La Banderita Burrito Grande Flour Tortillas

Once again, these were an option instead of Goya, and they had a better expiry and better not-Goyaness, so I got 'em. They truly are big, both in size (takes up a full large plate) and calos (220). Originally I got this for an enchilada bake, and when soaking up sauce+cheese, it was good. But eating the leftovers now as burritos/tortillas/wraps, they taste like those Mission tortillas I got in the mail during peak covid that were about to expire. They have a particular "preserved flour" metallic board-like taste that I have grown to dislike. Maybe I just need more sauces (or cheeses) in my life. Also, the ziploc on this didn't work, so I had to use a whole other (huge) bag to store them. But also also, there's a cute cow on the back. Good in recipes (7), medium-bad as wrap (4). Know your plans I guess.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

Haribo Balla Bites

Sour Balla Bites did imply the existence of [∅] Balla Bites, and lo, here they are. Tragically, they are much, much worse than the sour version. And not even the flavor, but like, the texture, which I think is actually quite different? It feels like clay or play-doh. The inside is fun, but the outside is like chewy wax? Or plastic? Weirdly there's no sorbitol in the ingredos (unlike the sour version), so maybe sorbitol is... good actually? So confusing. If you ever wondered what swallowing gum is like, I imagine it's a lot like eating this (both the texture and honestly kind of the taste, too). 
However, if I'd had these before the sour version I'd probably rate them a bit higher because they're still candy and all, it's just way less good, so I reject them out of hand.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

Like Air Puffcorn - Pumpkin Spice

One thing these trendy allergy-free popup snack companies are sure to do is make way too many seasonal/limited edition flavors in their first few years. This is a total waste of resources and overwhelms the consumer! No wonder they all shut down soon after!! Stick to 1-2 per year like Haribo... fools..

Anyway, I do like a seasonal flavor. Hehe. This one is your typical pumpkin spice spice (though strong on the "spice" (nutmeg - allpice - clove) and light on the cinna-sugar), and the puffcorn is the same base as ever. The problem is, the base is savory by nature (although there's no onion or cheese this time, it still "evokes" those cheese puff vibes to me), and pumpkin spice (which does have some brown sugar in it) is sweet by nature. I think this is supposed to be a sweet snack, but it isn't quite sweet enough to get there. It's kind of like those spiced tumeric chai teas I got a while back. I can see how someone might enjoy this, and the base and seasoning are both pretty tasty on their own, but the combo disconcerts me as a sweet+savory combo hater. Anyway, it is nut free (actually, everything free) so I like it but I would not get this flavor again. I hope they defy the odds and keep pushing out nut free snacks! Go team! 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

North Coast Organic Cinnamon Applesauce

I recently realised that apples in applesauce are cooked, which meant I could eat them! So I got this in my veg box, but it's kind of dumb because the form factor is: tiny pouch you have to suckle. I hate this. It makes me feel like a baby, or a vaper, or both. However, they are Top 9 free and taste good. The texture is a little too "paste" for my preference, but I guess that's necessary if you're going to slorp it through a tiny tiny tube nub thing. Actually, these are hands free, so would be great to take to school, but for some reason I just had this in my house sitting in a chair like I was eating a meal. Mistakes were made. The taste is applesauce.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [4.30$ for 4]
Taste: 6/10 

Haribo Balla Bites Sour

Truly, Haribo stays innovating. These were quite good! There are four different flavors (each of which contains 3 different flavors), and they are actually different, but not particularly identifiable. They're too small to isolate the components of, I think. They all do taste good though. The sorbitol in the ingredos made me nervous, but I didn't suffer any ill effects! Not too sour, but a little bit sour and a little bit sweet. Very easy to eat a lot of. A soft and unique texture. They're called Pico-Balla in the EU, but I still don't know what Balla means. Maybe they made it up.

Apple outside: This is my favorite one, I think. I do get a lemon vibe. 7

Strawberry outside: I do get strawberry? And orange? 6

Orange outside: This has the best insides (along with apple, which has the same insides, as there are only 2 combos of 2 insides). The sour part is the best part still, but it's all good. 7

Lemon outside: Yes, there is lemon! Better than the strawberry one, because more neutral, I think. 6

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10 

Starburst Fruit Creme

Sharing size? Be so for real, Starburst fruit creme. I ate these in approx 3 days during A Great Sadness. But I probably would eat them during a great happiness too, because they are pretty good. Better than regular, I think, because they're a bit muted. Like a Red Symphony Bar to normie Hershey's bar. The flavors are:

Peach: Yes, it does taste like peach. Turns out, not my favorite flavor. 6.

Strawberry: Yes, it does taste like (a creamified) strawberry. It's good, although maybe a bit less than the normal pink one. 7.

Grapefruit: Now this is a rare candy flavor! I like it, it's really fun. I like and miss grapefruits. This is accurate, citrusy and nice. 8.

Orange: This is boring, but better than normie orange because less sharp. Creamified indeed. 7.

