Every day lemonade is exactly the same... I was most excited for this one (the "pink" is cherry) but it still mostly tastes like lemon water. I don't think I could pick out cherry as being in this, even if it's supposedly more of the ingredients than lime or lemon juice is. I suppose it's a bit less tart. My conclusion about the spindriftonades is: not worth your time.
Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10
What spices are in chili powder? Glad you asked. Other than the titular pepper, there's (according to McC's website): garlic, cumin, oregano, and salt. And maybe other "spices" left to the reader's imagination. The Q&A person on their website actually did a wonderful job answering the many submitted ingredient Qs (including when someone asked if there was paprika in and they said (paraphrasing): "so. paprika is a chili pepper. and there are chili peppers in here"), thus I know there isn't mustard (yay), and also not mace, or annatto, or corn, or tomato, or gluten. I really do appreciate that they answered the Qs publicly, but like....why not just write the actual spice names on the ingredient list????? My kingdom for transparent ingredient lists. Maybe in the 2030s.
Anyway, other than mustard, anise, and fenugreek, I'm not really allergic to any "spices", but cumin stresses me because of its past peanut-containing scandalos. So I was worried about this even though I've definitely eaten chili and its powder many times. Naturally, it didn't kill me. Had a darker flavor than spicy - despite not containing onion, it did present with some sort of oniony? garliccy? vibe. I don't know, really. Anyway, I ate this, and you can too. (unless you are allergic to pepper!)
Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10
Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10
I managed to go a pretty long time without having to resort to this fancified store-brand goat cheese, but it was the only unflavored option at my grocery this time around. Luckily, it worked out just fine. Melts easy, tastes good, didn't kill me. A little goes a long way, so I hardly ever use the whole 4oz in time. Too pricy for what it is, though.
Overall
Cost: 4/10 [6$]
Taste: 6/10
Another new frozen veg-type product! Granted, I haven't been to Mexico in a while, but I didn't expect this corn to be so Wet. There's a lot of sauce, and let's just say, it's not cotija. But I will admit that compared to yesterday's dill pickle potato, this corn is more successful in implementing its advertised flavor profile. It comes with stove and microwave cooking options, but since the front says "steams in bag" I went for the EZ microwave choice, and maybe that's why it's so soupy. Anyway, there are two types of corn in the ingredos: corn and fire-roasted corn (lol). It's true, about 1/8 of the kernels are browned, although you can't tell to taste it. There's also a good red pepper distribution; it's not too overwhelming but you definitely taste them. The sauce though. I dunno. It's not quite there. It's a parmesan/lime kinda deal, but (like the potatoes!!) I'm getting mainly a vinegar flavor, plus some wet microwave parm cheese sauce vibe. In the end you're getting a lot of corn, which I do like, and it is vaguely cheesy and vaguely limey, so the flavor profile is at least in the right ballpark. If they reduced the sauce by 50% and roasted the peppers and more of the corn, then maybe we'd be in re-buy territory. The reviews for this are very high, but I think there's some artificial inflation due to sampling programs (and I'm outta that game so -- this is THE HONEST TRUTH ABOUT YOUR FROZEN CORN!)
Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3$]
Taste: 6/10
It's pickle season, boys! Usually the frozen veg section is immune to limited edition flavors and seasonals, but maybe the jolly green giant is looking to change that. As a veg-desirer, I am very open to the prospect, even if what we're starting with is dill (mid) potatoes (mid). I was so open to it that I paid full price for them, lest they be disappeared before my grocery return. Was it worth it? I mean, no. But that's no surprise. Unfortunately they were worse than even I anticipated - pretty dry, smelling a little like a bad chain restaurant (plasticy vinegary vinyl booth seat vibes), and not really even that pickle flavored (more like citric acid/vinegar/salt flavored). Good texture though, and they look pretty.
It also should be noted for the stats fiends that these have a ton of salt (1.4k mg), but a decent amount of fiber (6g).
