Lucerne 2% Milk

We recently reviewed Whole Milk, so I started to feel bad for this little guy. 2% milk is the milk I would be, if I were a milk. Not skim, not whole, but a stupid third thing. The best of both worlds.... or the worst? This is the one I get most often lately, simply because it tends to have the latest expiration date. I don't know if that's inherent to the milk type (seems very odd, if so), but I have grown to find it comforting. In a coffee (sob), in a cereal, in a recipe, this is a good milk to use. Thanks, milk!

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [2$ish]
Taste: 6/10

Lucerne Whole Milk

Yes, I'm reviewing milk. The alternative is writing an emotionally charged essay about what the deal is with a support group I'm in where many people are saying that the meds we're on have made them... gay. I have many thoughts on that topic. But I also have many more Whole-some thoughts on milk. Here are some.

1. It expires faster than the printed date. In fact, it even says use within 7 days of opening. But I always misjudge my milk intake. Usually I don't totally finish a (half gallon) bottle in time, but sometimes I'm out in two days and suffer until my next grocery trip. I'm also very sensitive to old milk, so I don't want to push it.

2. I'm lactose intolerant (playing to type, I know) and I always thought the higher milkfats were more likely to trouble me. So, I typically always get skim. But for cooking, I've been getting higher ones occasionally, and I now think my theory is total bunk. I know I could, like, research this, but I do enough research so I'm taking a more experimental approach. Anyway, this week is Whole.

3. I don't ever drink milk as a drink (see 2) but I do have it in cereal. And breaking news alert the media: whole milk tastes, like, a lot better. This is practically a dessert. Maybe I should change my latte lifestyle too!! (Just kidding, skim lattes 4 life).

4. Lucerne is the only brand at my store. It is better (i.e. less watery and goes bad slower) than your gas station and 7-11 milks, which I am no stranger to, unfortunately. But it is worse than my childhood Swiss Miss, which is the most luxe milk I've experienced. No organic milks (Horizon etc) because they all have a nut allergy warning.

That'll do. My essay urges are somewhat abated. Praise milk!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Lucerne Shredded Monterey Jack Cheese

I always avoid store brands like Lucerne now if I can help it, because I've gotten a lot more allergy-anxious over time and I see a lot more recalls of store brands. But I haven't seen them for Lucerne specifically, and they only make dairy anyway, and also it reads as safe and what more do I need!? If I didn't have allergies I'd be so into them, because they're cheaper and taste just fine. And this didn't kill me, so I'm into it. It melted as needed and tasted like cheese (good). Hooray!

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Lucerne Heavy Whipping Cream

Is Heavy Whipping Cream interchangeable with Heavy Cream? I'm not really sure, but Chef My Mom says "yes". So I used this in an un-whipped sauce! It was surprisingly good. Very creamy (lol) and decadent. Tasted fresh, too, and not sour. Supposedly it lasts for like a month, so maybe I can even use the rest in something else (cofe??)!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Lucerne Jalapeño Cream Cheese Spread

I wonder why there aren't more kids named Lucerne. I could see someone thinking "that's a nice name" without remembering it's a store brand of dairy products. Not me though. 

This stuff is good. (Or maybe I'm just happy to have cream cheese again?) The allergy info for Philly's cream cheese didn't pan out to be very reassuring, so I'm convinced the lack of info for the store brand is somehow safer. Woo! This flavor has a little kick to it, which I like.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Lucerne Garden Vegetables Cream Cheese Spread

Ah, I went to buy my usual Philly cream cheese and I saw they have a pecan flavor, which freaked me out about cross-contam, so I got this store brand instead since they didn't have a visible nut flavor. I should really send Philly an email! Anyway, this served its purpose and didn't kill me, so mission accomplished. It was a bit different in color (lighter) and chunkiness (more?!) but the taste was quite close and I had no issues with it. I just have a general anti-store-brand policy due to nut fear.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Lucerne Grated Parmesan Cheese

Weird vibes with this grated parm. It looks and tastes the part, and I thought it was the only option at my store, but I didn't realise in the "fancy cheese" section they have other, actual brands of parm. This is relevant because both times I bought this, I got horrible stomach pains after using it on the second day. It should last longer than 1 day, right!? Maybe it's just a weird coincidence, but it was so awful that I don't want to risk it and I won't buy this again unless I have to! Other than this issue, no complaints.


Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 (considering)

Lucerne - Provolone Slices

This was alright, although much like my recently reviewed meats, it wasn't my favorite iteration of a sliced cheese. To be honest, it might be one of my least favorite iterations! But it was cheap enough and had plenty of slices that didn't go bad or dry or anything unseemly like that. So it was fine. Would I rather have some deli cheese, of course. Would I rather have Kraft singles, maybe I would. But it was fine.





Overall
Cost: 5/10 [2.50$ish]
Taste: 5/10