Tostitos Tortilla Chips - Mexican Street Corn

I like [street corn] as a noun, but apparently, not as an adjective. The hint of lime on these is way too heavy to be felicitously considered a hint, which as always has the effect of making them taste like Trix cereal. They are a little spicy which is nice, there's a minor cheese taste as well as a minor "bean paste" vibe (scary), and a serving is 6 chips (although they are very big chips). IDK, man, it's not my vibe. My parents both liked them, although my analysis there is that my dad just likes that weird lime flavor and my mom just likes anything new. At least the bag didn't go to waste!

 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10  

Green Giant Restaurant Style Veggie Sides: Tri-Color Roasting Potatoes

Ah yes... restaurant style. As opposed to peasant home-chef style, I guess. Restaurant style seems here to mean "covered in butter and seasoning", which I guess I do like. Or maybe it's the tri-color of it all (aesthetically pleasing). Why did I buy this if I'm such a hater (and neutral on potato)? It was on sale, my friends. Also, I do like purple potatoes and also butter. The package recommends cooking in an air fryer, which I do not have, so I ovened it -- hardly restaurant style -- but the texture ended up just fine (vaguely crispy outside, smooshy innards). You can't really taste the butter though, which is sad - they're very dry. And the spice is only vaguely noticeable, feels like light pepper/rosemary/salt(?)/oregano(??). Anyway, I ended up resorting to ketchup as if they were a humble french fried potato, and that was better. Potatoes, man, they just aren't that good. No wonder I never got in to Lord of The Rings. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [3$ normally]
Taste: 6/10 

Hillandale Farms - Extra Large Eggs

More Hillandale eggs... how many variants are there?! These are Extra Large, which is the size I've grown accustomed to (although really I'd probably be better off with medium, since I don't love eggs). They really do come in this blue foam packaging, which I hate. Maybe it's to prevent breakage, but I still lost 1-2 eggs. They are also possibly glued to the container?? Or else so broken that the yolk glued them. They also don't tout any cage-free/free-range/humane adjectives, which I don't feel great about. What is my veg box (which refuses to sell meat, but sells a ton of vegan beanmeat and nut milk (much to my chagrin)) doin?! Maybe I'll have to Consider store eggs (or no eggs) if they keep sending these foamers. [britta voice] I can excuse eating animal products, but I draw the line at factory farming. 

Anyway, they taste fine. The color is definitely way whiter than Sauder's, and the yolk is less firm and plump (a true grade A, I guess) but in the end it's all egg. No major issues on the consumption front. 

Overall
Cost: 7/10 [1.50]
Taste: 5/10 

2022 Navarro López Mañana Garnacha

This wine is so obscure I had to take my own picture (and for that I apologise). Doesn't inspire much confidence, even though I usually like Garnachas pretty well. The label even looks janky, though the cork was one of those fun new age recyclable foam deals. There's a strong tart cherry flavor - sweet - but also very very acidic. No saddle notes, though. After a day it's muted all around; less acidic but also less fruit-forward and more "Franzia". Never again the franzia times. 

Overall
Cost: 7/10 [if it existed, it'd be cheap]
Taste: 6/10 

Old El Paso Taco Seasoning Mix - 25% Less Sodium

I usually make my own taco seasoning (or enchilada seasoning, as the case may be). However, sometimes occasion calls for a packet. This is the one I grew up with, so I know it is safe, even though I suspect the Spices contain cumin (which is marginal :p). I only use 1 tbsp/1lb of meat, but that's plenty. It smells great. Is it straight MSG? According to the ingredos, no, but it tastes like it (which is a compliment). Actually, this makes my lips a little itchy, but it might just be the salt+spice of its neighbors (cheese and a million assorted hot peppers). I guess that's why I usually stray from packet life. Ah well. If you don't have allergy issues, this is so good. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 8/10 

Old El Paso Red Enchilada Sauce - Mild

Ooh, now my store has a mild version of this sauce in addition to the medium! I'm usually a medium-preferrer, but I had to try all the options of course. This tastes very similar to the medium one, as it happens, but is a little less spicy. Shocking! Actually, I might switch to mild due to the limitations of my physical form, so it's nice that this is an option. The decaf of red sauce. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10 

