Canada Dry - Cherry Fruit Spash (Cherry Ginger Ale)

The fizzy drinks are escalating!! Somehow every day I gain 10-20 new obligations, so I am pounding sugar in exciting new forms so I don't pass out and die. This has no caffeine so it is truly just fizzy wet sugar. With a splash of cherry juice! Supposedly there is real ginger in this, but it definitely leans more ginger ale than ginger beer. Actually, it leans more cherry 7UP than anything (not that I've ever had cherry 7up, but it's the type of thing I'd be making in those Freestyle soda machines back in my resto days). One upshot is that even though this is 1% juice and 99% sugar, it doesn't have any artificial flavors or colors, so the redness is presumably all cherry, which is wholesome. A pleasant, very sweet, cherry flavored sodey pop. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [8-9$ for a case... which seems insane but apparently soda costs this now]
Taste: 6/10 

Raspberry Lime Polar Seltzer

This is another good seltz. Very crisp, clean taste. Bubbly, almost bitter.  The raspberry and lime are present but very subtle. Not a strong scent either (although my sniffer's a bit degraded presently). Makes me feel like I am on vacation. I don't have maladaptive daydreaming (let alone daydreaming), but I do have maladaptive consumption delusions.... maybe one more seltzer will fix me....

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [1.20$]
Taste: 7/10 

Polar Seltzer - Cranberry Clementine

Bears are cute. I wanted Polar seltzer today for unknown reasons, and was almost convinced my store didn't have it (amongst the bubly, spindrift, LC, waterloo, and store brand) until I thought to check the mixer aisle. Behold! What makes a seltzer a mixer and not a seltzer? Is it bottle v. can? Anyway, here she is in all her glory. Very carbonated, very strong scent, very mild taste. I guess I can pretend I'm pounding some vodka, which is a top interest of mine. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [1.20$]
Taste: 6/10 

La Banderita White Corn Tortillas

A non-Goya corn tortilla option has appeared at my grocery store! (Nothing against Goya as product, only Goya as politics). You wouldn't think there could be much variation in cooked small corn tortillas, but these have noticeably less structural integrity - they fall apart much more, and are thinner. I think that's actually good though, because I don't like the taste of corn tortilla that much, so it feels like you're eating less of it. Much better heated (naturally); a good vessel for cheese (naturally). (I tried adding a little of that jalepeno ranch to see if that'd be good, but it was horrible, ranch sucks). 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Gold Peak Slightly Sweet Iced Tea

No solids... only liquids... 

This tea brand makes me think of my students, because they love to call things "peak". Ah, the youth. It's owned by Coca Cola, but I thought they already had a different tea brand. Maybe they changed names. I'm too lazy to look into this right now, but the conceit of a sweetened-but-not-CRAZY-sweetened tea does appeal to me. It tastes pretty darn sweet though. But I like sweet things. It's only 33mg caff, which isn't that much, so I can drink this if I am very weary but already had a coffee. Not that that describes me or anything. It tastes like iced tea, and it is much better than plain tea (bc sugar) and the sweet tea I sometimes get from vending machines when I'm dyin (bc way less sugar). A good product. I don't really like the taste of tea that much, but this is probably one of the optimal iterations. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

2022 Ambición Merlot

These janked up wines got me taking my own pictures again. Speaking of pictures, what is going on with some of my recent ones? They suddenly look like they're melting. Is it the apocalypse? Maybe this wine fermented into 80% alc and I'm just hallucinating. That'd be nice. 

Otherwise, it's not that great. Usually I like merlots, or at least once I'm a glass in I like them, but this one was just 'meh'. It is fairly bright and jammy; strong cherry note, but it's also thin and too intense for my preference. Acidic nose too [me at EDC: some of my best friends have an acidic nose,]. The cork did say "wine is the union of cultures", and I like that. I unioned with Argentina and thought, "next". 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

Lancaster Farm Fresh Mixed Cherry Tomatoes

Me after 5 days of school: it is SO nice to have enough time to cook rice and tomato (~15 minutes). Maybe that's impacting my rating here, but these are great. Lots of colors in mine (all shades reds, orange, purple, yellow) and somewhat diverse sizes, too. No wrinkles or mold, tastes like a good little tomato, container is very full. Actually local, too. Huzzah, etc. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Hidden Valley Ranch Creamy Jalapeño Ranch

