utz Mike's Hot Honey chips

Sometimes I forget utz makes chips, what with all their pretzels! Anyway, these are interesting. Mike's Hot Honey was pretty trendy for a while there, but the only time I had it was at Mod Pizza, where I did enjoy it. As a chip flavor I'm not really sold. The sweet + hot combo reminds me a little of a BBQ chip, but the honey really is present, and so is the basic salty potato chip flavor, and so is a pretty hot heat (if you eat a bunch). Those elements are all good on their own (well, maybe minus the chip), but I am not a big sweet + savory fan and this is a bit too sweet for me. It's not boring or terrible though, two common chip sins.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [4$ish]
Taste: 6/10 

On the Border Fiesta Dippin' Chips

Ah, the simple pleasures of boring foods. These are fine. Unremarkable. The taste is mid, the texture is mid (they hold up to fiesta dippin' mostly, but not always) and the allergy info is good. Did I Dip & Enjoy? To a certain extent, yes I did. May you all Dip & Enjoy this eve.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

On The Border Tortilla Rounds

Ahoy! After living on chips and sweets for a week, thank god it's the weekend so I can actually cook something (soup) and then put.... chips on it. Ha ha. I don't even like tortilla chips, but I'm a slave to the recipe, what can I say. One thing I can say is that I got this style ("rounds") instead of the nice café style I got last time because I wanted to try something different. But as is often the case, different is worse. These aren't flaky at all. No layers. Just salty, salty corn (said in Vanessa Bayer's "wet wet mud" cadence). It's fine for soup-complementing, but as a snack food, they don't interest me. Although they are perfectly standard, and firmer than Tostitos with better allergy history, so go for it if you like tortilla chips. A good oily sheen, too. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [<3$, which is good nowadays]
Taste: 6/10 

utz Classic Mini Twists

I've been doing this random-album-a-day review project (highly recommend, by the way, 10/10) and it's made me really aware of how much my mood and life influences my music ratings. At the same time, I think my food & drink ratings are not (as) susceptible to such things -- more variation comes from freshness/quality (and allergen confidence from servers, at restos). But both kinds of ratings do lend themselves to the strategy of "compare directly to the previous thing you had", and here, I am sorry to say, these mini twists are less good than the Large Thins (which are also twists, in the way that all non-rod pretzels are??). I think that if I had them in the other order, I would still find these to be worse (although I will come back and correct this if it turns out to be false). Because they are small ("mini"), the texture is more full-on bready 'zel, which I disprefer. More mealy, less fun and frivolous. Yes! Less fun, even though they're wee! A slight buttery vibe, which is weird. The color is even a little bit yellow. Maybe CC'd with the butter minis? No allergy concerns, so still a fine (fine meaning "okay", not fine meaning "foine") snack. But probably my last choice for Utz Pretzel, all else (expiry dates, price) being equal. I am happy that they're still innovating new sizes and properties for their osetensibly boring pretzel line, though!

Overall
Cost: 7/10 [2$]
Taste: 6/10 

utz Classic Thins pretzels

A good day to consume utz snacks, as Nabisco's Ritz is in the news yet AGAIN for mis-labelling PB crackers as cheese. Terrifying stuff. And that's a huge company who uses warnings; just think about all the companies you don't hear about and those that are never even noticed. Makes my extreme-in-some-eyes measures feel necessary and validated. I remember when Ritz first came out with PB crackers in the 90s (that's the 1990s for you historians and children) and I thought "well this is gonna be trouble" and I was right!!!! Sidenote: don't read any comments about this or any other allergy-related news if you have allergies yourself. It's worse than reading my evals when it comes to triggering a great depression.

Anyway, on to happier things. From hards to thins, Utz does it all. I didn't think I'd like these, because what's the gimmick? it's just regular pretzels? But maybe I had too many special darks and sourdoughs and whatever else, because these were a nice change of pace. Very light and airy, due to the bigness of the holes. Salty, easy to bite, and a little like eating nothing at all. Maybe they're just fresher than I'm used to. Or saltier. Either way, it's a good pretzel. Bless you utz!!

