Hidden Valley Ranch Creamy Jalapeño Ranch

What happens when you combine the spicy tingle of hot peppers and cool creamy ranch flavor? All jalapeño breaks loose! - Hidden Valley Ranch 

Loyal readers will know I'm not a ranch fan. I've evolved from hater to not-a-fan-er, which combined with the cheeky slogan above was enough to get me trying 'er out. Supposedly this is a 4 on the 4-pepper scale of ranch heat, although I didn't know there was a ranch heat scale in the first place, so the endpoints are a bit nebulous. I had this with fries because I can't eat raw veg, and it was honestly not bad. There's a good amount of heat - I'd have given it the penultimate pepper, because I can eat it without drinking anything or feeling discomfort, but that's like, good. Crucially it is ALMOST enough heat to cover up the ranch flavor. Not quite, though - there is still ranch flavor (which is still gross, sorry). There is also a lot of MSG and its cousins, which adds to the vibe that it tastes like restaurant food. For me, someone who yearns for restaurant vibes but can't really eat at one anymore, that is a pro. But if you want something luxe and not "college town beach bar"esque, maybe look elsewhere. 

Overall
Cost: 3/10 [7$, though it's a huge bottle]
Taste: 6/10

Wishbone Balsamic Vinaigrette

I've always been a subpar speller (relative to my other word-based knowledge anyway), but it's gotten much worse since my 2024 Brain Ailment, and the spelling of Vinaigrette has got me so confounded right now. I took a french class once! Why does it look so weird?! My god. So that's one reason to not get this dressing again. I don't want to be irrationally spiralling over spelling during my salad course. (Google says that's not how you spell "spiralling", but I think I disagree on solid analogical grounds). 

Other, more relevant dressing thoughts? I guess. I have never really used vinaigrettes(!?) on salads before, so having this now is making me think "am I eating an Italian hoagie over here?!" which I guess is OK, because I like an Italian hoagie, but I also always think they put way too much oil and vinegar on. I like moist foods but I do not like wet foods. And this dressing is very wet. Also my lettuce was a little wet, though, because I overwashed it because of my E.Coli anxieties (which are at this stage somewhat irrational, but are soon to be a bit more rational, probably, ha ha), leaving little time for drying. So it's not totally the dressing's fault that I don't love it, but the net result is that I don't love it. Despite vigorous shaking, I got a lot more oil than vinegar, and I would prefer the opposite, also (see above re: moist > wet). I'm about to get an MRI and if I vom and/or pee in there (historically probable), I am going to blame this dressing. So much depends upon a red vinaigrette, etc.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10

Wish Bone - Parmesan Peppercorn Ranch

This is good! I don't typically like ranch dressing, but it can be good on a salad, and this was definitely better than standard ranch. It's more ~complex~ and it did taste like Parmesan. I don't know about the peppercorn so much, but I guess it was more peppery than fatty, which is good. Solid, strong flavor, didn't make vom, what more could you ask for?

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Wishbone Thousand Island Dressing

Another college story for you: after a few months, I realised I could make a Turkey Club Supermelt dupe at the dining hall by stacking turkey, cheese, tomato, and thousand island dressing. The dressing was the key -- it really is a god-tier condiment, especially cold on a hot sandwich. Unfortunately, without any sandwich fixings at my house, it's kind of useless. It was OK on a cucumber, but not as good as ranch would have been. Honestly I don't know what to do with this outside of sandwich and salad, two not-home foods for me. Whoops.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Wishbone House Italian Dressing

I got this for salad, but the joke is on me because I don't think I've made a salad at home in years (first covid, then food poisoning fears). What is this good for, then? Tri-Color Rotini Pasta Salad, of course. It is pretty oily, and honestly I'm starting to get kind of sick of it, but it is good to have around. Classic dressing.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Wishbone Light Ranch Dressing

OK, my boyf hates ranch dressing (like even the smell of it!) so I almost never have it, and to be honest I don't like it much either -- much better salad dressings (french! thousand island! lemon and oil!) and I too hate it on sandwiches, "buffalo chicken", or pizza crust (ew). But as a dip for raw veggies, it can't really be beat. Works great for carrot, celery, brocco, cauliflower, and especially my current veg of the moment: a 2ft cucumber. I can't tell the difference between "light" and "heavy" ranch in terms of taste, so light it is, although it's not a calorie-light food either way. Still, a solid "BLORP" of dressing is probably about 1-2 servings, which isn't terrible and makes veg into more of a filling snack. So this is great for the quarantine times! It lasts for several months in the fridge and is of course nut-free.


Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Brianna's New American Creamy Balsamic Dressing

Brianna's dressings are always solid, and they have a very stylish bottle. Ultimately this has a little too much oil and sugar for my liking (both health and taste wise) but still, a little squirt of this baby on some mixed greens and you've got a nice, tasty, classy salad. I also really like the new cap, which is a standard squeeze bottle instead of the open faced pour. Easy portion control! Not much to say about this -- a bottle lasts a long time, but I'll probably use quite a bit of it, since it's a convenient way to make a nice meal (meal in the loose sense of the word, perhaps).



Overall
Cost: 5/10 (about 3.50)
Taste: 6/10