Pepperidge Farm Whole Grain 100% Whole Wheat

Something very good (and certainly better than wines and poptarts) is Toast. I had this bread before in its thin-sliced guise, and I liked it, but more of a good thing is perhaps even better (or I got a fresher loaf). This is the canonical size and shape of bread, it has a good heft, it's got a good stat profile, and it's nut/seed/legume-free. Hooray! 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Pop Tarts Star-Spangled Blueberry

A punishment for us all is to gaze upon these pop-tarts. The box picture doesn't even do them justice: they look absolutely radioactive in real life. Like play-doh but somehow less appetizing than that. I'm pretty sure these are just the same as the regular blueberry flavor (which I've already reviewed), but the USA-ified appearance really takes the customer to a new level of horror. The filling is blueberry, grape, and apple, which is not bad as poptartfilling goes. The color is Red 40 and Blues 1-100 (approximately), which is extremely bad as everything goes. I can imagine some self-described radicals at the Pop-Tart factory thinking "maybe if we make these it'll be the tipping point that leads to a revolution!!", but instead it is only leading to a minor reduction in self-respect and/or lifespan. Olé, olé, olé.

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [2.79$]
Taste: 6/10 
Unnaturality: 10/10

2019 Chateau Franc-Cardinal Bordeaux

Please, look at this promotional image. This is how things were before AI.... beautiful. Anyway, you might think I'm on a wine bender with two reviews in a row, but it's really just wacky life circumstances and the power of RNG. (Too bad). This has one of the most intense Brettanomyces situations I've ever experienced. I am not a Brett bae. It smells like a sweaty saddle, and that's being generous. Since I am not attracted to horses, this is an unpleasant smell. However, the wine has high ratings, so I tried to stick it out. It does ease up if you let it breathe, and on the 2nd day the smell is much reduced. But the taste is still leather, squeaky, plastic, mulch. Farm life in a bottle. Since the darling otter (?) is serving it, I will endure, but this is really not my vibe. Decent on the acids/tannins spectra though. 

Overall
Cost: 3/10 [29$]
Taste: 5/10

2020 Brindle Ridge Merlot

Whew, when I opened this I wasn't breaking my alc triangle, but don't ask how things are going now. Anyway, it's pretty good. A strong flavor at first, like always, that made me worry it was too long in my warm house. A little like drinking a basket which once held winter potpourri. Like cinnamon, berry, wicker, and pine. Aftertaste of bright cherry. A long finish. Accidentally paired with lasagna, which was great. 

Overall
Cost: 8/10 [2.79 !]
Taste: 6/10 

San Giorgio Ziti

Never was a cornflake ziti girl, even though all the Italian-Americans in my life (and there are have been many) were extremely into baked ziti. But in a lasagna, ziti is actually so good. Or maybe I'm still soaking up the San Giorgio energy. Whatever it is, these are a top-tier pasta. They weren't as thick as I expected, and the al dente time of 10 minutes was actually accurate. Praise be!

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [1.50ish]
Taste: 7/10 

Spindrift Strawberry Vanilla

Another spindrift soda offering -- this time, the ingredos are: fizzy water, strawberry puree, apple juice, vanilla extract, and strawberry extract. Starting to see a pattern! It tastes like the things it is, and I do like super-wet strawberry juice, so it's pleasant. Someone online said that it's kind of strawberry-yogurt flavored, and I can definitely see that. More yogurt than shortcake (the old name of this flavor), so changing the name to an ingredient description was a wise move. We love transparency!! 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Watermelon Dots

I will make up for my inability to eat fresh watermelon with an assortment of artificial watermelon flavored foodstuffs! These are definitely better than the lemonade dots. There is only one flavor here: watermelon. Just like the watermelon La Croix, the flavor is strong, bright, and candy-esque. Well, these are candy, so that makes sense, but it's like a chewy version of a watermelon jolly rancher. And they are very cute, also. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Ore-Ida Extra Crispy Fast Food Fries

Despite my heritage(??) I'm not that into potatoes. Or at least non-liquid potatoes. But I have so many sauces that I don't know what to put on, so to the fry aisle we go. These seem appealing because they're skinny, which is less potato per square mile and more salt/oil/sauce/air. In the end, they projected more cardboardy potato than their size warranted. Not impressed. But, the smell when cooking reminded me of East Mall Arby's, which reminded me of my grandma, so that was nice. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