Overall
Cost: 8/10 [2$]
Taste: 7/10 

On the Border Café Style Chips

I should have got some sort of dip; chips are so boring and not great without dip. (I bought these to top tortilla soup, but I didn't yet make the soup!!) Anyway, they taste like tortilla chips. Big salty corn wedges; quite thin; nice opaque yellow color (but sadly, transparent white flavor (think store not restaurant)). I got these for two reasons: they were the cheapest tortilla chip, but also they're made by utz, who declare online that: 

"All our facilities are peanut and tree nut free. We advise that you check the packaging in hand as we have some items that are made by third parties and there will be a declaration noted on the packaging."

That's very good; we love utz for that. A weird thing, though, is that all the other utz's say this on the actual product ("peanut and tree nut free") and this says nothing at all except "gluten free". Presumably just as safe, but then why not say so? My best guess is that utz already has another tortilla chip line ("Tort-I-Yahs" or some nonsense) and so they're trying to make these seem like a different brand entirely, for market variety/economical reasons. It would have worked on me if I didn't have to read every label with a lawyer's eye! 

OK, after a few, I do think these are a little better than the average, mainly for textural reasons: super fine and flaky, like those deep fried egg roll wrappers (🥺). It's delicate! It's got layers! These chips are just like me!

Overall
Cost: 8/10 [2$]
Taste: 6/10 

utz sourdough specials - original

Having exhausted the extra-dark pretzel options from utz, it was time for me to try the "original" version. Well, now I know the original version is inferior. Tastes like nothing (whereas the extra dark ones taste like Pretzel). The texture of these is good -- immanently biteable -- and the size is also good; 5 makes a satisfying serving. The ingredient statement has my heart, as ever. But these pretzels are hardly special(s).

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Tortiyahs! Restaurant Style

Oh, chip. I got these not because of the frankly unappealing branding, but because I was looking for Utz brand tortilla chips in support of their nut-free copy. And behold, THESE are the Utz brand tortilla chips! Must be a recent rebranding (or I'm just really ignorant about tortilla chips, also possible). How silly. I guess for those consumers who like to try new things (haha...) the gambit might pay off.

Anyway, these taste like tortilla chips. Good size (big), nice crunch, no complaints really. Actually, one complaint: 11oz is a stupid size for a bag. Every recipe is for 6oz, 12oz, etc, and you're giving me 11oz? Horrible. Other than that, no complaints. Uncooked they're very generic; baked for nacho (mm nacho) they have a delightful fried aroma (like chinese crispy noodles) the likes of which I haven't seen before. Perfect nacho chip; normie chip chip.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [5$ish???]
Taste: 6/10

utz Sourdough Hards

I have a disease. Well, I have lots of diseases, but one of them is apparently buying stuff that is hard to chew despite hating things that are hard to chew. I have TMJ now! What am I doing! But truly, who could resist "Hards"? What branding. It's a thing of beauty. Also, these pretzels are massive, which is funny, but they're also like teeny versions of soft pretzels, which is doubly funny. A serving size is one pretzel. The taste is 'pretzel'. I would prefer the extra dark flavor profile, but I guess there's only so many pretzel variations utz can handle. As with all the utzes, these are proudly made in a nut-free facility and have no ingredients about which to fret. Many of them are broken in the bag, which is really something because they are indeed extremely hard. The reviews for these are also so wholesome and enchanting. The people love Hards! 

Something else stupid about me is that I absolutely hate that "my wets" meme about noodles etc, and I don't know why I hate that so much but I like these (and other silly nominalized adjective names). I hope it's not that I find companies loveable and people hateable, because that's backwards thinking. Maybe the first noticed wets enjoyers (SHUDDER) are just people I particularly disliked, and I've retained that info deep down. I hope so. Anyway, this has been your moment of irrational language prejudice; sleep well.