What happens when you combine the spicy tingle of hot peppers and cool creamy ranch flavor? All jalapeño breaks loose! - Hidden Valley Ranch 

Loyal readers will know I'm not a ranch fan. I've evolved from hater to not-a-fan-er, which combined with the cheeky slogan above was enough to get me trying 'er out. Supposedly this is a 4 on the 4-pepper scale of ranch heat, although I didn't know there was a ranch heat scale in the first place, so the endpoints are a bit nebulous. I had this with fries because I can't eat raw veg, and it was honestly not bad. There's a good amount of heat - I'd have given it the penultimate pepper, because I can eat it without drinking anything or feeling discomfort, but that's like, good. Crucially it is ALMOST enough heat to cover up the ranch flavor. Not quite, though - there is still ranch flavor (which is still gross, sorry). There is also a lot of MSG and its cousins, which adds to the vibe that it tastes like restaurant food. For me, someone who yearns for restaurant vibes but can't really eat at one anymore, that is a pro. But if you want something luxe and not "college town beach bar"esque, maybe look elsewhere. 

Overall
Cost: 3/10 [7$, though it's a huge bottle]
Taste: 6/10

Simply Apple Juice

Alas, can't drink wine when I really need wine the most (out of the house for 16 hours a day). This juice will have to do. Actually, I bought it for a recipe (pumpkin apple bread), and because the store was completely out of Martinelli's apple juice (which is funny because it implies to me that the undergrads were going ham on Martinelli's apple juice. Is it a mixer? Are their parents just fancy??). Anyway, we like a Simply juice, even if it's just "gently pasteurized". What do you mean by that, COCA COLA COMPANY? 

The point is, it tastes good. And it can't be too gentle because it didn't make me itchy. Very sweet, good apply flavor, way better than non-refrigerated non-Martinelli's apple juice. And it's almost the harvest season, so it feels appropriate. What's that? It's gonna be 90+ and sunny all next week? Haha... oh :(

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

2022 San Cisalto Trebbiano Puglia IGT

I know everybody makes those "it's just sparkling ___" jokes, but shoo, European wine law really is quite prescriptive. The IGTs are like, bottom-tier crap, and they still have to obey fairly strict location-based restrictions. Anyway, this is my very first trebbiano. (Probably also last, but I guess you never know.) About the varietal, Wiki tells us: "It gives good yields, but tends to yield undistinguished wine", and that is very real. I see myself similarly.

First taste, as is often the case, was unpleasant. Verrrrry acidic, thin, apple-y, plant-y. Not my favorite. But given a little time to b r e a t h e it gets sweeter, thicker, citrusier. Like a nice orangey apple juice. Doesn't keep super well, though. A real inverted-V wine experience. Pretty low alc (12%) and tannin/histamine, at least compared to the reds I imbibed in early summer. In the end I enjoyed it in accordance with its reputation. 

Upping my yield with some bonus content: here are all the synonyms of this grape. I bolded my favorites - Albano, Albana secco, Biancone, Blanc Auba, Blanc De Cadillac, Blancoun, Bobiano, Bonebeou, Branquinha, Brocanico, Bubbiano, Buriano, Buzzetto, Cadillac, Cadillate, Castelli, Castelli Romani, Castillone, Chator, Clairette D'Afrique, Clairette De Vence, Clairette Ronde, Engana Rapazes, Espadeiro branco, Falanchina, Greco, Gredelin, Hermitage White, Juni Blan, Malvasia Fina, Muscadet Aigre, Padeiro branco, Perugino, Procanico, Procanico Dell Isola D Elba, Procanico Portoferraio, Queue De Renard, Romani, Rossan De Nice, Rossetto, Rossola, Rossula, Roussan, Roussea, Rusciola, Saint Emilion, Saint Emilion Des Charentes, Santoro, Shiraz White, Spoletino, Talia, Trebbianello, Trebbiano, Trebbiano Della Fiamma, Trebbiano Di Cesena, Trebbiano Di Empoli, Trebbiano Di Lucca, Trebbiano Di Tortona, Trebbiano Fiorentino, Trebbiano Toscano, Trebbianone, Tribbiano, Tribbiano Forte, Ugni blanc, Bouan, Beau, Thalia, Trebbiano Romagnolo, Trebbiano Gallo and Trebbiano d'Abruzzo. 

