Goetze's Caramel Creams

Rather than disappointing myself by reading political commentary about the college that I don't even work for anymore, I shall disappoint myself by eating this other weird flavor of caramel cream. The inside is dyed red! Why would they do this? The outside is just regular caramel flavor, I think, so that's an upgrade over the pumpkin spice ones. But the inside is a way-too-sweet artificial "apple" flavor, with a weird dense mushy powdered sugar texture to boot. Better than the pumpkin ones, but just because they're more similar to the OG, which might be the only actually good flavor. I'm gonna be too burned out on weird seasonal flavors to ever buy them again though (just kidding, I'm sure). Ay de mí. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Goetze's Caramel Creams - Pumpkin Pie

Is it pumpkin season already?? Zoinks. Well, I love the OG flavor of these, but pumpkin pie is (predictably) not as delicious. It is very accurately flavored, though! Just like the pumpkin milanos, but in caramel form. The cream bit is like cool whip, even. The overall texture is weirdly softer than the OG (pie-esque?) but maybe that's just because it's AUGUST and not FALL! Or maybe not, but it's less good, either way. The firm caramel is one of the best parts of Goetze. I still kinda feel like I won the lotto getting to try these, though, since they are very rare. Exciting! Limited! Plus there's a strong pumpkin spice aftertaste, which is pleasant enough since I can pretend I just sipped a PSL. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [3$]
Taste: 6/10

Cow Tales - Caramel Apple

Huh, I just realised (or re-realised) that this is a Tale and not a Tail. I'm gonna have to think hard about the lore of this candy! It's a good one -- basically the same as a regular cowtale/bullseye, a nice starchy firm caramel outside. The inside is RED and apple flavored creme, which is weird. It's accurate, tastes like apple, but I actually prefer the OG white creme in there. This inside is far inferior to the staramel outside. Still very tasty and nut free, and a good size candy too, so in all I love to see it.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Goetze's Caramel Creams

To me, this is a classic candy - and nut free, too! These have such a uniquely firm texture - like a Chuckle, but thicker. None of that chewy or runny caramel here. Which I like. The taste is nice and sweet/creamy/starchy, but not overwhelming or tooth-hurty. Plus they're individually wrapped for your convenience and portion control! Always happy to nosh on a few of these.



Overall
Cost: 8/10
Taste: 8/10

Goetze's Chocolate Caramel Creams

I have only had these before in their original formulation, which I like quite a lot! However, I'm not a big fan of chocolate flavored things, so these are an unfortunate downgrade. I think they're still pretty good though. Not much else to report. The inside is exactly the same as the other flavors, although apparently there is a chocolate creme version (available at Dollar General only, which is pretty offputting in itself) too. The outside does taste like chocolate, but the texture is too weird for me - starchy thick caramel, but chocolate? No thanks! Except I'll definitely still eat them :(

Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 7/10

Q says: I don't feel like chocolate right now.

Cow Tales Minis (Vanilla)

These are such a classically great candy. Not great like "nut free" great, but just truly great. Though they are, of course, nut free, with the little logo and everything. These have been around for a long time, and they're very similar to the caramel creme bullseyes from the same company, just a different shape. The caramel outside is floury and stiff, but creamy and sweet, which is way better than that ooey-gooey-sticky stuff. And the inner cream filling is so soft and vanilla-y, it's a perfect combo. I don't understand the people who doesn't love these! They taste great, they don't hurt your teeth, and they aren't messy. Sure, they aren't good for you, but this is candy, man! Live a little!


Overall
Cost: 6/10 (around 3 dollars for a package, or 50 cents for a single non-mini cowtale)
Taste: 8/10