Cool Ranch Doritos

It's my birthday! And I'm celebrating by eating more leftover party chips because they expire in a week and also I'm too busy to go to the store. Here's hoping we get an influx of fun new foods in the mail soon! (I bet we will, don't worry). Anyway, like I said, I'm not the hugest Dorito fan. While the original cheese ones were better than I remembered, these are about the same. I don't know if they necessarily taste like ranch, but they don't taste much like cheese, which means the corn chip shines through more, and whatever seasoning is on here is not strong enough to hide the Dorito's true form: a triangular Frito (D:). Apparently in other countries this is called "cool American" flavor because they don't have ranch, which is funny to me. Just another reason to hate America, guys. Anyway, these aren't vomit inducing, but I'll never like them and I don't understand people who do.

Overall
Cost: 8/10
Taste: 4/10

Bottle Caps

I used to LOVE these as a kid, I think because they were so rare and also they came in small packages. Now I can easily buy a box with 13 servings in it for 1$. So cheap! But that means they aren't nearly as alluring, even though they are still a fun novelty. These are basically sweet-tarts, but in 5 soda flavors. The brown ones (cola and root beer) are my favorites, then cherry, then grape, then orange. They are a little softer than sweet tarts although I don't know if that's intentional or due to humidity, but I like it all the same. These are also not sour at all. They are very sweet and you should not eat too many at once. But in moderation they are a fun, good-tasting candy if you like fruit candy of this type.

Overall
Cost: 9/10
Taste: 6/10

Nacho Cheese Doritos

More party food! I always crap on Doritos, because I'd much rather have some good flavored potato chips and I generally don't like corn chips at all. Plus my parents always got them with Subway, which I hated. But now Subway has grown on me, and I guess Doritos have too, because I kind of enjoyed the little bag of these I had. The cheese flavor was nice, burnt almost, and they were smooth and...not buttery, but a pleasant fatty flavor without being greasy. Just nice crunchy cheese triangles. I would eat these again, especially in the nice single serve bag.




Overall
Cost: 7/10 (12 bags for 7$)
Taste: 6/10

Hershey's Kisses - Special Dark

I never questioned what makes these so "special" before, but they are a solid staple in my candy life. I picked up a bag of these for a party because they're nut-free (duh) and individually wrapped, plus the purple/dark-chocolate-ness is classier than the other kiss options. They aren't super fun, but they're dependable and respectable. I like the kiss shape, it's cute and just the right size for a tasty little snack. No fun phrases on the wrappers though. But these were a little cheaper than Dove bites, and although they aren't as creamy, they still taste like standard dark chocolate, and are smooth enough to melt in your mouth (eventually). Plus they aren't so good that I'd eat the whole bag at once, which is always good. A nice candy dish candy.


Overall
Cost: 5/10 (About 4$)
Taste: 6/10

Fini Fizzy Tornadoes

These weren't fizzy at all! What a misleading name. In fact these were pretty boring, which isn't what I came to expect from this wacky brand. These are hollow thick gummy-ish tubes, I guess vaguely berry flavored, and a little bit chewy but not much. Like thicker twizzlers, but maybe a little less tasty. They had some sugar coating which I thought might be a sweet/sour deal like Sour Patch Kids, but it didn't really taste like anything! They weren't bad or mysteriously expired tasting like the weird shaped ones, but they weren't good or interesting like the sour tongues either. The plain chip of candy, I guess.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Deep River Snacks - Sweet Maui Onion Chips

I like this brand a lot; I'm surprised that this is my first Deep River Review! They have a nut free logo right on the front of the bag, which is so legit, and their chips are nice and crunchy across the board. This particular flavor was "OK" -- it wasn't as good as BBQ, but it's better than plain. It basically tastes like the ingredients label reads: onion powder, salt, sugar. I don't generally like sweet+savory mixes, but for what it is, this is really good. A nice amount of seasoning and a nice oniony flavor.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Goya Maria Cookies

These are perfectly pleasant cookies. They are fairly thin, big and round. At first I thought they tasted just like honey teddy bears (nice) and now I get more of a "vienna finger" vibe. Either way, they are good and a little sweet but not crazy so. They'd probably go nicely with a hot coffee, though they're no stroopwafel. There's a  little vanilla/butter/honey note, but otherwise not much going on flavor-wise. Therefore perfectly pleasant, but I don't think I'll be dreaming about these cookies anytime soon.

