Jelly Belly - Fall Fireside Collection

Believe it or not, I really am trying to cool it with the jelly (belly jelly) beans.  They no longer have "peanut free" on their products and they're clearly transitioning away from caring about allergies, therefore I don't want to support them with my extensive candy budget (and also, am a little scared). But it takes me a really long time to transition away from things, OK? In the meantime, we can celebrate this hot hot fall day with the new "fireside" collection. Ooh, aah. It's a pretty good mix of flavors for me:

Cappuccino: My true love, coffee. Not really a fall drink, but who cares, eh? Some of them have a bologna aftertaste, however. 7 

Sizzling Cinnamon: Very good. Is there cinnamon coffee? If there were, I daresay it also isn't fall-coded (unless paired with pumpkin, which thank god they didn't). 8 

Toasted Marshmallow: It tastes like marshmallow. Again, feels more winter than fall, but maybe this was meant for those buyers in the frozen north. 7 

Red Apple: It tastes like red apple. Good job, this is actually a fall flavor! 6

Buttered Popcorn: You know it, you hate it... there's gotta be one dud to make the others better. Popcorn is also not fall themed. Jelly Belly, you dorks. 5 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3$]
Taste: 7/10

Goetze's Caramel Creams

Rather than disappointing myself by reading political commentary about the college that I don't even work for anymore, I shall disappoint myself by eating this other weird flavor of caramel cream. The inside is dyed red! Why would they do this? The outside is just regular caramel flavor, I think, so that's an upgrade over the pumpkin spice ones. But the inside is a way-too-sweet artificial "apple" flavor, with a weird dense mushy powdered sugar texture to boot. Better than the pumpkin ones, but just because they're more similar to the OG, which might be the only actually good flavor. I'm gonna be too burned out on weird seasonal flavors to ever buy them again though (just kidding, I'm sure). Ay de mí. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Goetze's Caramel Creams - Pumpkin Pie

Is it pumpkin season already?? Zoinks. Well, I love the OG flavor of these, but pumpkin pie is (predictably) not as delicious. It is very accurately flavored, though! Just like the pumpkin milanos, but in caramel form. The cream bit is like cool whip, even. The overall texture is weirdly softer than the OG (pie-esque?) but maybe that's just because it's AUGUST and not FALL! Or maybe not, but it's less good, either way. The firm caramel is one of the best parts of Goetze. I still kinda feel like I won the lotto getting to try these, though, since they are very rare. Exciting! Limited! Plus there's a strong pumpkin spice aftertaste, which is pleasant enough since I can pretend I just sipped a PSL. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [3$]
Taste: 6/10

Starburst Sour

Yo..... these really are sour. I don't know if I like it, but shoutout to my mouth for enduring the exercise. Something new, at least, and a strong sensation that doesn't overlap with the "am I dying?" vibes of spicy food. So I guess I like it?? There are four flavors, and they don't overlap with the normie starbursts (except strawberry):

Sour Watermelon: The least sour, which made me question if watermelon is already sour (I don't think it is). A pretty straightforward watermelon candy flavor, like chewy sour jolly rancher. Not my favorite flavor, but not bad. 6 

Sour Green Apple: It's sour, it's green, and it's apple. No lies detected! Tastes pretty good, like those caramel apple tootsie pops (the green ones, not the brown ones). 7

Sour Blue Raspberry: Tastes blue. A very unique flavor. There's a guy on a podcast I listen to whose mouth literally waters whenever someone says "pickle", and maybe now I get it because eating this thing makes me drooly. But I don't really dream of salivation, even if it's good for my teeth. Tastes like a blue gusher, maybe. All gush, no rush. 6.

