utz Classic Thins pretzels

A good day to consume utz snacks, as Nabisco's Ritz is in the news yet AGAIN for mis-labelling PB crackers as cheese. Terrifying stuff. And that's a huge company who uses warnings; just think about all the companies you don't hear about and those that are never even noticed. Makes my extreme-in-some-eyes measures feel necessary and validated. I remember when Ritz first came out with PB crackers in the 90s (that's the 1990s for you historians and children) and I thought "well this is gonna be trouble" and I was right!!!! Sidenote: don't read any comments about this or any other allergy-related news if you have allergies yourself. It's worse than reading my evals when it comes to triggering a great depression.

Anyway, on to happier things. From hards to thins, Utz does it all. I didn't think I'd like these, because what's the gimmick? it's just regular pretzels? But maybe I had too many special darks and sourdoughs and whatever else, because these were a nice change of pace. Very light and airy, due to the bigness of the holes. Salty, easy to bite, and a little like eating nothing at all. Maybe they're just fresher than I'm used to. Or saltier. Either way, it's a good pretzel. Bless you utz!!

Overall
Cost: 8/10 [2$]
Taste: 7/10 

Hidden Valley Ranch Cheez-Its

From a non-horrible pickle flavor to a non-horrible ranch flavor! What a world, eh? Maybe I'm just relieved they aren't a weird smokey flavor for once in my cheez-it life. These don't really scream "ranch", to be fair, more like "regular cheez it with some chicken-in-a-biscuit (umami) vibes". Not a super strong flavor, either, which is good since I'm on the fence about it. An appropriate snack for those "I really needed to mow today but it started raining before I got to it so now I'm inside eating cheez-its" evenings. Put that on your Spotify playlist. Alas and/or hooray. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

On the Border Café Style Chips

I should have got some sort of dip; chips are so boring and not great without dip. (I bought these to top tortilla soup, but I didn't yet make the soup!!) Anyway, they taste like tortilla chips. Big salty corn wedges; quite thin; nice opaque yellow color (but sadly, transparent white flavor (think store not restaurant)). I got these for two reasons: they were the cheapest tortilla chip, but also they're made by utz, who declare online that: 

"All our facilities are peanut and tree nut free. We advise that you check the packaging in hand as we have some items that are made by third parties and there will be a declaration noted on the packaging."

That's very good; we love utz for that. A weird thing, though, is that all the other utz's say this on the actual product ("peanut and tree nut free") and this says nothing at all except "gluten free". Presumably just as safe, but then why not say so? My best guess is that utz already has another tortilla chip line ("Tort-I-Yahs" or some nonsense) and so they're trying to make these seem like a different brand entirely, for market variety/economical reasons. It would have worked on me if I didn't have to read every label with a lawyer's eye! 

OK, after a few, I do think these are a little better than the average, mainly for textural reasons: super fine and flaky, like those deep fried egg roll wrappers (🥺). It's delicate! It's got layers! These chips are just like me!

Overall
Cost: 8/10 [2$]
Taste: 6/10 

Goldfish - Spicy Dill Pickle

Pickle is a flavor that's been quite popular in snacks these last few years, and as someone who doesn't like pickles, it's been rough. Usually the pickle snacks are "tangy pickle", though, which means they lean heavy on the sour. This is instead "spicy pickle", which it turns out is a lot more palatable. There's a strong dill flavor, which I don't mind too much (although it is almost soapy for me; I wonder if that's how cilantro is for people?) as well as a good little heat from chili pepper. Also your typical salty goldfish base. I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed the experience! Good work, gold fish. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10 

Kellogg's Frosted Mini Wheats - Cococa

Aww, look at the little mini wheat. He just wants his family to be eaten!! These were on sale for 2 dollars, so I am happy to oblige. I am pretty sure mini wheats used to be like 2.5x as big, which isn't mini at all, so it was probably a good change. These have the classic mini-wheat texture, but unfortunately the cocoa mush inside looks like straight dirt, and that's being charitable. I understand why this flavor exists, since cocoa and cereal go together like holidays and my neighbors setting off fireworks in full daylight, but it isn't very good. Honestly, it's not bad because it's not a strong flavor, and not very sweet either, or even artificial, but kind of like hot cocoa powder (bitter, dry) which isn't my favorite. And I just realised that they probably mean cocoa cocoa and not chocolate cocoa, so it's actually pretty accurate. But that's not what I want to eat. The milk residue is nothing special either, but I've never been into milk, so your mileage may vary. 

Overall
Cost: 8/10 [2$]
Taste: 6/10 

San Pellegrino Ciao! Blood Orange

Ciao! Now we're getting somewhere. As promised, I got after another flavor, and this is a much better one than the cherry. It smells like sweet, sweet candy. It tastes like orangina! Or like some good quality orange juice, watered down and fizzed up (which I guess is exactly what it is). Still a bit fear-and-itch-inducing, but I drank all the cherry ones with no major ill effects, so it's probably just a touch of the old psychosomatism. They made a good move with this line. I'll hit up the lime ones next week if all goes well! Ciao!

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [1$ per can]
Taste: 6/10 

McCormick Black Peppercorn Grinder

Peppercorn is a cute name. So I finally finished off my preground black pepper (with the correct number of holes), and am happy to move on to this grind-it-yourself version. Very fresh pepper taste, and fun too. The reviews of this one are still somewhat bad, mainly regarding the ease of opening, controlling the grind fineness (I just leave things as the default so I can't speak to this), and recycling the inner grinder. Very niche concerns, which means I guess they got the hole size right here. Jolly good.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10