Sargento Whole Milk Mozzarella

I guess this is strictly different than the part-skim off the block mozzarella, although I'm not sure I could tell the difference in a blind taste test. This is a solid cheese option, and mozz is unaged so OK for migraine girlies. Is it OK for the sensitive stomached among us? Well... sometimes. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Goya Fajita Tortillas

Coming into these with some annoyance because I actually WANTED corn tortillas, but they were all fully expired at da store, and this was the smallest size non-expired flour alternative. Also, I'm pretty sure Goya sucks, politically (but is usually fine taste-ily). The stupid Papyrus font on the package did cheer me a little, though. And I'm using these for a slow-cooky enchilada recipe that I like very much, so that's good. On their own, they're very chewy (maybe stale?) and flavorless, as expected from goya flour tortilla! But as a required floppy starch in a mexican dish, they did the job, even if not inspiringly. The other brands I got during 2020 were better tasting, I must say (or at least that's how I remember it). 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

Spindrift Ginger Ale

Beautiful stuff, can art wise. The ingredients on this are pretty interesting: water, apple juice, lemon juice, lime juice - fine, gotta make it sweet - ginger juice - naturally; and I like that they call it juice - and lime extract. What is the difference between lime extract and lime juice?????? Well, the juice is natural, and the extract is bits of lime suspended in alcohol or other chemical mysteries. I see. I see. Anyway, they could probably axe that, because this is a little too limey (although that's the spindrift way). The ginger flavor is PRETTY good, although it's no Fevertree. Better than a Sprite or something, better than a soda-ginger-ale, but not ginger beer level. But, only 34 calos, so I guess that's the tradeoff? It's a little sweet for me but not terrible; definitely too lemon/limey though. Still a fun drink, just nothing to write blogs about.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [2$]
Taste: 6/10 

Assorted Lemonade Dots

It's a rough time for seasonal snacks right now, since almost everything is AMERICA-themed. But not these artificially colored and flavored dots!! Lemonade is good, and dots are good, so that's fun. The flavors aren't actually that good here though. Ah well. 

Limeade: Mostly tastes like cleaning product, but smells good. 6/10 

Strawberry Lemonade: Just a strawberry dot with a weird top. 6/10

Lemonade: See above re: limeade -- not as good as the OG "lemon". 6/10

Blue Raspberry Lemonade: Now we're talking. This tastes exactly like a raspberry lemonade, weird blue flavor and all. 7/10

Cherry Lemonade: Is that a thing? Well, this is just a cherry dot with a weird top. Sad! 6/10

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Hillandale Farms Large Brown Cage Free Eggs

Huh, Large eggs really are smaller than Jumbo eggs, aren't they? These are basically tiny eggs. I'm America-brained when it comes to egg sizes. Anyway, I accept whatever size egg the veg box (and egg box) delivery brings me, and I'm glad these are at least back to being cage-free. They expired within like a week, though, so that's disconcerting, and they also smelled like burning plastic when cooking. Unless my pan got a lil spare plastic on it from something else. Nevertheless!! They taste: like eggs. I dunno. I don't really like eggs, but they sure are protein. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

spindrift Orange Vanilla Soda

Unintentionally in my soda pop era (cue Britney Spears's 'Soda Pop'). But what I love about Spindrift is that they sit right in the middle of the seltzer-soda spectrum, so they aren't artificial OR sugar bombs. This is going a little high on the sugar side, but it's still just fizzy water and juice, which I support. Orange, apple, and vanilla. Is vanilla extract a juice? Well, yes. And it tastes like if you added orange juice to perrier and dropped in 1/2tsp vanilla, that's it that's all. But it comes in a cute little can! I'm in. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [2$ish, what the heck]
Taste: 6/10 

Fever-Tree Ginger Beer

God, the smell of this is like poppers. It's so nostalgic and lovely. Of course I'm used to it as a mixer, especially for your moscow mules (although shout out dark and stormys too), but today in my Sick Sad Little World era, I'm just drinking it straight. This is a non-alcoholic mixer, mind you, and it comes in a tiny 6.8oz bottle and costs an absurd amount of dollars. It's got a good ginger burn, which to be honest is kind of a scary experience when there's no alcohol alongside to water it down and/or calm you (bc tingly lips/tongue => wait am i dying?!). That's how you know it's good quality, though. Really good. Crisp, not too sweet, just overwhelmingly Ginger. 