Overall
Cost: 8/10
Taste: 6/10

Wholly Guacamole - Roasted Corn over Guacamole Layered Dip

This is pretty good! Sometimes you just don't want to deal with the stress (and expense) of buying the right avocado for urgent guac needs. And a lot of premade guac (even from this very company) is old looking, mushy, or gross. Luckily, I love corn and this bad boy is at least half corn (the top half), and so you can't even see how dark and watery the underguac is! Mostly. Anyway, it has a nice fresh corn taste, a little spicy but certainly not "medium" (less than this). I only really enjoy this with chips, though - otherwise the flavor is too strong and it's also too watery and maybe a bit sweet. But it's a solid dip, healthy enough, and lasts a few days longer than homemade guac.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 (about 4$)
Taste: 7/10

Mrs. Renfro's Craft Beer Salsa

This salsa is one of those things where I'm not sure if I like or hate it immediately. I need to sit with the flavor for a while and think. It's pretty unique salsa, though I can't pin down why -- it doesn't really taste like beer to me, but it is a little too sweet and/or smoky for my liking. It kind of tastes like spicy tomato soup (which I don't like). The spice amount is good, it's accurately labelled as "medium spicy" (for me, that's just 'spicy'!). Yeah, I'm getting those tomato soup notes and I'm not about it. If you like new things or tomato soup, you'll like this! For me, I just want some regular salsa, please.

I did only try this with chips so far though; next I'm going to try cooking some chicken in it over rice (your poor girl's chipotle) and I wonder if that might be better. We'll see!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 4/10

Sour Patch Kids

Can't believe I've never reviewed Sour Patch Kids! These are a classic candy when I'm craving something sweet, plus they're super nut free, plus they come in this nice 1$ movie theatre box. (~360 cals). I'm not sure who makes them, it seems like a mixed-distribution model (like smarties) but they are often paired with Swedish Fish in deals. Anyway, these are soft, like Chuckles, and not chewy or difficult at all. The perfect texture for a chewy style candy. They come in 5 colors/flavors, which are vaguely distinct but not enough for me to have super strong preferences among them. I think the blue flavor is new, and of course I like that (it's the kid in me) as well as cherry, and then lime, orange, and lemon in descending order. The sour bite is just enough to be satisfying, but not painful (although if you get a bigger package than this one, your mouth roof might need a bit of TLC). They do make my teeth hurt a little bit afterwards, but it's worth it for the pleasant and craveable taste and texture! Plus they're shaped like kids, how fun.

4th of July Red White and Blue Sour Patch Kids: OK, I am eating these at Halloween, so it's no wonder the bag smells super weird. My boyf gave me this massive bag because he didn't like the weird smell, but they taste normal so I'm eating a lot of SPKs these days. There are the typical red and blue flavors, but also white, which is pineapple(??) and new to me. To be honest, they all kinda taste the same though. 7/10

Overall
Cost: 9/10
Taste: 7/10

Grown In Idaho - Hand Cut Fries

Finally, I'm finishing off the trifecta of frozen potato products from this company! In all, these really are convenient and a big calorie bang for your buck. Unfortunately, I don't LOVE potato or fries that much; they're more of a conveyor for cheese/gravy/meat for me, which I never have at home and so I'm inevitably unimpressed. My main issue is that these are too thing and too oily/sweet, with not enough (any?) salt or pre-seasoning. Sure, I can add my own, and sure, I can mix up some mustard and ketchup and mayo and pretend I'm at a West-Coast Burger chain, but in the end we're all just staring into the void.