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [2.50]
Taste: 6/10

Utz Butter Waffles Pretzels

Whew, rough day. (Rough week... rough month... rough year... rough life??!) I'll spare you the non-pretzel related details, for now. I reached for these as my first food of the day, tried 2, and then had to stop eating them and then later throw out the rest of the bag due to potentially deathly cross-contamination by a family member. Luckily they weren't amazing, so it's more of a monetary loss than a deliciousness loss. I like the cute shape, but I didn't realise these were "artificially butter flavored". That butter flavor is very strong and yea very artificial. So, I wouldn't rebuy these, although if there were "plain" waffles (!) I would get those.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10
Agonies: 9/10

Utz Sourdough Specials - Extra Dark

Faced with my own inadequacies, I turn to pretzels. These are good. First of all, I used to have a tiny roommate named Kate who would play trivia with me under the name "Pretzealous". We sucked at trivia (too many sports and porn star questions) but were very good at eating the soft pretzels. These taste a bit like that, only not soft. A strong barley vibe, which at first scared me (the nuttiness, I guess) but I soon grew to enjoy. These are filling and substantial and crunchy. Great for dipping and pairing. A lot in the bag. These are better than the previous pretzel (logs?). A good discovery. Actually, I might have already discovered these 11 years ago and liked them then too, but the bag looks different now so whatever, I'll keep this one up. I hope lil Kate is doing well. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Utz Dipper Stix Pretzels

I have nothing in which to dipper these stix, but they're still solid. Nice and thick, not too firm, salty and malty but not overwhelmingly so. Plus the classic "nut free" label prose we love to see. These aren't particularly delicious, but within the genre of "plain hard pretzel", they are top tier. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

utz Honey Wheat Twists Pretzels

Can't believe I didn't review these yet! I feel like crap and my room smells, but these are still good. Tasty, filling, a lil sweet and salty but also savory, and they are explicit about being nut free! I've enjoyed these for a long time now and I'm glad they still exist.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 8/10

utz White Cheddar Popcorn

This says nut free right on there! Aww! I was a little confused by this, though, because I remember utz popcorn being orange. Is this the same one? It could very well be, but I still prefer the orange version, I think. Nevertheless solid -- you know, it tastes like cheddar popcorn does. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

utz Barbeque Chips

These are very good! Superior even to the sour cream and onion flavor. A classic chip that lives up to the childhood memories. Good stuff, nice and thin, lots of powder.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 8/10

utz Sour Cream & Onion chips

Ah, the chips of my childhood. Unlike the cheese curls, this Utz product holds up well. They're very thin, mostly taste like oily seasoning (yum), and most importantly don't taste like gross Lays-esque chips. My ideal chip is like these. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Utz Cheese Curls

WhUTZ new, fam? I like utz, and this bag even says that it's produced in a nut free facility, which I love (although am also a bit confused about why their other chips DON'T say this, uh oh). I remember liking these a lot as a kid, but I gotta say, they didn't super duper hold up. I think their chips are much better, even though I don't love chips. The texture on these is a little too soft for me, and the taste isn't great or cheesy. They got the look though!

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

utz Creamy Onion Dip

Oh, boy. I was nervous about trying this because the other utz dip I tried was really, really bad. Fortunately, this was not as gross as I feared. It was a little too "thick", but the taste was overall pleasant, just onion and dairy. It was OK for cucumbers or pierogy.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Utz Extra Dark Sourdough Pretzels

I never was a huge pretzel fan (except for honey pretzels) but I do like Utz, and surprise surprise, these really hit the spot! They have a little too much salt, but a few of these makes a great little snack. The "extra dark" toasty flavor is really good, and these are crispy and fun to eat into shapes, as you do with pretzels. Bought for a party, but I might have to start keeping these on-hand as a snack for myself!

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Utz Jalepeño & Cheddar Dip

Lord, how I regret this purchase!!!! I thought it was cheap and not too unhealthy, but what I didn't realise was that it would taste truly horrible. One bite and I threw it out. This isn't like nacho cheese dip you'd get at a movie theater. This isn't like jars of cheese sauce you find in the salsa aisle. This is like....fungus and goop in a misleading yellow guise. Do not buy. I repeat, do not buy. (Sad because I like Utz chips! alas)




Overall
Cost: 8/10
Taste: 2/10