing packet is so hard to open without tearing, it's very sticky, and sometimes burnt. But they also taste way better! It's a pastry! (A strudel, I'm not so sure). The taste hasn't changed a bit since I was a kid, and the frosting and pastry are really good. The filling here isn't my favorite flavor (I guess I like apple best? We'll find out, maybe) but it's serviceable. Sticky though.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Pillsbury Banana Bread Batter

Bread in a tube? Breadtube?! I have some negative associations. But I do like banana bread. Although it was fun to squeeze out of the tube, you still have to spread it in the pan, so the tube is more for fun than function. The smell is kinda "runts banana"-y, which isn't great, but I do like runts banana (in moderation), they just aren't what I expect for a real banana bread. All the reviews of this were like "my mom/grandma/husband's banana bread is the best in the world!" and TBH I also feel that my grandma/ex's (different people) banana breads were far superior. However, the smell of something baking is always nice, and this was no exception. 

I followed the cooking instructions (70min) and it came out a little dark. But the taste and texture were fine, and it was fully cooked which is always my biggest worry. The banana flavor is honestly pretty subtle, which isn't my preference but it's still tasty dense dark bread with a little toy banana vibe. However, halfway into eating I did also get a weird artificial plasticy flavor, but it was fleeting and maybe I convinced myself I tasted it because other reviewers mentioned it. (I gotta stop reading reviews before I eat things!). The calorie/fat/sugar info is also not great since a serving is 1/15 of a loaf which is ridiculous (I'd say it's probably double that in reality). But, this was actually better than I thought it would be. Fun snack. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Pillsbury Funfetti Popcorn

Today in things that are extremely weird: this popcorn. It looks tasty: wide, plump kernals and a glaze on top. Plus sprinkles. It tastes freakin' weird. Like funfetti sugar cookies or cake, sure, but not at all like popcorn. Confusing. And then, there's a bad artificial aftertaste (which sometimes happens with sprinkles, it's true -- kind of plasticcy?). This popcorn is definitely not for me. I wish it were just caramel corn or even plain popcorn instead, because the base seems solid, but you can't taste it at all through the very disconcerting Funfetti glaze.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10

Pillsbury Grands! Buttermilk Frozen Biscuits

If you want to feel like a pioneer woman, these are perfect. They'd be great with wet foods, or gravy or jam perhaps, but just plain they are, indeed, very plain and floury. That's just fine though.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Sausage Toaster Scrambles

Oh boy. I bought this because they were on sale, but it's no wonder why they were: they are not good. In their defense, mine were about a week past expiry, but since they're frozen I figure it shouldn't have a big impact. Especially since the biggest flaw is that these are essentially just sweet pastry dough with like .0001mm of cheese-goo and maybe a tiny sausage orb. Certainly no egg to speak of. Also, it was cold inside, so do 2 toaster cycles on at least medium heat. Very weird. I do hate sweet/savory mixing, though, so if you don't mind toaster strudel mixing with your "sausage", maybe you won't hate these.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10

Pillsbury Grands! Butter Tastin' Biscuits (with Flaky Layers)

Apparently this is a different product than the butterMILK biscuits, although I would argue both versions are butter tastin'. I got these because they were the only flaky layer biscuit in stock for Thanksgiving, and I have no complaints. They seemed pretty indistinguishable from the other flavors of this style biscuit. I accidentally left them in the oven too long (the stress of parents visiting!) but even though they were very overdone, they didn't char or honestly taste bad at all. Good for leftovers too. Delicious, bad for you, easy to cook. Quality product!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 8/10

Pillsbury Grands! Buttermilk Biscuits (with Flaky Layers)

Some of my best friends have flaky layers! :p Anyway, these make for a great side dish to nearly anything. The problem is that I, one human, probably shouldn't eat 8 large biscuits. If only they came in little mini-packs of 2 or something, then single people would really rule the earth. Other than this, love 'em, they're classic.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls - Original Icing

These came out well! Honestly, all the different types of cinnamon rolls are basically interchangeable to me, so I think I like the small ones and the small packs best, since I'm liable to eat too many at once. This particular 8-pack cooks fully in 10 minutes, and has a good texture and good taste. They're nice and sticky! 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Pillsbury Mini Chocolate Chip Cookies - Soft Baked

I do like cookies. Too bad there were hardly any cookies in this lil bag! I'd say there were, generously, 5 small cookies. But they're tasty soft cookies. I was a little nervous because it seems they also make peanut butter soft baked cookies, but this label read as safe and I generally trust Pillsbury. The taste is quite similar to the big box of little Entenmann's choco chip cookies, but these are slightly larger and slightly softer. In general they taste good and are pleasant cookies.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Pillsbury Flaky Cinnamon Rolls with Butter Cream Icing

Oh yeah, Cinnamon rolls in quarantine! These were good, as cinnamon rolls generally are. They were a cute size, smaller than the GRANDS ones, so you get 8 of them per tube. 3 is a satisfying meal/snack. These cooked in 10 minutes (leaving a tiny bit of undercooked inside), which was pretty good. Maybe 11 is the actual right time to cook them. They do have a little "plain biscuit" taste, so I wish there was more cinnamon or they were somehow more gooey without being undercooked, but the icing amount is solid and they were still tasty despite being a few days past the "best by" date, heh heh.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 8/10

Pillsbury Grands! Cinnamon Rolls with Cream Cheese Icing

Now that I'm eating these not fresh (don't want to eat more than one a day since I'm still healing), they aren't quite as amazing. But in general this is a baller treat: fresh bakery from a can! And nut-free! Very cool, obviously amazing. They taste like a cinnamon bun (never had real cinnabons but I imagine it's like this) and are fun to peel. The time says 25-29 min, which is too long -- I did 25 and they were still kinda burnt. Maybe like 22? Still tasty though.





Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 8/10

Pillsbury Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

The quarantine continues! My industrious boyf had this cookie dough. It makes good cookies that don't contain a nut allergy warning, even though most other refridgerated cookie doughs do (make sure you check!). They aren't a great texture, (too crumbly), but they taste pretty good and are nice warm as well. Definitely a tasty snack if you can moderate your eating.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 8/10