Canada Dry - Cherry Fruit Spash (Cherry Ginger Ale)

The fizzy drinks are escalating!! Somehow every day I gain 10-20 new obligations, so I am pounding sugar in exciting new forms so I don't pass out and die. This has no caffeine so it is truly just fizzy wet sugar. With a splash of cherry juice! Supposedly there is real ginger in this, but it definitely leans more ginger ale than ginger beer. Actually, it leans more cherry 7UP than anything (not that I've ever had cherry 7up, but it's the type of thing I'd be making in those Freestyle soda machines back in my resto days). One upshot is that even though this is 1% juice and 99% sugar, it doesn't have any artificial flavors or colors, so the redness is presumably all cherry, which is wholesome. A pleasant, very sweet, cherry flavored sodey pop. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [8-9$ for a case... which seems insane but apparently soda costs this now]
Taste: 6/10 

Polar Seltzer - Cranberry Clementine

Bears are cute. I wanted Polar seltzer today for unknown reasons, and was almost convinced my store didn't have it (amongst the bubly, spindrift, LC, waterloo, and store brand) until I thought to check the mixer aisle. Behold! What makes a seltzer a mixer and not a seltzer? Is it bottle v. can? Anyway, here she is in all her glory. Very carbonated, very strong scent, very mild taste. I guess I can pretend I'm pounding some vodka, which is a top interest of mine. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [1.20$]
Taste: 6/10 

La Banderita White Corn Tortillas

A non-Goya corn tortilla option has appeared at my grocery store! (Nothing against Goya as product, only Goya as politics). You wouldn't think there could be much variation in cooked small corn tortillas, but these have noticeably less structural integrity - they fall apart much more, and are thinner. I think that's actually good though, because I don't like the taste of corn tortilla that much, so it feels like you're eating less of it. Much better heated (naturally); a good vessel for cheese (naturally). (I tried adding a little of that jalepeno ranch to see if that'd be good, but it was horrible, ranch sucks). 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Gold Peak Slightly Sweet Iced Tea

No solids... only liquids... 

This tea brand makes me think of my students, because they love to call things "peak". Ah, the youth. It's owned by Coca Cola, but I thought they already had a different tea brand. Maybe they changed names. I'm too lazy to look into this right now, but the conceit of a sweetened-but-not-CRAZY-sweetened tea does appeal to me. It tastes pretty darn sweet though. But I like sweet things. It's only 33mg caff, which isn't that much, so I can drink this if I am very weary but already had a coffee. Not that that describes me or anything. It tastes like iced tea, and it is much better than plain tea (bc sugar) and the sweet tea I sometimes get from vending machines when I'm dyin (bc way less sugar). A good product. I don't really like the taste of tea that much, but this is probably one of the optimal iterations. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Hidden Valley Ranch Creamy Jalapeño Ranch

What happens when you combine the spicy tingle of hot peppers and cool creamy ranch flavor? All jalapeño breaks loose! - Hidden Valley Ranch 

Loyal readers will know I'm not a ranch fan. I've evolved from hater to not-a-fan-er, which combined with the cheeky slogan above was enough to get me trying 'er out. Supposedly this is a 4 on the 4-pepper scale of ranch heat, although I didn't know there was a ranch heat scale in the first place, so the endpoints are a bit nebulous. I had this with fries because I can't eat raw veg, and it was honestly not bad. There's a good amount of heat - I'd have given it the penultimate pepper, because I can eat it without drinking anything or feeling discomfort, but that's like, good. Crucially it is ALMOST enough heat to cover up the ranch flavor. Not quite, though - there is still ranch flavor (which is still gross, sorry). There is also a lot of MSG and its cousins, which adds to the vibe that it tastes like restaurant food. For me, someone who yearns for restaurant vibes but can't really eat at one anymore, that is a pro. But if you want something luxe and not "college town beach bar"esque, maybe look elsewhere. 

Overall
Cost: 3/10 [7$, though it's a huge bottle]
Taste: 6/10

2022 San Cisalto Trebbiano Puglia IGT

I know everybody makes those "it's just sparkling ___" jokes, but shoo, European wine law really is quite prescriptive. The IGTs are like, bottom-tier crap, and they still have to obey fairly strict location-based restrictions. Anyway, this is my very first trebbiano. (Probably also last, but I guess you never know.) About the varietal, Wiki tells us: "It gives good yields, but tends to yield undistinguished wine", and that is very real. I see myself similarly.

