Cap'n Crunch's Arctic Crunch - Vanilla Frost

The reviews for this are so bad... I couldn't stay away. The reviews are correct. I should have stayed away. This tastes like frozen lima beans, which I haven't had in a loooong time, because I am allergic to beans. But lima beans are the only bean I don't miss, because they are mealy and gross. This cereal isn't mealy (it's Kix-texture), but it is gross. Genuinely, it tastes like freezer burn (arctic crunch!) and light vegetable. Very weird vibes. I don't get any "cooling effect", though, which is just about the only good thing you get with these novelty frosty cereals. OK, one other good thing here: the aesthetics of the cream & cerulean orbs are very good and unique. It's one of the prettiest cereals I've ever seen. Like glass orbs in a modern Nordic-inspired home catalogue. Other than bad bean, the main flavor note I detect is "aspirational vanilla frosting (gluten free?)". Like me, its aspirations remain unfulfilled. 

As I did my usual "eating a new food allergy panic attack website google" (parse that one, syntax nerds), I saw that this is no longer listed under available products on the Quaker site (though it is ostensibly allergen free). Smart move, Cap'n. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 4/10

Cap'n Crunch Instant Oatmeal

This is a weird product. It looks kind of like cereal mush when you make it. And it comes with "crunchy topping" which you might think would just be little Cap'n Crunch pieces, but it isn't, it's small orbs that are a little bit like captain crunch but not crunchy. I was so scared there would be PB in this, especially with the red box, but I am still alive as of now. It's a small portion and a weird texture, and maybe I was just super hungry, but I kinda liked it. Maybe I like a little risk!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Cap'n Crunch's Birthday Crunch Cereal

Happy birthday, O Captain my captain! I always get a little scared to eat Captain Crunch because I know there is a peanut flavor, but the label reads as safe. I also don't like birthday/cake flavored food very much, so I wasn't too keen to try this. But, blessedly, there isn't a strong "cake" flavor at all -- in fact, even though the cereal is orb shaped (like the berries and not the crunch) it tastes a lot like regular Capn Crunch, nice and buttery. Maybe a "lite" version of regular. And there are fun colors, so this is a solid option. I sure do like cereal, even though it destroys my insides sometimes.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 8/10