What?

These are fine. They are soft on the inside and slightly crispy on the outside. They are very easy to cook (although it does take like 30min, I could fall asleep by then). They are a little too funnel cakey, but overall decent, and certainly not worse than any other frozen fry I've had.

Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 6/10

Uncle Dougie's Wicked Good Wing Marinade

I think "wicked good" might be a bit of an exaggeration, but then again, this was my first time making my own chicken wings, so I also learned that I don't love homemade chicken wings (or any chicken wings that aren't slathered in BBQ sauce). I followed the bottle instructions and let these marinate for about 30 minutes (it smelled very vinegary, like Easter!) and then cooked them for 1hr+ in the oven. First of all, that was way too long and they were burnt. Second of all, the marinade didn't leave much flavor behind, just a vague hot sauce/spicyness. I didn't like it one bit. And it didn't seem like it'd be tasty to pour more on top. I need BBQ sauce! This is for people who love basic plain chicken wings I think. :6



Overall
Cost: 4/10 (I used 1/3 of the bottle, which costs about 5-6$)
Taste: 4/10

Naturalvert Original Crispy Granola

Hmm. No allergy statement, and I couldn't find much info about this company online. I see they also make a macadamia granola, so I'm a little anxious, but also hungry (and not dead yet). This is just plain granola, but rather than just oats, it has puffed rice in it too. It's fairly unique, because it makes the overall texture a little fluffier, which is fun. It's also not super sweet, since there's no mix-ins, just a light flavor of maple syrup, sugar, and salt (but just a little). The packaging is also nice - even though this is what looks like a single-serve bag, it has a ziplock closure, which I appreciate. I think if it weren't for the allergy fear, I might like this even more!


Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Thomas Plain Bagels

Here's the deal. Allergy-wise, these guys sketch me out. I used to get Thomas bagels, english muffins, etc fairly often, but last week at the store I saw that the English Muffins have a peanut/nut allergy warning. Where did it come from? Was it always there? Why don't the bagels have it? And their website is very un-reassuring (you may die, anyone, everyone). But I'll ignore that for now and focus on ~the product~.

These are plump bagels, and just what you want if you're making a bagel sandwich or any type of non-just-a-bagel concoction. They toast up nicely, and while boring on their own, do great with egg, avocado, jam, butter, etc (not all at once though). A good thickness and softness, and a very neutral flavor.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Dogfish Head Flesh & Blood IPA

This is a nice red can (I love cans!) that had a picture of a blood orange on it. But really this is just a straight up IPA (which I learned means thin and super hoppy). I didn't get any fruit vibes or any sweetness at all. If you're in the mood for a strong and pure hopster, this'll do. It's a lot, though. I was fooled by the can, but there are better fruity beers out there for me! The name is pretty hardcore though.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10

Bird's Eye Voila! Selects Beef Lo Mein

It looks like family size in the bag, but we made this a lunch-for-one, even though it makes a very heaping bowlfull. Just pop this in a pan and wait 10 minutes for...some mediocre "lo mein". I was worried it would be oversauced, but actually there isn't much sauce once it's done. Which is better than too much sauce, but it still wasn't great. There isn't a lot of flavor, just some mild soy/sesame/saltiness on what are more like linguine than lo-mein noodles. The veg are basically a non-entity, with just some carrots, onions, and maybe 1 bok choy bit. I wish there were no onions (what lo mein has onions?!) but the carrots are fine. The beef is tender, but very "frozen meal beef" flavored. It's decent and not too many calories, and I think it's better than microwave chow mein type meals due to the lower sauce ratio -- but definitely not great, and not very Chinese-y.



