Lucerne - Provolone Slices

This was alright, although much like my recently reviewed meats, it wasn't my favorite iteration of a sliced cheese. To be honest, it might be one of my least favorite iterations! But it was cheap enough and had plenty of slices that didn't go bad or dry or anything unseemly like that. So it was fine. Would I rather have some deli cheese, of course. Would I rather have Kraft singles, maybe I would. But it was fine.





Overall
Cost: 5/10 [2.50$ish]
Taste: 5/10

Hormel Natural Choice Cooked Deli Ham

As far as deli ham goes, this one isn't great. Definitely not as good as the Hillshire Farms honey ham. First of all, this is thicker sliced, but it also seems to have more filler because of that, and is very wet in a gross slippery way. Also not much flavor, ham or otherwise, and certainly no honey flavor (not that it's supposed to, I guess). At least it isn't smoked flavored either. It's OK if you crucially need ham for something, but definitely not my first choice. I got this because it was cheapest (at like 5$, for heaven's sake) and my usual was like 8$ (which is crazy), but I think I might take the hit to my wallet in the future and get a better ham.


Overall
Cost: 4/10 [5.50$ish]
Taste: 5/10

Hormel Natural Choice Uncured Hard Salami

This tastes like salami, so that's good. But it's not great salami. I mean, I'm not a huge connoisseur of the stuff anyway, but I've had meat and cheese trays, and Italian subs, and sweet bologna, and those all had better tasting meat than this. Still, it serves the purpose of being a slightly spicy oily meat circle, not very sweet and quite thin. You do get like 15 slices or something, which is plenty. I got this because it was the only option in the store, so I guess it worked fine for my needs. Might consider a meat + cheese tray if I just wanted a salami snack though.



Overall
Cost: 3/10 (Like 6$)
Taste: 6/10

Liscio's No-Point Rolls - 12 pack

These came in a bag of 12 rolls in my Acme bakery. I got it because it had an ingredients list with no nuts, but it wasn't store-bought crap white bread, you know? But unfortunately these were terrible, texture-wise: so so so chewy and hard to eat. The taste is fine, totally unremarkable, but the texture was a killer. They also aren't perforated so you have to rip into them like an animal. But today I had a revelation: I can toast the rolls if I rip them just right. Toasting is a saving grace and bumps these up to useable, even useable in a decent sandwich. Nice work, toaster!

Overall
Cost: 5/10 (5$ for 12 rolls that expire in 2 days)
Taste: 5/10

Frico Lambrusco NV

OK y'all, let me be real with you. I was not supposed to drink this today. It didn't come up in my random sample rotation. Today is kettle chips (already reviewed; they're fine). But I didn't drink all week, and it was Thanksgiving, so I had a long, lonely weekend. My partner was off with his family! My family was off with the neighbors! My friends were traveling! So I wanted a little wine, sue me. Also the Dunkin guy told me the cappuccino machine was broken; not sure if he just hates me or if it's true. Anyway this is in cans so it looked fun. I like cans, they are instant portion control (in theory). But what I didn't know? Holy heck, these are also fizzy! Like red wine champagne!!!! Hold the phone, my friends. I don't know much about wine, but I love the fizzy stuff, and it's so rare to get in subscriptions. What a blessing. It's just a little fizz, nothing crazy, but it definitely has that champagne taste I love, even though it's red. It doesn't really taste much like a red. Maybe a little fruitier than normal, which is actually nice. A nice dry sweetness with a little cherry/grape (lol, what I keep calling cherry is probably grape, but whatever) flavor profile. It's great. I want to drink all the cans!

Overall
Cost: 6/10 (18$ for 3 cans)
Taste: 8/10

Starbucks - Bottled Peppermint Mocha

This is fine! I just tried to burn some smudge because it's a full moon and I got some as a free sample, but it smells like someone smoking pot and it's grossing me out. Just feels toxic. If only I could vape smudge instead. How's this for a chatty intro? Anyway, I feel like that might be lowering my rating because my house smells bad and it's probably impacting my tastebuds.

Dunkin doesn't have peppermint mocha as a christmas flavor this year, so people are very upset! I decided to try this bottled drink because I do like minty flavors. Like other bottled coffee drinks, though, this is more like chocolate milk than coffee. There's really not much coffee flavor, or much mint either, just mocha and milk. (I mean, it is a latte). It's definitely fine, and a pleasant wintery drink, and the mint presence is there, I just would rather have a real coffee. For some pluses, there's no awful bottle/can aftertaste here like with the metal cans, and it also isn't overpoweringly sweet either. Good job, Starbucks! Not terrible!

Overall
Cost: 5/10 (I think about 2-3$, a bit much)
Taste: 6/10

Signature Kitchens Spring Vegetable Mix

I didn't really want to eat these, but I didn't eat any veg all day, so I made them just on their own with a little Goya seasoning. It's OK, but they're really wet. There's a lot of green beans and yellow squash in here. I wish instead of onion, there was corn or cauliflower. But it's a decent mix; it's hard to find a veggie mix other than plain brocco without beans or peas in it, so I'm happy this exists. It's a good mix in for the Parmesan noodle pack, and probably others. 120 cals for the whole bag, and is a good 2 noodle pack servings.



