Fresh Express Shreds Iceberg

Fresh Express shreds iceberg? Katilina shreds dreams! 

These guys have been the target of many a recall, and nowadays your bagged fresh lettuce is one of the last things you want to eat for public health. But I recently discovered through a series of neurotic testing that fresh iceberg doesn't give me any OAS symptoms, so I made a nice little ground turkey burger bowl with this. Perhaps I will get E.Coli, but that's towards the bottom of my health worries (at least until I get it), so I enjoyed some nice uncooked produce in the form of this ostensibly pre-washed lettuce. I will say, it doesn't hurt to rinse it yourself anyway. But I digress. This was reasonably fresh/crunchy, with just a few reddish old bits the day after opening. It's about 5 cups worth, which is a good amount for 2-3 days worth of lettuce-containing foods. This was also the only Plain Bagged Iceberg at my store, so they're shreadsing at the lettuce monopoly too.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Avalon Bistro & Wine Bar

This place has a great happy hour! I'm on my no-eating-out era, but they had 5$ wine/beer, cheap apps, and 9$ cocktails (which, alas, is what counts for cheap now). Bartender was chill, patrons were mostly not students (except one who was in fact my student, but she was with her parents), and the ambiance is buzzy but not frantic. Weird rotating poster art of celebs. Syntactic logo. All in all, a nice little place. Would (ask about allergens so that I could) eat there if forced! Reminded me a bit of Iron Hill in terms of the bar/table vibes, although perhaps I just miss post-work hangs with my dear pal Janey. 

Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 7/10 (I got a Stella; very good) 

La Croix - Pamplemousse

How did pamplemousse get to be pamplemousse when all the other flavors are in English? Anyway, this is pretty similar to the lemon one. It's good. It's not great. It's La Croix. The little "Innocent!" tagline on the front is insidious. No wonder everyone has an eating disorder.

Overall
Cost: 10/10 (free)
Taste: 6/10 

La Croix - Lemon

I've had about 3 of these in the last week thanks to the catering at my new job. It's not as good as the free Homefree cookies at my last gig (here we've got no packaged food at all, only pastries... hummus... beyond meat... etc) but it is something and I am grateful for it! These are probably strictly better than the janky waterloo seltzers I get in my veg box, but they're also expensive. I guess they're still trendy though, because all the cool young people were drinking them (and me). 

Overall
Cost: 10/10 
Taste: 6/10 

Highland Fruit Packers Blueberries

Some of my best friends are highland fruit packers...

These blueberries (a 1 pint clamshell; sorry no picture) were top tier. Granted, I can't eat them until they're cooked, and cooked, all fruits become near identical, but they LOOKED like they'd be really good fresh, too. Really plump, pale, and tasty. Not sour like those little tart ones. Not mealy looking, either. I should have just eaten one but I'm trying to protect my mental (and therefore physical) health, lol. Anyway, the blueberry pie/cake thing I made with these turned out better than it did the other two times I made it (with frozen tart and frozen plain blueberries, respectively), so I'm pleased with the Highlanders (a BC, Canada company, which is tragically far from me, classic Acme). 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [4$]
Taste: 7/10  

Pepperidge Farm Pumpkin Cheesecake Soft-Baked Cookies

Hey, I'm not the one who decided to release three different autumn cookies, OK? I just buys em as I sees em. These, like all the soft baked big cookies, are delicious. They're also brain diet approved, weirdly enough (when you aren't looking for it, that's when you'll find it??). The color is very PB-esque, but after so much pepfarm, I trust they wouldn't do me dirty. These contain white choco, real pumpkin, and allspice (which is actually just one spice; I googled due to fear even though I've surely had it hundreds of times). They taste mainly of soft-baked sweet cookie. White choco and dough. Chewy and cookie. I guess pumpkin is there, but it is secondary to the chewy circle cookie ethos. Relatedly, I really need to eat a vegetable. (Tragic fact: my grocery was out of both frozen veg AND chicken, due to the college kiddos coming back into town. But they had plenty of Seasonal Cookie !!)