Overall
Cost: 5/10 (About 5$ at Giant)
Taste: 6/10

Fini Mini Kollisions

When I got these, they were already in the expiry month, and I waited a month to eat them, so a caveat is that these might have been rancid or something and maybe that's why I didn't love them! I've never seen candy like this before, which is fun. These were basically stuffed Twizzlers, but in lots of different colors, shapes, and sizes. The licorice outside came in various fruit flavors, and was thick and a nice supple texture. The insides were all a crumblier fruit paste glorp, and some of them were good, but some tasted really weird and "off" (thus my expiry concerns). I thought this was very unique but the taste was just "OK" (even for the best bits). I prefer the Fini sour tongues for sure!

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10

Sir Kensington's Ketchup - Spicy

I basically only use ketchup on fries, hamburger, and hot dog (not really staples in my at-home diet), so I don't have much occasion to try or even crave new ketchups. But I am fully open to this, even though the label and name is a little hipstery which makes me rebel a bit. Like they're going for a Grey Poupon analogue.

That said, this is really really different from your standard Heinz. the color is really dark red (I had to google to make sure this was normal) and the texture is thicker. It's also in a traditional glass bottle, which isn't as convenient as the squeezey kind, but I guess is classier. The ingredients are organic and generally healthier than Heinz, but like, it's ketchup, so who cares (it's not mayo). But the taste was so different! A little like tomato paste that someone put red pepper flakes and vinegar into. Which is, apparently, not what I want. I only tried it with fries, but it was too strong of a flavor, not sweet enough, and too tomato-pastey (bitter?). Maybe it would be better on a burger or something with cheese. It's kind of like a BBQ sauce but not quite sweet enough for that. It did leave what turned out to be a pleasant spicy aftertaste, though.

However, this is the spicy version. I wonder if the classic version is more similar to regular ketchup (but slightly elevated, lol) and therefore I'd like it better than this. I watched a video of a taste test which seemed to indicate this was the case. Also, the owners seem like likeable go-getters, so I'd be open to trying the classic one. This one is a no thanks for me.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10

Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Milk & Cookies

Ice cream party! This is 140 calories per serving, aka ~600 calories per pint. Not terrible, about half of your usual B+J's pint really. However, you can taste the difference. Not in a bad/gross way, and I'm happy that the ingredients are normal, not sugar substitutes or anything, but the ice cream is less creamy, melts faster, and the mix-in cookie dough is good and in bigger clumps than normal, but has a way more mild flavor - no vanilla or egg taste or even chocolate chips, just like a generic cookie flavoring or some cap'n crunch cereal, eyes closed I wouldn't know. I still ate this, and if I were addicted to ice cream or something I'd get this more often, but if I'm going all in on ice cream I'll just get the real deal (or half baked froyo style).

Overall
Cost: 4/10
Taste: 6/10

Pork U BBQ

Truly, I was porked. Food trucks are fun, BBQ meat is fun, so it seemed so nice. The owner even responded to my inquiry about nut allergens (there are no nuts, just mustard)! But alas, the food was not fun, the service was slow and really awkward (is this a haircut I'm getting?) and I got sooooo sick after eating. I got mac and cheese with BBQ pork on it, and it was very very very oily/greasy/wet, yet not very cheesy, and the meat was also really wet - but not with BBQ sauce, just with fat. It needed way more BBQ sauce, cheese, flavor in general, and way less oil/water. Woe.



Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 4/10

Sushi Sumo

Despite being in a random strip mall, I think this place looks really nice inside. It's quiet and classy and chill. It's also just Japanese food (no Chinese fusion here), which is an upside for us nut-allergy sufferers. Sure, I can't eat the sushi or the soup or anything else, but I can eat the chicken yaki udon, which is basically chicken lo mein but with thick (udon) noodles. It's great and has great chicken pieces, little onion/carrot/celery bits, and randomly 2 orange slices. Only like 12 dollars, a filling amount, and very tasty. They also do takeout! Downside: you shamefully must ask for a fork if you can't use chopsticks (like me). Also, don't use the hot towel on your face.