I wish there were creme yellow (what's yellow, lemon?) and red (cherry?) instead of peach. But maybe next year. Always room to grow, in life and in Starburst.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Like Air Puffcorn - White Cheddar

Woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown: They're saying it's good for school lunches!!! 

This stuff is fine. Same company as those weird dessert puffed rices, but these are puffed corn, which is a much more canonical puff. Essentially this flavor (white cheddar) is simply pirate's booty, right down the random onion powder (whyyyy on a cheddar flavor) and yeast extract (obvi). The upside is, Pirate's Booty has gotten more and more evasive with their allergy info (esp regarding nuts), and this company is proudly nut free right on the front (for now). (Also gluten free! Two worlds collide... briefly!)

Maybe because of the onion, this tastes a little like a square school lunch pizza. One fun aspect is that the puffs aren't any particular shape, like sphere, but rather weird goobly octopus-shaped blobs. The packaging makes it seem like they're aiming to be popcorn shaped, but haha, they definitely aren't. Anyway, fun shape and size. Medium fine taste. Good allergy info. All in all I'm pleased with the experience (although I wish my store had Big Bag and not single serve tinybag, for earth and also My Deep Hunger).

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Giant Brand Tri-Color Rotini

As brands go, Giant Brand has always been dependable with allergy info - they're good users of the "may contain" statement (i.e. this one may contain egg). I don't know their legume situation, but in this case perhaps ignorance is bliss. Anyway, these noodles were weirdly skinny for rotini - am I crazy or do I just buy weirdly thick rotini? Not sure. The taste was fine, anyway, nothing special. 

Overall
Cost: ??/10
Taste: 5/10 

Nature's Promise Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil

I'm always fascinated by the products at my parents' house. They never bought this stuff when I was a kid! What's happening?? In 20 years, will I be so different? Will I stop mainlining Dunkin and start being a Peet's fan?! I doubt it, but check back in 2046 to find out (if blog still exists... woe).

Used this on my pasta + broc, as one does, and I didn't like it as much as my normie FB olive oil. Is that because it's (organic) EVOO and not just OO? Probably, actually. But it had a very strong flavor. I don't want a strong flavor! I want the most neutral fatty liquid possible. Shoulda gone for butter, maybe. But I wasn't allergic, so it was fine. I think is the Giant store brand, but the organic one. Isn't it weird that store brands have bifurcated in this way? Yes. OK... bye!

Overall
Cost: ??/10
Taste: 5/10 

Orange La Croix

I thought I had already tried this one, but no, that was tangerine! My parents clearly have a type. Like the tandʒo, this was pretty good. Like an orange seltzer ought to taste like. Not too artificial/candy vibe; refreshing. Made me miss the ocean.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Carolina Whole Grain Brown Rice

Hey, a solid!! Stomachs everywhere rejoice. 

So, I usually buy "Ben's Original" for brown rice, but as is often the case with things I want, my store seems to no longer carry it. Instead they have only "CAROLINA" rice (n.b. neither grown or packaged in Carolina). Never heard of it, but it contains the single ingredient "rice" so seems OK as allergens go. Some people online even say this is their go-to rice brand! Well, I guess those people are looking for something different than me, because I used this in a soup and cooked it like 2x the normal time (i.e. over an hour) and the hull was still extremely.... hully. Very digestion-intensive rice. I guess if you want a quinoa/bulgur/ancient grain vibe, this could be good, especially since I can't usually eat that kind of stuff... but idk. I like a simple carb I guess. Still, it worked OK for soup, 'cause there's a lot of liquid surrounding it. Filling stuff. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10

Canada Dry - Cherry Fruit Spash (Cherry Ginger Ale)

The fizzy drinks are escalating!! Somehow every day I gain 10-20 new obligations, so I am pounding sugar in exciting new forms so I don't pass out and die. This has no caffeine so it is truly just fizzy wet sugar. With a splash of cherry juice! Supposedly there is real ginger in this, but it definitely leans more ginger ale than ginger beer. Actually, it leans more cherry 7UP than anything (not that I've ever had cherry 7up, but it's the type of thing I'd be making in those Freestyle soda machines back in my resto days). One upshot is that even though this is 1% juice and 99% sugar, it doesn't have any artificial flavors or colors, so the redness is presumably all cherry, which is wholesome. A pleasant, very sweet, cherry flavored sodey pop. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [8-9$ for a case... which seems insane but apparently soda costs this now]
Taste: 6/10 

Raspberry Lime Polar Seltzer

This is another good seltz. Very crisp, clean taste. Bubbly, almost bitter.  The raspberry and lime are present but very subtle. Not a strong scent either (although my sniffer's a bit degraded presently). Makes me feel like I am on vacation. I don't have maladaptive daydreaming (let alone daydreaming), but I do have maladaptive consumption delusions.... maybe one more seltzer will fix me....

