Vital Farms Pasture Raised Eggs

Another egg review? Life is weird, y'all. These eggs are brown and pasture-raised, which is classy. They are supposedly smaller than normal, but they seemed like normal egg size to me (and the package says "large"). The expiry date is only 2 weeks out, so I need to eat these fast, but they seem plenty fresh at present. They looked to have a much yellower yolk than what I'm used to, which is apparently all down to the chicken's feed, so it didn't taste that different but I had the perception that they were more yolky even if they actually weren't. No complaints or special notes, but it's nice to have eggs in the house!

Overall

Cost: 6/10 (A little pricier than average - 4$ish)

Taste: 7/10

Old El Paso Flour Tortillas (for Burritos)

These are big tortillas! I had gotten used to the smaller ones (taco-size, I guess), but it's kind of fun to have a big one once in a while, even if they are 130calos. They have a nice resealable package (well, not that nice -- I'd rather have Ziploc than a sticky strip, but definitely better than nothing) and last a long time, supposedly, even outside of the fridge. I've been microwaving them for 22 seconds and that works great. They are really soft, not chewy or tough, and pretty thin. I usually end up scraping off the toppings (aka egg and hot sauce) and just eating the tortilla, but it tastes pretty good and is comforting to eat. If I had, like, meat or onions/peppers, this would make a great tiny fajita wrap too. Good choice for your tortilla rotation!

Overall

Cost: 6/10

Taste: 7/10

La Victoria Salsa Brava (Hot)

I needed a little flavor in my egg + tortilla "burritos", and this was just the thing! I really wanted a safe, non-allergy-y hot sauce that tasted great and I got one here, which was super lucky because I just picked a random one on Amazon. This is hot, but not in a painful or vinegar-y way (although I swallowed a little down the wrong tube and that was hell, but a rare incident hopefully). It tastes just like tomato, hot pepper, and breakfast burrito. Awesome stuff.

Overall

Cost: 7/10 (2.50$ish)

Taste: 8/10

Pepperidge Farm Raspberry Milano Cookies

Everyone likes a regular Milano cookie, but what happens when you add raspberry? Then you have a cookie that tastes like raspberry. Very much like the raspberry Dunkin shot! Which I do like in moderation, but while it elevates the occasional latte, I think it degrades the already tasty Milano. Yes, the original is better. These are still good because all PepFarm cookies are good; the texture is nice and light and crumbly, the dark chocolate still shines through a bit, and the cookie shell is delicate and sweet. But the predominant flavor is "raspberry flavor", and even though it's natural, it tastes a bit artificial (maybe just due to my Dunkin association). Of course I will eat and enjoy these, but I think they're in my bottom tier of PepFarms.

Overall

Cost: 6/10 (Under 3$ on Amazon!)

Taste: 6/10

Project 7 Birthday Cake Gum (sugar free)

I don't want to be rude, but this gum is bad. Maybe if it weren't birthday cake flavored, it would be OK. I already don't like (1) sugar free gum, because I'm not diabetic and it makes me feel bad inside, (2) gum because it's loud and annoying and gross, (3) birthday cake flavored things (see: Oreos) because they are always worse than the original thing, and (4) companies that are all 'gluten free' 'vegan' etc with no mention of nut allergy info. I assume these are safe because there IS a soy allergy warning, but who knows, the website/online packaging I've seen is really variable.

All that aside: this tastes bad. I guess it tastes like sprinkles or old frosting, but mostly chemicals and weird. It isn't overly sweet, I'll give you that, and the package is cute and I like that it reseals. But the taste is sadly bad. I'm not sure how long lasting it would be because I can't chew it for more than a few minutes without spitting it out. I am pretty sure I will just throw out this package rather than finish it, which is not a ringing endorsement. Maybe other flavors, or non-sugar-free flavors, would be better.

