Goldfish Peppermint Cocoa

Wow I love this. Like it was engineered in a lab just for me (just like the Dunkin goldfish). The package is beautiful. Everyone loves snoopy, the green color is so nice, the snow, snoopy has a big coat on, charlie brown is nowhere in sight. Winter wonderland. Take me there. Also, mint choco is my favorite flavor and I'm always lamenting that it's not in more things. Goldfish are often savory so it seems weird, and honestly the taste is not THAT good, but it's right up my alley and not artificial at all. 

The pieces are firmer than normal; not hollow or soft. They are shaped like fish, snoopy head, and pawprint. (Furries, this is for you too). The taste is mainly chocolate goldfish (similar to the choco annie's bunnies, or teddy grahams), which is fine, but there's also mint seasoning where salt would be, and that's fun. The more you eat, the better it is (as with many things). A serving is 34 pieces which seems just right. And it's accessible because it's a major brand! I hope you return every year, snoopy goldfish!!!

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 8/10

Goldfish - Spicy Dill Pickle

Pickle is a flavor that's been quite popular in snacks these last few years, and as someone who doesn't like pickles, it's been rough. Usually the pickle snacks are "tangy pickle", though, which means they lean heavy on the sour. This is instead "spicy pickle", which it turns out is a lot more palatable. There's a strong dill flavor, which I don't mind too much (although it is almost soapy for me; I wonder if that's how cilantro is for people?) as well as a good little heat from chili pepper. Also your typical salty goldfish base. I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed the experience! Good work, gold fish. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10 

Goldfish - Strawberry Shortcake Grahams

In for a penny (of goldfish), in for a pound (of goldfish). These look just as cute as all the other fish flavors, but they aren't as enjoyable. Even though the strawberry flavor is natural, it has a pretty strong "strawberry flavor" taste, which is turns out is not very good in a cracker (as opposed to a strawberry or an iced cream, the two places strawberry flavor is delicious). Other than that, I guess there's a bit of shortcakeitude, and there's sugar crystal coating too, but even so it's very "white chocolate strawberry milano", which is to say, not my favorite. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Goldfish Cinnamon Roll Grahams

Yes. These are good. A real bounce back from the Old Bay goldfish!! Of course, sweet > savory. They have the cute fish shape with a nice teddy graham taste. Actually, they are softer and butter-ier than a teddy graham, and therefore markedly more delicious. A nice cinnamon sugar coating. Plus a serving is 33! Very good snack. Nut free of course. It does taste a lot like a cinnamon roll; props to Gold Fish Inc. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Old Bay Goldfish

Hm. Well. This is a cute bag design. I live in Old Bay country, and Old Bay is just a seasoning (no cumin or untoward legumes or anything in it; it's mainly celery seed and salty peppers), yet because they use it on crabs, I always associate it with crabs, which I am allergic to, and so I end up not liking it. It's so briny!! If you like Old Bay and very salty things, you will like these. If it weirds you out and/or you disprefer the non-cheese savory goldfishes as I apparently do, stay away. The flavor is pretty strong even though the seasoning quantity isn't that high in terms of coverage. They should call it Bold Bay. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10 

Pizza Goldfish

Although I have received quite a lot of medical advice in recent months, none of it has been diet-based, which is kind of surprising given past experience with medical advice. Anyway, that means I can sample pizza goldfish with impunity! They're kind of neat; more interesting than all the samey cheese flavors, although they do seem like a recipe for indigestion (tomato paste? oily cheese? a cool little fish logo that I'm supposed to SWALLOW?). But my stomach has held up surprisingly well even though every other bodily organ and system has turned to goo. Must be all those toaster strudels. 

However! Even though these taste more interesting than other goldfish and therefore better, I don't prefer them. I think I have an anti-pizza-flavor prejudice.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Harry Potter Butterbeer Goldfish

Gosh darn it, just like the stupid butterbeer kisses, these are way better than they have any right to be. I didn't buy these either, got 'em free in the mail, and I left a one star review in protest. But alas, the truth is, they taste like slightly salty sweet graham crackers, with a caramelly (butterscotchy?) smell that's super appealing. I ate them all in one sitting!!!

Here's hoping Goldfish will release a non-Harry Potter branded "caramel goldfish" equivalent so I can buy these in the future without compromising my morals. Bla.