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [1.20$]
Taste: 7/10 

Polar Seltzer - Cranberry Clementine

Bears are cute. I wanted Polar seltzer today for unknown reasons, and was almost convinced my store didn't have it (amongst the bubly, spindrift, LC, waterloo, and store brand) until I thought to check the mixer aisle. Behold! What makes a seltzer a mixer and not a seltzer? Is it bottle v. can? Anyway, here she is in all her glory. Very carbonated, very strong scent, very mild taste. I guess I can pretend I'm pounding some vodka, which is a top interest of mine. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [1.20$]
Taste: 6/10 

La Banderita White Corn Tortillas

A non-Goya corn tortilla option has appeared at my grocery store! (Nothing against Goya as product, only Goya as politics). You wouldn't think there could be much variation in cooked small corn tortillas, but these have noticeably less structural integrity - they fall apart much more, and are thinner. I think that's actually good though, because I don't like the taste of corn tortilla that much, so it feels like you're eating less of it. Much better heated (naturally); a good vessel for cheese (naturally). (I tried adding a little of that jalepeno ranch to see if that'd be good, but it was horrible, ranch sucks). 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Gold Peak Slightly Sweet Iced Tea

No solids... only liquids... 

This tea brand makes me think of my students, because they love to call things "peak". Ah, the youth. It's owned by Coca Cola, but I thought they already had a different tea brand. Maybe they changed names. I'm too lazy to look into this right now, but the conceit of a sweetened-but-not-CRAZY-sweetened tea does appeal to me. It tastes pretty darn sweet though. But I like sweet things. It's only 33mg caff, which isn't that much, so I can drink this if I am very weary but already had a coffee. Not that that describes me or anything. It tastes like iced tea, and it is much better than plain tea (bc sugar) and the sweet tea I sometimes get from vending machines when I'm dyin (bc way less sugar). A good product. I don't really like the taste of tea that much, but this is probably one of the optimal iterations. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

2022 Ambición Merlot

These janked up wines got me taking my own pictures again. Speaking of pictures, what is going on with some of my recent ones? They suddenly look like they're melting. Is it the apocalypse? Maybe this wine fermented into 80% alc and I'm just hallucinating. That'd be nice. 

Otherwise, it's not that great. Usually I like merlots, or at least once I'm a glass in I like them, but this one was just 'meh'. It is fairly bright and jammy; strong cherry note, but it's also thin and too intense for my preference. Acidic nose too [me at EDC: some of my best friends have an acidic nose,]. The cork did say "wine is the union of cultures", and I like that. I unioned with Argentina and thought, "next". 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10 

Lancaster Farm Fresh Mixed Cherry Tomatoes

Me after 5 days of school: it is SO nice to have enough time to cook rice and tomato (~15 minutes). Maybe that's impacting my rating here, but these are great. Lots of colors in mine (all shades reds, orange, purple, yellow) and somewhat diverse sizes, too. No wrinkles or mold, tastes like a good little tomato, container is very full. Actually local, too. Huzzah, etc. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Hidden Valley Ranch Creamy Jalapeño Ranch

What happens when you combine the spicy tingle of hot peppers and cool creamy ranch flavor? All jalapeño breaks loose! - Hidden Valley Ranch 

Loyal readers will know I'm not a ranch fan. I've evolved from hater to not-a-fan-er, which combined with the cheeky slogan above was enough to get me trying 'er out. Supposedly this is a 4 on the 4-pepper scale of ranch heat, although I didn't know there was a ranch heat scale in the first place, so the endpoints are a bit nebulous. I had this with fries because I can't eat raw veg, and it was honestly not bad. There's a good amount of heat - I'd have given it the penultimate pepper, because I can eat it without drinking anything or feeling discomfort, but that's like, good. Crucially it is ALMOST enough heat to cover up the ranch flavor. Not quite, though - there is still ranch flavor (which is still gross, sorry). There is also a lot of MSG and its cousins, which adds to the vibe that it tastes like restaurant food. For me, someone who yearns for restaurant vibes but can't really eat at one anymore, that is a pro. But if you want something luxe and not "college town beach bar"esque, maybe look elsewhere. 

Overall
Cost: 3/10 [7$, though it's a huge bottle]
Taste: 6/10

Simply Apple Juice

Alas, can't drink wine when I really need wine the most (out of the house for 16 hours a day). This juice will have to do. Actually, I bought it for a recipe (pumpkin apple bread), and because the store was completely out of Martinelli's apple juice (which is funny because it implies to me that the undergrads were going ham on Martinelli's apple juice. Is it a mixer? Are their parents just fancy??). Anyway, we like a Simply juice, even if it's just "gently pasteurized". What do you mean by that, COCA COLA COMPANY? 

The point is, it tastes good. And it can't be too gentle because it didn't make me itchy. Very sweet, good apply flavor, way better than non-refrigerated non-Martinelli's apple juice. And it's almost the harvest season, so it feels appropriate. What's that? It's gonna be 90+ and sunny all next week? Haha... oh :(

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10