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Milano - Pumpkin Spice

Love to eat several near-identical tasting foods in quick succession... reminds me of wine. I expected these to be quite similar to the chai latte milano, since those tasted like pumpkin spice, but these are actually closer to the pumpkin pie pop tarts, even though they don't contain any pumpkin. I think that's because the milk choco here (instead of white choco) makes them less sweet and more complex, which is good, except the spice level (such as it is -- very subtle nutmeg/cinnamon notes) is way dialed down, making them not very different from the regular old milano. That said, a regular old milano is pretty great, so I'd happily eat these anytime. They are better than chai milano and pumpkin pop tart (obviously), but less autumnal. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Charms Blow Pop - Spooktacular Flavors

In honor of Dunkin Pumpkinning today, behold, some halloween candy. These are smaller than your typical blow pop, which is probably for the best, although it means a greater gum-to-pop ratio, so maybe not. Anyway, they're nut free, but packed with artificial flavors/colors. I always hated the bottom wrapping, but I do admit it keeps things neater than a top-only wrap. The problem with a blow pop is it ends in a small, boring piece of gum, which isn't anything I want to blow. Or pop. I'm so used to tootsie pops that I'm sure one of these days I'm gonna accidentally swallow it. Hazards of the trade, I guess.

Extreme Lemonade: Hells yeah, two super lemonade flavored sweets in a row (after yesterday's fruit-by-the-foot). Tastes exactly the same, some very strong sweet & sour lemon cleaning flavor. I love it. The color of this (puce with pink shining through) is not super appealing, but I suppose it's spooky. 7/10

Blue Razzberry:  Happy to report this is a normal blue hard candy color. Tastes just like a blue raspberry dum-dum(&etc), which is to say, pretty good. A little bit of tart complexity beyond pure sweetness (that must be the razz of it all). I don't really get the spooky tie-in to these flavors, but that's OK. 7/10

Black Cherry: No cute name effectz for this one? Ah well. Usually I don't like cherry flavored things (because they lean medicinal), but this tastes just like a cherry icee. Not that I LOVE a Cherry Icee, but it is a rare happy treat (associated with The Movies, which I haven't been to in 5+ years now). Sweet, artificial, and red (even though the lolly is dark colored, purply maybe). Also quite similar to the Cherry Tootsie pop, for that matter. But a bit less sweet! 7/10

WhataMelon: This is probably the least compelling flavor, because it's just... watermelon. Tastes a little like I am in middle school and on summer vacation, although I'm not sure what's pinging that association. Vending machine candy, maybe? Those little sweet juice jugs? There's a slight sourness to this that keeps it interesting, and it if were a different type of -pop than blow, it'd be solidly Good. Not ever my top flavor, but good among watermelon! 6/10

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [6$]
Taste: 7/10 

Fruit by the Foot - Splitz - Watermelon & Lemonade

I just bought a bunch of portable snacks because I'm about to spend the majority of my week kitchenless, away from comforts like Fridge and Microwave. Who could have forseen that I would eat a bunch of those snacks in my own Fully Kitchened home anyway due to weariness and/or curiosity?! (everyone). Anyway, this is too embarrassing to eat during meetings or even office hours, lol. But it's very good. The lemon(ade) flavor is sour, strong, and soapy-fresh (although it doesn't taste like soap; more like lemon soap always smelled kinda tasty to me). It smells kind of like fruit stripe gum, which is funny because it's fruit (by the foot) and has a big stripe on it. The texture is annoyingly thin compared to what I remember from my youth (cost cutting???) but the length seems about the same. Longer than a foot! Sweet, complex, a lil sour, very nice. Hopefully they don't catch me in a car accident unfurling my fruit snack scroll. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 
Taste: 7/10 

pop tarts - frosted pumpkin pie

Speaking of pumpkin spice! Weirdly, these are less pumpkin spicy than those chai milanos. I'm all in on fall mode now since there's a real chance today will be the last 90+degree day of 2025 (and therefore last 100+degree day in my house) 🙏🙏🙏

Appearance-wise, these are not very appealing, and not very typical pop tart. The frosting only covers a small part of the top (not like the picture) and the sprinkles are mostly shades of black, brown, and a few orange/red/white?. The black ones look like little bugs (or charitably, burnt spots). The texture is good though; it didn't break apart. And the taste? This is gonna shock you, but these are the first pop tarts that didn't taste TOO SWEET. They're still sweet, don't get me wrong, but not in a way where my main flavor note is "too much sugar". Good work, pop tart team. These actually have pumpkin in, which is rare for pumpkin flavored things, and probably helps lower the sweetness. There's also cinnamon and clove (and nutmeg), so it's a traditional pumpkin pie vibe, but it's pretty subtle. No potpourri smell. Happily, it doesn't taste artificial like their red cinnamon stuff does. But what we're left with is like, some kinda sweet, kinda pumpkiny unrisen crusty dough. Not very delicious, but it is a filling, convenient, seasonal snack. Maybe it needs more butter. (Ha. I'm in baking mode I guess.)

