two-bite filled red velvet cupcakes

Early Happy Valentine's to me! (and you, I suppose). Time to celebrate with these Canadian nut-free cupcakes. Sadly they are one of the most toxic edibles around in terms of the ingredos (artificial, red 40, intense fat/sugar content), but may I repeat: nut-free cupcakes. I wasn't sure what "filled" would mean, but it turns out there is a little blop of frosting on the inside, like a Twinkie! (or ho-ho? whatever the chocolate twinkie equivalent is, IDK, that segment of the market is closed to me). Honestly the taste is kinda overwhelming/weird/not great?? Two-bites is too few to really figure out the components. Let's try to break it down:

Top frosting: supposedly cream cheese frosting, but tastes exactly like the extremely sweet vanilla frosting they always have on these things (or on a store bought cake, etc). Very very sweet, too sweet, but OK in tiny amounts. There is also red sugary sprinkle stuff on top, which is cute and I think just powdered sugar. Ah, there is the tiniest tangy note at the end, so it really is cream cheese flavored, but it's like, the vitamin water of cream cheese flavor. I would think there was something slightly expired about it if I didn't know it was cream cheese. 

Cakey bit: Yes, it is red velvet color (dark red), and very moist. Also very sweet. Basically chocolate flavor, but slightly black forest-y. But also was too sweet. Might be okay on its own though.

Inner frosting pocket: I think it's just the same as the top frosting but it's honestly impossible to tell. Too soft/small of a cakey to be sure. Like trying to taste fig newton filling without the outside bit (impossible).

My general assessment is just: these are way too sweet!!! If you crushed up one of these and blended it into unsweetened frozen yogurt or something, it'd still make a crazy sweet dessert. (Would like to try that though. I miss froyo. sniffle.) And I like very sweet things, a lot!!  But somehow the attempt at complexity in flavor & design makes the sugar content more egregious, I guess. Still I do like that they're making different flavors and stuff. The more nut-free desserts the better, it's just, I wish they were better. Ah well. Keep at it, Canada! And send us your nut-free Mars bars while you're at it!! 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [5.50$ish?]
Taste: 6/10 

McCormick Rubbed Sage

I like my sage like I like my elbows... rubbed. This is an odd duck. Of course there was no reasonable fresh sage at the store, so I resorted to the dried version, of which you can get ground or rubbed. No leaf. Why no leaf? They have other herb leaf (dried). Mysterious. I guess the rubbing releases the flavors.  I used about one tsp of this in my good ol' pumpkin pasta, and it was as if I used nothing at all. Needs more rubbing! No allergy or freshness complaints, though. Smells like sage. Sage is a medium good herb. All is well.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [8$ish, but a BTGOF sale also]
Taste: 6/10 

Boursin Basil & Chive

After so many mid-to-good recipes with the very-meh-on-its-own boursin garlic & herbs, I finally decided to try a different boursin (in more stuffed mushrooms #inmymushroomera)! But even though basil and garlic are very different tastes outside of a boursin blop, in boursin these flavors were near indistinguishable. The "cheese" (such as it is) is just very overpowering. I don't like it that much, but it's in so many of my brain-diet recipes that I may as well alternate between the boursin flavors until I develop a discerning enough palate to prefer one. Actually, this one is slightly better to me -- slightly more herb flavor, slightly brighter -- but that might just be the novelty of it. As of now this is my mild favorite between the two. Bore-sin!

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [7$!!!!]
Taste: 6/10 

Pepperidge Farm Chessmen - Cinnamon Sugar

It's raining (chess)men! Hallelujah? I wouldn't go that far. These are striking in appearance, a very bright orange buttery top not represented by the packaging. The taste is identical to my grandma's cinnamon log cookies (something like these, I think), which were always my least favorite holiday cookie (but still delicious). More dense and gritty cookie than a shortbread (or than the other chessmen), so at least it's unique. I guess that's down to cinnamon+molasses, plus less butter/shortening(?). It's less delicious than the other chessmen, because butter > cinnamon, but if you like a cinnamon dessert, this is a great iteration of it. Plus there is still a nice buttery undertone, and a mild cronchiness. Less good than the OGs, though, for me. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Guittard Choc-Au-Lait Baking Chips

Choc-au-lait is a silly name, played very seriously here. Two thumbs up. Yes, I really went deep into my baking chocolate stores when I was snowed in, and now they're fully depleted. But I actually did bake with these (in addition to eating some as a wee snack, of course)! They taste a lot like the outside of a Hug, which isn't the greatest tasting white chocolate (maybe there really is no great tasting white chocolate and my childhood memories aren't to be trusted?) but did grow on me. Most importantly, these are white chocolate chips that are safe! (Allergy-wise and brain diet wise, if we still cared about that last thing). They're a small size, like a normal chocolate chip (serving size=30), which is notable because the Guittard milk choco chips are like twice as big as these (serving size=12). The small size is less fun but probably better for melting, baking, etc. Overall I am not blown away with delight, but these are the only nut-free white chocolate chips I know of, so they are very important nevertheless.

