Simply Limeade - Cherry

I ended up with this due to the confluence of many things: (1) the recent pom-apple heavy shirley temple spindrift (2) dunkin's summer line of limeades (3) thinking about how when I was a kid juice came from frozen cans and yet the limeade was extremely good. 

Luckily, this is all that I hoped it would be. It is extremely sweet (like, full day of sugar sweet) but such is the nature of bottled drink. It tastes like lime and like cherry, and that's because (other than sugar) those are the only ingredients. Truth in advertising! Add a bunch of ice and you've got the perfect summer drink. My ancestors would love this :')

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [2.50]
Taste: 7/10 

Ocean Spray Cran x Watermelon Juice

Hmm. This has sugar added, but sometimes a sweet drink is OK. Unfortunately, I'm just not in the mood for it. I think watermelon juice on its own (which is really fun and good and probably goes with sugar) or cranberry juice on its own (which I wish to be unsweet) would both be better than this slightly bitter watermelon combo. At least it is just a small bottle, 100 calos and a little snack. Less sugar than a smaller martinelli apple juice, even! But at the same time, it's giving liquid medicine if you mouth-squint. So. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

R.W. Knudsen Organic Lower Sugar Cranberry Juice

At first I thought this was labelled as "lower sugar" because it's just 100% cranberry juice, i.e. no sugar or other juices added, which is the kind of cranberry juice I want. But it's actually "lower sugar" than their normal (100% cranberry) cranberry juice, which means this simply has Extra Water. Yes, it is lower sugar because they added water. This is, frankly, absurd. There's no limit to how far that gambit could go. Next they'll be adding air to chips and calling it low-fat chips (spoiler: they already do this). Anyway, annoying marketing, but the juice is good. I guess they didn't add THAT much water because it still has a nice cranberry flavor, and for people who are bitter babies (that is: babies about bitter food (and no judgment, I am a baby about many foods for a variety of reasons)), this might even be preferable. The only trouble with this is that it makes me want to drink alc! 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Martinelli's Apple Juice

I'm the type of person who is extremely susceptible to marketing, which is probably part of why I get compelled to try all of the flavors of {oreo, toaster strudel, dunkin...} unless something veers me off course. So, here I am to sample a non cider Martinell. It's fine. It tastes like apple juice tastes. The upshot is: the ingredients are very clean, the bottle is glass and stylin', and I have an affection for the company (I'm also the type of person who has affection for companies, which I recognize is a flaw, but nevertheless). Lasts for five days, makes a good mixer, a little too sweet for my taste but at the same time, good if there are no other sweet drink options!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Gerber Pear Juice

This is a baby juice. It is in the baby aisle and not the grocery aisle where adult products are. But listen, it is impossible to find pear juice otherwise!! I even looked on bad bad Amazon and the cheapest bottle you can get (other than Gerber) was 30+ dollars including shipping. That is too many dollars for juice. Plus the ingredients are just pear juice and water, so like, just because there's a baby on it doesn't mean it's a special thing. I feel very defensive about this issue. Anyway, I never had pear juice before, so I was curious to try it. It's OK. The smell is pretty horrible (rotting? floral?) but the taste is pleasant enough. Nothing to write home about, but muddled with basil/mint and sparkling-watered up, it's a nice "mocktail". Honestly, maybe I should see what other kinds of products are available in the baby aisle.

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [3$]
Taste: 6/10

Ocean Spray Sparkling Cranberry Juice Cocktail

Mm, cocktails. But no, this is just cranberry-grape fizzy juice. It's in a nice slim can, and brain-diet-approved, but the reason I usually stick with 100% cranberry juice is not because it's lower sugar (I think it is clear that I enjoy sugary candies, chocos, cereals, etc) but instead because grape juice tastes bad. And this tastes like fizzy grape juice. It turns out years of wine drinking did not change my long-held opinion of grape juice. However, it is something to consume!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Langers 100% All Cranberry Juice

For those days when you can't have coffee, tea, hot choco, seltzer, or alcohol, there's always 100% Cranberry Juice! I remember in my peak covid era feeling a similar way, so at least my past woes are paying present dividends. Sometimes it is nice to drink something other than water, but also something that's not Forbidden. I'd never heard of Langers, but this is indeed 100% cranberry juice, no sugar added, the same exact stats as the Ocean Spray version. At first sip I thought "yo this is bitter and terrible, I feel my teeth dissolving as we speak", but like all the great drinks (see sentence 1 for list of great drinks), it gets better the more you have. Still not quite as tasty as ocean spray, but maybe a blind taste test would reveal that's just my prejudice talking. If things get truly dire, I'll propagate this blog with such riveting content as cranberry juice taste tests!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Simply Watermelon

Watermelon juice!? Now I've seen everything. This was very sweet, like a watermelon candy, but as a juice. Still it was tasty and dare I say complex. I liked it! It would be a great mixer.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Dole Apple Juice