Overall
Cost: 4/10
Taste: 7/10 

Crofter's Strawberry Squeeze-able Fruit Spread

Osito, putting jam into a squeezy tube only makes sense if there's not 20 servings in there. Otherwise it's all sticky and floppy and you have to knife it to even it out on your starch anyway. This is a horrible form factor; I hate it very much. The color is also a brown paste, like cat toothpaste, which is disconcerting in a different way than a bright red is. But it tastes like nice normal strawberry jam, so it's a good product; I'd just surely rather a jar. Ah well. You take what you can get!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Chocolatey Chocolate Lucky Charms

Surely I've had these before? Nope, just S'mores Lucky Charms, which were somewhat Chocolatey but not Chocolatey chocolate, you dig? Anyway, these are fine. Not as good as regular Lucky Charms for me, but I don't much like chocolate flavored things. As such things go, the corn bits (not oat, which is a downgrade) are solid. Good cocoa flavor. And the marshmallows go well - there are some normie colored ones and some chocolatey ones, but they all basically taste like chocolate-sugar-mush. Since it is record breakingly hot outside, chocolate-sugar mush (and not oven time) is just what the doctor (me) ordered!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Kellogg's Crispix Cereal

Wow! I thought I knew what Crispix was (off-brand Chex), but I didn't! It's hexagonal, for one thing. And it is corn on one side, rice on the other. A mash-up. A rice/corn love story. It's beautiful. The colors are slightly different too (thanks to turmeric, ha). It tastes like those two chexes... together. I do prefer the rice side, but it's all the better because it's in contrast to the corn side. Genius! Crispix for life! 
n.b. it's not very crispy, but I surely don't care about that. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 (a certain ceiling for the chex-types)

Ruffles Original

More 'o them free school snacks. As it happens, most free things aren't that good (possible exceptions: love, Eagles Win You Win Dunkin' Promo). One thing I can say for Ruffles: they have ridges. Actually, I'm being far too harsh here -- as plain potato chips go, these are among the best. Good texture, extremely oily (yom), no cat litter flavor as in Lays/Pringle. I just will never be stimulated by a plain potato chip. If I were still in the land of French Onion Dip, these could have a place in my life. But I am not.

Overall
Cost: 10/10
Taste: 6/10 

La Croix Pastèque (Watermelon)

 

There is something ridiculous about the fact that La Croix insists their name is NOT French (thus, pronounced [lə kɹoɪ]) and yet they name this flavor pastèque, which unlike pamplemousse, nobody knows what [] is. However, I dunno if I'm just relieved to be alive, but this is great. Maybe because I can't have watermelon-the-fruit anymore (OAS... cruel...), but watermelon-the-drink is so nice and pleasant. This seems way stronger (i.e. flavored) than their other flavors, too. It's a little bit floral/artificial/weird, but not too bad. Almost candy-ish. Sweet. But it's 0 calos. So it's the splenda version of watermelon flavor. But it's hitting. Oh, it's hitting. Plus I like the color scheme very much.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Hershey's Strawberries 'N' Creme Bar

Finally, I've completed the weird Hershey's Ice "Creme" Bar trio. This one does evoke strawberry ice cream (possibly because I had also stored it in the freezer), but it did make my tongue a little tingly (to be fair to the candy bar, I am currently goin' through some brain stuff). The crunchy bits are just like, freeze dried strawberry pieces, and the bar is just the usual sweet milk oil creme. I think I'm not into what the Hershey's 'N Creme Line has to offer, generally. Ah well. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Spindrift Cherry

Yay, a new spindrift flavor. And it's not even on the Forbidden list (no caff, no citrus, no allergens). Somehow I'm on such high alert that I got a bit paniccy when I first tried it, maybe that's just the power of carbonation (and May). Anyway, this is a good flavor! It's tart, but not painfully so. Not oversweet but not the Nothing vibes of a seltzer. Jolly good. And a cute color too. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [6$ for 8...hrm...]
Taste: 7/10 

Galbani Whole Milk Ricotta cheese - Lactose Free

I'm moderately lactose intolerant (or at least, ice cream and soft cheese and big milk make me Regret), but I haven't had any serious ricotta trauma, possibly because other trauma is always more pressing. Anyway, this was on Mega Sale at the store, so I got it because it's just ricotta with an enzyme in it. Perhaps they're not making it anymore, which is too bad because I support the mission. The texture and taste seemed normal. Weirdly I had an extra bad stomach ache after eating the chicken dish with this in, but that could be down to so many things that I hesitate to draw any conclusions. Anyway, tastes fine. 

