Undercover Chocolate Quinoa Crisps - Dark Chocolate + Blueberries

And with this, I've finally finished my "trendy nut free snack" excursion (for the time being)! These are pretty different from the cherry ones in that you can't perceive the blueberries at all. They are texturally indistinguishable from the plain dark choco ones (a plus), but without the sea salt (a minus, it turns out). I guess there is a mild blueberry flavor, but if I weren't looking for it, I'd probably just think it's the fruity notes of the choco. So perhaps my ranking is: milk > salt > blueb > cherry. (Whereas my non-Undercover ranking is probably the exact opposite!!) 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Undercover Chocolate Quinoa Crisps - Milk Chocolate

Finally, the answer to that age old question: what's more delicious, salt, cherries, or milk? Shockingly, the answer is still salt. I would have thought milk choco would win over dark 100% of the time, but I guess with quinoa in the picture, that is false. These are fine, but rather than tasting like milk chocolate, they mostly taste like watery quinoa. No, I will not elaborate further. It is still a pleasant snack, but for the nutrition on these guys I'd rather have a cookie. Or chocolate proper. I guess it is marginally approximating a Crunch Bar/Krackel (is that how you spell it?) but it's been like, 25 years since I've had one, so I can't be sure.

Update: upon reflection, I miss Crunch Bar/Krackel very much, so maybe that notches these above Salt, actually. [In a "hug your loved ones while you can" voice:] eat delicious candies while you can, blog fans!!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 
Memories of Crunch Bar and/or Krackel: 9/10

Guittard 63% Extra Dark Chocolate Chips

OK, but like, I'm being so for real when I say that 63% IS NOT EXTRA DARK!!! Guittard doesn't know the meaning of "extra", it is clear to me now. Extra clear. Extra dark would be like, 76% minimum. I do like that the darkest bag is red, though. That feels right. If it were 90% we'd be getting somewhere. Not that I even like dark chocolate much, but if we're going bitter we might as well go (genuinely) extra, yeah? 

Anyway, these taste a little darker than the pink ones, but not significantly so. Which again makes sense given the percentage. You might wonder why I have all these Guittard dark chocos, then. The reason is that I needed white chocolate for baking, they're the only ones with safe white choco, and they have an order minimum for free shipping (and I didn't want to order a dozen bags of white choco, even though that would be smart to do, because a summer rat would probably get into my choco hoard and then I'd be depressed). 

 A fine choco. Probably my least favorite, which tracks. I trust the percentage if not the modifier.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Undercover Dark Chocolate + Cherries Quinoa Crisps

Time to answer the age old question: which is more delicious, sea salt or cherries? Against all odds, the answer when it comes to Undercover Snacking is: sea salt. These still mostly taste like dark chocolate, and have a fun quinoa crunch, but they also have raisin-like blobs of cherry throughout, which is a textural displeasure. There is a very mild dried cherry taste, but it doesn't add anything. Too bad. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Guittard 46% Semisweet Chocolate Chips

I should be able to tell that these are less semisweet (lol) than the 55% pink ones, and therefore more fully sweet, but they actually taste the opposite. Maybe I don't understand the chocolate world like I thought I did. I just had a sudden flashback to a girl in my freshman seminar in college bragging about how she was heir to the Scharffenberger fortune, and that they had REAL chocolate, unlike Hershey (with a pointed stare at me, Hershey Girl). I'm no Hershey defender (other than their allergy policy), and I understand the chocolate politics that made her hate me, but that girl was a major snoot. I ranted about it to my parents and they were like, "well, but you can see why she said that." Yes, parents!! Of course!! Anyway, all political discourse is kind of like that for me.

Where was I? Having another 2 Tbsp of wine? No, actually. Not much else to talk about here, though. I like the orange bag. These are a good quality dark choco, and taste very deep and not at all bitter. What is the other 64%? It's sugar. And yet, you can't really taste it. Which is good and bad, I suppose. Lost in the dark depths of the milky (yet vegan) choco. Impressive stuff, Guittard. I bet the heirs to the Guittard fortune are way friendlier. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [11$ish]
Taste: 6/10  

Guittard Akoma Extra Semisweet Chips

 

It occurs to me that I can make my own chocolate candies and choco pretzels, if I can use nut-free Guittard! Soon I'll have time... until then, I'm noshing on these dark choco chips. They're the small size (i.e. regular chocolate chip size) and would be so good in a banana bar. 

According to Guittard, "Akoma means “heart" in Adinkra, the symbol-based language of the Ashanti people native to modern-day Ghana". More Ghana lore for you. Except Adinkra isn't really a LANGUAGE, chocolate company (although it is very cool). There's something kind of interesting about the choco/coffee naming practices Western companies use, like the more local/specific you get with your branding the more posh (bc foreign? authentic?) your product is. No Akoma Hershey Kiss, you know? But the pink package is pretty. So. These taste like very good dark choco. Not too bitter. Dairy free for my dear dairy allergy friends out there. 9 servings. Good. If I had a heart, it'd be a little fuller. 

