Hershey's Cookies 'N' Mint (2026 Version)

Look how they massacred my boy :(

Disclaimer: this was in the freezer. 

Claimer: On first eat, this tastes like a tragic mix of Dunkin sugarfree artificial mint chocolate chip coffee and Hershey's cookies 'n cream bar. But on second and third chew, there are elements of OG Cookies 'N Mint. Cooling elements. Elements that make you feel like you huffed some paint thinner in the garage. Like your heart is full of antifreeze. Like maybe, just maybe, life is worth living. The rest of the chews are a mix of those two experiences. Some mediocre to bad, some beautiful and nostalgic. This candy bar really encapulates my life. But I want the old one back :( 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 4/10 or 8/10, avg 6/10?  

Pringles Sharp White Cheddar

People keep saying that I'm too nice. Are they reading my Pringles reviews? That's the only thing I'm too nice about. Honestly. Anyway, these impressed me. The flavoring is pretty different! It is in fact sharp cheddar flavor dust! Unfortunately it's kinda subtle, in that the horrible PRINGLE flavor comes through very strongly. Like a lays chip chased with one of those cheddar cheese square cuts from Cracker Barrel I used to get and then complain about. But I love the flavor science. They should move the Pringles minds over to medicine. 

Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 7/10 [at least until the novelty wears off] 

Lofthouse Spring Sugar Cookies

Do other people feel like sugar is the only thing that helps with migraine nausea or am I just deluding myself? I hope they cover this issue on The Pitt. Anyway, these cookies are great, way better than the supersweet puffy circles with gobs of frosting on top (which have their place too, let's be real). They kind of remind me of a homemade holiday cookie - buttery, bendy/soft, tender, but not flakey or crunchy or stale (yet). Very shortbread-heavy. Very wholesome. And nut free! Plus 100 calos isn't TERRIBLE for a cookie. And it IS spring, which has really plummeted in my season rankings since ~2020, but at least it's light out at night now (good for driving). 

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [6$... humbug]
Taste: 8/10

Green Giant Sauced Veggies Simply Steam Cheesy Riced Cauliflower

This is identical to the Green Giant Sauced Veggies Simply Steam Cheesy Riced Cauliflower with 3 Small Broccolis, except it's missing the 3 small broccolis. So it is strictly worse... but only 3 tiny broccolis worth worse. Otherwise it is still very tasty, very small, and overpriced. Wish I could bathe in this stuff. Although the cheese goo makes me feel psychologically bad, even if not physically. (The cheeseless cauli is twice the price, though it is also bigger, so maybe I should just get that if I'm splurging on riced cauli). 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3$!!]
Taste: 7/10 

Gerbs In-Shell Pumpkin Seeds | Extra Sea Salted

 

I liked the sea salted pumpkin seeds so much, I thought I'd give the "extra sea salted" ones a try. Big mistake. I guess there's a salt ceiling, and this is above it. They're definitely salty and maybe giving me heart palps. Also, they taste less fresh and more chewy/rancid. Perhaps this is unrelated to the salt content (OK, probably), but each 2lb bag is a real commitment of about half a semester of daily seed eating, so. Don't get me wrong, a ton of salt is still tastier than no salt, but I think the ranking (on pure taste, ignoring whatever salt does for one's health) is: normal > lightly > extra > none. Makes sense, I guess. Sorry this is such a blurry picture, or maybe I just have glaucoma now. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Twinings Pure Iced Tea

Tea time, tots! When I got this, the outside was covered in red goo (tomato sauce)? But I am too lazy to follow up, so I just tossed the packaging and consumed as normal. Luckily the bags are in sealed foil (36x2), and they're sewed together in a condom-esque fashion. More like sachets than bags, since there is no string with tab at the end. But it's OK, I'm not too good to go fishing in the cup (as evidenced by my acceptance of sauce-covered product). There are two options for enjoyment, according to the website/box:

Enjoy by the Pitcher: Pour 4 cups boiling water over 4 tea bags in a clean heat-resistant pitcher, steep for 4 minutes, remove tea bags. Fill the rest of pitcher with ice or 4 cups of cold water. Enjoy now or refrigerate for later.

Enjoy by the Glass: Pour boiling water over tea bag in a heat-resistant glass, steep for 4 minuets, remove tea bag, add ice to desired strength & enjoy!

Fine, fine. Very fine. I'm only one person here, so I'll start with the glass option. Queuing up my favorite Bach. How was that? Observation the first: there is no amount of ice you can put in a standard cup that will both not overflow and succeed in icing the tea. This is why you make iced coffee in huge tumblers. Anyway, I ended up with warm tea. Observation the second: It tasted like normal black tea. What are we doing here? Maybe I'll try the pitcher later, since that has the benefit of going in the fridge. Also, my head hurts and this didn't help :(

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10 

Starburst Jellybeans

They don't make discounted Easter candy like they used to! This was the only nut-free option at my store on Easter Monday, so of course I bought it (for a cool 99 cents xoxo). Turns out they really are less premium than your Jelly Belly. But, they weren't as bad as I had remembered/feared. Basically these are Starburst but in Jelly Bean form, except there are 2 extra flavors to keep it fun. Here is my ranking:

1. Pink: This is the best starburst so it is also the best starburst jelly bean. Strawberry, I guess. The problem is that they have a weird mealy texture. Like is there wheat starch in this?? Why is it happening?? I guess Starbursts also have that, but Square Chew isn't an existing form to me like Jelly Bean is. Hm. 

2. Red: Red is the second best starburst and also bean. It is cherry, I think?

3. Green: There is no green starburst. Too bad(?). This is green apple flavor. It tastes like a green now and later. Good for novelty, I suppose. 

4. Orange: This is like orange starburst. Very mid. 

5. Purple: Grape!? No grape starburst. Obviously. I don't like grape juice flavored flavor, which is what this is, but at least it's not licorice. 

6. Yellon: Lemon is the worst starburst and equally the worst bean.  

Soft and slightly larger than Jelly Belly, but not as big as the delicious canonical jelly beans I am always allergic to. A fun change of pace for Jelly Bean Fans like me!

Overall
Cost: 8/10 [On sale for 99 cents]
Taste: 7/10