my mochi - vanilla bean

Behold, a new flavor, available in PA! You know it's vanilla bean and not just regular vanilla because there are little black specks in it. Oooh, aahh (except that's a negative in my book because it could be bad to see black specks in most foods). Anyway, this was a bad, freezer burn-y texture, even after much defrosting time, but I don't know if that's due to my parents' bad freezer, the store's bad freezer, or the product somehow. Most likely the first thing. Other than that, it was indeed very vanilla. The white mochi makes me lol because it looks like modelling clay. Anyway, I only had one so I can't say much more, but it was fun and cute as are they all. And nut free!

Overall
Cost: ?/10
Taste: 7/10 

Hanover Frozen Asparagus Spears

Finally, a veg! For some reason, I have a memory of (some??) Hanover veggie having a peanut warning, but I couldn't find any record of this online or in my blog tome, so maybe it was something else. Anyway, these are fine. Not as good as real asparagus, but we're in PA, so, no veg box and no real asparagus. Wet and fine. Could do worse!

Overall
Cost: ?/10
Taste: 6/10 

Skinny Pop - Sea Salt (Microwavable Version)

Blergh, the micowavable version of this is much less delicious than the prepopped version! But it is still nut free and, I guess, skinny. Certainly the portion size is larger here than with the other stuff, and I guess the taste is just the same as other microwave popcorns, so maybe I'm just not in the mood for popcorn. I am only eating this to have something to review, after all! (Why was it at my parents' house, I wondered, since my mom can't eat popcorn and my dad righteously has no interest in Skinny Things? Is it because it's nut free, on my behalf?! Is it because Hershey makes it so they got it for free? Questions I wish I had asked!)

Overall
Cost: ?/10
Taste: 6/10 

Ortega Mild Original Taco Sauce

Just like the cheese, I eschew taco sauce on tacos et al. But for you, blog, I es-chewed it. Or es-schlorped it. It was less captivating than the taco cheese. Tastes just like I remember: a tomato-based thin sauce with taco-seasoning-ish vibes. More vinegar than spice. Haven't you people heard of salsa and/or hot sauce!? Anyway, it didn't ruin the taco experience, but I do think it made things slightly worse. Maybe if you have a very dry meal (couldn't be me), then a tiny dab of this would be OK.

Overall
Cost: ?/10
Taste: 5/10 

Giant brand Taco Blend Shredded Cheese

I never put cheese on my tacos, but since I was searching for something to review, I did it with this cheese. I always liked Giant the grocery store (and therefore Giant the brand), but the idea of a shredded taco blend cheese (cheddar, a bottom tier cheese, plus MJ, a good cheese) that has taco seasoning (garlic, onion, paprika, salt) built in is like... a little unnerving. But you know what? It was good. Probably more delicious than without the cheese. Shows what I know. Plus I read that cheese is good for staving off dementia, so all things considered, cheese me up.

Overall
Cost: ?/10
Taste: 7/10 

Prego Meat Sauce

My parents only eat Prego sauce, which now that I'm 20 years removed from eating, I find bafflingly sweet, like when international students eat our bread and go "ugh, why is it like that?????". Well, it's because sugar is delicious and makes you happy. But I get where they're coming from because it's a completely different flavor profile. It's fine, I'm not disgusted by it or anything, but I don't like it on noodle. Like me, though, my parents are extremely set in their branded ways, so I'll save my complaints for this blog. No soy in the "meat" at least. Also no veg. Frankly, this is almost like a completely different product from the pastes and tinctures that I'm used to. Also it gave me a massive stomachache (and I only ate a little bit)!!! But what doesn't, tbh.

Overall
Cost: ?/10, hopefully cheap
Taste: 5/10 

Kellogg's Cocoa Loops

Who wanted this!? Then again, I bought it, so joke's on me. I can't resist a cartoon bird mascot with a rainbow beak. I guess I was expecting/fearing some Froot taste, but luckily there isn't any, these are a totally different thing. Aesthetically I approve; the box is a nice dark purple and the loops are much darker in color than I would have guessed. True cocoa in these loops. Taste-wise they're a miss. Not horrifying, but like a denser cocoa puff with a strange, hard-to-place aftertaste. Paper? I dunno. It does make the milk chocolatey, and they do have a crunchy Froot Loop texture, so I guess I see why these are getting decent reviews. But maybe I don't miss chocolate all that much because I hardly yearn for more (of these). 