First taste, as is often the case, was unpleasant. Verrrrry acidic, thin, apple-y, plant-y. Not my favorite. But given a little time to b r e a t h e it gets sweeter, thicker, citrusier. Like a nice orangey apple juice. Doesn't keep super well, though. A real inverted-V wine experience. Pretty low alc (12%) and tannin/histamine, at least compared to the reds I imbibed in early summer. In the end I enjoyed it in accordance with its reputation. 

Upping my yield with some bonus content: here are all the synonyms of this grape. I bolded my favorites - Albano, Albana secco, Biancone, Blanc Auba, Blanc De Cadillac, Blancoun, Bobiano, Bonebeou, Branquinha, Brocanico, Bubbiano, Buriano, Buzzetto, Cadillac, Cadillate, Castelli, Castelli Romani, Castillone, Chator, Clairette D'Afrique, Clairette De Vence, Clairette Ronde, Engana Rapazes, Espadeiro branco, Falanchina, Greco, Gredelin, Hermitage White, Juni Blan, Malvasia Fina, Muscadet Aigre, Padeiro branco, Perugino, Procanico, Procanico Dell Isola D Elba, Procanico Portoferraio, Queue De Renard, Romani, Rossan De Nice, Rossetto, Rossola, Rossula, Roussan, Roussea, Rusciola, Saint Emilion, Saint Emilion Des Charentes, Santoro, Shiraz White, Spoletino, Talia, Trebbianello, Trebbiano, Trebbiano Della Fiamma, Trebbiano Di Cesena, Trebbiano Di Empoli, Trebbiano Di Lucca, Trebbiano Di Tortona, Trebbiano Fiorentino, Trebbiano Toscano, Trebbianone, Tribbiano, Tribbiano Forte, Ugni blanc, Bouan, Beau, Thalia, Trebbiano Romagnolo, Trebbiano Gallo and Trebbiano d'Abruzzo. 

Buona notte, sostenitori ₊˚⊹♡

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [7$]
Taste: 6/10

Spindrift Pink Lemonade

Every day lemonade is exactly the same... I was most excited for this one (the "pink" is cherry) but it still mostly tastes like lemon water. I don't think I could pick out cherry as being in this, even if it's supposedly more of the ingredients than lime or lemon juice is. I suppose it's a bit less tart. My conclusion about the spindriftonades is: not worth your time. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Primio Taglio Goat Cheese

I managed to go a pretty long time without having to resort to this fancified store-brand goat cheese, but it was the only unflavored option at my grocery this time around. Luckily, it worked out just fine. Melts easy, tastes good, didn't kill me. A little goes a long way, so I hardly ever use the whole 4oz in time. Too pricy for what it is, though. 

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [6$]
Taste: 6/10 

Birds Eye Mexican Street style Corn - Sauced

Another new frozen veg-type product! Granted, I haven't been to Mexico in a while, but I didn't expect this corn to be so Wet. There's a lot of sauce, and let's just say, it's not cotija. But I will admit that compared to yesterday's dill pickle potato, this corn is more successful in implementing its advertised flavor profile. It comes with stove and microwave cooking options, but since the front says "steams in bag" I went for the EZ microwave choice, and maybe that's why it's so soupy. Anyway, there are two types of corn in the ingredos: corn and fire-roasted corn (lol). It's true, about 1/8 of the kernels are browned, although you can't tell to taste it. There's also a good red pepper distribution; it's not too overwhelming but you definitely taste them. The sauce though. I dunno. It's not quite there. It's a parmesan/lime kinda deal, but (like the potatoes!!) I'm getting mainly a vinegar flavor, plus some wet microwave parm cheese sauce vibe. In the end you're getting a lot of corn, which I do like, and it is vaguely cheesy and vaguely limey, so the flavor profile is at least in the right ballpark. If they reduced the sauce by 50% and roasted the peppers and more of the corn, then maybe we'd be in re-buy territory. The reviews for this are very high, but I think there's some artificial inflation due to sampling programs (and I'm outta that game so -- this is THE HONEST TRUTH ABOUT YOUR FROZEN CORN!)