Sour Strawberry: This one is weird because there's a regular strawberry starburst, too. So it's like they took that and fucked it up with some sort of sour chemical injection. Disturbing! Also, it hurts my teeth. I might have hit the (dental) limit of sour candy. It tastes good if you can eliminate all memory of non-sour Starburst, and as a zen meditation expert level 1000, I can do so. The wrapper is a Lisa Frank neon pink. 7.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Frosted Strawberry Pop-Tarts Peeps

Sure, why not make some [[Pop Tarts] Peeps]!? They're nut free, in any case. And they're little cuties. Unfortunately the ones I got from some guy on the internet are apparently from 1902, or else they all just are weirdly firm and not at all the normal peep texture. Rubbery. The taste is also artificial, strawberry, plastic, soap, all in one. At the same time, I went through the 5-pack in a matter of minutes, so it's hard to say how I really feel. I wouldn't buy them again, though, that's for sure. But they are little cuties, I stand by that. Kind of wug-ish even. 

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [I don't remember, but it was too much]
Taste: 6/10? 

Jelly Belly Signature 20 Collection

Didn't I review this already!? Well, no. I did review *a* 20-flavor Jelly Belly mix, but since buying the company in 2023, Ferrara has embarked on a brand refresh, changing everything you thought you knew about Jelly Bean. (Hopefully not the nut free thing, although they have a meek mill allergy FAQ and already took the "made in a peanut free facility" text off the packaging, which is a horrible sign >:(). 

 On the plus side, check out this silly line from the PR machine:
 I do have that desire. Although IDK if I'd call jelly beans gummies. 

Whatever, anyway, this is a NEW mix of 20 flavors, and the upside is that it no longer has licorice. So I can eat them all without even looking (although I probably should look just in case a rogue bean gets in there, which has happened before). It has a lot of loser flavors, but as always, some winners too. Here is my current ranking from best to worst, which is liable to change with the weather:

Tops
Sizzling Cinnamon - I must be in a mood for it!
Lemon 
Juicy Pear
Orange Sherbet
Cotton Candy/Tutti Frutti - Not only are these indistinguishable from Bubble Gum, they are indistinguishable from eachother!
Grape Soda 

Mid
Wild Blackberry - This one is so dark I would never risk eating it if licorice were in the mix. Tastes like jam.
Vanilla Bean 
Berry Blue 
Tangerine 
Watermelon 
Strawberry Jam 
Toasted Marshmallow 
Blueberry
Very cherry 
Pink Grapefruit 

Bad because they taste like allergens or peach rings, depending
Buttered Popcorn
Top Banana 
Sweet Peach 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [4$... getting pricy]
Taste: 7/10 

Watermelon Dots

I will make up for my inability to eat fresh watermelon with an assortment of artificial watermelon flavored foodstuffs! These are definitely better than the lemonade dots. There is only one flavor here: watermelon. Just like the watermelon La Croix, the flavor is strong, bright, and candy-esque. Well, these are candy, so that makes sense, but it's like a chewy version of a watermelon jolly rancher. And they are very cute, also. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Assorted Lemonade Dots

It's a rough time for seasonal snacks right now, since almost everything is AMERICA-themed. But not these artificially colored and flavored dots!! Lemonade is good, and dots are good, so that's fun. The flavors aren't actually that good here though. Ah well. 

Limeade: Mostly tastes like cleaning product, but smells good. 6/10 

Strawberry Lemonade: Just a strawberry dot with a weird top. 6/10

Lemonade: See above re: limeade -- not as good as the OG "lemon". 6/10

Blue Raspberry Lemonade: Now we're talking. This tastes exactly like a raspberry lemonade, weird blue flavor and all. 7/10

Cherry Lemonade: Is that a thing? Well, this is just a cherry dot with a weird top. Sad! 6/10

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Hershey's Strawberries 'N' Creme Bar

Finally, I've completed the weird Hershey's Ice "Creme" Bar trio. This one does evoke strawberry ice cream (possibly because I had also stored it in the freezer), but it did make my tongue a little tingly (to be fair to the candy bar, I am currently goin' through some brain stuff). The crunchy bits are just like, freeze dried strawberry pieces, and the bar is just the usual sweet milk oil creme. I think I'm not into what the Hershey's 'N Creme Line has to offer, generally. Ah well. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Jelly Belly Barbie Mix

