Zesty Ranch Goldfish

These have been in a place of honor at my grocery store (the aisle 1 endcap) for months, yet I did not buy them because ranch is gross and I've tried a million ranch snacks by now. But I fear I am out of trendy shark-tank-allergy-free-snacks and new liquids, so I finally gave these a go. Pep Farm is trustworthy with their allergy info, even if they aren't an allergy-free snack. A serving is 52 little fish, which we love. The bag is a nice blue color.  These are the positives. The negatives are: the flavor on these tastes like ranch. It is a pretty strong powder. It is accurately flavored. The bagback shows us onions, buttermilk, and an indeterminate herb (parsley?), and those things are also ingredients, at least to some extent. An internet denizen suggested using these as croutons, which makes sense to me. If you like ranch and goldfish, these are probably for you like those chocolate mint snoopy goldfish were for me. I hope those come back to me soon. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

Like Air Puffcorn - Classic

The gods of Puffcorn have heard my sweet x savory complaints and said "try original flavor, you fool, you buffoon". Fair do's. This is not sweet at all. It is only savory. I might have thought the "classic" flavor would be something like "plain" or "salt", cf. chips or goldfish or something. But no! The classic flavor is "artificial butter flavor", which is funny but I guess makes sense because this is supposed to be a popcorn replacement (although they do make 'plain' popcorn..). Do I like artificial butter flavor? Hmmm. I guess so, it's just funny. And very strong. I don't think it's actually "artificial" in the sense that it's janky chemicals; this has got lots of oils and some milk powder. So it's not butter, but it's not like, "what are you doing to my insides", but it kinda tastes like "what are you doing to my insides". Salty, too. I think it is a tasty success, just took me aback at first because I've never had a butter flavored cheese puff before. (Don't tell me they aren't cheese puffs! They are firmly in my cheesepuff typological class!!!)

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Watermelon Boxed Water

No amount of liquids will appease me!!

This is a very cute container. My horrible workplace had the regular boxed waters for a while, which I liked because they were pre-packaged and therefore less likely to kill me than everything else they're doing with their shady re-usable nut cups. But anyway, this one is WATERMELON flavored water. not seltzer, mind you, just water. In theory, this could be fun. In practice, I don't know that it's Even Better. I think it might be....worse. It's kind of like if someone didn't quite wash out their cup of juice and then you put some water in that cup. A bad feeling. More severely like this than Vitamin Water (try it).  But of course that's not what's happening! They put that watermelon flavor in! And it tastes..... okay. Kind of musky. It is a melon, after all. They got the musk right. Maybe it should be called Watermelon Rind flavored water. Anyway, the container is so cute though. Like those little milk-shaped makeups* but huge and pink. 

 *I swear this was a thing but I can't find any examples of it because there is a makeup brand named "MILK"! Ahhh 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10? 

Polar Seltzer - Grapefruit

More liquids! More, more!

This is OK. It's a little more flavored than the other polars, although still more bitters than grapefruit, which I continue to appreciate. A light citrus vibe does emerge, however. Bright and water-flavored all at once. If this were a vowel, it'd be an ɑ. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Like Air Puffcorn - Salted Caramel

Ahhh this is weird. Slightly better than the pumpkin spice flavor, but still, too savory (cheese-puff) + sweet (brown sugar) disharmonic for my preference. Somehow normal caramel corn doesn't have this effect, it's just pure sweet/good, but there isn't enough sweet to overwhelm the cheese puff vibe here. They should use this flavoring on their tiny rice cakes instead!! Or make actual popcorn, which I would argue is also something like air. I should buy caramel corn... there must be a nut free version somewhere...stay tuned, bloggerinos... 

Anyway! The flavoring in itself does taste just like caramel corn, but it is weird to have caramel corn flavored corn. And no caramel. It's like, brown sugar dusted with a bit of milk/cream powder. It is good, I guess, but a bit like alien space food. We can no longer make caramel corn, only caramel corn flavored Styrofoam. Beep boop. The future is OK, but never as good as the past.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Polar Cranberry Lime Seltzer

I have returned to the bottle(s) (of seltzer). Cranberry lime is usually a good combo for me. Here too, it is pleasant, although honestly quite muted. Tastes more like water than either fruit flavor. Like a safe, wet, cardboard box. Finally I can hydrate in the safety of my home. I truly wish every faculty and staff meeting at my job didn't have a huge tub of peanutty trail mix that people are dropping and shaking into their mouths all over the place. I wish my HR disclosure did a single thing other than getting me fired or making people think I'm whiny!!! Anyway, this tastes fine.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

On The Border Cantina Thins Tortilla Chips

Why are there so many different types of plain On the Border tortilla chips? This is on the border of dumb and stupid!! From what I gather, Cantina style means "thin". OK, sure. The label prose reads in part:

The versatility of tortilla chips makes them an ideal companion

and that's nice. My only relationship henceforth will be with these thin, bad chips. At least they're versatile!

I don't really have anything to say about them. They are big, white corn, and thin. So they break easily. No wonder the front of this one doesn't say "dip and enjoy", 'cause you can't. You gotta dab and enjoy, at max. Not so versatile after all. This package is more about the "all natural ingredients" which are corn, bits of corn, corn paste, and salt. Snooze alert. That being said, these were on a pretty good sale, and I'm not allergic to them, so, not so terrible. I'm just in a complaining mood. I don't remember the other On the Border subtypes very well anymore, but I do think this is the worst one due to the thin-ness. 

Overall
Cost: 7/10 [2$]
Taste: 6/10