Overall
Moral cost: 1/10
Taste: 8/10

Goldfish Crisps - Salt & Vinegar

Well heck! This flavor was surprisingly good. I thought it would be my least favorite by far, but the strongest flavor here is vinegar, which is almost sweet. There's also cheddar vibes. None of that chicken-in-a-biscuit ranch stuff. Neat!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Goldfish Crisps - Sour Cream & Onion

I still really like the shape and size and hollowness of these fishes. Honestly, though, this flavor is quite similar to the "original" orange ones, but slightly less tasty to me. I guess there's a stronger onion seasoning, but still it's very "chicken in a biscuit" meets "ranch seasoning". I think I'd really like a cheddar flavor even more; too bad they don't make that! (Yet?). Nevertheless, pretty addictive. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Goldfish Crisps - Cheddar

I support PepFarm in whatever they wanna do, but these didn't thrill me. I guess because there are already tons of chips. But these aren't really chips, are they? They're like very seasoned crackers. Way more flavor than a regular goldfish. I like that, and I like the shape, even if the seasoning is a little mysterious. Like, what is it? It isn't really cheddar. It's almost ranch!? Or chicken in a biscuit?! On second thought, I think I love it. The airy inside is great. I will try the other flavors. Thank you, goldfish.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3.50 on sale]
Taste: 8/10

Goldfish - Dunkin' Pumpkin Spice Grahams

As you probably know, I'm a sucker for Dunkin' branded products. And Goldfish are a nice safe food franchise. So, I can't resist a Dunkin/Goldfish collab. Ultimately, these are solid but not earth-shattering, which is about right. They are a sweet graham cracker, a bit like a teddy graham but a softer texture. The taste does evoke the pumpkin donut on the packaging! There's a smudge of real pumpkin, as well as the usual pumpkin spice spices. It goes with graham pretty well, and isn't too overwhelmingly sweet (like a Vanilla Cream goldfish would be I bet), so I would get these again. Also they're cute lil fishes.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Goldfish Mega Bites Cheddar Jalapeño

In spite of the "mega bites" label, I was surprised that these were actually BIG FISHES! Not your usual goldfish size, but rather 2-3 times that size. A fun novelty. Am I in Japan, I wondered. Anyway the size and shape are the highlight. The taste isn't bad or anything, it's just the same 'ol goldfish taste to me, albeit with a little bit of lingering heat to them. Light "burnt cheese" flavor, mild "garlic/salt/pepper" spice. Fine, but not amazing. That makes this a good snack that I don't super-duper binge on, though.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Parmesan Goldfish

What I really want is to try the new Dunkin Goldfish flavor, but since my store is 30 years in the past, I doubt it will ever come to pass, so I got these instead. They're OK. Honestly pretty indistinguishable from all the other cheese flavored fish (and cheez-its) I've tried, but maybe a little bit on the better side -- less burnt? More seasoned? But only just. Cute fish and a serving is 60 of 'em, so I'm a fan, just not a super-duper-fan.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Goldfish Grahams - Vanilla Cupcake

I'm not sure why I'm so surprised by this, since they're called "Grahams", but these taste like Teddy Grahams!! Nice! Much better than the savory goldfish, in my opinion. A nice sweet, light frosting taste. Pleasant, like little shortbread cookies. Cute.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Flavor Blasted Goldfish - Xtra Cheddar

Good things about goldfish: the shape, the jingle, the company. Bad things: the taste! Sorry, goldfish. OK, these aren't bad exactly, but they aren't doing anything for me. I was hoping the flavor blast would blast a little harder, because they seem essentially flavorless. Fairly filling portion size in a snack bag, and not offensive, but the whole "cheddar cracker" vibe is so boring. I don't get the appeal!

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Goldfish - Pretzel

Apparently, the pretzel goldfish character has a name, and it's Gilbert. I'm sure there's other Goldfish lore out there, but I am going to wait for it to come to me naturally. Excited to learn it though. 

Gilbert tastes pretty good here. The pretzel fish almost have a buttery note to them when compared to your standard pretzel, and are a nice salty savory snack in a cute shape. What's not to like? 

Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 6/10

Pepperidge Farm Goldfish - Cheddar

Here's our jingle for goldfish: yummy little goldfish. I like these and they're very convenient when you want a lil snack with no prep. They had a flavor that read to me as "surprisingly burnt", which made my peanut butter tingly sense go off, but apparently goldfish crackers are always made on nut free lines (unlike Pep Farm cookies, which I also eat, lol), so they are pretty safe. Thus they are a nice, cheesy, salty snack with a cute fish shape. I wish they had more "heft" and less hollowness, but they are still good.

 

 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Pepperidge Farm Goldfish - Cheddar Colors

Goldfish! I like the theme song for Goldfish, it's super catchy and takes me back to childhood. I never really ate these as a kid, but they seem very cute and I like other pepperidge farm things. They're fun to eat because of the adorable fish shape, and they have a light powdering that tastes more like salt than cheese dust but is still satisfying. The colors are cool because they actually taste subtly different -- for instance, the red ones really tasted like beet to me! I'm not sure what the green color is from ("huito") but I'm not allergic to it, apparently. Goldfish crackers seem fairly safe nut-wise: no PB goldfish, which is a blessing, and pepperidge farm is generally safe from peanuts and I ate many of their cookies in the past so their tree nut cleaning must be OK. Good stuff.

Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 6/10