Overall
Cost: 7/10 [1.49$]
Taste: 6/10 

Pepperidge Farm Whole Grain Thin-Sliced 100% Whole Wheat Bread

Yay!! Normie bread! This is scary because look at it (looks seed-y), but it's truly just wheat. No flax, no sunflower seeds, no rye, no legume protein, not even a sesame warning. It isn't weirdly big like their farmhouse bread, it's just a modest sandwich-sized slice. The taste is not sweet at all, the texture is a little dry but fine, it goes great with butter, I am so happy about this bread. Yay.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Starburst Fruit by the Foot Mini Feet

This is an Easter candy, broadly construed. How silly. They really are mini. There are two flavors:

Strawberry: A weirdly light color, almost bubble-gum looking. Tastes like a strawberry candy flavor more than a strawberry gummy/fruit snack. Again, weirdly small. But tastes good. 7/10

Lemon: This is a little better than the strawberry; tastes like a lemon fruit snack (which to be honest I don't know if I've ever had? But if I did!) 7/10 

A serving is 2, which makes me think "just make one non-mini foot" but I guess I'm not the target audience of a small child on Easter morning. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10 

Hillandale Farms Jumbo Eggs

These are commissary eggs! I'm also a little confused about why my veg box gave me them, since they aren't the cage free badbois I purchased. Also, fully 6/12 eggs arrived cracked, so my foam-package opinion is negative(r). Ah well. Taste-wise, they were fine: typical egg. Very thick shells with an astringent smell (washed in chemicals or somethin?). Jumbo size. Healthy looking yolk. But I miss Sauder's! Come back, Sauder's! 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10 

Munchies Snack Mix - Cheese Fix Flavored

Yeah, I've got the munchies. Munchies snack mix from my job that I absolutely pounced on because they don't treat me well and eating my weight in free snacks is what I deserve!!! Unfortunately it's a bit of a "stop hitting yourself" scenario because these are tragic. The ingredos are like War and Peace. Despite student claims to the contrary, the contents of Cheeto, Pretzel, and Cheddar Sun Chip taste just the same as the non-Munchies Mix versions. But the Doritos are tiny little triangles, which is more delicious (less Dorito)! All together it's a cute scene, so why do I scorn it so? Because I don't LIKE Doritos, Cheetos, or Cheddar Sun Chip. Also the pretzels are made of corn (weird). Also, Munchies is the FritoLay brand name used for their peanut butter (et al) cracker packs (scary). Otherwise, this is a fun nut free snack. 

Overall
Cost: FREE/10
Taste: 5/10 

Smartfood White Cheddar Popcorn

It still comes in a black bag after all, the one I had before was just a "light" version! Wowow. Anyway, this is whatever. Never been my favorite - what's that cheese powder doing there? It's so messy and tastes a little sweet. But I can't deny that it's a snack I'm not allergic to. And at this point the packaging is almost nostalgic. So, OK. It's fine. A very "I am eating a processed food" experience, and to a brand I have no real loyalty to, which I guess is how other people feel when they encounter Dunkin, Haribo, and Pepperidge Farm (:o).

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Two-Bite Churro Dulce De Leche Cupcakes

Strike's over... back to work... on some cupcakes!! You know what they say -- the best way to get over an allergy fear is to get under some cupcakes. Etc etc. Anyway, these are fun and look like animal's eyes (frosting-wise). They also contain graham flour, which if it's a typo for gram flour will be my downfall. But I think I remember saying that about another flavor, so probs not. (Also you'd think an allergy company would be careful about such things, but ah, I lived long enough to know it isn't so). 

Anyway, where were we. The dark brown blorp is a caramel goo - not frosting! - but very sweet. Like a chocolate bar inside caramel. Fine, fine. The frosting is just typical mini cupcake frosting, maybe mildly cream cheese and/or cinnamon flavored. And the cake is just regular vanilla cake! Oh, frabjous day! I thought it'd be filled for sure, and that would have been major overkill. Kind of like the concept of "churro dulce de leche cupcake". Did they just pick two Hispanic treats? Whither flan?  

