DiGiorno Supreme Speciale Wood Fired Style Crust Pizza

I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with DiGiorno: they taste bad, but I'm not allergic to them (possibly they are the ONLY fullsize frozen pizza not to contain legumes at this point) and my grocery often has them on sale for 5$. So, here we are, off to sample another crust varietal. Wood-fired. How were the other ones fired? We may never know. This is about 1200 calos, aka 4 servings (or perhaps 2 servings if you're feeling peckish). It actually looked pretty, and fit perfectly on my large plates. Was hard to cut, because the texture of the crust was, hmm. Firm. Not fluffy or puffy like many frozen pizzas. But actually, I liked it. The crust tasted like hard flour, like a pizza at a bad non-pizza restaurant when you ill-advisedly order the pizza. And that's much better than usual DiGiorno. The roni was the same as ever (not my scene), the red peppers were most prominent of the peppers, which is funner than green, and the snausage was your classic Pizza Hut style snausage. (Full disclosure, it did make me a lil anxious-itchy but I think that's just fatty salty meat + tomato sauce and not a secret unlisted allergen). The sauce seemed less weirdly sweet than usual. I was pleasantly surprised by the whole endeavor. Good job, Digiorno. Maybe someday we can progress to a like/love relationship. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [5$]
Taste: 7/10 

Oat Haus Granola Butter - Vanilla

I admit I wasn't super impressed by the other flavors of Granola Butter, but I am willing to try a 1-serving packet of another flavor, sure. Even if it's the Pikachu of flavors. This is 170calos and has the texture of ketchup. That is, it's way less solid than the jar butters. I kneaded for so long. The most vigorous massage I ever gave in my life was wasted on this granola butter packet. I did all my toothpaste tube maneuvers and ended up with like, one spoonful of wet, shiny, tahini-looking glorp. It tasted like the other flavors, but less good because there was no chocolate. So like, a kinda vanilla, kinda coconut, kinda oat, sugary oily blorp. That sounds good actually, but it wasn't. It was just there. Trying to think what would be good to pair with this and I don't know. Chocolate? Cheesecake? Froyo? But I don't have any of these things. So. Glad it was just a single serving in there! Now we know!

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [1.50]
Taste: 5/10 

Pop Tarts - Frosted Vanilla Cupcake

Look at that lil Pikachop. My entire pokemon knowledge comes from cultural osmosis, linguistics papers, and Sonic video game crossovers, so that is to say, I'm not really the target audience for this branding. But I had a Target gift card to use up (I think the Target boycott is basically indefinite at this point) and thus I bought all the Target exclusive snacks I could find with it, which turned out to be mostly Pokemon branded for some reason. Much to my brand-curious disappointment, this is actually just a regular pop tart flavor (though I hadn't tried it before), only they changed the name from "confetti cupcake" to "vanilla cupcake" and put some pokemen on the box. (I think there was this Pikachop, a Charmando, an Ivysaur, a Squirtle implement, and one other little monster). Is Pikachu vanilla-coded? I guess he (they? she?) kinda is. 

ANYWAY, this is actually a pretty good pop tart flavor, which I don't say often. It tastes like very sweet store brand cake. Is that a good tasting food? Well, depends if you're comparing to other pop tarts (yes) or other foods (no). The sprinkles are extremely unevenly distributed, but they are fun too. The main con (apart from the dietary content) is that there is a still a weird kinda metallic/chemical aftertaste. Not crazy strong, and it might be the sprinkles, but it prevents me from fully thinking "yes, I like this." Still it stands out among PopTart because the inside and outside blend together very well, almost like the Toaster Donut I tried yesterday. Kati, what is your diet right now?? (For those dieticians in the audience, there are a lot more new flavors of packaged junk than there are new brands of veg and egg to review, OK?? Doesn't mean I'm not eating veg and egg! Mind your business!)

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10? 

Pillsbury Toaster Donut - Boston Cream

What a beautiful world we live in. I hope there's no glass in these. Supposedly there are two other flavors of "toaster donut", sprinkle and frosted, but those ones don't have any filling and the reviews for them are really bad. So that's probably why this was the only version at my store. 