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [5.59$]
Taste: 6/10 

Wandering Bear Cold Brew - Straight Black

Some of my best friends are straight black! OK so I was really hoping to love this because it came in my veg box, the packaging is cute, and they purportedly don't use allergens in their cold brews (which I doubt a little since I just saw an ad for their "amaretto flavor" but whatever). This is just plain, so it's fine. The taste was mid, though. There's also not that much in there (32oz); it's supposedly 5 servings but to me it's more like 3 servings. It's also really hard to tell how much you're using unless you measure it out, which is wild. Tastes like bottled cold brew. Dunkin is superior. The bear is cute though.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

DeCecco Fusilli no 34 (monocolor edition)

I was not expecting to like this much, since fusilli is only for pasta salad in my world (and fusilli jerrys, rip seinfeld being unembarrassing to have watched). But I used this for a lasagna bake (broadly construed) and it was surprisingly suitable there. Good texture, fun, goes good with your meat and your sauce and your cheesers. IDK if I'd like it plain, but either way, it exceeded my expectations. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Stouffer's French Bread Pizzas - Three Meat

Did I eat these because I'm getting sick, or am I getting sick because I ate these? The age old question. But these were good. I mean, "three meat" is probably the pizza type I'm least interested in, but my store didn't have any other options, and stouffer's are the only soy-free pizzas now. Freakin' soy protein. Somehow these guys made 3 meats without it! Why can't you [Red Baron, Tony, etc]?! So, the three meats are: roni pieces, snausage, and.. bacon?? I definitely did not taste any bacon. But that's good, because bacon sounds bad on pizza. Also, it's Hanukkah. Do not ask me the contents of the other meats please. These cook in the oven for 21 minutes, which is long but not that long when you have a billion things to do. I will buy them, or whatever flavor there is, again. Thank you sweet soy-free frozen meal of bread pizza.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Pepperidge Farm Milano - Mint Chocolate

The prodigal blogger returns! Things have been pretty fraught in my life so I took a wee hiatus, but, when it is time to seek comfort, we all may look to the cookie. Especially mint choco cookies! These are lovely. I thought I had them before, but that was just 8 million other milano flavors crossed with 5 million other peppermint chocolate cookies, I guess! Anyway, the milano formula is lit, and the peppermint choco is fairly subtle since it's just the innards. Andes-ish innards, which isn't as good as the big round peppermint cocoa cookies, but the milano shell is pretty hard to pass up. Basically these are a refreshing delight. The bag also says "Crafted by our bakers... for you." Me??? Maybe I should buy more of those snoopy goldfish since they seem less indulgent. But sometimes it's OK to indulge. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10 

Kellogg's Frosted Krispies

Yooo, I assumed these were just regular krispies, but they're frosted with sugar! I.e, like a non-clumped version of rice krispie treats cereal (the greatest cereal of all time). Very delicious. Just sugar, rice, and malt. Probably good for baking, but who cares, just eat them. Happy holidays to me!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

All Dressed Pringles

Hmm. An interesting varietal. Despite all appearances, I don't really like Pringles that much, but I do like Ruffles All Dressed chips a lot (not just because they're Canadian). These don't really taste like those, though. They smell like fast food fries. They taste like, hmm. Pringle with vinegary BBQ, maybe. The onion on the can looks like a cucumber, and the tomato looks like red pepper. So that's very confusing. Gyro pringles?! But no. They taste like neither onion nor tomato. Maybe tomato a little. There is sour cream and onion (and garlic) in the ingredos, but I mainly get "oil and vinegar" plus a little "pepper and lettuce". It's OK because I like sandwiches, but I would probably call this only partially dressed. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

my mochi ice cream - Barbie Birthday Cake

Hunted down another flavor! I'm not a big "Barbie" supporter, but at least it's not Harry Potter. I'm also not a big Birthday Cake fan, but at least it's not their new "dubai chocolate" flavor (which is supposedly still nut free, although anything with 'natural pistachio flavor' won't be touching my lips this decade). These remain adorable. The ice cream has little sprinkles in it, and while it does taste like "birthday cake", it's not super artificial and gross, and the mochi (which is mostly unflavored, or rather, flavored like "mochi") helps to temper it. Surprisingly good. A delightful little bite. Between this and the strawberry I think I'll be saying Hi Barbie! (But I still want to find the mint choco one obvi). 

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [7$ lol]
Taste: 7/10 

Welch's Juicefuls Fusions

Who among us doesn't enjoy 2 in 1 juicy fun? I doubt anything lives up to the fruit 'n yogurt snacks, but by golly, these smelled so bad when I opened the pack. Like a rotting peach, maybe. Luckily they just tasted like generic fruit snack. They are shaped like circular citrus wedges and lumpy berries, which I like and think is cute.  

Peach Green Apple: mostly tastes like peach. Not at all ful of juice (no juice, even). 

Watermelon Lemon: Love this; it tastes like Amazing Fruit Gummy Bears (I'll never forget those). Did have a small bit of (lemon, fun) juice inside, although I'd hardly call it -ful. Nice flavors, both are present.  

Blueberry Raspberry: Blueberry+Raspberry = Blue raspberry. How 'bout that.  Not as fun of a shape, but it's OK and no worse than average. Very little juicefulness, but the color is stark so it feels like there is.