There are some crumbley lookin blorps on top, evoking I suppose churro, but they are indistinguishable from the general frosted scene. 

This isn't terrible, but it actually is. The plain ones are much better. The only redeeming factor is: I'm not allergic to it. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

O Organics Rosemary

Now that all my herb plants are gonezo, I buy this when I make a nice little creamy garlic rosemary chicken dish. It tastes nice and classy, but I've noticed that whenever I make it, I get itchy and hivey and my gums sting. You'd think an allergy blog owner might recognize this to be an allergy, but the ingredients are all things I've had many times before (rosemary included) so I disregarded. But now....I think I'm allergic to (this?) (fresh?) rosemary. It's a cruel cruel world. Anyway, this tastes so good that I bought it many times in spite of a negative physical reaction to it, so that's something. You get about 4 long tufts, and they hold up pretty well in the fridge. I probably won't buy this anymore though. Sigh!!!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

utz Mike's Hot Honey chips

Sometimes I forget utz makes chips, what with all their pretzels! Anyway, these are interesting. Mike's Hot Honey was pretty trendy for a while there, but the only time I had it was at Mod Pizza, where I did enjoy it. As a chip flavor I'm not really sold. The sweet + hot combo reminds me a little of a BBQ chip, but the honey really is present, and so is the basic salty potato chip flavor, and so is a pretty hot heat (if you eat a bunch). Those elements are all good on their own (well, maybe minus the chip), but I am not a big sweet + savory fan and this is a bit too sweet for me. It's not boring or terrible though, two common chip sins.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [4$ish]
Taste: 6/10 

Turkey Hill Lemonade

Wow, catering at my old school has evolved to include new and different packaged foods! Anything is better than a massive bowl of peanut trail mix like at my current school, but this is fun because I can drink it. And boy did I drink it! And boy, is it sweet! (100% daily value sugar in one pint size package...) But also, major Turkey Hill nostalgia. Turkey Hill is of course from Lancaster County, like many packaged classics, and we had these lemonades for lunch every day in school when I was a kid. In retrospect, not great for the ol' growing brain, but this was pre Michelle Obama. Anyway, tastes very nice. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [free for me, probably like 2$ for the dept though]
Taste: 7/10 
 

Jelly Belly Barbie Mix

A single serve 100 calorie pack of jelly bean? This is amazing. Give me a shot of cofe and I'm microdosing all the things that matter. I'm neutral on the Barbie branding, IDK why there's so much all of a sudden (is there a new movie coming out?), but pink is cute. Here is the flavor assortment:

Jewel Very Cherry: Is "jewel" just meant to indicate it's shiny? I think this is just regular cherry. It's a good cherry bean. 7/10

Strawberry Boba Milk Tea: Strawberry Boba Milk Tea tastes a lot like Strawberry. Which is pleasant enough. Wait, what I thought was strawberry boba milk tea must be cotton candy. This is horrible. Tastes like a chemical foot. A foot with a chemical peel on it. Ugh, ergh. I do hate boba, too. There's no strawberry though? What is this? Why is this? Why, Barbie?! 3/10

Cotton Candy: Cotton Candy tastes a lot like Strawberry. Which is pleasant enough. Psych!, that must have been something else. 4/10

Jewel Bubble Gum: You can really taste the "jewel"! Actually, this might be the milk tea. WTF is going on. OK, there are two distinct flavors that taste bad. The opaquer one isn't AS bad, and is more cloy-y milky flowery, so it's probably the boba one. But it could be "jewel" flavor. What the hell is happening here. Wait, I got one normal gum flavored one. So it's the Milk Tea and Cotton Candy that are jank. Whew. 7/10

Strawberry Cheesecake: Love this one. Old faithful. 8/10 

 A wild journey with Barbie.

Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 6/10 

San Giorgio Cavatappi

This has always been a favored shape of mine! I went with SG over DC because of the price, but the allergy label is actually great (may contains listed!) and the taste was too, so now I'm like, hmm, time to switch my pasta allegiance? Cava tappi is Italian for "extract corks", if you were wondering (thus the corkscrew shape). But yeah, the vibe is like an extra fun big elbow. Plump, not starchy, strong, whimsical. A top tier iteration of a top tier shape! Plus each individual pasto is so large, which is its own reward. Bigger than the Knorr cavatappiti by like, 500%. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 8/10 

Signature Select Fresh Basil Leaves

This isn't what the container looks like, but whatever, it was bad anyway. I saw this at the store for 1 whole dollar cheaper than the fresh basil plant I usually get, and I thought "yeah, OK", but the container says not to refrigerate for over 24 hours, so I didn't, and then it completely went black and slimy in a matter of 2-3 days. So instead I had no basil at all. (Upside: turns out the lasagna tastes better without basil anyway, but it was the PRINCIPLE of the thing!)

