Utz Sourdough Nuggets Pretzels

Weird word order there. Anyway, this is nut free as always (says so right on the bag), so we continue to love and value that. They DO make a big tub of peanut butter filled pretzel nuggets, which is spooky, but probably that is made in a different location entirely. Anyway, all that is somewhat moot, because these are a bottom tier shape for sure. In being a nugget, they are very solid and firm, so it is like eating a rock. You have to get real strategic about the angle of your chew, and which teeth are best prepared to take on the role. I'm not about that life. It does make me pine for soft pretzel nuggets of a similar shape though, which are a tasty chain restaurant food that I miss very much. Maybe these would be good dipped in a janky pub cheese dip. But they'd still be hella firm. The taste is same ol' pretzel, no issues with that. In pasta and in pretzel, shape is king!!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

G.H. Cretors Caramel Popcorn

This is nut free caramel corn! I should be a happy camper. And I'm not a sad camper (well, I am, but not because of this), it's just not what I was looking for. I wanted to taste something like those big festive tins of popcorn you get (or one gets) at the holidays, but this didn't taste like that. It's very sweet, but the inside tastes nothing like popcorn!! Not sure how to explain what went wrong, but the taste and maybe even the texture did go wrong. It was still a sweet treat, which is good of course, but also too thick of a coating(?) and not enough Corn flavor(??). Alas. Maybe I'll have to learn to make my own D:

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [7$]
Taste: 6/10 

Like Air Puffcorn - Cinnamon Bun

Ha! You thought I was done with these (and so did I), but this was in the little checkout area at my store and it was on sale for THIRTY CENTS! There's very little I wouldn't buy for thirty cents. Please. So, another sweet/savory combo, which is stupid, but actually (and maybe I was just so hungry, or so excited about such a deal) this only tasted sweet to me. It also tasted a little stale - like sweet Styrofoam - but I rate that better than sweet cheese puff. Would buy (for 30 cents) again. 

Overall
Cost: 10/10
Taste: 6/10 

O Organics Bay Leaves

I don't know if I've ever seen a fresh bay leaf until now. Even the Chipotle rice ones that people are occasionally confused by (one of my favorite things) seem to be dried. But, I figured fresh is always best, not that I really have a sense to compare yet because I'm not a historical bay leaf user. I just put one in a soup though (and pulled it out before eating), and now I'm fully team "Love you Bay" (this is a Survivor reference). It was non messy and the soup was good. Was it good because of the singular leaf? I don't know. But maybe. 

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [3$ for one leaf and several extraneous friends] 
Taste: 5/10

Zesty Ranch Goldfish

These have been in a place of honor at my grocery store (the aisle 1 endcap) for months, yet I did not buy them because ranch is gross and I've tried a million ranch snacks by now. But I fear I am out of trendy shark-tank-allergy-free-snacks and new liquids, so I finally gave these a go. Pep Farm is trustworthy with their allergy info, even if they aren't an allergy-free snack. A serving is 52 little fish, which we love. The bag is a nice blue color.  These are the positives. The negatives are: the flavor on these tastes like ranch. It is a pretty strong powder. It is accurately flavored. The bagback shows us onions, buttermilk, and an indeterminate herb (parsley?), and those things are also ingredients, at least to some extent. An internet denizen suggested using these as croutons, which makes sense to me. If you like ranch and goldfish, these are probably for you like those chocolate mint snoopy goldfish were for me. I hope those come back to me soon. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

Like Air Puffcorn - Classic

The gods of Puffcorn have heard my sweet x savory complaints and said "try original flavor, you fool, you buffoon". Fair do's. This is not sweet at all. It is only savory. I might have thought the "classic" flavor would be something like "plain" or "salt", cf. chips or goldfish or something. But no! The classic flavor is "artificial butter flavor", which is funny but I guess makes sense because this is supposed to be a popcorn replacement (although they do make 'plain' popcorn..). Do I like artificial butter flavor? Hmmm. I guess so, it's just funny. And very strong. I don't think it's actually "artificial" in the sense that it's janky chemicals; this has got lots of oils and some milk powder. So it's not butter, but it's not like, "what are you doing to my insides", but it kinda tastes like "what are you doing to my insides". Salty, too. I think it is a tasty success, just took me aback at first because I've never had a butter flavored cheese puff before. (Don't tell me they aren't cheese puffs! They are firmly in my cheesepuff typological class!!!)