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Milano Chai Latte

Makes sense that these are an autumn exclusive, since they smell exactly like a pumpkin spice flavored cookie. Apparently chai latte flavor is just cinnamon, clove, and cardamom, which is pretty darn similar to pumpkin pie spice. The choco inside is white choco, which makes sense for the pairing but is less delicious and kinda ruins the whole 'milano' flavor profile (as discussed in the previous series of white choco milano reviews). The taste is a little too sweet and a little too similar to a craft store (i.e. baskets, flowers, potpourri), but not terrible. It definitely does evoke autumn and have a pleasant light orange coloring. I've actually never had a chai latte, so this may be a solid dupe, but I suspect there are very few drink-flavored cookies in the upper echelons of desserts. Post your counterexamples in the comments! :D

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Quaker Oat Flour

Hi blog fans! I live another day! Just to close the loop on my allergy testing: it was horrible; I don't recommend it to anyone who already knows they have severe allergies and I surely regret doing it. But, as noted, I live to blog on. 

And I'm not allergic to oat (not that they tested it), so this is perfect for baking. But what's this? My local grocery store stopped carrying it, even though they used to stock it, so I had to order it online!? Ew, gross, etc. But order it online I did, because life is short.  This is pricy stuff, at least compared to wheat flour, although if you can't do wheat (luckily I can -- not that they tested it) it might be cheaper than other gluten free flours. But in terms of its utility, it's right there (and it has more protein/fiber which is always good). It must be stated that it tastes like oats. So I used this to make a pretty tasty zucchini oat bar, and I've used it for buckle/cobbler like sweetbreads, and that seems to be the right kind of use case. I also like oats even though I eat them for brekkie every day, so I might not be a neutral oat flour judger. But this is a good product for oat-likers. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 (6$/bag)
Taste: 6/10 

Beachside Cauliflower Head

I didn't realise cauliflower can grow at the beach! Anyway, I'm really in 24/7 sore itchy agony now (2 more days til that sweet sweet allergy testing), but this cauliflower still tasted good. Must be the salty sea air. These are nice and large, although they browned kind of fast, even in the fridge. Cutting off the brown bits (and one bug) yielded a good-tasting, filling, nice veg. One of my favorites, even. Great flavor, pleasant texture, presumably adequate nutrition, no allergy issues (beyond the baseline). Whew, I'm dyin'. OK, til next time, blog fans! And there will be a next time >:(

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Eggo Minis - French Toast - Cinnamon

I'm still chasing that French Toast dream! These are new, but they ain't it either. However, they are cute little toasts; 8 per serving. They're also wrapped in single-serve pouches like Pop-Tarts, which I have never seen in a French Toast product and which is a bad sign for Earth. But admittedly was good for preventing freezer burn. They mostly tasted like a pancake. Nothing French Toasty there except the shape, and the cinnamon is also extremely subtle. But it didn't scream waffle as much as the French Toaster sticks, I guess. Happy that our cute little French girl toast mascot returns (with ribbons instead of hat!), in addition to the little French cinnaman. There are even more french eggo mascots to gender on the back of the box, so I had a good time with these even though the taste was uninspiring. I'm also off antihistamines for a week due to my upcoming allergy testing, and I'm an itchy, weepy, chest-painy mess therefore, so if I hate everything I ate this week perhaps take it with a French grain of salt. 

Oh! I toasted them. 1 cycle. Seemed right. But then I saw that microwave (IN THE PLASTIC) is supposedly the recommend way to cook 'em, so I'll try that next, since that is indeed the way to make Frozen French toast. I'm already 50% microplastics like the rest of my generation, so I'm sure it's fine. If it tastes any better I'll return with the good news.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Post Golden Crisp Cereal

Aw, this was my grandpa's favorite cereal. It's extremely sugary! I guess we know where I inherited my palate. (He lived to his late 90s, mind you.) I guess this is basically the same as Kellogg's Honey Smacks, but it's got more of a burnt flavor and the pieces are a little smaller and crunchier. Kind of the Coke to Pepsi's Smacks, except in this case I think the Coke is tastier because it's a cereal and not a horrid soda. They changed the font and the way Sugar Bear looks since the time I last had these, and that is terrible. Booo, change. But the cereal tastes pretty much the same. Very tasty, but also makes my head a little numb as sweet things apparently do. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [2$]
Taste: 7/10 