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [~15$]
Taste: 7/10
Market importance: 10/10 

Pepperidge Farm Salted Caramel Chessmen

Breaking news: I've finally left my house. Just in time for these New Cookies! There's also a new pecan flavor (which contains soy protein and "pecan distillate"), but this flavor seems to be safe from both of those evils. Honestly their allergy labelling is not so hot, but, I've been eating their cookies for so long that I'm like "surely it's fine". Plus they taste good. 

Well, I don't know that there was anything wrong with regular ol' chessmen (chesspeople), but these do indeed add an additional level of salty, buttery caramel coating. Both as a top glaze and as little speckles in the cookie itself. It's good, and increases the textural diversity (the caramel speckle parts are extra cronchy), but it's really not too different from the original flavor. I guess I prefer this version, but it's a very close call!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Sauder's Free Range Large Brown Eggs

Whew, things are bad over here, y'all. But these eggs are OK. Honestly they aren't as good as my usual white eggs, because those were jumbo and these are large and it turns out that large is actually small and jumbo is actually large. Starbucks-ass egg sizing!! Older hens lay larger eggs, so maybe there's a baby boom among chickens, which I guess is good. That's probably what's going on. No questions, please. 

But I digress. These are free range, which is good. Apart from being weirdly small, and brown, they also have thinner shells than I'm used to, with some red specks inside of unknown origin. Are they chicken parts?? Wee feet?? Blood?? Best not to think about such things. They taste fine. Only one was cracked. No complaints, because large is actually fine if you eat 2. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [4$]
Taste: 6/10 

Filippo Berio Olive Oil

I found some unreviewed oil! It's a Tree New Year miracle! :p 

This is what I use for pasta. I used to not, because I had it ingrained in me that you can't cook with olive oil at high temps. But it turns out that's mostly EVOO and mostly at temps higher than what we're dealing with in the noodle realm. Anyway, it's certainly more appropriate for the noodle/veg/chicken life than canola oil is (which is more of a stir-fry oil imo). It lasts a long time and I usually ALMOST finish it when it expires, but not quite. Good ol' oil. I don't really like the taste or feel of it, but without it things are intolerably dry! 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 
Taste: 5/10 

Guittard Milk Chocolate Chips

Having blown through my stores of rice, pasta, veg, coffee, and snacks, I've resorted to snacking on these 15$ nut-free baking chocolate chips. It occurs to me maybe I ought to have just baked something instead (lol). Anyway, the upside is that these are great, which is why they're worth the 15$ and shipping. About twice as a big as a normal chocolate chip (or half the size of a Hershey kiss), and a pleasant milky taste. If only there were a cheapo allergy-free brand, but at least I'm living in the lap of luxury (in the realm of baking)!

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [15$ plus shipping because you know Acme could never]
Taste: 7/10 

ma ma mia produce - Grape Tomatoes

So many tomato producers out there! Here's another one. I was confused about the spacing of the name, and refused to research it out of annoyance. That's where we are after not leaving the house for 8 days! A few were a lil wrinkly, but overall they were fine, both in taste and hardiness. Pretty girthy for grape tomatoes. Enjoyed them in both rice and noodle. Hang in there, frozen blog fans!

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Wandering Bear Vanilla Cold Brew

I'm trapped in my house once again! 2020 flashbacks. Anyway, at least I have this cute bear-themed cold brew. It's just ("natural") vanilla flavor, no sugar/milk, which I appreciate. Quite bitter/strong, all told. The vanilla is subtle, which is good. The packaging and company are good. The taste is just OK. I don't really like vanilla flavor in drinks, I guess. It's better with milk added, but I don't have any milk right now!! A good zip and lasts a long time. I prefer the unflavored one, but I'd get this again if it's offered in the veg box. (Coffee isn't really a veg, and you know it's not local (it's Canadian! ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ), but I like that it's there anyway.)