Although I said it in jest, these really did probide me with 2 in 1 (moderately) juicy fun. Something we all sorely need! Good job, Welch's. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10 

Cabot Vermont Sharp Cheddar Slices

I keep getting different versions of Cabot Vermont Cheddar and they're all the same (bad for cheese). Literally, tastes like nothing. Cold, square nothing. But I'm so hungry when I get home I ate 8 squares, cursing the banal flavor the whole time. Surely there are no remaining Vermont Cheddar Cabot Infinity Stones to collect, though. Surely...

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

my mochi - strawberry

I saw another nut-allergy person saying these were safe, and I thought "surely not?" because they used to have a may-contain warning, but indeed, this box says "made in a nut free facility"! I was still paranoid so I emailed the company, and they said that they used to use cashew milk in their vegan version, but now they use oat milk (yes!! oat milk supremacy!!) and the box is accurate. So, I bought these as they were the only flavor I could find near me. They're very cute: in an egg-like container, small, round, covered in (rice?) flour. Honestly I don't really like mochi very much (or most Japanese food, despite it being very bouba), but I do like ice cream and desserts so here we are. It was as expected: the ice cream inside is nice, strawberry, average, and the outside is very glutinous and also rice. It too is strawberry flavor, but like, not enough. I will say the texture is very fun, and it's a bit like eating a toy or a ball of hard wax covering melted wax. Or whatever. And I like that they come in pre-portioned 70calo snack size. I will definitely buy these again and if I can find the other non-gross-sounding flavors I will buy those too! (miss me with that dubai chocolate with "natural pistachio flavor", you couldn't pay me any amount of money to try that one!!)

Overall
my taste: 7/10
my cost: 3/10 

Pillsbury All Purpose Flour

I was thinking about Poppin' Fresh the Pillsbury Doughboy recently (as one does), and I realised that commercial food mascots were a way bigger deal, culturally, in the 1900s. Because like, there was no streaming, and so commercials were like little TV shows, and the only kid-friendly ones were for food and toys, and they all had wacky mascots with lovable catchphrases. Also I had a ton of mascot toys because they came free in the foods. Anyway, I used to get Gold Medal Flour, but this is the only flour at my store (that isn't nut-ified) and it is perfectly serviceable. In fact I've made so many cakes and breads and muffins and breadings with this stuff that it's become my new default flour! Not much to say about it, but it does the job. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Bonus content from Wiki:

In the 1970s, a Pillsbury Doughboy family was created and sold as dolls individually and in the form of various playsets.

Included in the family are:

• Poppin' Fresh
• Poppie Fresh, described by the Advertising Icon Museum as forming a couple with Poppin' Fresh beginning in the early 1970s .
• Granpopper and Granmommer (grandparents)
• Popper (boy) and Bun-Bun (baby, girl)
• Flapjack (dog) and Biscuit (cat)
• Uncle Rollie

 

Pepperidge Farm Peppermint Cocoa Cookies

These are a true delight. They're so good. Buttery, crispy, light mint chip but not crazy strong, gentle cocoa vibe. IDK why the picture is small. Here, have a bigger one.

These are even better than the Snoopys, although I will say, they aren't as cute. But they are delicious. I ate 3 servings all at once, cried a little, and then drove home without killing anyone. 'Tis the season! 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 8/10 

On the Border Fiesta Dippin' Chips

Ah, the simple pleasures of boring foods. These are fine. Unremarkable. The taste is mid, the texture is mid (they hold up to fiesta dippin' mostly, but not always) and the allergy info is good. Did I Dip & Enjoy? To a certain extent, yes I did. May you all Dip & Enjoy this eve.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

LaClare Cranberry Cinnamon Goat Cheese

I don't know if this is a seasonal item or not, but it certainly could be! It's also the kind of item that makes my nut allergy radar go "ALERT! ALERT!", but the ingredos are safe and I've actually emailed LaClare before and they said there's no nuts in their stuff. So, OK. OK. (I'm also on high alert lately because of work stress: every faculty meeting has a huge open tub of mixed nuts and even with a mask on I feel like I'm dying, it's like a baseball game in there except INSIDE; also my bosses constantly cater events I'm told to be at and the catering is never remotely safe, and I've mentioned my Severe Allergy (just nuts, I don't even get into the restrictions that would allow me to actually Eat Things) so many times that it's clear they just don't care!!!) All that to say, eating this made me feel like I'm dying but it's probably just anxiety. Hard to evaluate the taste through all that, but I think it was: good. Very similar to their apple cinnamon one. Like mildly sweet cream cheese with a bit less tang. Very spready. Cute. I wish I were amongst the cows and not the humans. You get it, right blog fans? 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Jelly Belly Holiday Favorites

See, now these are sweets (first ingredient rightfully sugar). Excited to fill my jelly bean box with a new medley of flavors. Jelly Belly are peanut free, traditionally, but the bag didn't say so this time, so I sent them an inquiring email. We'll see what's up. In any case, I ate these anyway since I've bellied many jellys in the past. It's a pretty fun mix. 

