Pop Tarts - Frosted Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

She's back, and more disgusting than ever~! No, not me, these pop tarts. One of my greatest struggles is pounding ~1000 calos in the 12-16 frantic hours I spend out of the house away from Any Buyable Safe Food on school days, and pumpkin seeds and pretzels haven't been cutting it lately. Pop Tarts are a great portable calorie bomb, but they are far from great. Especially this flavor, back for the war. It's particularly sweet, even among pop tarts, which is really saying something. There's also a strange little artificial flavor - although not as egregious as some (the cinnamon ones and girl scout ones, mainly), more like "foot" than "chemical spill". I feel it is worse than the first time this flavor existed. Less cookie dough, more "odd sweet wheat mush (sweaty)". Ew. But in the moment it did serve its purpose of filling the void in my awkward 2 minutes of eating while people watch me eating. Thanks for that, pop tart. And no allergens! Woo! Although this box is a lil bit Reese's coded...

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10 

Fiji Water

One of my favorite college sports cheers: over-rated 👏👏👏👏👏

Fiji is where Survivor is now, and that's overrated too. The bottle is cute. Fiji seems beautiful. I read a long article recently about the inability to deal with pollution on Fiji, mainly from cans and bottles, so that's not helping matters (but Fiji water is also a huge part of their economy, so, ehhhh). Anyway this tastes like water. It's a little basic (like, not acidic), which I guess is better tasting than the opposite. Very thick. Very soft. You wouldn't want to shower in Fiji water. I guess I'm used to being pelted with firm, tangy metals, both in my mouth and shower. It tastes fine and I like water, the reason it's overrated is that it's like 3 bucks for a 1 liter bottle of water, and there is free water in my place of employment. 

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [2$, I rounded up OK?]
Taste: 6/10 

McCormick Garlic Powder

Out of actual food to review... back to the spice cabinet!

This is garlic powder. It is in a lot of (savory) recipes, like pasta and meat. It is more convenient than garlic, but not as delicious. A little goes a lot way. My store was out of the normal size so I got this giant size instead. The holes are way bigger so I will probably use it equally fast because of repeated "oh no that's way too much" instances. (In terms of taste it's not too much, but in terms of heartburn, you bet your bippy it is!) 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Undercover Chocolate Quinoa Crisps - Dark Chocolate + Blueberries

And with this, I've finally finished my "trendy nut free snack" excursion (for the time being)! These are pretty different from the cherry ones in that you can't perceive the blueberries at all. They are texturally indistinguishable from the plain dark choco ones (a plus), but without the sea salt (a minus, it turns out). I guess there is a mild blueberry flavor, but if I weren't looking for it, I'd probably just think it's the fruity notes of the choco. So perhaps my ranking is: milk > salt > blueb > cherry. (Whereas my non-Undercover ranking is probably the exact opposite!!) 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Stouffer's Sides - Cheddar Bacon Potatoes

The idea of this doesn't appeal to me overmuch, but that's probably because most "bacon" of this type is just soy protein. According to the ingredos, this product is soy free, and it's just normie bacon in there. This is also a brick of 4.5 servings (to that I say: lol, but it is probably 2-3). The reviews are weirdly high. You cook it in the microwave, so you know it's haute cuisine. 

The taste is mainly breadcrumb, which is fine, I like breadcrumb. Some small bacos, some cheese crust, and yeah, theoretically, potato cubes. High goop factor. I don't know if it's worth raving about, but it's unobjectionable. I wouldn't serve it at a party but I'd eat it. 

Overall
Cost: 3/10 [8$]
Taste: 6/10 

New York Bakery Texas Toast - Original

Some of my best friends are ready in 4-10 minutes! I haven't had garlic bread in forever, for various reasons. But a wee slice of this was nice. Not as nice as a cheesy one, or, dare I say, a regular french bread loaf, but we can't be too picky, can we? I continue to appreciate the twistie-tied bag that allows for 1-slice servings. It is garlic bread, with all that entails.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10 

Oat Haus Cookie Dough Granola Butter

Whew, it's a good thing I had the darker Red Velvet flavor first, because this is a VERY SCARY tan color. But it's safe....it's safe...

I like cookie dough more than red velvet cake, so I also prefer this flavor. The texture is still very gritty, although this one was more liquidy and less stiff. It does have a cookie dough flavor, but with some added "oil and oats" notes, which makes sense because those things are in it and wheat flour and eggs(?) and butter(?) aren't. In college my besties and I used to buy a tube of Pillsbury cookie dough from TroGro (now a Starbucks, one of many tragedies occurring at my once beloved alma mater) and just eat it. Those were the days. But that tube dough was much tastier than this jar dough. Perhaps if I'd never had the tube dough, I'd rate it higher. Or perhaps if I were eating eat out of this jar with three age-matched peers who indulged my no-double-dipping request. Really makes you think.

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [13$]
Taste: 6/10