A single serve 100 calorie pack of jelly bean? This is amazing. Give me a shot of cofe and I'm microdosing all the things that matter. I'm neutral on the Barbie branding, IDK why there's so much all of a sudden (is there a new movie coming out?), but pink is cute. Here is the flavor assortment:

Jewel Very Cherry: Is "jewel" just meant to indicate it's shiny? I think this is just regular cherry. It's a good cherry bean. 7/10

Strawberry Boba Milk Tea: Strawberry Boba Milk Tea tastes a lot like Strawberry. Which is pleasant enough. Wait, what I thought was strawberry boba milk tea must be cotton candy. This is horrible. Tastes like a chemical foot. A foot with a chemical peel on it. Ugh, ergh. I do hate boba, too. There's no strawberry though? What is this? Why is this? Why, Barbie?! 3/10

Cotton Candy: Cotton Candy tastes a lot like Strawberry. Which is pleasant enough. Psych!, that must have been something else. 4/10

Jewel Bubble Gum: You can really taste the "jewel"! Actually, this might be the milk tea. WTF is going on. OK, there are two distinct flavors that taste bad. The opaquer one isn't AS bad, and is more cloy-y milky flowery, so it's probably the boba one. But it could be "jewel" flavor. What the hell is happening here. Wait, I got one normal gum flavored one. So it's the Milk Tea and Cotton Candy that are jank. Whew. 7/10

Strawberry Cheesecake: Love this one. Old faithful. 8/10 

 A wild journey with Barbie.

Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 6/10 

Hershey's Cookies 'N' Mint (2026 Version)

Look how they massacred my boy :(

Disclaimer: this was in the freezer. 

Claimer: On first eat, this tastes like a tragic mix of Dunkin sugarfree artificial mint chocolate chip coffee and Hershey's cookies 'n cream bar. But on second and third chew, there are elements of OG Cookies 'N Mint. Cooling elements. Elements that make you feel like you huffed some paint thinner in the garage. Like your heart is full of antifreeze. Like maybe, just maybe, life is worth living. The rest of the chews are a mix of those two experiences. Some mediocre to bad, some beautiful and nostalgic. This candy bar really encapulates my life. But I want the old one back :( 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 4/10 or 8/10, avg 6/10?  

Starburst Jellybeans

They don't make discounted Easter candy like they used to! This was the only nut-free option at my store on Easter Monday, so of course I bought it (for a cool 99 cents xoxo). Turns out they really are less premium than your Jelly Belly. But, they weren't as bad as I had remembered/feared. Basically these are Starburst but in Jelly Bean form, except there are 2 extra flavors to keep it fun. Here is my ranking:

1. Pink: This is the best starburst so it is also the best starburst jelly bean. Strawberry, I guess. The problem is that they have a weird mealy texture. Like is there wheat starch in this?? Why is it happening?? I guess Starbursts also have that, but Square Chew isn't an existing form to me like Jelly Bean is. Hm. 

2. Red: Red is the second best starburst and also bean. It is cherry, I think?

3. Green: There is no green starburst. Too bad(?). This is green apple flavor. It tastes like a green now and later. Good for novelty, I suppose. 

4. Orange: This is like orange starburst. Very mid. 

5. Purple: Grape!? No grape starburst. Obviously. I don't like grape juice flavored flavor, which is what this is, but at least it's not licorice. 

6. Yellon: Lemon is the worst starburst and equally the worst bean.  

Soft and slightly larger than Jelly Belly, but not as big as the delicious canonical jelly beans I am always allergic to. A fun change of pace for Jelly Bean Fans like me!