Egg Nog: 5 in this bag. OK well, this is bad. It tastes like a perfume or plant food. However I don't really know what eggnog tastes like, so. It might be dead on. Some sour....nog notes. Kinda grows on you. 5/10

Candy Cane: 7 in this bag. This is fully what a candy cane tastes like. Straight up peppermint, almost too strong to enjoy. Impressive. Takes me back to middle school when it was trendy to have strong Happy Bunny peppermints, and boy was I trendy. 8/10

Hot Chocolate: 9 in this bag. We've had this flavor before. It's good. Tastes like chocolate pudding. Malty. 8/10 

Gingerbread: 4 in this bag. Also a little poupourri-esque. A unique bean. Spicy, floral, doesn't have that ginger spice really, but cookie-ish. A little like the Dr. Pepper bean. Reminds me of the legions of Pumpkin Spice flavored confections. 5/10 

Cranberry: 2 in this bag! I thought I'd like it but it's a little generic. Needs more zip. 6/10

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Abe's Cornbread

CornBREAD isn't really accurate for this. It's Corn CAKE. Muffin in square form. The first ingredient is sugar. Although I love sweets, I don't want a sweet corn bread. I want a corn corn bread. Ah well. I still like Abe's and I will still eat this (nut/soy/pea/sesame free!!) cake product as a dessert while wishing it were any number of other desserts and/or corn products! Very sweet, moist, light corn notes. 12 servings which is frankly a big commitment. Gonna have to freeze it. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Buffalo Wing Pringles

Jesus. These are something. OK, first of all, I don't even LIKE pringles, but they're often a Survivor reward and so I often end up buying them for school and then eating them myself because I get hungry. And then I get in the habit of eating Pringle and so I am more likely to buy additional Pringle. All that to say: these showed up in my store's SUPER CLEARANCE section (which is like 2 selves - it's rare to have food in there, usually seasonal paper plates and ant killer etc) and I was in Pringles-mode so I bought 'em. The trouble with the super clearance section is that the things in there are usually seasonal/discontinued, broken/damaged, or Really Really Bad. I actually think these might be discontinued (because now there is a "buffalo ranch" flavor), but they are also really really bad. "Bursting with flavor" is right. But the instant smell& flavor is burnt plastic. Like a really strong, bad, chemical smell and flavor. Like someone melted the little wax papers they pick up donuts with and then you ate one of those. Oh, it's bad. But then after you mentally process that, there is a strong, spicy (hardly medium! or I guess I'm extra cayenne-sensitive) buffalo wing flavor. Both the sauce (hot, vinegary, scary in how much it burns me) and, weirdly, the chicken wing (no chicken or meat ingredos here though). Like even the burnt bird fat (excuse my language) comes through. The accuracy is actually shocking, like the first time I had BLT chips and was like "woah??". I don't really like buffalo wings in themselves, so that's nothing to write blogs about, but it is still crazy how they did it from a food science perspective. I wonder if the burnt plastic chaser is the only way to make it happen. Or if I had a weird can (happens more often than you'd think). Part of me is so curious that I want to get more just for research. But it's very off-putting at the front. But very intriguing at the back. And pringles win: both flavors are so powerful that the underlying yucky chip flavor doesn't even play a role here at all. Using advanced licking technology, I can confirm that both the chemical flavor and the accurate flavor are contained within the powdered seasoning and not the chip itself. It's wild. Like the apple jack poptart, this is an experience that will stay with me for a long time. And what is a life well-lived if not a series of notable experiences? 

Overall
Cost: 8/10 [1$]
Taste: 4/10 

Hershey's Nuggets - Pumpkin Spice Latte

These have an orange wrapper, which is dangerous for a chocolate (because it indexes PEANUT / REESE'S). But these guys actually only "may contain almonds" (which has never caused me a problem, knock on wood). I was gonna bring 'em to school but I discovered that they don't taste that good. I have a certain standard to uphold, after all. Anyway, pumpkin season is over, which is honestly A-OK with me. These have a cute little wrapper and taste very similar to the inner creme of a pumpkin spice milano, but the quality is a lil worse and it's artificial flavor and not natural flavor. The appearance and texture are basically akin to a normal, somewhat melted nugget. The chocolate is, as you know, not that great (typical non-creamy non-bitter Hershey's fare). But the "spice" flavor is pretty strong. Not much latte (coffee/milk) vibe, honestly. If you're a PS-head, you'll probably like these, but it seems I really am not. So it goes. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 
Taste: 5/10 

GNC Carrots

Another Canadian carrot! And finally, one that supports my gender expression. These taste just like carrots do. No complaints. My bag only had 4 carrots in, which is a little less than I'm used to, but which is honestly fine for my purposes (maybe even a bit too much carrot). Big 'n fine. The website says,

"Interesting fact: When we eat raw carrots, we increase the assimilation of all nutritive elements that it abounds."

which I hope is a French translation, but either way, is hilarious (and true). Merci, carrottes!