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3$]
Taste: 6/10 

Spindrift Strawberry Lemonade

I'm rebelling against August Pumpkin Time by getting a case of Spindrift Lemonades. They are extremely similar to the non-lemonade spindrifts, but that's OK because I mostly like them all. This one has lemon, lime, and strawberry. The overwhelming flavor is strawberry (and lemon water, but that's just, like, all of them). It is good but not great. Something to imbibe. And I recently learned that all their products are pasteurized, so any OAS fears should be allayed. I am staring down the barrel of the semester and feeling sweaty. But at least I will be staying hydrated!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Like Air Drizzled Rice Cakes - Cinnamon Bun

More cinnamon! More rice cake! Gotta get these reviews out while I still have time, after all. So, despite being a different flavor, this is really similar to the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough flavor. Same overall buttery/sugary rice cake base. But there's a weird flavor note present in these that I didn't notice in the other ones - like a staple, or a cardboard box. Unpleasant. One other (positive) difference is the drizzle on these is some sort of cream cheese frosting deal instead of choco, and it tastes good and goes with cinnamon. There is also less of it, and it's more transparent, so the meltiness of it is less perturbing. I don't think the frosting is the source of the weird flavor. But then I don't know what is. Too bad. Maybe a bad batch?

One other random complaint: the front of the bag advertises that it is "80 calories for 24 pieces", but a serving is 34 pieces (=120calories). Just change your serving size, you freaks. God, I hate that kind of calorie-counter-pleasing ad copy.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Cinnamon Pebbles

Sadly, eating these just made me want fruity pebbles (or even cocoa pebbles). Maybe it's because I eat cinnamon oatmeal for brekkie every day, but this was very generic in taste. The pebbles are a pretty unique cereal form factor - even though they're basically concave maltless rice krispie - but cinnamon is just so overdone. It was fine and all, but not worth your time (and not as good as cinnamon toast crunch, I think). 

Still I almost want to defend it because of this absurd review (which serves to legitimize the insane proteinifcation (via legume) of all my favorite brands):

You are eating a children's novelty cereal, sir!! What is wrong with you! Go eat some spam and eggs! (Also, fact check: it's actually 12g sugar, which isn't health food but is like, pretty standard cereal sugar content.)

Anyway, Post doesn't innovate much, so good for them, and the box art is good. Maybe they'll get 'em next time.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Goetze's Caramel Creams

Rather than disappointing myself by reading political commentary about the college that I don't even work for anymore, I shall disappoint myself by eating this other weird flavor of caramel cream. The inside is dyed red! Why would they do this? The outside is just regular caramel flavor, I think, so that's an upgrade over the pumpkin spice ones. But the inside is a way-too-sweet artificial "apple" flavor, with a weird dense mushy powdered sugar texture to boot. Better than the pumpkin ones, but just because they're more similar to the OG, which might be the only actually good flavor. I'm gonna be too burned out on weird seasonal flavors to ever buy them again though (just kidding, I'm sure). Ay de mí. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Ritz Toasted Chips - Cheddar

These stress me out because there exist PB ritz. But hopefully not PB ritz chips, which is why they read as safe! They also stress me out because the package calls them chips. Are they chips? They are not. They are crackers. But they are weirdly thin and firm crackers. This flavor is like big, curvy cheese-its that have a little bit of Chicken In A Biscuit seasoning. That's autolyzed yeast extract for you, baby! Also garlic, onion, and potato. But while we're ingredient-reading, there is indeed cheddar cheese in there, so at least one thing on the package wasn't a lie. And I guess they're toasted. Unlike me. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [4.50?]
Taste: 6/10 

Goetze's Caramel Creams - Pumpkin Pie

Is it pumpkin season already?? Zoinks. Well, I love the OG flavor of these, but pumpkin pie is (predictably) not as delicious. It is very accurately flavored, though! Just like the pumpkin milanos, but in caramel form. The cream bit is like cool whip, even. The overall texture is weirdly softer than the OG (pie-esque?) but maybe that's just because it's AUGUST and not FALL! Or maybe not, but it's less good, either way. The firm caramel is one of the best parts of Goetze. I still kinda feel like I won the lotto getting to try these, though, since they are very rare. Exciting! Limited! Plus there's a strong pumpkin spice aftertaste, which is pleasant enough since I can pretend I just sipped a PSL. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [3$]
Taste: 6/10