Overall

Cost: 5/10

Taste: 3/10

2018 Green Eyes Grüner Veltliner

What's up, wine fans! This weekend marked my 100th day of feeling like crap, so I decided I might as well have wine. It was nice and didn't make me die, so that's that. Wine is back on the table y'all. This one is super cute and it had a twist top, which is great because my boyf's fridge doesn't have a door so you gotta lay them all horizontally and even though I have a wine stopper, sometimes there's a bit of leakage. You know? So the design of this was good. However, it got a little too much sun and was definitely not stored in a primo wine storage fashion. This most likely led to the flavor doing the wine equivalent of skunking -- acidifying, maybe? So it was really tart like an old cider. And a little fizzy .. .. is that bad? I don't know, but like all wines, the more I drank the less I tasted it. I would say that it was fairly fruity and refreshing, under all the tart acidity. Pretty light yellow color. Went well with BBQ in the form of...BBQ sauce on a Mod pizza. :)

Overall

Cost: 5/10

Taste: 6/10

Signature Kitchens Tuscan-Style Vegetables

Good on me for buying these frozen vegetables months ago; they're really coming in clutch in month 4 of lockdown. These are good with rice. I haven't tried them with anything else because frozen onions are usually just bad. But with the mushroom and red pepper, they merge really nicely with rice. And of course, broccoli is always welcome. I'm also so grateful there's no peas here or beans (for allergies), or carrots (because they're bad). So I can handle a little onion to get some nice frozen mushroom/pepper/broc. It's a great addition to rice 'n spices. Just a handful will do ya! Mushrooms are the star btw.

Overall

Cost: 7/10

Taste: 7/10

Ocean Spray Unsweeted Pure Cranberry Juice

This is a tart juice!! I associate it strongly with vodka crans, because that's the only cocktail I drink at home on the reg. It's perfect for two reasons: (1) this stuff is so tart/overpowering, you can't taste the vodka at all (or if you do, you know you really overdid it), and (2) it's supposedly good for UTIs and also has some nice vitamin C and other health benefits. You gotta get the 100% pure shit though, not the cranberry juice cocktail (80% apple juice).

Sadly, tonight (and for the last 3 months)  I have not had any alc, due to my coronal and/or post-coronal total body shutdown. You can tell it's getting to me because I'm now swearing in my blog. But this juice tastes exactly like it does mixed with vodka, so I'm almost getting pseudo-drunk off of it, which is quite an innovation. You really can't chug it, regardless, it's super tart and makes me feel like my teeth will burn off. But supposedly cranberry is good for teeth, so what do I know. This isn't necessarily tasty, but it makes me feel and also feel vaguely healthy, even though there's still 9gs of natural sugar. So I'm into it in moderation. Once I have to start going back to work in person I'll probably start drinking again, so stay tuned, my little juice! :)

Overall

Cost: 4/10 (Pricy for a juice -- about 5$ for this slender 1L bottle)

Taste: 6/10

Vibe: 8/10

Heinz Spicy Brown Mustard

I like mustard, and I appreciate how versatile it is while still having a strong flavor. It goes with eggs, sandwiches, meat, pretzels, and probably other stuff I don't have around right now. I'm used to the French's spicy brown mustard, but this was on sale so I bought it. I don't think I like it quite as much, alas. It's more tangy (more like the brown blobs in restaurant mustard -- is that mustard seeds??) and vinegary, and less sweet and mild. Sounds like a good thing, but it makes me mouth feel a little funky, and it distracts me from the taste of whatever I'm eating a little too much. Did I develop a secret mustard allergy or do other people find this tingly too? Since I never see other humans we may never know.

Overall

Cost: 8/10

Taste: 6/10

Lesher Large Eggs

OK, it's kind of weird to review eggs, but it's what I'm eating and I'm excited because I got them without leaving the house! Presumably only because other people are now leaving the house more, which is concerning, but whatever. These are eggs. They have no date printed on them that I can see, which is a little bit concerning because I have had some bad egg-borne illness before. I tried the float test and they sank, which I thought was the bad one but is actually the good one! So, I scrambled em up (on the firm side) and put in a tortilla. It was scary but good. I happened to get a mosquito bite OR hive right after eating them so that was stressful, but I am fine now and not vomming as of yet. The eggs were big, with big yolks, and looked very plump and fresh in the pan. Would buy again for sure.