Cookies & Creme Milkshake Frosted Flakes

They release a new flavor of these every year, and that means I try a new flavor of these every year. This was a strange choice for a flavor, because the "cookies" look like bugs. Maybe Kellogg's read my tweet about adding black pepper to everything as exposure therapy against food-bug fear. Disturbing appearance aside, the box I bought also had the inner bag glued to the outside of the box! Weird vibes. But it was sealed. The flavor is honestly fine; very similar to the chocolate chip pop tarts (also made by Kellogg's; coincidence? I think not). I don't get much "creme" or "milkshake", which is probably good because I'm kind of milked out. But it's very different than the other maltmaxxed milkshake flavors, and the leftover milk is just regular sweet milk. The bug flakes don't transfer to the milk, at least, which means they're totally not bugs, guys! I wonder if they'll have a 2026 flavor too. Orange cream milkshake? Vanilla milkshake? Bleh. But I'll try anything once! Also, this already seems to be out of stock and/or on sale everywhere; maybe the bug specks were a failure. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [2$]
Taste: 6/10 

2021 Richard Bruno Clarksburg Chenin Blanc

Despite appearances, I'm really not going back to my old wine-a-week lifestyle (more like seltzer and haribo lifestyle for the foreseeable)! But since the weather became nice, I did a bit of the ol' in-for-a-penny-in-for-a-pound-fallacy(?) and cracked another of my many wines-in-wait. This is one of those bizarre wine club exclusives that I didn't get as part of the wine club, but it tastes pretty good. Of course, in some ways, the experience is more valuable than the taste (drugs: taste 10/10, cost 1/10) but abstracting away from that, it's still a pleasant dry fruity white. Not fizzy, but thin and sweet, acidic, a little tart, I guess melon-y. Pretty consistent across time and temperature. I used to think that if I had a short-term terminal illness, I'd risk a bunch of restaurant chinese food and desserts, but now I think I'd just drink all the time instead. Lol. Anyway, very healthy review we have going here. To you, I recommend this wine, but also moderation! 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Nestle Carnation Sweetened Condensed Milk

OK, so this was also used in ice cream and not on its own, and thus I'm not sure I can review its taste accurately. HOWEVER, I sure have a lot to say about the smell of this product. First, I shamelessly admit I have never used Sweetened Condensed Milk before, so I didn't know what to expect when I opened it. Its banana pudding color and texture surprised me, but I quickly learned from the internet that that's normal. The smell, however, was horrifying. My first reaction was that it smelled like cheesy corn chips or musty feet, two smells that are similar in my mind (I hate a corn chip). Then I saved the can in the fridge so I could ask someone else to smell it (they said it smelled normal, like nothing and/or milk), and after handling the can, it revealed itself to smell exactly like cat food. Horrible, horrible smell that was quite strong and would not go away. If you ask Google, that means it's expired, but it was surely not, it just smells like that (to me). The only pre-existing source of online validation I could find was someone saying that canned coconut milk smelled like tuna, which is of course a subtype of cat food:  

The comment about popcorn made me think "huh, I get what you're getting", also. But then two of my dear internet friends told me they get a slight musty note too. So why isn't anyone talking about this!? It's been 12 hours and many handwashings and I still smell it lingering. Granted, I am 100% insane about sensory input lately, but I'm not pulling this out of thin air, people!!! 

Also funny: the reviews on the brand website are weirdly low, but nobody mentions a horrible cat food smell, just that the can is hard to open (it's true, I took 3 tries at it!) and that there's sugar in it (also true).  

Anyway, the smell didn't persist into the finished dessert at all, and I didn't vom after eating, so I think it just smells like that. I was too much of a coward to taste it, but I might try, like, a different brand next time (even though I figured Nestle's the safest allergy bet).  

Overall
Cost: 5/10 
Taste: 5/10
Smell 1/10 

Bel Gioioso Mascarpone

This is hard to review, because I used it to make ice cream (my first attempt at homemade ice creaming!) and it was a little weird (=thick, fatty), texturally, and extremely cheesy, but was that the goal of the mascarpone ice cream enterprise or not? Anyway, this comes in a convenient form and has minimal ingredients, and it is probably delicious, but I don't actually have enough information to make an educated review. So why review at all, you ask? Well. From an allergy perspective, it gets a pass!

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [6$ish]
Taste: 6/10 ?