Mmkay, so I know this is just sugar water basically, but I was at school with no drink vessel and they finally fixed the vending machine! But I was also tired and hungry, so I got this sweet juice. In the moment, it served the purpose and felt sweet and refreshing. No real complaints.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Tropicana Orange Juice

Ahh, I didn't realise that this isn't the brand of small orange juice I usually get! This is my "i'm sick" OJ, and not my "yum" OK! This one is more thick and tart than the Simply version -- and I don't like that. Alas. It's still OJ, of course, and I still drank it sad and alone because I was too scared to eat hotel breakfast on my personal hotel vacation that I went on because my real vacation was a bust and my house is 91.6 degrees inside!!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10
Woes: 5/10

Capri Sun - Pacific Cooler

O'blog, my life is falling apart and all I have to comfort me is the single capri sun I bought because I didn't get one at Arby's. It's not all that comforting because Capri Suns aren't very good. I'm not a major juice fan, but even amongst juices (or sweet drinks), this is D tier. It tastes like plasticy grape juice with a ton of sugar poured in. Might be better if I added a gallon of water, making a vitamin-water-esque concoction, but it's too late for that now. Just like it's too late for me to find love because the people I like keep moving across the country. Ha ha! Keep on truckin', though, capri sun and blog fans. :')

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10

McCleaf Orchards Apple Cider

This is probably not widely available, since I got it in my somewhat regional produce delivery box. But that's too bad, because this is tasty (and has just one ingredient: juice from apples!). It was really sweet, but nice, not sour at all and tastes like fall even though it's just apple juice. What's the difference between juice and cider? I sure don't know. But cider is better than juice!

Overall
Cost: 5/10 (About 3.50)
Taste: 7/10

Ocean Spray Unsweeted Pure Cranberry Juice

This is a tart juice!! I associate it strongly with vodka crans, because that's the only cocktail I drink at home on the reg. It's perfect for two reasons: (1) this stuff is so tart/overpowering, you can't taste the vodka at all (or if you do, you know you really overdid it), and (2) it's supposedly good for UTIs and also has some nice vitamin C and other health benefits. You gotta get the 100% pure shit though, not the cranberry juice cocktail (80% apple juice).

Sadly, tonight (and for the last 3 months)  I have not had any alc, due to my coronal and/or post-coronal total body shutdown. You can tell it's getting to me because I'm now swearing in my blog. But this juice tastes exactly like it does mixed with vodka, so I'm almost getting pseudo-drunk off of it, which is quite an innovation. You really can't chug it, regardless, it's super tart and makes me feel like my teeth will burn off. But supposedly cranberry is good for teeth, so what do I know. This isn't necessarily tasty, but it makes me feel and also feel vaguely healthy, even though there's still 9gs of natural sugar. So I'm into it in moderation. Once I have to start going back to work in person I'll probably start drinking again, so stay tuned, my little juice! :)

Overall

Cost: 4/10 (Pricy for a juice -- about 5$ for this slender 1L bottle)

Taste: 6/10

Vibe: 8/10

Simply Orange Juice

I'm not a huge juice drinker, more of a drink-mixer, but sometimes I get a small craving for OJ (usually when I'm scared of the cold/flu). These pulp-free Simply juices are some of my favorites. They're still a lot of sugar for me, but the consistency is good - not too thick or thin, and the flavor is a nice solid orange juice flavor.  I got the small size and I still really only wanted half of it, because it's so much in a little package! 170 calories! Gosh! I enjoyed it, though, and I also like the revised orange logo on the package, I think it looks much more stylish than the old one. Don't really care for the "non GMO" label, but I guess it sells.


Overall
Cost: 4/10
Taste: 6/10

Zeigler's Apple Cherry Carrot Fruit & Veggie Juice Blend

Unless it's mixed with vodka, I don't really drink juice, so I was kind of predisposed to dislike this. I only want sugar in desserts and coffees thank you very much! But this is a cute container, a carton rather than plastic, and it has vitamin C and carrot juice (ew) so that's healthy. I also waited until the "best by" date to drink this, which is my bad, but I don't think it impacted the flavor. The flavor is OK. It's not too veg-heavy which is good (no tomato juice at all!) and it's sweet and thick. Kind of like those Odwalla smoothie drinks that used to be popular (with me) (in college). The color is a bit offputting, it's a dark brownish-orange, but if you don't look at it and don't think about vegetables then I suppose it's alright. Not sure if this is the funnest or healthiest way to get your Vitamin C, but if you like juice then it's probably just fine.


Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 4/10

Ocean Spray Cranberry Juice Cocktail with Lime

I know that pretty much all drinks are peanut free, but I just bought this cranberry lime cocktail and thought it was surprisingly good, so I wanted to make a note of it. I really like cranberry juice straight, but sometimes it's a little too strong to guzzle down, and I'm not a big grape juice fan, which is basically in every cranberry juice cocktail no matter what. So this one is a great option for me. It's got a great lime flavor, quite strong but not overpowering the cranberry. It tastes like a flavorful limeade! I will definitely buy this again if I can find it.



Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 8/10