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [14$ for 5 servings, hm. maybe not that good, but coffee's doubled in price everywhere this year! on par with last year's Dunks, I think]
Taste: 6/10 

Signature Select Whole Baby Bella Mushrooms

[Whole baby] bella mushrooms! And beautiful they are. Actually, I was worried they had gone off because they were a little slimy and a little brown/white mystery mold crust-y, but your girl was ready to take a gamble right before the whole state shuts down for a week+ due to weather. A gamble on stuffed mushrooms. I actually wanted way bigger mushrooms, and white-not-bella-which-is-also-white-but-not-really, but these turned out to work just fine. In 20oz ("family size"... a mockery) you get 26 mushrooms, which just about fills a baking sheet. Mostly the same size...ish. I like mushrooms even though they aren't a veg, protein, or a fiber. They just are. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Haribo Frogs

Save me, frog gummy! These were a gift from my bff Mimi. They are super cute and a serving is 6. I love frogs. However they are peach flavored. That's messed up. Frogs aren't peach flavored! I don't really like peach ring type gummy, but it is better as a small frog. Mid-tier haribo. Top tier shape.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Ocean Spray Craisins (The Original)

These are cute! Good for baking, snacking, etc. The bag says "Peanut Free" which we love. Also "no need to refrigerate once open", the transparency of which we also love. Of course, all the other fun styles of dried fruit, even from Ocean Spray, are may-contain city, but at least the OG remains accessible. Something I lament about the OG, though, is that there's sooooooo much sugar added (like 50% DV in 1/4 cup). We all know I love sweets, but fruit is already sweet!! The tartness is the whole point of cranberry, let me experience it!!! Alas, I gotta buy fresh cranberries in the 2 week window they're available if I want to experience actual cranberry. But these are still very fun and tasty, just a totally different thing. Craisins is a good name because raisins are hardly fruit anymore and we accept that. Yes we do.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Stouffer's Extra Cheese French Bread Pizza

Hmm, I didn't realise this is different than just "cheese" but apparently it is, at least in terms of packaging/nutrition info. I don't think they make non-extra cheese anymore though. Anyway, this is fine. Very similar to the other FBPs, but less interesting, and indeed, yes, with more cheese. More rectangular and less U-shaped, also, which is a plus for me. Not much to add here today folks.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [5$ish]
Taste: 7/10 

Pop Tarts - Cherry

Most pop tarts are like happy families (all the same). Not very interesting, a little bit disgusting, but good in a pinch. I think these are a bit below the other fruit flavors (blueberry, strawberry, etc). But you know what you're signing up for here. Sometimes there is no other safe way to easily consume 370 carbocalos, and that's OK. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Kleinpeter 2% Milk - Quart

This quart is so cute. It fit right in a mini-fridge and lasted exactly 4 days. You never know what you're gonna get with store brand milks (especially gas station milks), but this one was maximally unproblematic. I wish Lucerne quarts came in this lovely shape! Good for cofe, cereal, and... those are pretty much all I used it for. And it was good. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Easy Eggs

This 2 pack of small, kinda warm, kinda wet hard boiled eggs was just what the doctor (me) ordered (bought at the airport). Very useful, allergy friendly protein option. Not that delicious, but not that gross, either. Thanks, egg!

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [I didn't even look but it was probably like 8 bucks lmao]
Taste: 6/10 

Cal-Organic Farms Cauliflower

Finally, I am back in the land of Kitchen! One annoying question people love to ask me after I tell them I don't eat things without reading the ingredients (i.e. at most restos) is "so what can you even eat?". I usually tell them "pasta, rice, chicken, oats, and brocco" because that does indeed cover the majority of my consumption (other than cofe & candy hehe hoho), but I find it a weird one. Yes, there sure are many foods I can't eat, but there are way, way more foods I can eat. Are your brains so small that you can only conceive of LEGUME? You sad little people, addicted to LEGUME*. Anyway, I made a weird whipped cauliflower mash with this. It was good (ish). So there, people who want to know about my consumption. Many white pastes are schlorped by me. 

I got this because my store was out of normie cauli, but this one had a few brown spots, a few black spots, and 1 bug (feels like there's always 1 bug). I cut 'em off to no severe consequence. Taste was good, size was good, I like cauli. (*Of course I also like when people ask about Me, so I don't really mind their annoying question, I just got asked it about 50 times this week and it started to get silly.)