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Village Farms Sinfully Sweet Campari

Unintentionally trying the entire village farm here. These are good. I am so tired but I still enjoyed them. Big, Sweet, Round tomato. Good. Not sinful per se but whatever, branding is as branding does. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Spice World Garlic Bulbs (3 pack)

More like HELL WORLD. Maybe it's just because I buy a lot of it, but of all the things my grocery store most often is out of, garlic is #1. Given no single-serve normal bulbs, the only other (fresh) option was this suspicious pre-bagged 3 pack of verrrry small cloves. I popped into it at home and discovered every bulb was 80% green shoot inside. Horrible experience. Sprouted, small, AND too many per purchase. Maybe I just had some bad luck in buying, but I think I'd rather suffer a garlicless dish than return to this poison well. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 3/10 

DeCecco Penne Lisce (no. 40)

I do like that so many companies number their foods. Good for neurotics like myself. These are classic penne; diagonal cut, skinny, un-ribbed (lisce is Italian for smooth). I didn't think I liked penne that much, but for a sauce dish or even heavy oil, they're pretty good. Would eat again. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

BelGioioso Mozzarella Pearls ("Little Ones")

Some of my best friends are "little ones". This is mozz and as such it tastes like all the other form factors of BelGioioso mozz. However, there's like 50 wee orbs in here, which is actually better than the normal sized ones for most of my purposes (snacking, noodles, recipes that want you to pull off a bunch of tiny bits). They are fun, they are cute, they are small. I think mozz usually messes with me in large amounts, but it tastes good, anyway.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [6$ish]
Taste: 7/10 

Goldfish Peppermint Cocoa

Wow I love this. Like it was engineered in a lab just for me (just like the Dunkin goldfish). The package is beautiful. Everyone loves snoopy, the green color is so nice, the snow, snoopy has a big coat on, charlie brown is nowhere in sight. Winter wonderland. Take me there. Also, mint choco is my favorite flavor and I'm always lamenting that it's not in more things. Goldfish are often savory so it seems weird, and honestly the taste is not THAT good, but it's right up my alley and not artificial at all. 

The pieces are firmer than normal; not hollow or soft. They are shaped like fish, snoopy head, and pawprint. (Furries, this is for you too). The taste is mainly chocolate goldfish (similar to the choco annie's bunnies, or teddy grahams), which is fine, but there's also mint seasoning where salt would be, and that's fun. The more you eat, the better it is (as with many things). A serving is 34 pieces which seems just right. And it's accessible because it's a major brand! I hope you return every year, snoopy goldfish!!!

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 8/10

Pringles Mingles - Cinnamon & Sugar

Oh Pringles. My bag actually has the Pringle guy wearing a santa hat and a lot of Christmas lights on there. Holiday intrigue! You know I can't resist impulse buying such things! Because of my deep bag-read, I noticed for the first time the slogan "two flavors, one bowtie", so I now realise they are bowtie shaped (?) and that MINGLES refers to two flavors MINGLING. Even better! Worse, these are brown so look like bamba (Israeli peanut snack). But they have very reassuring allergy info still (may contain non-nuts). But but, a serving is now 35 and not 56. More normal, less exhilarating for bingers like myself. What's that? How's the taste? Eh. It's OK. The underlying puff is still addictive, but the flavoring is indeed "natural and artificial" and you can tell. The cinnamon has that "hot apple jack pop tart" note. Blech. Unpleasant aftertaste but not enough to stop me eating the full 35. Back to the drawing board Mr. Pringle. I actually think an unseasoned version would be top tier. D:

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Starburst Pops - Green Apple

You know, it makes sense. They put a tootsie pop in a lollipop, they put a bubble gum (ill-advisedly) in a lollipop, why not put a starburst in a lollipop? There are so many other possibilities now that I think of it. Truffle-ization of lollipop. Anyway, these are actually made by Spangler, which is an interesting little company -- they make Dum Dums (top-8 free!) but also Neccos and Bit-O-Honeys (not nut-free at all). I guess the Starburst factory isn't set up to lolly pop. 