Overall
Cost: 4/10 [4$]
Taste: 5/10
I'm rebelling against August Pumpkin Time by getting a case of Spindrift Lemonades. They are extremely similar to the non-lemonade spindrifts, but that's OK because I mostly like them all. This one has lemon, lime, and strawberry. The overwhelming flavor is strawberry (and lemon water, but that's just, like, all of them). It is good but not great. Something to imbibe. And I recently learned that all their products are pasteurized, so any OAS fears should be allayed. I am staring down the barrel of the semester and feeling sweaty. But at least I will be staying hydrated!
Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10
More cinnamon! More rice cake! Gotta get these reviews out while I still have time, after all. So, despite being a different flavor, this is really similar to the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough flavor. Same overall buttery/sugary rice cake base. But there's a weird flavor note present in these that I didn't notice in the other ones - like a staple, or a cardboard box. Unpleasant. One other (positive) difference is the drizzle on these is some sort of cream cheese frosting deal instead of choco, and it tastes good and goes with cinnamon. There is also less of it, and it's more transparent, so the meltiness of it is less perturbing. I don't think the frosting is the source of the weird flavor. But then I don't know what is. Too bad. Maybe a bad batch?
One other random complaint: the front of the bag advertises that it is "80 calories for 24 pieces", but a serving is 34 pieces (=120calories). Just change your serving size, you freaks. God, I hate that kind of calorie-counter-pleasing ad copy.
Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10
Sadly, eating these just made me want fruity pebbles (or even cocoa pebbles). Maybe it's because I eat cinnamon oatmeal for brekkie every day, but this was very generic in taste. The pebbles are a pretty unique cereal form factor - even though they're basically concave maltless rice krispie - but cinnamon is just so overdone. It was fine and all, but not worth your time (and not as good as cinnamon toast crunch, I think).
Still I almost want to defend it because of this absurd review (which serves to legitimize the insane proteinifcation (via legume) of all my favorite brands):
Anyway, Post doesn't innovate much, so good for them, and the box art is good. Maybe they'll get 'em next time.
Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10
Believe it or not, I really am trying to cool it with the jelly (belly jelly) beans. They no longer have "peanut free" on their products and they're clearly transitioning away from caring about allergies, therefore I don't want to support them with my extensive candy budget (and also, am a little scared). But it takes me a really long time to transition away from things, OK? In the meantime, we can celebrate this hot hot fall day with the new "fireside" collection. Ooh, aah. It's a pretty good mix of flavors for me:
Cappuccino: My true love, coffee. Not really a fall drink, but who cares, eh? Some of them have a bologna aftertaste, however. 7
Sizzling Cinnamon: Very good. Is there cinnamon coffee? If there were, I daresay it also isn't fall-coded (unless paired with pumpkin, which thank god they didn't). 8
Toasted Marshmallow: It tastes like marshmallow. Again, feels more winter than fall, but maybe this was meant for those buyers in the frozen north. 7
Red Apple: It tastes like red apple. Good job, this is actually a fall flavor! 6
Buttered Popcorn: You know it, you hate it... there's gotta be one dud to make the others better. Popcorn is also not fall themed. Jelly Belly, you dorks. 5
Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3$]
Taste: 7/10
Rather than disappointing myself by reading political commentary about the college that I don't even work for anymore, I shall disappoint myself by eating this other weird flavor of caramel cream. The inside is dyed red! Why would they do this? The outside is just regular caramel flavor, I think, so that's an upgrade over the pumpkin spice ones. But the inside is a way-too-sweet artificial "apple" flavor, with a weird dense mushy powdered sugar texture to boot. Better than the pumpkin ones, but just because they're more similar to the OG, which might be the only actually good flavor. I'm gonna be too burned out on weird seasonal flavors to ever buy them again though (just kidding, I'm sure). Ay de mÃ.
Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10
Whew! I'm glad I tried the cheddar ones first, because these are hot/spicy and therefore make my mouth mad numb. But it's just pepper! (I think!). The texture is the same as cheddar, but the taste is quite different. Like a nice pepper jack cheese, kind of. A good bite, and not too "sweet" (thank goodness; that sounds gross). Maybe they're just all broken (or the others were melded), but they also seem to be half the size of the cheddar ones. Again, I must reiterate that these are not chips: they are spicy tomato/pepper/cheese-flavored crackers. Tasty but a little scary.
Overall
Cost: 5/10 [4.50$]
Taste: 7/10
These stress me out because there exist PB ritz. But hopefully not PB ritz chips, which is why they read as safe! They also stress me out because the package calls them chips. Are they chips? They are not. They are crackers. But they are weirdly thin and firm crackers. This flavor is like big, curvy cheese-its that have a little bit of Chicken In A Biscuit seasoning. That's autolyzed yeast extract for you, baby! Also garlic, onion, and potato. But while we're ingredient-reading, there is indeed cheddar cheese in there, so at least one thing on the package wasn't a lie. And I guess they're toasted. Unlike me.
Overall
Cost: 5/10 [4.50?]
Taste: 6/10
Is it pumpkin season already?? Zoinks. Well, I love the OG flavor of these, but pumpkin pie is (predictably) not as delicious. It is very accurately flavored, though! Just like the pumpkin milanos, but in caramel form. The cream bit is like cool whip, even. The overall texture is weirdly softer than the OG (pie-esque?) but maybe that's just because it's AUGUST and not FALL! Or maybe not, but it's less good, either way. The firm caramel is one of the best parts of Goetze. I still kinda feel like I won the lotto getting to try these, though, since they are very rare. Exciting! Limited! Plus there's a strong pumpkin spice aftertaste, which is pleasant enough since I can pretend I just sipped a PSL.
Overall
Cost: 6/10 [3$]
Taste: 6/10
Yo..... these really are sour. I don't know if I like it, but shoutout to my mouth for enduring the exercise. Something new, at least, and a strong sensation that doesn't overlap with the "am I dying?" vibes of spicy food. So I guess I like it?? There are four flavors, and they don't overlap with the normie starbursts (except strawberry):
Sour Watermelon: The least sour, which made me question if watermelon is already sour (I don't think it is). A pretty straightforward watermelon candy flavor, like chewy sour jolly rancher. Not my favorite flavor, but not bad. 6
Sour Green Apple: It's sour, it's green, and it's apple. No lies detected! Tastes pretty good, like those caramel apple tootsie pops (the green ones, not the brown ones). 7
Sour Blue Raspberry: Tastes blue. A very unique flavor. There's a guy on a podcast I listen to whose mouth literally waters whenever someone says "pickle", and maybe now I get it because eating this thing makes me drooly. But I don't really dream of salivation, even if it's good for my teeth. Tastes like a blue gusher, maybe. All gush, no rush. 6.
Sour Strawberry: This one is weird because there's a regular strawberry starburst, too. So it's like they took that and fucked it up with some sort of sour chemical injection. Disturbing! Also, it hurts my teeth. I might have hit the (dental) limit of sour candy. It tastes good if you can eliminate all memory of non-sour Starburst, and as a zen meditation expert level 1000, I can do so. The wrapper is a Lisa Frank neon pink. 7.
Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10
These are blowing up on Nut Free Internet, and miracle of miracles, I just saw them at the grocery store in a special display! Quelle trendy. Turns out they started on Shark Tank, just like apparently every new trendy nut-free company did. I don't really get it, but I'm happy about it! Unfortunately they have kind of a similar vibe/flavor profile to, e.g,. Oat Haus and Undercover Snacks, right down to the random quinoa (not that I have anything against quinoa; much better than random pea flour). The new element here is Rice Cake. A full size rice cake is already nut free, but mostly boring and way too messy for a work snack. These, however, are tiny little baby cakes, which I do like. (Some of my best friends are tiny little baby cakes). A serving is 36! Because they're "Like Air"! So, that is fun. They do taste like a rice cake with extra butter and brown sugar, but the "drizzled" of it all, which is a dairy-free choco stripe on top, is a messy disaster. You simply cannot eat these in the summer without a sticky, muddy horrorshow. I hate this very much. It also says "with sprinkles!" on the package, but I assume the sprinkles are made out of whatever the choco drizzle is made out of, because there are no sprinkles to be found, only crackery cake pieces and sticky bag goo.
