Shady Brook Farms Ground Turkey 93/7

This is really good. Their website reassures there's no nuts or soy etc in the ground turkey, it's just turkey. It cooks easily and tastes good. There's a little fat, but not very much (though weirdly less dry than the 85/15 which is why I bothered to review this separately). This one also has way higher reviews online, so it's not just me! This is the king of ground meats! I got worried because it puffed up in the freezer, but apparently that's normal and due to the packaging or whatever. Also, defrosting it was a total fail, but it cooked from half-frozen just fine so all was well.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Hillshire Farm Ultra Thin Oven Roasted Turkey Breast

My parents had this at their house, and I choose to believe they bought it with me in mind, since I can't eat meat from the deli counter due to Allergy. I never had the HF turkey before, but I like their ham. This was very ham like. Thin, wet, and a little sweet for turkey. But good for snacking and safe and protein! I support it.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Shady Brook Farms 85% Lean - 15% Fat Ground Turkey

You know what, this is the fattiest ground turkey I've ever had in terms of the percentage, but when I cooked it (with oil!!) there was still like no drippings left over (and my recipe assumed there'd be drippings)! I guess it's good that it tasted lean even if it wasn't. This was also weirdly goopy compared to ground beef -- I guess I'm a little bit of a raw meat noob since I only use it for wine recipes. Anyway, this cooked fine, was tasty enough (jk it tasted like nothing, but that's tasty enough), and best of all, the website is very clear that there's no nuts in the facility and the flavorings are just spices (no legumes). So I like the company and will pivot from Jenny-Os posthaste.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [5$]
Taste: 7/10

Godshall's Fully Cooked Uncured Turkey Bacon

Much to my surprise, this was one of three different pre-cooked bacon options at my grocery store. I never considered such a thing. And you just keep them in the cabinet? It sounds very suspicious. But this was the only uncured option, which is healthier, so even though I never heard of the company, I got this one. It was pretty good. Certainly sufficed in place of bacon bits, and was safe and so quick (15 seconds) to heat up. Who could ask for anything more? Sure, the taste was definitely inferior to "fresh" bacon, but it was in the ballpark. A revelation!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Hormel Compleats - Turkey & Dressing

Hooray, friends, I lived to write another bad review! I really wanted to like this because I love turkey meals, and it was soy-free! But it was just so gloopy and tasteless. Also it had waterchestnuts in it (which are not real nuts), so there was a random crunch going on. What am I doing, I asked myself as I sadly glorped this into my glob. Do not recommend.

Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 4/10

Jennie-O Oven Ready Homestyle Boneless Turkey Breast

Alas, I should have known better when I saw "JENNIE-O"s name. This was weird and salty and fake, overall not good. It did cook in just 2 hours though! And I ate it without dying, so I guess the filler wasn't pure pea & soy, but it's definitely not your ideal Thanksgiving bird.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 4/10

Butterball Boneless Frozen Savory Herb Turkey Breast Roast

Turkey ball! My dad picked this out, and I was worried it'd be nasty and itchy like the Jenny-O turkey breast was. But this was an improvement, even though it felt a little "school lunch meat product" vs actual "holiday turkey!". The texture was very Moist, which maybe is good, but was a little disconcerting. Still, cover it up with enough festive sides, and it serves its purpose. There were even tiny bits of fat, which I liked, even though I miss the dark meat. We didn't use the included gravy pack, so no comment on that. (But I bet it's gross!!!)

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Vermont Smoke & Cure - Honey Mustard Turkey Sticks

These are cute -- yellow labels for mustard and honey! So sensible. This flavor is good, but not great. It's healthier in terms of calories, being turkey and not beef/pork, and it feels healthier too if you know what I mean. A bit "dry" compared to the roni types. Not a super strong honey flavor or mustard flavor -- mostly meat flavor. A tiny bit of spice, but the spice is mainly like, black pepper.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Oscar Mayer Deli Fresh Oven Roasted Turkey Breast

I also got this at Walgreens, and it's pretty good. Solid on its own (meat!) but since I have tortillas, also works in tortillas. It's good heated up with cheese + hot sauce for lil quesadilla things, and it's good cold with mustard or miracle whip. About 2 slices works for 1 tortilla, and that makes about 10 servings/5 meals, which is perfect since this stays good for a week. I was nervous it'd be gross or slimy but it really wasn't, I got a stomach ache from a cold one once, but that might be the tortilla or the miracle whip, so I don't blame the turkey. Allergy info seems good too, no soy or anything. Yay, meat!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Vermont Smoke & Cure - Uncured Pepperoni Turkey Sticks

The company is smoke 'n cure...but this is uncured....so I guess it's smoked? Not sure on these technical details, but this is a good tasting meat stick. It's turkey, which seems healthier, and it's got a nice unique flavor -- really tastes like some spicy pepperoni. A good change of pace after the ham flavored sticks. The only concern I have about these is that a lot of reviews on them say that sticks were moldy or went bad or had air in them or weren't sealed properly, and the pics were pretty scary. I didn't have any issues like that, I don't think, but I did have one that tasted a little "off" (and I ate it anyway, lol) so now I'm a bit concerned. But ignoring that and just based on my experience, this company continues to be a hit for me. The nut-free portable protein is great.