The pop bit is good. Very bright green apple, tastes like a jolly rancher but sweeter and in a better shape (circle). There isn't an apple starburst, is there?? This is just a weird product, especially because it's a Halloween edition (bats on the packaging and all). Is green apple Halloweeny? Is it Starbursty? No and no! But it's a good flavor and fairly unique in the lolly landscape. The inside starburst bit was like, 1 millimeter around. Perhaps it melted due to all the peripheral sucking. It also had the texture of a now and later (FIRM) and not a starburst. Basically, nothing about this product is Starburst-related except the packaging. But it tastes good and is much better than a blow-pop. Probably on par with a tootsie pop, but more fun due to the novelty. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10 

village farms cherry no. 9 "fall in love again"

This branding is cracking me up. I feel like everything's cracking me up lately, which is nice. I've ascended beyond anger (in small bursts of laughter). Seriously though, did tomatoes need the marketing treatment? I was buying them anyway! But this is cute. I usually don't like cherry tomatoes best, but these were very plump and juicy, so I guess I fell in love for the first time. Kinda big for your everyday small tomato functions (noodle), but we made it work. Also, their website says: "the nutrients in these cherry tomatoes, like riboflavin and carotenoids, help reduce migraines and boost the immune system", which I am certainly in the target audience for. Heal me, sexy lady tomatoes! (I assume the name is a takeoff of Chanel no. 9, but it just makes me think of the DC gay bar ("Number 9") instead.)

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

Topline Yellow Bell Peppers

Yellow is a good pepper. Right in the middle of the pepper spectrum. (Orange is also good; they are equally middle, OK?). I had this particular specimen in the fridge for almost a full week, and it wasn't a spring chicken when I bought it, either. But it was just lovely, no badnesses and a large tasty pepper for my ~protein bowl~. Thanks, pepper!

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10 

McCormick Smoked Paprika

I think I go through this stuff even faster than salt or pepper or vanilla! That's because it's one of the meat-adjacent seasonings I'm deffo not allergic to, it's pretty cheap, and my migraine recipe lady seems to be obsessed with it (which is fine by me because I like it too). Is it just cooked peppers? I guess so. But it's sweeter than your everyday red pepper seasoning. Also, one time I accidentally used the teaspoon I used for oil in the container and I had to buy a new one. I never used to make stupid mistakes like that before my brain exploded! But at least I remember it now. Lol. Flashbulb memories, am I right?

Overall
Cost: 6/10 
Taste: 6/10

pop tarts pastry bites - frosted cinnamon roll

Can Pop Tarts (Mini edition) fix all of my many problems? Only one way to find out! These are both cute and portable, two valued traits. They have a very weird texture (SOFT), which I guess is why they are "pastry bites" and not just regular bites. Unfortunately, the taste evokes the Apple Jacks pop tarts, even though that badness isn't actually present. Simply the memory of a similar, bad, trait evokes badness. Pretty interesting. Can I logic my way through sense memory? It might take a while, but I bet I can. In that case, these are surprisingly good. Like a pop tart shaped cinnamon roll, truly. You do get the dough, cream cheese, and of course cinnamon. If they were shaped like little cinnamon rolls, they'd be even better (my brain can only do so much). 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10 

2019 Brandsen Mendoza Malbec

Haha, well. Fancy seeing wine here. It's like I'm a kid again, trying to figure out what a safe tolerance is for me without total disaster. Of course the safest bet in all cases (you hear this, kids?) is abstinence, but like lil George Clooney in Up in the Air (one of my favorite movies idec), most of my happiest memories are when I'm with people alcohol. So the juice is worth the squeeze even though I might screw it up. Also I still have a massive wine backlog to get through and no local friends who drink, so like, needs must.

This one is just OK. Malbecs always smell good, warm and woody, but they also cause me massive reflux (even when I'm not breaking the alco-seal). Nice and bright, not too thick or thin, a little sharp, a little cherry and oak, but very acidic in character even if not in flavor. And I only had a teeny bit! (We're talking 1/4 of the bottle in total; your girl is c a u t i o u s). No food pairing but if I did, some duck would hit the spot. You're welcome, duckies.

Overall
Cost: 7/10 [9$]
Taste: 6/10 

spindrift nojito

Me for the last 15 years: I'm in my "drinks" phase.

OK, but, Spindrifts are great. They taste a million times better than the artificially (or "naturally" but essentially artificially) flavored seltzers (la croix, bubly, waterloo), they're way healthier than a juice or a soda (this is 4 calos), they have no alc or caf, and they have cute little names like "nojito". It also makes me think of the 2010s song "Nolita", which I can't remember who sang. Hm. Anyway, if I'm ever a recovering alcoholic, I'll be mainlining these forever. As it stands they are a fun little treat. This has lime and mint, so I was avoiding it previously because mint in a water sounds gross, and then because lime is citrus and contraindicated for migraine. But now we're imbibing moderately, and the exciting mojito flavored canned sparkling juice is pretty great. Way better than mint tea. A pleasant surprise. The flavor is mainly lime. The colors are my favorite and I love stupid blends (word-wise). If I lived closer to my job I'd be bringing these in for events all the time. If I ever get hired permanently, I'm gonna turn all the studos into Spindrifters. You'll see! (Well, you almost certainly won't, but IF I DID, you would see!)