I was really bracing myself for some toaster horrors, but weirdly, these are pretty good. They aren't especially donutty, but the frosting is just regular chocolate frosting and the pastry is better than the toaster strudel pastry - I think it's different, but maybe it's just that it's not enmeshing nasty fruit goo. Anyway, it's less flaky/oily and more "funnel cake". To be fair, it is enmeshing some mildly gross weirdly-fruity bright yellow custard, but I don't really even like custard (see: Boston Cream Donut, dunkin version, and Boston Cream Donut Dunkin Version yogurt) so maybe custard fans would be all about it. It's very yellow though. Anyway, there's just a little of it compared to the amount of Strudel fruit goo, and therefore less gross, even though the whole shebang is definitely donut-level sweet. If I could eat donuts every day, I probably would, so I like it. Unfortunately, although I technically could eat this every day, it's not at that level. But I'd try the other flavors! 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Snyder's Dipping Sticks Pretzels

So my first reaction to these was: I guess desperation snacks (for when I am away from home all day, e.g.) are less tasty when I'm not despo. Which is true, I'm sure, but then I realised I usually get Utz and these are Snyder's! Two great brands of pretzels that both have "nut free" messaging on the package! Only... these aren't so great. They kinda taste like nothing instead of tasting like pretzel. Maybe it's the smoke. Or maybe it's just the "dipping stick" shape, which is probably meant to be dipped, and I dippn't. Whatever the reason, although these are convenient, reliable at easing hunger, and I'm not allergic to them, they don't have any non-functional virtues. For that I suppose I must return to the candy aisle. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

The Little Potato Co - Little Yellows

These seemed so great. Canadian pre-washed pre-weighed golden potatoes with a little face drawn on. What's not to like? I'll tell you what, friends. Upon opening the bag, I was assaulted by a powerfully sweet? chemical? hazardous? acetone? sweaty? smell. The potatoes looked fine, they weren't mushy or discolored or anything, but the entire bag and every potato (and therefore my hands) smelled so strongly of this rancidly sweet smell, a smell I have never really smelled before, let alone on a potato. Google suggested maybe it is clove oil or some other herbal oil? But I have smelled cloves (non-oil form) and it didn't smell like that. The bag also didn't mention any such oils, which is messed up, transparency wise, if that's in fact what it was. I was prepared to eat them anyway since they seemed fine after cooking (and because these potatoes were expensive and the main food I planned for the week), but I texted my eat-anything-even-if-unwashed-or-20-years-expired-or-a-bird-pooped-on-it parents and they said... to throw them out. Good god! So, I did. Therefore I can't recommend buying these potatoes since I didn't eat them, but if you do buy them, let me know if they smell hella weird, ok? Like a sweaty gymbro wearing artificial fabric who rolled around in the chemistry lab's dumpster or something. Let me know if you smell that. xoxo.

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [8$]
Taste: ?/10 
Did I Even Eat Them: 0/1

O Organics Baby-cut Carrots

Some of my best friends are baby-cut...

Baby carrots are so strange. They're just whittled carrots! Pray tell, what are we doing here? Oh, they're for dipping. Aha. But I'd way rather have a carrot stick (that is, with angled cuts) than a weird wet cylinder. Gone are my days of raw carrot, but I had some great carrot/celery stick experiences, which I am now fondly reflecting upon. Mostly when a veggie tray was the only safe food at an event, but sometimes when I was at B-Dubs watching Sport! Thanks for the memories, weird round wet carrots! 

Enough of that; I bought these for cooking, because they were cheaper than both the whole normie carrots (inexplicable) and the non-organic baby carrots (inexplicabler). Maybe the usual organic baby carrot crowd's too scared of intestinal parasites to buy them. Exciting. I used 7 of these to approximate a regular carrot. These were just fine for soup and pasta. After opening, I will say that they got a little MORE wet and, dare I say, fuzzy? (Not moldy, I'm pretty sure.) But they seemed just fine once cooked. The power of fire!!!

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [2 something]
Taste: 6/10