One more thing: what in the heck is "extra semiweet"? I genuinely don't know if it's extra-semi or extra-sweet. I guess extra-sweet given the world knowledge that the dark choco snobs stick to 80+%, and this is pretty sweet for dark choco therefore, but I wouldn't say EXTRA in any particular direction. Very odd little modifier. And it's not extra chips, either!! 

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [10$ish]
Taste: 6/10 

Guittard Choc-Au-Lait Baking Chips

Choc-au-lait is a silly name, played very seriously here. Two thumbs up. Yes, I really went deep into my baking chocolate stores when I was snowed in, and now they're fully depleted. But I actually did bake with these (in addition to eating some as a wee snack, of course)! They taste a lot like the outside of a Hug, which isn't the greatest tasting white chocolate (maybe there really is no great tasting white chocolate and my childhood memories aren't to be trusted?) but did grow on me. Most importantly, these are white chocolate chips that are safe! (Allergy-wise and brain diet wise, if we still cared about that last thing). They're a small size, like a normal chocolate chip (serving size=30), which is notable because the Guittard milk choco chips are like twice as big as these (serving size=12). The small size is less fun but probably better for melting, baking, etc. Overall I am not blown away with delight, but these are the only nut-free white chocolate chips I know of, so they are very important nevertheless.

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [~15$]
Taste: 7/10
Market importance: 10/10 

Guittard Milk Chocolate Chips

Having blown through my stores of rice, pasta, veg, coffee, and snacks, I've resorted to snacking on these 15$ nut-free baking chocolate chips. It occurs to me maybe I ought to have just baked something instead (lol). Anyway, the upside is that these are great, which is why they're worth the 15$ and shipping. About twice as a big as a normal chocolate chip (or half the size of a Hershey kiss), and a pleasant milky taste. If only there were a cheapo allergy-free brand, but at least I'm living in the lap of luxury (in the realm of baking)!

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [15$ plus shipping because you know Acme could never]
Taste: 7/10 

Hershey's Nuggets - Pumpkin Spice Latte

These have an orange wrapper, which is dangerous for a chocolate (because it indexes PEANUT / REESE'S). But these guys actually only "may contain almonds" (which has never caused me a problem, knock on wood). I was gonna bring 'em to school but I discovered that they don't taste that good. I have a certain standard to uphold, after all. Anyway, pumpkin season is over, which is honestly A-OK with me. These have a cute little wrapper and taste very similar to the inner creme of a pumpkin spice milano, but the quality is a lil worse and it's artificial flavor and not natural flavor. The appearance and texture are basically akin to a normal, somewhat melted nugget. The chocolate is, as you know, not that great (typical non-creamy non-bitter Hershey's fare). But the "spice" flavor is pretty strong. Not much latte (coffee/milk) vibe, honestly. If you're a PS-head, you'll probably like these, but it seems I really am not. So it goes. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 
Taste: 5/10 

Hershey's Milk Chocolate With Caramel Bar

Do I dare to eat this weird little square chocolate bar? I do dare. It's 2 rectangles that say 'SMORES', so I guess this is meant for SMORES, but I wasn't equipped for all that. Basically, it is a flat carmello -- typical hershey kiss choco with a thin layer of liquidy caramel toward the top. It's pretty good, not just because it's nut-free but also because the caramel is so thin as to be a treat rather than a burden. There's no empty air pocket, which is good for preventing unwanted melting. Made me a little panicky after eating (itchy mouth, head is goo), but what doesn't? I imagine the next one will be a treat.

Overall
Cost: 4/10 (7.50 for 6, but they are babby bars; like half a normy bar)
Taste: 7/10

Andes Toffee Crunch Thins

These are, strictly speaking, forbidden. But they're also, strictly speaking, really small. While we're speaking strictly, these are also a little bit gross. But just a little because they're small. 

Meanwhile, I'm cultivating a little dietary restriction paradigm in my head. You've got physical restrictions (allergies, intolerances), ethical restrictions (veganism, kosherism), and then a scale of strength (death vs tummy aches) and temporal resolution (immediate consequences vs longterm consequences). It all adds up to a pretty cool chart that I will not bother to actually produce. But it's something I'm cultivating, OK? So even if the brain diet restrictions are potentially strong, the temporal resolution is long. It's like, yes maybe god will smite me, but it'll take so long that I won't even know if it's because I ate this bad Andes mint or if it was something else I did. Herein lies my defense to my future self (or family, weepily reading this blog as they say "It was the Andes mints that did it"). Thank you for your prompt attention.