Overall

Cost: 6/10 (2.75)

Taste: 7/10

Ritz Toasted Chips - Original

Are these chips or are these crackers? The world may never know. I think they're more like crackers, personally, although much thinner and crispier than a typical Ritz cracker. But I also like them pretty well; they are tasty and salty and ritz-buttery while apparently being not terrible for you. They certainly were tastier than I thought they would be. I didn't try dipping them, but it sounds good as well.

Overall

Cost: 5/10

Taste: 7/10

Twinings Lady Grey Black Tea

This is a nice, solid, safe tea that doesn't smell egregiously bad to my sensitive partner :D. It's basically just black tea, but with a little 'lady' flavor aka citrus. I'm not sure what the other natural flavors consist of, but it's nothing I can't drink, and it's guaranteed not to be nuts. So that's good news. The citrus flavor is pretty subtle, but it does smell/taste a little more exciting than the plain black tea. I think it's better than green tea in general too. A good calming (yet supposedly caffeinated, idk if my body is aware of that though) drink before bedtime.

Overall

Cost: 7/10

Taste: 6/10

Chessmen cookies

I've always liked these. They are a classic buttery shortbread, nice and crumbly, and they have cute chess-themed shapes (although why not chess-people?). As far as allergy info, I've never had a problem, although of course PepFarm makes nut cookies (though not peanut, which is something) and never uses a may-contain statement. Til recently they didn't even list/bold allergens, but now they've started taking at least that step, which I appreciate. I gotta trust the system since I've been eating these cookies for many years! They are nice and sweet and not overwhelming, good year-round.

Overall

Cost: 6/10

Taste: 8/10

Barilla Elbows

Pasta! All pasta is good pasta, I think. And Barilla is a big enough company that I trust them not to be moldy or harmful in some disturbing way, unlike some local pasta I've had in the Dark Ages. Elbows are a fairly fun shape, although the ditalini honestly grew on me, but these cook faster (6min) and are better sauceless, I think. I had them with the Hunt's can sauce which to be honest is not very good. But I look forward to enjoying these elbows with a superior sauce in the future!

Overall

Cost: 6/10

Taste: 7/10

Hunt's Pasta Sauce - Garlic & Herb

This is super cheap (less than 1$), and it comes in a can, so my assumption is that it's awful low quality swill. But it's not; not really - the ingredos are tomato, carrot, oil, salt, spice, not even sugar, so that's all respectable enough. The calories/serving size/amount is the same as a jarred sauce, so that's all fine. I'm assuming I can store the leftover in a tupperware, so that all seems fine. However, this is really thin/smooth, which is a bit disconcerting. It doesn't taste that good, but it doesn't taste bad either - kind of like a generic red paste. If I hadn't read the ingredients I'd have assumed there was sugar in it, but I guess it just tastes like tomato and salt. Maybe it's suffering from lack of cheese/onion? It's also making my tooth hurt like crazy, which is scary since I can't go to a dentist right now. Hopefully it is just a fluke! Anyway, would I get this again? In quarantine, probably (assuming the tooth thing resolves), but in normal shopping-at-stores life, probably not.

Overall

Cost: 8/10

Taste: 6/10

Orville Redenbacher's Movie Theater Butter Microwave Popcorn

Real talk, I should not have bought this. At the time, I was looking for cheap calories, but I don't know if it means I'm feeling better or worse that the idea of 23 more bags of this disgusts me. It really is salty and oily and tastes artificial and like it's destroying my body. Moreso than your butter lite flavors, for sure. In a vacuum, if I just had a few kernels, I'd say "yeah sure, this tastes fine, like popcorn", but there's too much in the bag and it doesn't keep well and I just don't know what I was thinking. Dang. Anyway. It pops well, not many leftover kernels and not burnt. They make nut foods but apparently on separate lines in the same facility (sketches me out, but never had an issue myself). I didn't eat that much today but I still could not finish the bag. It's just too much. Maybe I'll portion them out into thirds somehow in the future, or give them to my parents or something. I should definitely stop buying in bulk is the real lesson.

Overall

Cost: 6/10

Taste: 5/10?

Disgust: 8/10