Like Air Drizzled Rice Cakes - Cookie Dough

These are blowing up on Nut Free Internet, and miracle of miracles, I just saw them at the grocery store in a special display! Quelle trendy. Turns out they started on Shark Tank, just like apparently every new trendy nut-free company did. I don't really get it, but I'm happy about it! Unfortunately they have kind of a similar vibe/flavor profile to, e.g,. Oat Haus and Undercover Snacks, right down to the random quinoa (not that I have anything against quinoa; much better than random pea flour). The new element here is Rice Cake. A full size rice cake is already nut free, but mostly boring and way too messy for a work snack. These, however, are tiny little baby cakes, which I do like. (Some of my best friends are tiny little baby cakes). A serving is 36! Because they're "Like Air"! So, that is fun. They do taste like a rice cake with extra butter and brown sugar, but the "drizzled" of it all, which is a dairy-free choco stripe on top, is a messy disaster. You simply cannot eat these in the summer without a sticky, muddy horrorshow. I hate this very much. It also says "with sprinkles!" on the package, but I assume the sprinkles are made out of whatever the choco drizzle is made out of, because there are no sprinkles to be found, only crackery cake pieces and sticky bag goo. 

Anyway, I sound pretty negative here, but that's only because I hate the sensory experience of sticky things on me more than most people [both readings]. The ingredients are good, the taste is decent for a dessert-snack (even though I'd really rather have savory snack or full dessert), and it won't be summer forever. I will sample their wares when they are available, until their inevitable shutdown or pivot to legume-containing! 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3.50$]
Taste: 6/10 

La Croix Tangerine

Many of my family members are now fully into the La Croix life due to their own health problems/alcoholism/special diets etc, which is fun for me because they're like 15 years behind the trend... but really really into it. (Some genetic similarity when it comes to Obsession, perhaps.) And thus I get to try a new flavor when visiting! Bully for me! 

This one is pretty good. I don't know if I'd pinpoint it as tango (read: tan-jo) and not orange or mandarin, but definitely in that zone. And since I can't have fresh oranges anymore, one of my greatest joys, it's a nice reminder of the good times. It does make my throat kinda tight actually, but I think that's just seltzer? Anyway, tastes good. Seltzer still is a "meh" drink though. Luckily I'll be back in God's country soon (my house).

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Snyder's Rods (Pretzels)

I thought I knew rods, but I was wrong. These are so long. They are fully bag-length. When I saw a serving was 3 pretzels, I was like "wtf? are they straight butter?" but now I understand. Actually, weirdly enough they are partially made of Potato Flakes (just like in their gluten free pretzels), and you can tell upon chomping. They have a lighter and less barley-er texture than Utz pretzels. Frankly, the formula isn't quite for me, a true pretzel connoisseur (even if I still have more to learn about Rods). In a perfect world, Utz ingredients and Snyder shape would combine ! Although, I have no idea how I would take these to work. I'd have to snap them in half. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [4.44]
Taste: 6/10 

Oat Haus Cinnamon Graham Granola Butter

I actually had this in a single serve packet also (which indicated this is apparently the same as "original flavor"), but no such pictures are available and I already toothpaste-crumpled mine beyond belief. One of my biggest "learnings" (I really hate that term... I need to add it to a list somewhere) is that the packet form factor sucks shit. I just have wet wet oil here while the oat bit remains inaccessible to me, even with all manner of knife and scissor. Otherwise the flavor is not bad. It does taste like a cinnamon graham cookie. I put it on my beloved ginger snaps and it matched well. (I know people put nut butter on Oreos because of Survivor, so I figured it wasn't a crazy thing to do). A nice amount of (all)spice, cardamom, ginger, cinnamon. But I genuinely feel like I got 2 tsp of content out of the packet so it's all a bit uncertain. 

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [1.70$]
Taste: 6/10? 

O Organics Baby-cut Carrots

Some of my best friends are baby-cut...

Baby carrots are so strange. They're just whittled carrots! Pray tell, what are we doing here? Oh, they're for dipping. Aha. But I'd way rather have a carrot stick (that is, with angled cuts) than a weird wet cylinder. Gone are my days of raw carrot, but I had some great carrot/celery stick experiences, which I am now fondly reflecting upon. Mostly when a veggie tray was the only safe food at an event, but sometimes when I was at B-Dubs watching Sport! Thanks for the memories, weird round wet carrots! 

Enough of that; I bought these for cooking, because they were cheaper than both the whole normie carrots (inexplicable) and the non-organic baby carrots (inexplicabler). Maybe the usual organic baby carrot crowd's too scared of intestinal parasites to buy them. Exciting. I used 7 of these to approximate a regular carrot. These were just fine for soup and pasta. After opening, I will say that they got a little MORE wet and, dare I say, fuzzy? (Not moldy, I'm pretty sure.) But they seemed just fine once cooked. The power of fire!!!

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [2 something]
Taste: 6/10