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10 

Skittles Gummies - Fuego

I'm really playing with fuego trying these, because eating spicy food gives very similar physical reactions to eating food you're allergic to (see also a bunch of confused adults realising that bananas et al aren't "spicy" for everyone). Also there's a mango flavor and I'm allergic to mango now (maybe not even as an OAS thing, just as a straight up thing, alas). BUT it's SKITTLES, surely I am not allergic to them (and the mango is just "natural flavors", hardly protein level content). The thing is, these aren't actually skittles or candy, they're freakin' gummies. That's way less delicious. Nevertheless, they are a sensory banquet. The chili powder coating is like a sugar coating in texture (fun), but it does have a nice heat to it (although nothing crazy or leaving you gasping for a drink or anything), especially if you eat a bunch in a row. The flavors are distinct. The gummy texture is kinda firm and not my favorite (I'd much rather a regular skittle), but it's not horrible. 

Mango: Scary but fine. Due to scary, not my favorite flavor anymore, but it does taste like a mango does. Also tastes a bit like a peach gummy, which are meh on their own merits. 5/10

Watermelon: Tasted a little like a bathroom (I do buy watermelon hand soap sometimes, alas), but decent. Classic flavor, and goes well with the chili powder. 6/10

Raspberry: Ew, what happened here? Tastes like a bathroom in a worse way. There's raspberry underneath, but weird toilet spray atop. Maybe this bag was stored next to soap. Alas. 4/10 

Lemon: This is the the best flavor. Lemon candy is always great. Like a spicy chuckle. God bless. 7/10

Strawberry: Nice, kinda like strawberry cream saver. Good bright sweet flavor. 7/10

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3$]
Taste: 6/10 

Dunkin Decaf kcups

Decaf doesn't count as cofe (even though it still has some caf)!! I can have it as much as I want!!! So I decided to try these since the free hotel decaf was surprisingly comforting to me last time I had it. However, this tastes very little like regular dunkin (kcup or otherwise). I guess regular Dunkin tastes like caffeine!? This tastes fine, I guess, like a generic hot earthy drink. Wet wet dirt (neutral). I guess if you dolled it up with creamer or something it might taste more like cofe (TBD?), but plain it really doesn't taste like coffee, it's just hot and dark. Fine qualities, still. Kind of like a different kind of tea. Maybe a dark non-alcoholic beer (lol). Anyway, good experiment, but perhaps not to be repeated. We'll just suffer with our one coffee a day, yeah? 

By the by, as we all know, tariffs and inflation have increased costs of groceries and especially cofe. Luckily this isn't reflected in my local Dunkin (yet), perhaps because they already upped their prices 50 times in the last 10 years. However, it is definitely reflected in my grocery store k-cup prices: they used to be 9$ (sometimes 7-8 on sale) and now they are 13.99!! What!? And online they are 17$!!!! It's almost cheaper to go to actual Dunkin! Is this a sign to go back to the cumbersome and wasteful bagged coffee times? Well, although I have the same amount of job security as ever (none) and no imminent plans to die, I've gotten a lot less thrifty in the last few years, but 10-years-ago me would be in full starvation mode. So I feel really bad for the youth of today just trying to budget but also have a little treat. (Psychology hour: I don't think I'm more fatalistic than I used to be, I just really internalized some "live in the moment" messages from my meditation era, and one consequence is buying a lot of frivolous crap. I think still less than the average bear, although you wouldn't know it from the blog, but nevertheless. The dangerous of mindfulness! (I was not a very good student of mindfulness tbh, but some of it influenced me.))

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [13$]
Taste: 5/10 

Dunkin Smores K-Cups

An annoying consequence of leaving the house a lot (I get dunkin as a reward for leaving the house) and having a sensitive brain (I limit myself to 1 coffee/day) means I rarely have occasion to try Dunkin's at-home products anymore! But this is actually good because most of their products are bad. Sorry Dunks, I still love you. These, for instance, have the same artificial flavor that all of their flavored sugar-free coffees have (cinnamon, pumpkin, etc). The main note is just "chemical". If you really use your palate, you can notice some graham and some marshmallow, but it is extremely backgrounded and not delicious (even if you add milk or whatever). A real whatever the opposite of a slam-dunk is. Almost makes me look forward to leaving the house again (but not quite). 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [13$]
Taste: 4/10