The plum fuku wine is really sweet, but also unique and fun!

Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 8/10

Country Archer Beef Jerky - Mango Habanero

Mmm, OK! So, the positives: the packaging doesn't say anything sexist about manbuns this time, which is great. It's also only ~160 calories for a filling feeling meaty snack. I also enjoyed the flavor waaay more than the other one I tried. This one was spicy but not too spicy, and a tiny bit sweet but not at all in a gross or bad way. I mostly tasted spice with a wee bit of mango and beef. That was nice.

The negative here is the texture. It's so mealy and chewy and hard all at once somehow. This is definitely the worst texture of jerky I've had. I wish it were either softer/MORE chewy, or firmer/MORE crunchy. but it's truly the worst of both worlds, texture-wise. The bag also doesn't reseal, but it's not very big so that's OK. So I didn't hate it, but i wouldn't get it again because of the texture (unless it was SUPER cheap I guess).

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10

The White Dog Café

My friend Janey took me here after classes ended at Haverford, and it was in walking distance from the college (and her apartment). Who knew! This is a really nice place, with pictures of dogs everywhere, which no one can resist. It was pretty crowded, but not with students, and seemed to have a lot of regulars. We sat at the bar, and they had a solid happy hour, with 4-10$ food and 5$ drinks. I got red sangria, which was good even though the only fruit it had was orange and lime. 2 got me a little tipsy, even! For snacks we got deviled eggs and tater tots. The tots were actually large orbs, 5 or 6 of them, but otherwise normal fried potato. The eggs had 2 with caviar, 2 with bacon jam, and 2 with sweet potato crumble?? Kind of weird, but I asked about nuts and they put "no nuts" on the receipt, so I guess that's fine. I didn't go for the caviar eggs, but the bacon jam ones were really good, and the crumble ones were fine. The egg filling was all mustard, no mayo, but that's healthy so it's fine. Overall it was a nice atmosphere and good company and a solid price, and the bartender did a good job. I hope I have occasion to come back!

PORK TENDERLOIN: My bud Adam came to Haverford to give a talk, so we went here for dinner! It was nice, actually I didn't realise how ~fancy~ this place was. But the pork was good, it was 6-7 small medallions on a bed of brussels sprouts (tastes like cabbage), bacon, sweet potato, apples, and that's it. Not too big, not too small. The pot pie also looked good. 7/10

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Marie Callender's Spaghetti with Meat Sauce

I love pasta so it's hard for even a terrible pasta to be bad (you know, like most people say about pizza)! This was decent, then. It had firm noodles and was a little bit cheesy somehow. I like that it comes with bread; it's good garlicy buttery bread. I don't love the meat bits in the sauce (they're sausagey/itchy) but it is a filling and hearty meal.




Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 6/10

Angie's Boom Chicka Pop Real Butter Popcorn

Mmm...butter. I liked this popcorn, even though it's not quite as satisfying as pop-at-home popcorn (or movie popcorn), it's only 100-200 calories, and it tastes really buttery. So it's a nice treat, especially in a single-serve bag. I also like the stylish design and the fact that there's no nuts. Not much else to say here - fine popcorn, fine butter flavor.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Ben & Jerry's Caramel Chocolate Cheesecake Truffles

Every word in the name of the ice cream is something I find delicious, so I was pretty pumped for this one. And, you know, it was good (but not great). I liked the cheesecakey caramel ice cream, it tastes like cream cheese and is very sweet and decadent. I also like the chocolate cookie (read: oreo) swirl throughout. But the truffles aren't as good as I hoped; they're covered in graham cracker bits (should be chocolate!!) and are basically low-fat cream cheese balls, no sugar (or so they taste). I know the rest of the ice cream is super sweet, but much like the coffee one, I want the truffles to be the highlight here and they simply are not. More like a jello single-serve lunch treat mixed with ice cream.


Overall
Cost: 4/10
Taste: 7/10