Anyway, I sound pretty negative here, but that's only because I hate the sensory experience of sticky things on me more than most people [both readings]. The ingredients are good, the taste is decent for a dessert-snack (even though I'd really rather have savory snack or full dessert), and it won't be summer forever. I will sample their wares when they are available, until their inevitable shutdown or pivot to legume-containing!
Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3.50$]
Taste: 6/10
Many of my family members are now fully into the La Croix life due to their own health problems/alcoholism/special diets etc, which is fun for me because they're like 15 years behind the trend... but really really into it. (Some genetic similarity when it comes to Obsession, perhaps.) And thus I get to try a new flavor when visiting! Bully for me!
This one is pretty good. I don't know if I'd pinpoint it as tango (read: tan-jo) and not orange or mandarin, but definitely in that zone. And since I can't have fresh oranges anymore, one of my greatest joys, it's a nice reminder of the good times. It does make my throat kinda tight actually, but I think that's just seltzer? Anyway, tastes good. Seltzer still is a "meh" drink though. Luckily I'll be back in God's country soon (my house).
Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10
Move over, Wine & Food Pairing, it's time for Spindrift Soda and Elgar's Cello Concerto in E Minor Pairing. Almost as elegant and emotionally evocative!! I didn't think I'd like this because I don't really like grape soda, and I definitely don't like grape juice, but somehow this is the best of all worlds. (Or maybe I just miss wine). It's concord grape, so it's fully in that jam space, but it's also got a little apple juice to sweeten the deal, and it's in a can so that's fun. It has a flavor but isn't too sweet. It's a cute purple can. Orchestral music is in my top 3 genres. So, what's not to like really.
Overall
Cost: 5/10 [1.50$ish, which is absurd]
Taste: 7/10
This is what we're doing with our one wild and precious world!!! In all seriousness, I grew up before Easy Mac was a thing, so when I first discovered it I was like "wow - this is a game changer", even though it was objectively bad food. This is kind of a similar vibe. I can recognize it's ghastly, and in 50 years I'm sure it won't be popular, but right now I'm like, "technology in the junk food arena has really advanced! Incredible"! Plus, this has soy-less sausage, which is super rare for any processed food (as you'll know if you take a look down any frozen food aisle). And it's cheapo, portable, shelf-stable, and has decent protein/fiber (240 calos). What it doesn't have is: vitamin, flavor, self-respect. It's just like me fr. I took it to visit my family because they never have any food I can eat, but they do have a microwave and a sink (praise be).
First off, this made more food content then I expected. The cup is basically full. It looks really gross, like brownish yellow shreds that you dump a truly unholy amount of yellow powder with snausage lumps into and add water and cook. It's mainly potato bits, which are firm, and cheese goo, which is not very good but not actively offensive either. Gotta let it cool off for quite a while. Could use some veg, or egg, or something. I guess those "Just Crack an Egg" cups were really the pinnacle of the genre, except those require a fresh egg which is pretty hard to travel with. On the whole, this is pretty much what I expected. Not gross or chemical or scary or anything crazy, it just tastes like bad potato positively doused in the goop from a goop-easy mac (as opposed to a powder-easy mac). The snausage was negligible, almost like the vitamin water of snausage. Probably they just added it for the protein hounds out there (men). However, my conclusion was that I should have just eaten some pumpkin seeds instead.
Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 5/10