Hillshire Farm Turkey, Cheddar & Wheat Crackers Snack Kit

You know this isn't for kids because it was extremely hard to peel off the plastic top! Otherwise, the idea of an adult lunchable certainly appeals, and it's nice that it's "minimally processed" and there's no Reese's cup or weird little drink in there to mess about with. Also no nuts! It doesn't really taste that good though, alas. The crackers are the best part -- firm wheat circles, almost a sesame/rye taste but they're just plain wheat (yum). There's 6 of them I think. Then there's like, 4 turkey scraps, and 5 cheese squares. Absurd portion choices in other words. They even show a little sandwich on the packaging!! But OK. The turkey is the worst part: it's deli meat, kinda slimy, kinda smokey taste even though it's "oven roasted" and not "smoked". But pairing with cheese and/or cracker helps mitigate this. The cheese is also not my favorite, but that's cheddar for you. It's a pretty mild cheddar, and it is indeed less processed than a lunchable cheese that flaps in the breeze. A good little snack, less delicious than Lunchable but also less toxic, probably. Only 220 calos, some good protein, cute. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Old Tyme Gameday Sandwich Rolls

Continuing my Old Tyme adventures... this is another sesame/nut/soy flour-free roll option from Old Tyme. What makes it "game day" and/or "premium"? It's the same calorie and protein info as their regular roll, but it has a line down the middle. It's also a little fluffier/firmer. OK, fine. Mine were 1 week from expiry but had some weird black flecks on top (mold?!??!) which I peeled off, but maybe that's supposed to be there, but probably not though. They also made me flushed and itchy like the high-protein ones did, but is that just anxiety or do I have a secret wheat protein allergy and/or there's unlabelled legume? Being real, I think it's probably the first thing. I'll report in after having a few more. [Reporting in: yep, it was transient.] Taste-wise, these are NOT weirdly buttery like the non-game-day rolls, which is a plus. But they kinda taste like stale bread mixed with air (not like tasty potato), which is a minus. I guess these aren't potato rolls at all, are they? Dang. I miss Martin's. Maybe I'll go back, sesame be darned. Anyway, no butter, bad texture, no sesame, play ball!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10 

Colleen Strawberries

These make me think of Cool-een from Survivor. Otherwise, they weren't great, but that's on me buying California strawberries in October -- they looked so pale and sad in the store (and were on sale therefore; yay) but the recipe I was compulsively due to make called for them, so here we are. I lost only 4 to mold/browning, which is generally a reasonable condition for OCTOBER strawberries. They weren't super red obviously, but tasted just fine (cooked in a paste). Better than expected actually. Sometimes soft bigotry... sometimes soft happiness.

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [3$]
Taste: 6/10 

Domino Granulated Sugar

Mm, sugar. Nature's sugar. This stuff is essential for baking, but the box design is not optimal. You need super strength to puncture the half-moon cutout in the side, and then you hope and pray no pests or water enter the unsealed airhole. Luckily, ever since my roommates moved out I've had no sugar storage issues in terms of bugs/clumps (so far...), though the pouring process is still sometimes slow and annoying. I guess ultimately it does work well though, it's just tedious. But you get a smooth pour of that white gold... like sweet sweet freedom.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10 

Argo Corn Starch

A thickener made from corn, what more could you want? Actually I was expecting a different brand when I went to the store, but this is the only one. It's interesting the color signals -- all corn starches are yellow with blue tops -- and I wonder who started it. Anyway, this was used to thicken some strawberries for a dessert topping, and it did its duty. No taste, which is the desired situation, although I may have used too much because the sauce ended up kinda gritty (lol). The FAQ from Argo (no allergens here except corn!) talks a lot about pica, which is interesting. Is corn starch dirt? Apparently for some! 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste?: 6/10 

Pepperidge Farm - Dublin Cookies

Feeling very "woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown", I look to the cookie. Also I needed shortbread cookies for the crust of a cheesecake bar. Somehow, I never had these before, even though they're nut free and presumably have been around for some time. I think the reason is that shortbread sucks and is boring (for a cookie). The texture is pleasantly crumbly, but the taste is, like, burnt butter (and not in a sugary way, which would be the good way). Chessmen are vastly superior, I guess because they're less burnt and more sugary, even though their texture is nothing to write blogs about. Anyway, I ended up going with Lorna Doone for the crust because they're cheaper per ounce (although still bafflingly expensive; like 9$/box), but maybe shortbread just isn't my flavor of choice since I didn't love those either (the daily meal ranks them in total opposition; those are the only two options I'm not allergic to, so it's nice I can reject both ends of the scale). Really I'm into cookies for sugar, not for butter and/or toffee (maybe my least British trait). That said, I do still love Dublin.

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [5.49$]
Taste: 6/10 

Waterloo Strawberry

Finally facing my waterloo...

This flavor is, as expected, not my favorite. It doesn't taste like medicine, or even really artificial/chemical (in a bad way), but it does taste exactly like those cute little strawberry wrapper hard candies, except not sweet and not a candy and instead a slightly bitter fizzy water. So that's...not my favorite. But it's OK. Something to drink, anyway.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10