Buona notte, sostenitori ₊˚⊹♡

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [7$]
Taste: 6/10

Spindrift Pink Lemonade

Every day lemonade is exactly the same... I was most excited for this one (the "pink" is cherry) but it still mostly tastes like lemon water. I don't think I could pick out cherry as being in this, even if it's supposedly more of the ingredients than lime or lemon juice is. I suppose it's a bit less tart. My conclusion about the spindriftonades is: not worth your time. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

McCormick Chili Powder

What spices are in chili powder? Glad you asked. Other than the titular pepper, there's (according to McC's website): garlic, cumin, oregano, and salt. And maybe other "spices" left to the reader's imagination. The Q&A person on their website actually did a wonderful job answering the many submitted ingredient Qs (including when someone asked if there was paprika in and they said (paraphrasing): "so. paprika is a chili pepper. and there are chili peppers in here"), thus I know there isn't mustard (yay), and also not mace, or annatto, or corn, or tomato, or gluten. I really do appreciate that they answered the Qs publicly, but like....why not just write the actual spice names on the ingredient list????? My kingdom for transparent ingredient lists. Maybe in the 2030s. 

Anyway, other than mustard, anise, and fenugreek, I'm not really allergic to any "spices", but cumin stresses me because of its past peanut-containing scandalos. So I was worried about this even though I've definitely eaten chili and its powder many times. Naturally, it didn't kill me. Had a darker flavor than spicy - despite not containing onion, it did present with some sort of oniony? garliccy? vibe. I don't know, really. Anyway, I ate this, and you can too. (unless you are allergic to pepper!) 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

Spindrift Lemon Limeade

This is bottom tier spindrift to me (even if top tier colors). I guess 2% juice isn't quite enough % juice to do the job. Or lemon/lime isn't very stimulating. Either way, this is basically: I ordered water at a restaurant and it came with a lemon wedge and I squeezed it in the water. Uninspiring and most of the time I regret doing that and wish I just had water instead. So it goes. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 
Taste: 5/10 

Primio Taglio Goat Cheese

I managed to go a pretty long time without having to resort to this fancified store-brand goat cheese, but it was the only unflavored option at my grocery this time around. Luckily, it worked out just fine. Melts easy, tastes good, didn't kill me. A little goes a long way, so I hardly ever use the whole 4oz in time. Too pricy for what it is, though. 

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [6$]
Taste: 6/10 

Birds Eye Mexican Street style Corn - Sauced

Another new frozen veg-type product! Granted, I haven't been to Mexico in a while, but I didn't expect this corn to be so Wet. There's a lot of sauce, and let's just say, it's not cotija. But I will admit that compared to yesterday's dill pickle potato, this corn is more successful in implementing its advertised flavor profile. It comes with stove and microwave cooking options, but since the front says "steams in bag" I went for the EZ microwave choice, and maybe that's why it's so soupy. Anyway, there are two types of corn in the ingredos: corn and fire-roasted corn (lol). It's true, about 1/8 of the kernels are browned, although you can't tell to taste it. There's also a good red pepper distribution; it's not too overwhelming but you definitely taste them. The sauce though. I dunno. It's not quite there. It's a parmesan/lime kinda deal, but (like the potatoes!!) I'm getting mainly a vinegar flavor, plus some wet microwave parm cheese sauce vibe. In the end you're getting a lot of corn, which I do like, and it is vaguely cheesy and vaguely limey, so the flavor profile is at least in the right ballpark. If they reduced the sauce by 50% and roasted the peppers and more of the corn, then maybe we'd be in re-buy territory. The reviews for this are very high, but I think there's some artificial inflation due to sampling programs (and I'm outta that game so -- this is THE HONEST TRUTH ABOUT YOUR FROZEN CORN!)