Overall

Cost: 5/10 (Almost 30$ for a case, kind of pricy)

Taste: 7/10

Oscar Mayer Turkey Uncured Franks

Unlike with bread, there aren't a lot of "may contain nuts" warnings in the hot dog section, so I wasn't starved for choice in my wiener shopping. I like to get something both cheap and low-calorie, but also not a weird looking store brand, so I settled on these bad boys. They're perfectly serviceable, even though I will admit the turkey taste is less delicious than a beef or even chicken dog. However, it isn't THAT big a difference, especially with condiments, and it's also much healthier both in terms of calories and carcinogens. They don't shrivel up when you cook them, which is actually disappointing to me, but whatever - 28 seconds in the microwave and you have a filling snack or meal, with protein, for like 1$. Can't argue with that.

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [3$]
Taste: 6/10

Oscar Mayer - Cracked Black Pepper Turkey Breast

This was better than I remembered - I thought it would be super gross, but really it just tastes like deli turkey with a little bit of black pepper. Not at all smokey (this is good) or honey-y (also good). A little too wet for my tastes, but that's deli meat for you. I'm not really into deli meat at all anymore, but that's the way it goes when you're eating subs all day e'ry day, right? So this is fine. I use maybe 3-4 slices per sandwich, which is plenty of turkey flavor, and not too calorie intense, and you get about 5-6 sandwiches from a package, which is all I could really manage to eat in the week this stays good for anyway. It's alright.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 (about 3.50)
Taste: 6/10

Chomps Original Turkey Snack Stick

Not a big fan of this one. Sure, for 70 calories it is nice and filling, but the taste is not great. Way too mild and also tastes like chicken noodle soup smells. I guess it's the celery+mild salt and pepper? This could either use less watery celery filler, or otherwise the addition of a lot more spice/red pepper/hot pepper/something to cover up the flavor. Too bad, because I've had tasty meat sticks before, but this one doesn't fit the bill (even though it's like, organic or whatever).





Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 4/10

Bell's Seasoning

This is turkey seasoning, which I imagine would be jolly good on turkey (real turkey, not Jenny-O's dumb soy-filled "turkey loin"), or stuffing too. But last night I used it on some chicken breast with a tiny bit of oil, and that was really nice too! I used a pretty hefty amount, because I just shook it out of the box (the packaging seems like it could be improved...), and I was worried it would be way too much, but it wasn't strong at all. Just a nice pleasant "poultry seasoning" flavor. Plus no salt, my boy friends will like that. And the box is cute, and it lasts 1+ year, so that's all good.




Overall
Cost: 4/10
Taste: 6/10

Country Archer Turkey Jerky - Hickory Smoke

I really like jerky in general because it's high protein, low calorie, low effort. But even though I was excited, this was not good. Firstly, the bag says something like "real men don't have buns", which I guess is supposed to be a cute and funny joke, but it just seemed judgy and sexist, so that wasn't a great start.

Totally separate from that though, the taste was not good. The texture was really firm and chewy, in a bad way, but it IS jerky, so fair enough, that's to be expected. It seemed dry looking on the outside, not like the picture, but it was months from expiring, so I'm not sure why. The taste is vaguely teriyaki/soy flavor, a little sweet, and a lot umami, but again not in a good way. It was just a little too much like eating an old shoe.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 4/10

Jennie-O's Turkey Breast Tenderloin

After a solo Thanksgiving I was looking for some small turkey bits, maybe some thighs or cutlets or something, and besides ground turkey this is all my local Acme had. So, I bought the frozen loin, curious and optimistic. I decided to make it in the slow cooker, following the instructions online, and I added some Bell's seasoning as well. Sadly, this was a big letdown. The cooking was easy, and it came out as 4 nice size hunks, but the taste was really processed and not at all like real turkey. I know it contains "up to 30% water/filler/???" but you can really tell. Like a bad smokey lunchmeat chunk, or something. Very watery and bland yet bad at the same time, even when smothered with gravy and stuffing. Will not return down this road, even if it's the only option! I'll just get a ham slice!

Overall
Cost: 6/10 (on sale for 5$, which is good for meat)
Taste: 4/10