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [2.50]
Taste: ???/10 

Hershey's Cookies 'N' Mint (2026 Version)

Look how they massacred my boy :(

Disclaimer: this was in the freezer. 

Claimer: On first eat, this tastes like a tragic mix of Dunkin sugarfree artificial mint chocolate chip coffee and Hershey's cookies 'n cream bar. But on second and third chew, there are elements of OG Cookies 'N Mint. Cooling elements. Elements that make you feel like you huffed some paint thinner in the garage. Like your heart is full of antifreeze. Like maybe, just maybe, life is worth living. The rest of the chews are a mix of those two experiences. Some mediocre to bad, some beautiful and nostalgic. This candy bar really encapulates my life. But I want the old one back :( 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 4/10 or 8/10, avg 6/10?  

Pringles Sharp White Cheddar

People keep saying that I'm too nice. Are they reading my Pringles reviews? That's the only thing I'm too nice about. Honestly. Anyway, these impressed me. The flavoring is pretty different! It is in fact sharp cheddar flavor dust! Unfortunately it's kinda subtle, in that the horrible PRINGLE flavor comes through very strongly. Like a lays chip chased with one of those cheddar cheese square cuts from Cracker Barrel I used to get and then complain about. But I love the flavor science. They should move the Pringles minds over to medicine. 

Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 7/10 [at least until the novelty wears off] 

Lofthouse Spring Sugar Cookies

Do other people feel like sugar is the only thing that helps with migraine nausea or am I just deluding myself? I hope they cover this issue on The Pitt. Anyway, these cookies are great, way better than the supersweet puffy circles with gobs of frosting on top (which have their place too, let's be real). They kind of remind me of a homemade holiday cookie - buttery, bendy/soft, tender, but not flakey or crunchy or stale (yet). Very shortbread-heavy. Very wholesome. And nut free! Plus 100 calos isn't TERRIBLE for a cookie. And it IS spring, which has really plummeted in my season rankings since ~2020, but at least it's light out at night now (good for driving). 

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [6$... humbug]
Taste: 8/10

Green Giant Sauced Veggies Simply Steam Cheesy Riced Cauliflower

This is identical to the Green Giant Sauced Veggies Simply Steam Cheesy Riced Cauliflower with 3 Small Broccolis, except it's missing the 3 small broccolis. So it is strictly worse... but only 3 tiny broccolis worth worse. Otherwise it is still very tasty, very small, and overpriced. Wish I could bathe in this stuff. Although the cheese goo makes me feel psychologically bad, even if not physically. (The cheeseless cauli is twice the price, though it is also bigger, so maybe I should just get that if I'm splurging on riced cauli). 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3$!!]
Taste: 7/10 

Gerbs In-Shell Pumpkin Seeds | Extra Sea Salted

 

I liked the sea salted pumpkin seeds so much, I thought I'd give the "extra sea salted" ones a try. Big mistake. I guess there's a salt ceiling, and this is above it. They're definitely salty and maybe giving me heart palps. Also, they taste less fresh and more chewy/rancid. Perhaps this is unrelated to the salt content (OK, probably), but each 2lb bag is a real commitment of about half a semester of daily seed eating, so. Don't get me wrong, a ton of salt is still tastier than no salt, but I think the ranking (on pure taste, ignoring whatever salt does for one's health) is: normal > lightly > extra > none. Makes sense, I guess. Sorry this is such a blurry picture, or maybe I just have glaucoma now. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Twinings Pure Iced Tea

Tea time, tots! When I got this, the outside was covered in red goo (tomato sauce)? But I am too lazy to follow up, so I just tossed the packaging and consumed as normal. Luckily the bags are in sealed foil (36x2), and they're sewed together in a condom-esque fashion. More like sachets than bags, since there is no string with tab at the end. But it's OK, I'm not too good to go fishing in the cup (as evidenced by my acceptance of sauce-covered product). There are two options for enjoyment, according to the website/box:

Enjoy by the Pitcher: Pour 4 cups boiling water over 4 tea bags in a clean heat-resistant pitcher, steep for 4 minutes, remove tea bags. Fill the rest of pitcher with ice or 4 cups of cold water. Enjoy now or refrigerate for later.