Overall
Cost: 7/10 (On sale for 1$)
Taste: 6/10

Mrs. T's Mozzarella, Tomato & Basil Pierogies

Honestly, I had very low expectations for this flavor of pierogie, because they look a little gross. Why is it red inside? Is this ravioli or pierogie?!? (Of course ravioli is more delicious....) But I like mozz, tomato, and basil, so even when they're mixed with mashed potato and pepper inside of a noodle, the taste is still good. It really is like an italian pasta inside, just mixed with potato. I don't LOVE it, but these are so cheap and easy to make that I'm gonna keep playing the pierogie roulette.



Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 7/10

Maruchan Bowl - Chicken flavor

Yep, this tastes like Maruchan ramen all right! They really all taste pretty similar to me, whether it's a bowl or a packet or a cup or whatever. This is a big portion, and it's easy to prepare. It has a lot of water and it isn't as salty as the yakisoba. I think it tastes a little less good because of that, but also probably would give less stomachaches. It's making me a little itchy right now even though there are no nuts or peas in it, so I'm not loving that. If I die, I change my rating to a 1.




Overall
Cost: 8/10 (1$ or less)
Taste: 5/10

Knorr Pasta Sides - Parmesan

I am so shocked that I haven't reviewed this before! It's one of the holy trinity of tasty and accessible classic pasta sides (with garlic and cheddar brocco). I recently peeped this in the store and saw the noodles changed to be white only, which makes me very nervous, but hopefully Knorr isn't going through too many changes right now. I always get nostalgic about the Lipton Days, the Nacho Pasta days, the Knorr with Veggies days. But I see there are now "deluxe" pasta sides, which is interesting. I think that will be a review for another day.

Anyway, this is classic. The noodles are thin, so it cooks quickly, but not as fragile as the alfredo/butter/chicken noodles, I guess because of the thick spinach pasta? The taste is good, it's parmy and spinachy and creamy but not overwhelming in any way, and not as strong of a flavor as the garlic pasta. It's a good conduit for veg (frozen mixed veg, fresh spinach, brocco, you name it) and a nice side dish for chicken or pork. Just a simple classic, and you can find it easily.

Overall
Cost: 7/10 [Usually 1.25 or so]
Taste: 8/10

Grounded Snacks - Cinnamon Sugar Red Rice & Quinoa Tortilla Chips

A tortilla chip that isn't made from corn is a pretty cool concept, now that I think about it. The fact that these are all organic/non-GMO whatever and made out of quinoa, I thought maybe they'd be super healthy (not so) or taste really unique (not so). But these are a decent sweet snack. They're just standard tortilla chips without a strong corn flavor, with a nice dusting of cinnamon sugar. Good crunch, nice brown color, and not too savory (I don't like those sweet/savory mixes). I wouldn't ever really seek this out, but it's totally fine and enjoyable enough to snack on (I went through almost all of it watching some late night Grey's Anatomy).


Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Vinaccio Bianco, NV

This is a white wine, so I expected a little sweetness and less tannins! I got the less tannins but it's not really very sweet at all. This is my first "grillo" variety so maybe that's just how they are. The flavor is just OK for me, kind of like a sour champagne but with no sweetness. It's not very acidic, though, which I do like. Plus the bottle is cute, even though it's really lacking in information (who made this? when? where?) and it had a cursed cork. I wisely drank it over 2 nights, so no hangovers here.

I made this with the suggested enchiladas, only I used precooked chicken instead of seitan+raisins (since I'm allergic to soy). It was really filling, and lasted me several meals, but I think I'd rather have had tacos or fajitas or quesadillas in flour tortillas with white cheese and fresh veg. Basically the enchiladas were kind of a dud for me (5/10 perhaps), but I don't think it was my fault. I know you didn't come here for my enchilada review, but listen, the wines are paired with foods and that's how it's gonna be.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Halfpops - Sea Salt

These were really not what I expected! I assumed this would basically taste like popcorn, but it didn't at all. Instead, it had a strong nutty flavor! Of course there are no nuts, just corn, oil, and salt, but I guess corn tastes like nuts when un-popped(???). The texture was also very very firm/hard/crunchy, which added to the effect.  The flavor wasn't buttery at all, either. It was a little salty, I guess, which is good, and reminded me a little of the snack mix that has a ton of rye chips in it. So the flavor and texture didn't really do it for me, I'm afraid. I did enjoy reading the label prose, there was a lot of it and it was wholesome and not offensive, which still being cute and hipstery. So that's a plus.



Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10

One Potato Two Potato - Plain Jaynes Sweet Potato Chips

Talk about an unwieldy brand name! It's so long. The name "Plain Jaynes" is a little weird, too, because my friend Jane hates being called Plain. But the bag art is pretty unique and cute. I wasn't sure what to think going in. It turned out these were really good chips! There's only three ingredients, and the oil is sunflower oil, yet these reminded me strongly of coconut chips (i.e. coconut pieces). Maybe that means there was a lot of oil + the sweet and salty combo, I don't know, but it was tasty. I like the sweet/salty combo, and I liked the thickness of these, which were fairly thin and therefore easy to bite and enjoyable. Basically these were a snack food that actually tasted good, like an indulgence, and they have vitamin A in them too! Score! The other potato flavors look pretty great too (onion, BBQ, maple?!?!) so I hope I get to try them in the future. I've never seen these in a store yet.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Deep River Zesty Jalapeno Chips

I got these as a snack from Bryn Mawr's cafe, because I'm scared of all their other food and my office hours make my non-eating hours way too long. This is a big bag (300 cals = 2 normal mini chip bags) which I definitely appreciate. I remember liking this brand, but I guess this particular flavor didn't really do it for me. They are super super firm chips, very crispy, but awkward to eat in public because they're so firm. I also didn't love the taste; they're definitely spicy but it's mainly just spice and no sweetness or other fun flavors to match that. I'll have to try another flavor next time.




Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10

Lean Cuisine Margherita Pizza

This was all I had to eat today and it was so not enough; I feel like my stomach is eating itself but my parents are here judging me so I can't eat anything else. Therefore I don't recommend this. But it was super quick to cook, the cheese did manage to melt fully, and I don't have any heartburn (so far), so that's good. It didn't crisp up at all, so really we're looking at a bit of soggy cheesy bread with bits of tomato, which could surely be worse but was a bit lacking in flavor (no basil or real mozzo flavor). Also, mine was square and the picture is round, so that's a bit odd. This was on sale, so maybe they're about to change it up. I hope so, because some of LC's other pizzas aren't too bad.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

2018 Balance Chenin Blanc

Look at how cute this bottle is! It's a balloon and an elephant! I love it. If all South African wines have such cute labels, I don't know what the online ratings are about (they seem like they're low). Anyway, I was happy to have some white wine, since it goes down much easier for me. This seemed like a pretty standard white in that sense; I put two grapes in the bottom of each glass for a fun sangria-like experience. Bad news, though, I drank the whole bottle in one night and woke up feeling like hot garbage, ready to vom at any moment. Whoopsy. So that put me off a bit, I was between 6 and 7 in rating and the bad hangover is pulling me to 6. Sorry for my lack of self-control, Balance.


Overall
Cost: 6/10 [10$?]
Taste: 6/10

Brothers All Natural Fruit Crisps - Strawberries

These were nice! Unlike the previous Brothers fruit crisps, this bag felt a little bigger (2 whole servings of fruit, they say) and therefore a bit more satisfying. The only ingredient is strawberry, which is cool. I like strawberries so I like this, even though freeze drying takes away the best best of fruit (the juice!). It's something sweet and pleasant to eat, and tastes like dry strawberry. The pieces were pretty small, but I think that's because strawberries are small. No real complaints about the product, it just has a maximum goodness level and they basically hit it here.




Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Bagel Bites - Three Cheese

Bagel bites! What could be greater, than playing a game of golf with a bagel?

These are truly classic, although they really aren't that good, they are certainly better than pizza rolls. I think one flaw in my process is that I make them in the microwave, so they are chewy and sometimes cold, which obviously is not great. Otherwise, they have a nice mild flavor and are cutely bite sized, so you can eat 9 whole pizzas if you want to (I usually do). The ones with meat are really bad because the meat tastes weird, but the plain cheese is alright. A crowd pleaser for picky eaters.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [4$]
Taste: 7/10

Mighty Spark Jalapeno & Honey Chicken Snack Stick

This was pretty good! My biggest issue with snacky meat sticks is usually the texture, but I thought the texture of these was great - not too chewy or dry (or wet) or anything like that, just a nice pliable meat bite. It did contain some kind of odd crisp bits (I guess bits of jalepeno?) that threw me off, but I still liked the texture overall. The taste was also pleasant; it's a little sweet and a little spicy, and tastes kind of like a chicken street taco. So, a good experience, and overall satisfying especially for only 60 cals. Plus, very portable and also nut-free!




Overall
Cost: 5/10 [About 1.70 per stick]
Taste: 8/10

2015 Elicio Red Blend

Generally, I prefer white wine (or rosé or sparkling or beer or liquor...) to red wine, because red is So Tannin-y (or acidic/bitter/heavy however you want to say it). Plus it stains your teeth. But it's generally thought to be better for your health, and also less sweet and more classy, so I still drink it. Also this is supposed to pair well with a nice cottage pie I'm gonna make shortly, so we'll see. Enough blather, friends! This is from Rhoneland in France, and it even has a twist-off cap, which I love to see. The first sip was pleasantly fruity, and yes, still bitter, but it came along with a pleasant sweetness and zero bits of cork. The bottle also looks classy, so I'm a fan.



Overall
Cost: 4/10
Taste: 7/10