Sour Patch Kids MVP Top Picks Mix

This isn't really a new product as much as it is a repackaging of existing product, except I've never had the cherry ones before so I got it to try those. One nice thing about the SPK life (as opposed to Haribo) is: they're way easier to bite, and the serving size is in pieces (9) instead of tablespoons (inscrutable). Lately I'm suffering from stomach issues, so maybe a bunch of sour candy is not the answer to that...but there's no milk or fat, so then again, maybe it is. Only time will tell! Anyway, here's what you get:

Cherries: these are really good. Cherry flavor with the usual sour dust. Something different! They're a little more onerous to chew because they are so big, so I'm glad it's not a full bag of them, but they're nice to break up the parade of kids. 7/10

Kids: normally I don't eat human-shaped foods, but I guess these are the (weird) exception. There is blue raspberry, orange, lime green, red that is probably cherry but tastes pretty different from the cherries cherry, yellow lemon (a highlight)... 7/10

Watermelons: Already discussed previously, these are pretty good and weirdly soft.  7/10

A pleasant assortment. The Star Mix of SPK. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10 

triscuit thin crisps - applewood barbecue

Blech. This should really be a 5, but since it didn't actively kill me I'm bumping it to a 6. I also like the box font. It's like a feminine hygiene product. What a stupid euphemism, by the way. 

I've always hated triscuits because they taste like a basket. But they are linguistically interesting (Blogger wants to autocorrect it to "biscuit"!) and they remind me of all the good times I had telling posh Euro-dudes that the only US-based cracker they like (triscuit) is bad and tastes like a basket. Ah, memories. Anyway, I'm doing real bad still, so we cherish the memories while we still have them. And also, I guess, the triscuits. These are thinner than normal so they're actually way more manageable than the OG. But the BBQ seasoning is to their detriment. It's just regular BBQ chip type seasoning, and there's nothing wrong with that in itself, but it doesn't go with basket. Smells bad. Maybe just my brain talking. (Ha ha... isn't it always.... so true). 

On the plus side, I have several students in one of my classes this semester who have disclosed some neurological issue(s) to me (unprompted!!!!). Concussions, strokes, migraines, unspecified mystery issues (!). I like to think maybe they've keyed in on a type of gaydar for brain trauma. Or maybe they just needed an easy class because their brains are exploding and heard I'd fit the bill. Either way, I aspire to be like these triscuits (kinda bad, smells not great even though not expired, always there if you need 'em, some day you'll look back and think "we had good times, didn't we?"). 

Overall
Taste: 6/10
Cost: 5/10
Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space: Yep/Yep

Sour Patch Kids Sour Hearts

This is good. The rare early on-sale Valentine's candy. Sour little black hearts! They are more sour than regular sour patch kids and have a nice flavor (indeed, it is like blue raspberry but less sweet and more sour. good.). The taste is evocative of a simpler time, like pool food or something. If I were in my human interaction era, I'd be giving these to all my lovers. As it stands I am happy to have them for myself.

Overall
Cost: 7/10 [1$]
Taste: 7/10

Oreo Space Dunk

Whew, these are quite the sensory overload! They have Popping Candy in, but the poppers are so small that I can't even localize them, which is disconcerting. Maybe in the blue creme? There's also pink cream, which tastes a lot like cake frosting (not my fav taste). The oreo cookies are the usual tasty cookies, but the popping candy part is a weird flavor -- kind of artificial? Plastic-y? No big surprise there from the looks of these! They're wild and safe and visually interesting, but turns out I don't particularly want really long-lasting pop rocks in my cookies.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Swedish Fish - blue raspberry lemonade

Ahhh. Swedish Fish are just not that good of a candy, OK? There's no flavor that can fix them. Sour Patch Kids are infinitely better. That's the situation. And I have so many of these too!! But it's OK. There are some pros:

-Nut free
-Cute fish shape (that says SWEDISH, double cute)
-Fun blue color
-The idea of a lemonade flavor is nice. A summer seasonal flavor is nice.

Alas, there are cons:

-They're so stale even though they expire months from now.
-Even apart from that, the texture is weird, oily, chewy, and chemical (although less than the red ones)
-The flavor is mainly just "sugar" "swedish fish" and "oil" -- not much lemonade comes out. Maybe a little "blue raspberry", but it's subtle.