Overall
Cost: 8/10 [On sale for 99 cents]
Taste: 7/10 

Hershey's Salted Caramel Ice Cream Flavored Candy Bar

What's new at Hershey's, I asked myself recently. More "white creme" bars (like cookies 'n creme) and less chocolate bars, it turns out. A turn for the worse, but at least it's not an IP tie in, so let's give 'em a shot. First up: caramel flavored ice cream bar (crucially, not ice cream, just bar). Some confounds: it's 8mil degrees and rat city, so I kept this in my fridge. It's not melted but that's probably not how it was meant to be stored. And this is made in Malaysia, which I haven't been to and know nothing about, so the allergy protocol is a little more Question Mark which is sure to put me off a little.

Anyway, this is cute in appearance. Little ice-cream-cone shape pieces. And it's 200 calos of essentially pure sugar with light milk, so that's what it is and it's not pretending to be otherwise. But despite containing no coconut, it tastes to me like definitely coconut. Like the inside of a mounds bar. That is not what caramel tastes like. I guess I can get the "melting ice cream" + "cone" notes if I mouth-squint, but it's not obvious if they don't tell you. Caramel sauce, sure, okay. But not a GOOD caramel sauce, more like a Hershey's caramel syrup (lol). Texture-wise there are little firm toffee pieces (more sugar I assume), which is fun-adjacent. I didn't really like this. Maybe on a colder day I will feel differently. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

Haribo Sour Sodas

New Haribo?! Very exciting. I'm a big fan of soda flavored candy (OK, I'm a big fan of bottle caps), so let's see. 

Well, the texture is freakin' weird. They are soft like the unicorn gummies, but not bite-through-able. Also, they don't taste anything like soda. But they are sour. They also melted and fused together a lot. 

Cherry-cola: I'm getting cherry, I'm getting Haribo gummy, I'm not getting cola. Ehhh. Wait, but another one tastes only of cola, no cherry. Are they unevenly created?! Intriguing. 6/10? 

Peach-blue raspberry: This just tastes like a peach gummy but sour. I like sour but I don't love peach gummy, even in frog or bottle form. Ehhh. 5/10 

Lemon-strawberry: This one tastes like french fries. What the hell is going on here. 5/10

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10 (except the one cola-flavored one )

Sour Patch Kids MVP Top Picks Mix

This isn't really a new product as much as it is a repackaging of existing product, except I've never had the cherry ones before so I got it to try those. One nice thing about the SPK life (as opposed to Haribo) is: they're way easier to bite, and the serving size is in pieces (9) instead of tablespoons (inscrutable). Lately I'm suffering from stomach issues, so maybe a bunch of sour candy is not the answer to that...but there's no milk or fat, so then again, maybe it is. Only time will tell! Anyway, here's what you get:

Cherries: these are really good. Cherry flavor with the usual sour dust. Something different! They're a little more onerous to chew because they are so big, so I'm glad it's not a full bag of them, but they're nice to break up the parade of kids. 7/10

Kids: normally I don't eat human-shaped foods, but I guess these are the (weird) exception. There is blue raspberry, orange, lime green, red that is probably cherry but tastes pretty different from the cherries cherry, yellow lemon (a highlight)... 7/10

Watermelons: Already discussed previously, these are pretty good and weirdly soft.  7/10

A pleasant assortment. The Star Mix of SPK. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10 

Sunny D Peeps

Easter candy is surely the best and worst thing about Easter. There is so much candy about it. Peeps are nut free and cute. And since they're just sugar, they can't make my internal agonies worse (we hope). These do taste like sunny D (bad sweetened orange "drink"), but they aren't sunny D, they are candy. So they are better than Sunny D. Also very cute. But a serving is 4 and they come in sleeves of 5. Peeps got a (Sunny) D in math I guess. I got a fresh batch so they're pretty decent, all told.

Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 6/10 

Life Savers Swirled Lollipops

Surely X will fix me... today, x=candy. I got these because the picture kind of looked like Cream Savers on a stick, which are a great nostalgia item. However, the white swirl is not at all cream, it's some sort of vanilla flavor (or really, neutral flavor). These aren't even made by Life Savers, actually, they're contracted out to Spanglers, who make some allergy friendly things (like Dum Dums) but also some dangerous ones (like Neccos and Bit-O-Honey). The bag reads as safe, though. 

Orange & Vanilla:  I guess the flavor is pretty true to form. Tastes like orange soda mixed with a little cream soda, but as a lollipop. It's fine, big and flat, but it didn't fix me. 6/10

Blueberry & Vanilla:  This one might be fixing me. It's better, like a nice blueberry flavored dessert (a Dunkin' Blueberry even). Kind of weird notes for a lollipop. But I like it. 7/10

Strawberry & Vanilla:  Ehh. Not fixing me. The worst flavor, I think, although it is fine. Tastes like a low-quality strawberry candy (which, lo and behold, it is!). 6/10

Cherry & Vanilla:  Maybe a fixer. I always like cherry lollipops. Nice bright flavor. Also some weird notes. This vanilla part really isn't adding much. Ah well. Easter, what can you do, right? 7/10

Overall
Cost: 7/10 (I don't actually remember, which means it was probably cheap)
Taste: 6/10

Haribo Frogs

Save me, frog gummy! These were a gift from my bff Mimi. They are super cute and a serving is 6. I love frogs. However they are peach flavored. That's messed up. Frogs aren't peach flavored! I don't really like peach ring type gummy, but it is better as a small frog. Mid-tier haribo. Top tier shape.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Jelly Belly Holiday Favorites

See, now these are sweets (first ingredient rightfully sugar). Excited to fill my jelly bean box with a new medley of flavors. Jelly Belly are peanut free, traditionally, but the bag didn't say so this time, so I sent them an inquiring email. We'll see what's up. In any case, I ate these anyway since I've bellied many jellys in the past. It's a pretty fun mix. 

Egg Nog: 5 in this bag. OK well, this is bad. It tastes like a perfume or plant food. However I don't really know what eggnog tastes like, so. It might be dead on. Some sour....nog notes. Kinda grows on you. 5/10

Candy Cane: 7 in this bag. This is fully what a candy cane tastes like. Straight up peppermint, almost too strong to enjoy. Impressive. Takes me back to middle school when it was trendy to have strong Happy Bunny peppermints, and boy was I trendy. 8/10

Hot Chocolate: 9 in this bag. We've had this flavor before. It's good. Tastes like chocolate pudding. Malty. 8/10 

Gingerbread: 4 in this bag. Also a little poupourri-esque. A unique bean. Spicy, floral, doesn't have that ginger spice really, but cookie-ish. A little like the Dr. Pepper bean. Reminds me of the legions of Pumpkin Spice flavored confections. 5/10 

Cranberry: 2 in this bag! I thought I'd like it but it's a little generic. Needs more zip. 6/10

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Hershey's Nuggets - Pumpkin Spice Latte

These have an orange wrapper, which is dangerous for a chocolate (because it indexes PEANUT / REESE'S). But these guys actually only "may contain almonds" (which has never caused me a problem, knock on wood). I was gonna bring 'em to school but I discovered that they don't taste that good. I have a certain standard to uphold, after all. Anyway, pumpkin season is over, which is honestly A-OK with me. These have a cute little wrapper and taste very similar to the inner creme of a pumpkin spice milano, but the quality is a lil worse and it's artificial flavor and not natural flavor. The appearance and texture are basically akin to a normal, somewhat melted nugget. The chocolate is, as you know, not that great (typical non-creamy non-bitter Hershey's fare). But the "spice" flavor is pretty strong. Not much latte (coffee/milk) vibe, honestly. If you're a PS-head, you'll probably like these, but it seems I really am not. So it goes. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 
Taste: 5/10