Enjoy by the Glass: Pour boiling water over tea bag in a heat-resistant glass, steep for 4 minuets, remove tea bag, add ice to desired strength & enjoy!

Fine, fine. Very fine. I'm only one person here, so I'll start with the glass option. Queuing up my favorite Bach. How was that? Observation the first: there is no amount of ice you can put in a standard cup that will both not overflow and succeed in icing the tea. This is why you make iced coffee in huge tumblers. Anyway, I ended up with warm tea. Observation the second: It tasted like normal black tea. What are we doing here? Maybe I'll try the pitcher later, since that has the benefit of going in the fridge. Also, my head hurts and this didn't help :(

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10 

Starburst Jellybeans

They don't make discounted Easter candy like they used to! This was the only nut-free option at my store on Easter Monday, so of course I bought it (for a cool 99 cents xoxo). Turns out they really are less premium than your Jelly Belly. But, they weren't as bad as I had remembered/feared. Basically these are Starburst but in Jelly Bean form, except there are 2 extra flavors to keep it fun. Here is my ranking:

1. Pink: This is the best starburst so it is also the best starburst jelly bean. Strawberry, I guess. The problem is that they have a weird mealy texture. Like is there wheat starch in this?? Why is it happening?? I guess Starbursts also have that, but Square Chew isn't an existing form to me like Jelly Bean is. Hm. 

2. Red: Red is the second best starburst and also bean. It is cherry, I think?

3. Green: There is no green starburst. Too bad(?). This is green apple flavor. It tastes like a green now and later. Good for novelty, I suppose. 

4. Orange: This is like orange starburst. Very mid. 

5. Purple: Grape!? No grape starburst. Obviously. I don't like grape juice flavored flavor, which is what this is, but at least it's not licorice. 

6. Yellon: Lemon is the worst starburst and equally the worst bean.  

Soft and slightly larger than Jelly Belly, but not as big as the delicious canonical jelly beans I am always allergic to. A fun change of pace for Jelly Bean Fans like me!

Overall
Cost: 8/10 [On sale for 99 cents]
Taste: 7/10 

Pringles Smoky Mesquite BBQ

I never noticed how wild Pringles can art is. This one has baco, a kabob on a grill, and someone painting sauce on a chip. Is that how this flavor tastes? Answer: no. Like all BBQ pringles, this tastes like a bowling alley. Smokey and a little BBQy. Also, Pringlesy, much to my dismay. But I do like BBQy, so that's something. It's a tomato-heavy flavor and not very "spicy" or "vinegary". A little lime for unknown reasons. A little bit Arby's roast beef + Arby's sauce vibe (I miss you, Arby)!

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Hershey's Salted Caramel Ice Cream Flavored Candy Bar

What's new at Hershey's, I asked myself recently. More "white creme" bars (like cookies 'n creme) and less chocolate bars, it turns out. A turn for the worse, but at least it's not an IP tie in, so let's give 'em a shot. First up: caramel flavored ice cream bar (crucially, not ice cream, just bar). Some confounds: it's 8mil degrees and rat city, so I kept this in my fridge. It's not melted but that's probably not how it was meant to be stored. And this is made in Malaysia, which I haven't been to and know nothing about, so the allergy protocol is a little more Question Mark which is sure to put me off a little.

Anyway, this is cute in appearance. Little ice-cream-cone shape pieces. And it's 200 calos of essentially pure sugar with light milk, so that's what it is and it's not pretending to be otherwise. But despite containing no coconut, it tastes to me like definitely coconut. Like the inside of a mounds bar. That is not what caramel tastes like. I guess I can get the "melting ice cream" + "cone" notes if I mouth-squint, but it's not obvious if they don't tell you. Caramel sauce, sure, okay. But not a GOOD caramel sauce, more like a Hershey's caramel syrup (lol). Texture-wise there are little firm toffee pieces (more sugar I assume), which is fun-adjacent. I didn't really like this. Maybe on a colder day I will feel differently. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10