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Watermelon Boxed Water

No amount of liquids will appease me!!

This is a very cute container. My horrible workplace had the regular boxed waters for a while, which I liked because they were pre-packaged and therefore less likely to kill me than everything else they're doing with their shady re-usable nut cups. But anyway, this one is WATERMELON flavored water. not seltzer, mind you, just water. In theory, this could be fun. In practice, I don't know that it's Even Better. I think it might be....worse. It's kind of like if someone didn't quite wash out their cup of juice and then you put some water in that cup. A bad feeling. More severely like this than Vitamin Water (try it).  But of course that's not what's happening! They put that watermelon flavor in! And it tastes..... okay. Kind of musky. It is a melon, after all. They got the musk right. Maybe it should be called Watermelon Rind flavored water. Anyway, the container is so cute though. Like those little milk-shaped makeups* but huge and pink. 

 *I swear this was a thing but I can't find any examples of it because there is a makeup brand named "MILK"! Ahhh 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10? 

Polar Seltzer - Grapefruit

More liquids! More, more!

This is OK. It's a little more flavored than the other polars, although still more bitters than grapefruit, which I continue to appreciate. A light citrus vibe does emerge, however. Bright and water-flavored all at once. If this were a vowel, it'd be an ɑ. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Like Air Puffcorn - Salted Caramel

Ahhh this is weird. Slightly better than the pumpkin spice flavor, but still, too savory (cheese-puff) + sweet (brown sugar) disharmonic for my preference. Somehow normal caramel corn doesn't have this effect, it's just pure sweet/good, but there isn't enough sweet to overwhelm the cheese puff vibe here. They should use this flavoring on their tiny rice cakes instead!! Or make actual popcorn, which I would argue is also something like air. I should buy caramel corn... there must be a nut free version somewhere...stay tuned, bloggerinos... 

Anyway! The flavoring in itself does taste just like caramel corn, but it is weird to have caramel corn flavored corn. And no caramel. It's like, brown sugar dusted with a bit of milk/cream powder. It is good, I guess, but a bit like alien space food. We can no longer make caramel corn, only caramel corn flavored Styrofoam. Beep boop. The future is OK, but never as good as the past.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Polar Cranberry Lime Seltzer

I have returned to the bottle(s) (of seltzer). Cranberry lime is usually a good combo for me. Here too, it is pleasant, although honestly quite muted. Tastes more like water than either fruit flavor. Like a safe, wet, cardboard box. Finally I can hydrate in the safety of my home. I truly wish every faculty and staff meeting at my job didn't have a huge tub of peanutty trail mix that people are dropping and shaking into their mouths all over the place. I wish my HR disclosure did a single thing other than getting me fired or making people think I'm whiny!!! Anyway, this tastes fine.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

On The Border Cantina Thins Tortilla Chips

Why are there so many different types of plain On the Border tortilla chips? This is on the border of dumb and stupid!! From what I gather, Cantina style means "thin". OK, sure. The label prose reads in part:

The versatility of tortilla chips makes them an ideal companion

and that's nice. My only relationship henceforth will be with these thin, bad chips. At least they're versatile!

I don't really have anything to say about them. They are big, white corn, and thin. So they break easily. No wonder the front of this one doesn't say "dip and enjoy", 'cause you can't. You gotta dab and enjoy, at max. Not so versatile after all. This package is more about the "all natural ingredients" which are corn, bits of corn, corn paste, and salt. Snooze alert. That being said, these were on a pretty good sale, and I'm not allergic to them, so, not so terrible. I'm just in a complaining mood. I don't remember the other On the Border subtypes very well anymore, but I do think this is the worst one due to the thin-ness. 