If you already like Swedish Fish, then sure, I recommend these, but if you don't (and who could?) then these will probably not change anything for you. Alas. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 (generous tbh)

Swedish Fish

Yo, I don't know what it is -- I used to like Swedish Fish, I think! But they taste so weird to me now. Like, weird floral chemical vibes. Plus the mineral oil. I'm sorry, Sweden, your fish are bad.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 4/10

Wheat Thins - Original

The store was out of my emotional support crackers (reduced fat wheat thins), so I got these instead. IDK if I'm delusional, but I think this version tastes a little worse. However, the fat content isn't really that different, and they're still a comforting and filling snack cracker. By the time I opened these up, I was out of cheese, so I'm just eating them plain, which is tragic but honestly not that bad. A little too sweet if you stop to think about it, but the size/shape/thickness of the cracker (very small and firm!) is second to none. I should buy cheese, as they are great to dip.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Swedish Fish - mini

I never realised that the fish say "Swedish" on them, that's hilarious. Well, in any case, this bag of mini (although not that small?) fish was a little weird tasting. I remember liking Swedish Fish, so that's why I'm thinking/hoping I got a flukey bad batch. It was very chemical/plasticy tasting, along with the usual odd mineral-oil-ness that I think is typical of the Swedish Fish. The flavor past that is just "red", kind of like a hawaiian punch. I hope a future fresher bag can up the rating, but for now, this product was crap.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10

Swedish Fish Mini Tropical

Ah, glorious nut-free candy. Don't worry, I only had one bag, not a whole box. So, I like regular red Swedish Fish pretty well. These were not as good. Overall I thought they were too chemical/mineral-oil-y and just kind of weird. Not "food" enough. The flavors were similar to other tropical candies, but a little worse on average:

Pink ('Beachy Punch') - This tastes like a tropical candy all right! Grapefruit,  maybe? It is pleasant, with a good texture -- a little bit old or firm, maybe because expiration is soon. 6/10

White ('Pina Colada') - Never my favorite flavor in a mix. I do get mild coconut and mostly pineapple flavor. OK, but I don't love this flavor just as a flavor in general. 5/10

Orange ('Tropical Island') - Mango vibes? This is my least favorite one, it has a strong flavor but I don't like the flavor. 4/10

Purple ('Passion Fruit') - Ooh, this tastes like the equivalent of "blue" in other tropical candies. What is the flavor supposed to be? It tastes like flowers and plum. Or it tastes like how the garden store (plant poupourri in my region) smells, but in a good way. Like lilac?! It's softer than the other flavors too, which is weird. 6/10

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10

Oreo Thins

Let me be very clear: I'd rather have Oreo Thicks. I got this as a free sample, and my particular little packet tasted kind of "off" to me -- chemically? Like a weird flavor. But it might just be a fluke, I'll have to try more to know. Anyway, these have a thinner cookie and a thinner coating of frosting. I assume the actual contents are the same as Oreo Standard, just thinner, but it didn't taste the same, which is weird. Maybe that's down to the proportion? But if it is, I don't like it. Regular Oreos are just much better. This tasted like a weird fake-sugar cookie or something. Sorry Oreo! Allergy-wise I was scared but it looks like there are no nut-flavor Oreo thins out right now, at least, so that's comforting(ish).

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10

Double Stuf Oreos

Ore-oh yeah! Oreos are solid. Actually, they are nowhere near as good as like, a regular chocolate chip cookie, but for the processed thing that they are, they're super tasty and fun to eat and addictive. Luckily I only had a 2 pack of these Double Stufs, which is already 140calos, so yeah. Apparently the regular + double stuf oreos are on a dedicated nut-free line too, which makes me like them a bit more. Tasty and the stuf is the best part so I like it more than the regular ones. 

Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 8/10

Sour Patch Watermelon Candy

Huh. These are a nut free candy: good. But these aren't as good as regular sour patch kids. There are at least two reasons for this. One is the flavor is watermelon. OK, as advertised, they really do taste like watermelon candy. Unfortunately I like the green/yellow/orange/red/blue traditional flavors all better than watermelon. Second is the texture. These are almost like gum, taffy, something softer and squishier than the almost Swedish-fish-like biteability of the original. Maybe it's because of the shape? Maybe I had a bad/slightly old(It was) batch? Maybe it's a design feature? But it is not good. Felt like I had some slightly sour tangy watermelon bubblegum that dissolved in my mouth. OK, so not great overall. Really it just made me want some regular sour patch kids!!

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10