Now then. These taste like malted milk balls. I do not know why. Also these are not mints, I shouldn't call them mints. But they aren't chocolate or toffee either. Or even crunch. I guess it's true that they are "thins". The taste is bad. The texture is identical to mint-Andes. The chocolate is worse than mint-Andes because of the weird artificial malt-toffee (and lack of mint). If you want to punish yourself (as I often do), these are perfect. The color makes them look like they'd be good. Sneaky.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 4/10

Hershey's Candy Coated Eggs

Mm, candy! Should I be eating candy when my body is broken? Probs no, but my body is always broken, so I want candy, and frankly, deserve it. (IDK). Anyway, these are tasty! They were bigger than I expected (bigger than a cadbury egg, more like a whopper egg), with a cadbury-type candy coating, but a bit thicker. The inside is what I assume to be normal hershey's chocolate, but less creamy (or just less melty?), which actually works well. It's basically a big cadbury candy coated egg, but with no maltiness or whatever that unique flavor they have is. And I don't miss that note too much! Yum!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Hershey's Kisses - Rainbow Brownie

These are super frustrating to eat because they're totally melted! I don't know if it's because my house is 80+ degrees (which isn't THAT hot) or if it's because the inside is a goo ("creme") and the chocolate coating is so thin, but it's messy and not as good as it could be. So it's hard to gauge the taste, given that. They basically seem like a mass of chocolate frosting, with tiny crunchy sprinkles in it. It's tasty but hard to consume and hardly a hershey kiss at that point! I'm gonna try putting them in the fridge and seeing how that goes.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Hershey's milk chocolate eggs

More nut free discounted easter candy for me! Thanks Acme and Hershey's. Alas, though these are fine, they are inferior to a normal Hershey's Kiss for the following reasons: a serving of these is only 5 and not 7; the foil is harder to take off without eating some of it; the shape of the choco is less dainty to eat. Otherwise it's normal Hershey Chocolate, which is, yanno, what it is. Still a nice sweet snack though!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Hershey's Solid Milk Chocolate Bunny

This is gonna sound hella ungrateful, since a nut-free chocolate holiday snack is so rare and special, but I wish this were hollow!!! Ha. My parents got me this, though, which is very sweet. He has the look of an elegant bunny. And the taste of an inelegant Hershey's Bar. Not the greatest choco, and it's just so thick. Therefore my hollow wishes. But he's fun all the same.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

KIT KAT THiNS Milk Chocolate Candy Bars

These are nut free! Bless you Hersheys. I am so grateful for the Normal Chocolates of my youth. (Although my kingdom for a safe Twix, always and forever.) Now I've had two safe kit kat types: these and "kit kat minis". These are, well, thinner. They're in two squares per piece, which is weird. They're also individually wrapped which is good for portion control but honestly a little annoying. They taste mostly like Kit Kat. I had two of them that were only chocolate, which was fun and I think I extra liked those ones, which is kinda weird. Anyway, these are safe and tasty and I love them. I think I love the minis more though!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 8/10

Raaka Candy Cane Crunch Minis

These are very cute! So well-wrapped for a mini choco niblet. Anyway, even though these aren't a "swirl", the candy cane bits are still focused on the bottom half of the bar, just like the swirls are. But that's almost irrelevant because you can hardly taste the candy cane -- it'soverwhelmingly fruity dark choco that comes through. Just like the peppermint swirl! It's good though, and I do like the mint that is there. The ingredient of "fruit/vegetable concentrate" made (makes?) me nervous because what if it's Pea, but that's silly because why would it be Pea when candy canes are, like, red and white. Right!? Anyway, it's tasty and wee.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Raaka Gingerbread Latte Swirl Chocolate Bar

Oh baby! This is one of my favorites. It does have a lovely swirl on the back, maybe a bit thicker than some others, but this time you can actually taste the swirl flavor (coffee!)! I love coffee. The fruity choco does come through heavily, but so does creamy coffee. The gingerbread and cocomilk spices don't really make themselves known, which I am totally fine with. Yay coffee.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Raaka Peppermint Swirl Chocolate Bar

When the chocolate rains, it pours! This is from a limited batch. It has spirulina, which always scares me (but which I've had before) and coconut, which now scares me (but which I've of course had before). I like mint chocolate normally. The spirulina does make for a pretty green swirl on the back (just like the dragonfruit one). It's not actually that minty, though!! I guess the overwhelming fruitiness of the choco just overpowers anything else. The light minty vibe I get is pleasant, but I want way more! Maybe mixed in to the whole bar? It's also quite soft and melty, even the dark choco bit. The green part is a tiny bit gritty, too (I blame cocomilk). If I survive, I think I liked it.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Raaka Coconut Milk Chocolate Bar

Ahh. After nearly dying from the Mango bar, I'm side-eyeing all the coconut milk flavors, even this innocent basic cocomilk bar. I'm now an oat milk preferer. This is a smooth bar though, very soft and not too "spicy". Not gritty, but you can still taste whatever the coconut milk does, as well as the fruity choco. It's fine. I'm just scared.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10