Overall
Cost: 7/10 [2$]
Taste: 6/10 

La Banderita Burrito Grande Flour Tortillas

Once again, these were an option instead of Goya, and they had a better expiry and better not-Goyaness, so I got 'em. They truly are big, both in size (takes up a full large plate) and calos (220). Originally I got this for an enchilada bake, and when soaking up sauce+cheese, it was good. But eating the leftovers now as burritos/tortillas/wraps, they taste like those Mission tortillas I got in the mail during peak covid that were about to expire. They have a particular "preserved flour" metallic board-like taste that I have grown to dislike. Maybe I just need more sauces (or cheeses) in my life. Also, the ziploc on this didn't work, so I had to use a whole other (huge) bag to store them. But also also, there's a cute cow on the back. Good in recipes (7), medium-bad as wrap (4). Know your plans I guess.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

Haribo Balla Bites

Sour Balla Bites did imply the existence of [∅] Balla Bites, and lo, here they are. Tragically, they are much, much worse than the sour version. And not even the flavor, but like, the texture, which I think is actually quite different? It feels like clay or play-doh. The inside is fun, but the outside is like chewy wax? Or plastic? Weirdly there's no sorbitol in the ingredos (unlike the sour version), so maybe sorbitol is... good actually? So confusing. If you ever wondered what swallowing gum is like, I imagine it's a lot like eating this (both the texture and honestly kind of the taste, too). 
However, if I'd had these before the sour version I'd probably rate them a bit higher because they're still candy and all, it's just way less good, so I reject them out of hand.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

Like Air Puffcorn - Pumpkin Spice

One thing these trendy allergy-free popup snack companies are sure to do is make way too many seasonal/limited edition flavors in their first few years. This is a total waste of resources and overwhelms the consumer! No wonder they all shut down soon after!! Stick to 1-2 per year like Haribo... fools..

Anyway, I do like a seasonal flavor. Hehe. This one is your typical pumpkin spice spice (though strong on the "spice" (nutmeg - allpice - clove) and light on the cinna-sugar), and the puffcorn is the same base as ever. The problem is, the base is savory by nature (although there's no onion or cheese this time, it still "evokes" those cheese puff vibes to me), and pumpkin spice (which does have some brown sugar in it) is sweet by nature. I think this is supposed to be a sweet snack, but it isn't quite sweet enough to get there. It's kind of like those spiced tumeric chai teas I got a while back. I can see how someone might enjoy this, and the base and seasoning are both pretty tasty on their own, but the combo disconcerts me as a sweet+savory combo hater. Anyway, it is nut free (actually, everything free) so I like it but I would not get this flavor again. I hope they defy the odds and keep pushing out nut free snacks! Go team! 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

North Coast Organic Cinnamon Applesauce

I recently realised that apples in applesauce are cooked, which meant I could eat them! So I got this in my veg box, but it's kind of dumb because the form factor is: tiny pouch you have to suckle. I hate this. It makes me feel like a baby, or a vaper, or both. However, they are Top 9 free and taste good. The texture is a little too "paste" for my preference, but I guess that's necessary if you're going to slorp it through a tiny tiny tube nub thing. Actually, these are hands free, so would be great to take to school, but for some reason I just had this in my house sitting in a chair like I was eating a meal. Mistakes were made. The taste is applesauce.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [4.30$ for 4]
Taste: 6/10 

Haribo Balla Bites Sour

Truly, Haribo stays innovating. These were quite good! There are four different flavors (each of which contains 3 different flavors), and they are actually different, but not particularly identifiable. They're too small to isolate the components of, I think. They all do taste good though. The sorbitol in the ingredos made me nervous, but I didn't suffer any ill effects! Not too sour, but a little bit sour and a little bit sweet. Very easy to eat a lot of. A soft and unique texture. They're called Pico-Balla in the EU, but I still don't know what Balla means. Maybe they made it up.

Apple outside: This is my favorite one, I think. I do get a lemon vibe. 7

Strawberry outside: I do get strawberry? And orange? 6

Orange outside: This has the best insides (along with apple, which has the same insides, as there are only 2 combos of 2 insides). The sour part is the best part still, but it's all good. 7

Lemon outside: Yes, there is lemon! Better than the strawberry one, because more neutral, I think. 6

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10