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [4.50$]
Taste: 6/10 

Starbucks Cold Brew Concentrate

All my homies hate Starby's, but, needs must (the NOLA grocery store didn't have Dunkin cold brew). This is convenient for travel because hotels always have water and ice, and that's all you need for this (although a little milk never hurt anyone). It didn't taste as bad as I feared, and the ingredos are just coffee so there's no ostensible allergy issue. This bottle is supposedly 5 servings, though I found it actually had too much for my 4.5 day trip, and it also costs like 11 dollars, which is gross. But it fits in hotel fridge and is coffee. So, I guess it's all right. 

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [11$]
Taste: 6/10 

O Organics Thyme

Behold... it is thyme. Ever since my herb garden died off (due to Had To Unplug It) I've been buying a lot of these stupid little 4$ nearly expired-if they're even in stock at all-packs of store brand herbs. I used this to make some vegetarian gravy, since all store bought gravy packs are now Soy City (derogatory, but not in a sexist way). Unfortunately homemade gravy is very dissimilar to pack gravy, and the main flavor note was (you'll never guess),, thyme. Which was OK, and good for potatoes, but maybe less good for things like meats (I didn't yet try it on meats). Anyway, this is expensive and annoying, but that's probably just fresh packaged herbs in general. You also gotta wash it, which is annoying but important in this landscape!

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [3.70$]
Taste: 6/10 

Gerbs Pumpkin Kernels (Pepitas) - Roasted & Unsalted

The truth is, I've never really liked shelled pumpkin seeds. Like what's the point? They just taste like pliable dirt, which I have plenty of in my yard. So why am I the owner of a 2lb bag of them? Ha ha, so true. The reason is that Gerb's only sells 2lb bags, and I needed some pepitas for a recipe. (Pepita is a cute name for a pet by the way. I had a lil guy named Pepito way before that internet cat was even born. Just saying.) Where was I? Oh yes. I used these to make a crust for a pumpkin cheesecake (I know, it's a little 親子) and it was way less delicious than pretty much any other crust would have been, but certainly more fibrous and magnesiumous. So there's something. Anyway, I will use these in recipes and they will serve their purpose and be nut free. But I will not snack on them because they do not delight me, or even really fill me. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [24$ish]
Taste: 5/10 

Strawberry Vanilla Chex

Some of my best friends are naturally flavored with other natural flavors! (That is to say, they're not actually friends, but some other human-type thing that passes for friendish. Ew.) This strawberry flavor is exactly the same as every other strawberry flavored cereal I've had lately (cinnamon toast crunch? special k? frosted flake?) and it tastes artificial even if it's not. Luckily you can still taste the rice chex through it, especially after milk saturation, and sweetened rice chex cereal is one of the greats. Perhaps I'd be better off with regular rice chex and a little sugar, but at least this saves me the sugar packet and gains me a new food review. Now, where was I. The vanilla is so subtle as to be nonexistent, and once the strawberry washes off, this is pretty good. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Hershey Candy Cane Kisses

Have these always had shea oil in? Feels like that would have freaked me out, but anyway, we move. I gotta binge on cals before I'm off to NOLA, the #1 worst US city I've ever been in for (my) food allergies. My own tragic version of pre-Survivor carbo-loading. These are not as good as most other kisses. They have no chocolate. However, they are exactly like a big version of these tiny pastel mint chips (like these, but less sketch?) that I used to get at Boscov's after the holidays to great excitement. So there is some nostalgia baked in. I'd much rather a cookies 'n mint, though. Moderation is absolutely essential here.

Overall
Cost: 7/10 [on sale, 3$ish]
Taste: 7/10 (thru nostalgia glasses) 

Gerbs Sea Salted Whole Pumpkin Seeds

Wow! Whatever the opposite of "comparison is the thief of joy" is is really resonating with me lately. Compared to the unsalted ones, which I ate 2lbs of over the last semester (gratefully but not especially happily), these are so, so good. It is rare that I really experience the transformative power of salt, but here it is on full display. These are like, actually tasty. And they're fresh so they don't even hurt to chew (yet). Only downside is they're packed so tight in a smaller package, so you have to eat 2 servings before you can even struggle to close the bag. Impressive. All the people snacking on nuts 24/7 should really switch to these. They're definitely at least as healthy, probably cheaper, obviously allergy-friendly, and I can't imagine they taste worse (but maybe they do). 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [26$]
Taste: 7/10