Jolly Rancher Freeze Dried

I waited an impressively long time to buy these, if I do say so myself, and that's because I've had enough freeze dried fruit to last me a lifetime. But surely candy is more delicious? (I do prefer fresh fruit to candy, but frozen fruit is a whole other sad story.) Well, no. I should have waited a little longer.

Anyway, these are much bigger orbs than I expected! Like a little solar system model ready to be constructed in there! Weirdly, the blue ones are huge and the pink and green less so. Too bad because just like the Jolly Rancher Ropes of horror, the blue ones are the worst. They taste exactly the same as the funky ropes (4/10). Like, 100%. But the form factor seems less disturbing here; it's basically a big captain crunch cereal piece. The watermelon taste just like the hard candy, and were weirdly polished, totally spherical, like a marble (6/10). The green ones were similar, also polished and akin to the sour hard candy, although a bit more artificial tasting than the pink (5/10). I can imagine a small child enjoying these, but I, a large child, did not. A failure of candy innovation! Plus, my teeth wept.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10  

Jolly Rancher Ropes Blue Raspberry and Cherry Flavored Candy

Just because a candy is allergen-free does not mean it will be good, and these are a great example. However, I do trust Hershey's labelling. And one of the primary ingredients here (like actually, above ~10 other things) is "artificial flavors". Never a good sign. The texture is compellingly stretchy play-doh-ish, although that might just be because my house is 5000 degrees. But although the stickiness is unpleasant, they are pretty fun to stretch out, like a cheese stick or something. Does not add to their "foodstuff" profile, however. The two flavors are pretty different; blue raspberry is straight up bad (4/10), and tastes like strange artificial pool noodle. I actually got more "green apple" than blue raspberry from it, if anything. Much better texture than the similarly plastic filled twizzlers, at least. (Fool me once...). The cherry one is definitely better (6/10); it tastes pretty close to the cherry jolly rancher hard candy, with not too much artificiality (or medicinalness, for that matter). I will eat them all in time, but half will be a mild punishment and half will be a mild treat. Perfect for end-of-month work task motivation! 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10

Jolly Rancher Hard Candy - Fruity 2 in 1

Some of my best friends are Fruity 2 in 1s. This is cute, but kind of a weird choice for JR, since it's literally just the existing flavors smooshed together (plus orange?). And one of the flavors in each pairing completely overpowers the other. In order of my preference, there's:

Orange/Cherry: Here, orange is overwhelming, which is too bad because cherry is my favorite normal rancher. It's still the best combo, though. The orange tastes exactly like an orange popsicle does. 

Grape/Apple: Here, grape is overwhelming. I like it OK.

Watermelon/Blue Raspberry: Here, watermelon is overwhelming, which is less tasty than blue raspberry, so that's a shame.

On the whole, they all are tasty, although I was a little scared I'd choke on them, lol. Still, might as well buy the typical jolly ranchers unless you really love orange (or hate cherry/apple/blue). 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Jolly Rancher Gummies

This heart came with 2 bags of gummies! Deal alert! Happy Valentine's Day indeed! Apparently I haven't had (or at least not reviewed) the JR gummies before, even though I feel like I have. They come in the same flavors as the hard candy, but are big chewy soft candies instead. Well, not that soft, but definitely less dangerous in the choking hazard sense. The flavors are pretty much the same, and yet my flavor ranking is different for the gummies:

Cherry > watermelon > grape > blue raspberry > green apple [weird chemical vibes on this one]

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10