Nordic Naturals CoQ10 Gummies

God, there's a whole world of supplements out there! So many people have told me their lives are everchanged by iron pills or vitamin D shots or whatever, so I guess it's possible something like that could happen to me, although it feels unlikely. Then again, what do I know? I'd never ever heard of CoQ10 ("Coenzyme Q10") before this month, because it doesn't have a daily value and so it isn't on food packaging, and also my last biology class was in... middle school. But apparently this helps with calming down bb's sensitive brain (I am bb). And it's in meat, nuts, and fish, which means it isn't crazy to think I'd have a low level of it. So, the search for an allergy-friendly source was on. Sadly my already vetted Bluebonnet did not have a suitable form, so I had to look elsewhere, and this was the most legit company I could find. (Nature's Bounty and Nature's Own are both unwilling to declare themselves nut-free, and they seem to be the biggest in the supp game.) Even though they make a lot of fish oil stuff, I was able to contact someone there who assured me there's no nut/fish/legume in these bad boys. So, that's one hurdle down. 

But they are bad, boys. These are very soft gummies, as if someone tried to make a good candy but did a bad job with the formulation and it melted and has a weird strawberry taste and maybe sugar on the outside??? And it says to take with food?? Good thing I don't enjoy Food anymore because this would render any adjacent meal pretty unpalatable, like strawberry flavored kids toothpaste. 

That said, I'm not taking these for taste, and they didn't kill me, so that's half the battle. The other half is: will they actually do anything?! It's too soon to tell, but I don't have any new foods to review, so you're getting this word vomit instead. If I am magically healed I will be sure to check back! :)

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [Like 24$, dang]
Taste: 5/10
Efficacy: ???/10

Langers 100% All Cranberry Juice

For those days when you can't have coffee, tea, hot choco, seltzer, or alcohol, there's always 100% Cranberry Juice! I remember in my peak covid era feeling a similar way, so at least my past woes are paying present dividends. Sometimes it is nice to drink something other than water, but also something that's not Forbidden. I'd never heard of Langers, but this is indeed 100% cranberry juice, no sugar added, the same exact stats as the Ocean Spray version. At first sip I thought "yo this is bitter and terrible, I feel my teeth dissolving as we speak", but like all the great drinks (see sentence 1 for list of great drinks), it gets better the more you have. Still not quite as tasty as ocean spray, but maybe a blind taste test would reveal that's just my prejudice talking. If things get truly dire, I'll propagate this blog with such riveting content as cranberry juice taste tests!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Bluebonnet Earth Sweet Chewables - Calcium Magnesium & Vitamin D3

Are supplements food? No, they are not. Do they have any consistent allergy labeling at all? No, they do not!! So for these reasons (plus my inherent skepticism), the only supplement I'd ever taken til recently is your classic childhood Flintstones Vitamins. Plus, my dietary labs have always been fine (thanks, Toaster Strudel). But now I've reached the "I will try literally anything" level of medical misery, so it's all aboard the supplement train. Luckily this company has very transparent labelling, and they were quick to respond to my queries about legumes (no legumes). Unluckily there is citric acid & raspberry in here, which I am supposed to avoid for dubious brain diet reasons, but it's got to be a pretty small amount, right? 

A serving is 2 Tums-size tablets. The taste is "tums" and the texture is "tums". Are these just tums? They aren't a joy to eat or anything, but they aren't objectionable. The real question is: do they do anything? In my case, the answer is no, but I didn't have any direct evidence that I was deficient in any of these substances to begin with. Plus it's only been about 3 weeks since I started. I will probably finish the bottle and then not buy another bottle, but I would not have a problem with resuming the Tums life if somebody said I should.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 (20$ish)
Taste: 5/10
Efficacy: 1/10

Blueberry Toaster Strudel

I'm glad I got to try these before embarking on my restrictive new "brain calming diet"! These hard-to-find blueberry strudels are superior to all the red-filled strudels, and possibly even to the apple strudels. King of Strudels! The filling also was much colder than in other flavors, even with the same 2 toaster cycles as always, but maybe my freezer is colder or some other wacky variable. In a way, I am now motivated to stay alive so I have a chance at healing and eating these again. At the same time, let's be honest, the toaster strudel ceiling is not quite that high, so maybe those are some desire-for-what-once-was goggles talking.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Rolls Cereal

Here we have cinnamon toast crunch in circular disc form, with small dark spirals on top. The whole disc tastes the same, which is very unlike a cinnamon roll in actuality. It is also crunchy, which we hope is unlike a cinnamon roll in actuality. But the taste is not quite "cinnamon toast crunch", it's a little less cinnamon sugar and a little more "roll flavor", whatever that is. This is to its detriment. It is a fine sugary cereal but on the low tier for sugary cereals.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Fancypants Chocolate Chip Cookies

Cookies! Chocolate chip cookies! One of my pile o' doctors has recently suggested that I abstain from chocolate, caffeine, cheese, and alc (otherwise known as my "CORE FOUR"), which is much more disruptive of a task than it has any right to be. But it makes my memory of these cookies all the sweeter! O cookies! How I yearn for you! 

Like the oatmeal raisin ones, these are small, cronchy, and very buttery. Unlike the oatmeal raisin ones, those are sensible notes for a chocolate chip cookie, so it was good. Was it as good as a fresh homemade chewy cookie? Of course not. But was it better than any other bagged chocolate chip cookie? Might just be. Will I ever eat a cookie again? Almost definitely. Should I switch to reviewing medicines instead of food? Probably not, but stay tuned!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 8/10

TGI Friday's Mozzarella Sticks (frozen)

After telling my family about the 10 year anniversary of the TGI Friday's Endless Mozzarella Stick article, which I emotionally connected to, I saw these and thought "why not?". Why not, indeed. I now know that I would have many of the same feelings that article writer did, such as "Why didn't I pick something else?" and "I need to vom". These come with a packet of marinara sauce which tastes very similar to the lunchables pizza sauce -- kind of sweet. Although I like to dip things in sauces, I think these are better on their own. The sticks themselves are very weird: flat, the cheese doesn't stretch, and it's more like a chicken nugget in consistency. Perhaps tastes like a mozzarella stick flavored product, but isn't a mozzarella stick (i.e. there's no tasty stringy oily cheese in there). This is not a food I anticipate any future yearnings for. It also comes in a weird amount (7) considering the serving size (3). Let's just say it took me longer than one business day to finish the box. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10