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3$]
Taste: 6/10 

Special Edition Green Giant Dill Pickle Seasoned Roated Potatoes

It's pickle season, boys! Usually the frozen veg section is immune to limited edition flavors and seasonals, but maybe the jolly green giant is looking to change that. As a veg-desirer, I am very open to the prospect, even if what we're starting with is dill (mid) potatoes (mid). I was so open to it that I paid full price for them, lest they be disappeared before my grocery return. Was it worth it? I mean, no. But that's no surprise. Unfortunately they were worse than even I anticipated - pretty dry, smelling a little like a bad chain restaurant (plasticy vinegary vinyl booth seat vibes), and not really even that pickle flavored (more like citric acid/vinegar/salt flavored). Good texture though, and they look pretty.

It also should be noted for the stats fiends that these have a ton of salt (1.4k mg), but a decent amount of fiber (6g).  

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [4$]
Taste: 5/10

Spindrift Strawberry Lemonade

I'm rebelling against August Pumpkin Time by getting a case of Spindrift Lemonades. They are extremely similar to the non-lemonade spindrifts, but that's OK because I mostly like them all. This one has lemon, lime, and strawberry. The overwhelming flavor is strawberry (and lemon water, but that's just, like, all of them). It is good but not great. Something to imbibe. And I recently learned that all their products are pasteurized, so any OAS fears should be allayed. I am staring down the barrel of the semester and feeling sweaty. But at least I will be staying hydrated!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Like Air Drizzled Rice Cakes - Cinnamon Bun

More cinnamon! More rice cake! Gotta get these reviews out while I still have time, after all. So, despite being a different flavor, this is really similar to the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough flavor. Same overall buttery/sugary rice cake base. But there's a weird flavor note present in these that I didn't notice in the other ones - like a staple, or a cardboard box. Unpleasant. One other (positive) difference is the drizzle on these is some sort of cream cheese frosting deal instead of choco, and it tastes good and goes with cinnamon. There is also less of it, and it's more transparent, so the meltiness of it is less perturbing. I don't think the frosting is the source of the weird flavor. But then I don't know what is. Too bad. Maybe a bad batch?

One other random complaint: the front of the bag advertises that it is "80 calories for 24 pieces", but a serving is 34 pieces (=120calories). Just change your serving size, you freaks. God, I hate that kind of calorie-counter-pleasing ad copy.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Cinnamon Pebbles

Sadly, eating these just made me want fruity pebbles (or even cocoa pebbles). Maybe it's because I eat cinnamon oatmeal for brekkie every day, but this was very generic in taste. The pebbles are a pretty unique cereal form factor - even though they're basically concave maltless rice krispie - but cinnamon is just so overdone. It was fine and all, but not worth your time (and not as good as cinnamon toast crunch, I think). 

Still I almost want to defend it because of this absurd review (which serves to legitimize the insane proteinifcation (via legume) of all my favorite brands):

You are eating a children's novelty cereal, sir!! What is wrong with you! Go eat some spam and eggs! (Also, fact check: it's actually 12g sugar, which isn't health food but is like, pretty standard cereal sugar content.)

Anyway, Post doesn't innovate much, so good for them, and the box art is good. Maybe they'll get 'em next time.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Jelly Belly - Fall Fireside Collection

Believe it or not, I really am trying to cool it with the jelly (belly jelly) beans.  They no longer have "peanut free" on their products and they're clearly transitioning away from caring about allergies, therefore I don't want to support them with my extensive candy budget (and also, am a little scared). But it takes me a really long time to transition away from things, OK? In the meantime, we can celebrate this hot hot fall day with the new "fireside" collection. Ooh, aah. It's a pretty good mix of flavors for me:

Cappuccino: My true love, coffee. Not really a fall drink, but who cares, eh? Some of them have a bologna aftertaste, however. 7 

Sizzling Cinnamon: Very good. Is there cinnamon coffee? If there were, I daresay it also isn't fall-coded (unless paired with pumpkin, which thank god they didn't). 8 

Toasted Marshmallow: It tastes like marshmallow. Again, feels more winter than fall, but maybe this was meant for those buyers in the frozen north. 7 

Red Apple: It tastes like red apple. Good job, this is actually a fall flavor! 6

Buttered Popcorn: You know it, you hate it... there's gotta be one dud to make the others better. Popcorn is also not fall themed. Jelly Belly, you dorks. 5 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3$]
Taste: 7/10