Pepperidge Farm Farmhouse Thin & Crispy Butter Crisp Cookies

Hm. Turns out a butter cookie with flavor notes of (1) butter and (2) crisp tastes... kinda boring. It is indeed buttery and a cookie, and sweet but not super sweet. It is round and honestly not very crispy. Just a normal crumbly circle of cookie. I've been having a pretty rough week, brain-wise, which made me fear that the chocolate-containing milano I ate last week was the culprit, so I went for a non-chocolatey option here. But all the non-chocolatey options are crap! I might as well just eat some butter sprinkled with sugar on my own time (but that sounds gross, is my point).

Overall
Cost: 4/10
Taste: 6/10
Degree of Butteriness: 10/10

Orange Chocolate Milano

As a creature of habit, having run out of white chocolate milanos to sample, I went for the original milk choco this week (or dark choco? I actually am not sure. Maybe dark choco). For now, no regrets. These are a top-tier cookie. They taste like a (now-may-contain-nuts) Terry's Chocolate Orange; that is to say: they taste like happiness. Like soft, unfettered innocence. Like a winter festival. Good.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 8/10

Blueberry Bran Crunch

A fun new cereal!, I thought. Wrong. It is not fun. But it is a new cereal, so here we are. It also has 'bran' in the name, which maybe should have tipped me off as to its unfunness. But I like Raisin Bran and I mildly enjoy both the frosted & complete brans (although they aren't really fun). Blueberry is a good fruit and crunch is a fine noise to make. So then, what happened here? It's just boring. The blueberry is flavoring only, and not bits like raisin bran has raisin bits (aka raisins). And the flavoring is kinda artificial, like a cheapo blueberry muffin. It's still an OK flavor, but it isn't good. The bran is soggy and typical of kelloggs. As far as I could perceive, there were no crunches. Ho hum. At least there's fiber! 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Swanson Unsalted Beef Broth

Just call me Lord of the Broths. This is a good one. I needed 5 cups and it is FOUR cups, and my store had just ONE BOX (bashed up, to boot) remaining. Must be that avian influenza. But it was a good box. I made beef stew (wine-free edition) and the broth was definitely better than the beef, and for that I thank this low-sodium base. It tastes like Beef Broth, but not in a tomatoey or itchy way, just in a warm, thin, vaguely herbal way. Thanks, Swanson! Soy-free as always.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

utz sourdough specials - original

Having exhausted the extra-dark pretzel options from utz, it was time for me to try the "original" version. Well, now I know the original version is inferior. Tastes like nothing (whereas the extra dark ones taste like Pretzel). The texture of these is good -- immanently biteable -- and the size is also good; 5 makes a satisfying serving. The ingredient statement has my heart, as ever. But these pretzels are hardly special(s).

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Frosted Flakes Glazed Donut Holes

Yooo this is a weird little cereal. Its tan orbs have seemingly nothing in common with frosted flakes or glazed donut holes (minus the shape: orb). They smell like a French Toast Crunch kinda deal and taste like a dense, mild version of same. It is not unpleasant, but it is very confusing given the branding. I guess these are more cake donut than yeast donut, right down to the little brown speckles. I'm pretty sure [edit: yep] that these are corn based, which is all the weirder since neither frosted flakes nor donut holes (nor glaze) are corn based, other than like, corn syrup. Maybe it is a societal commentary. Maybe "crunchy syrup balls" didn't test well in their focus group. People probably do like to be vexed. Why, I feel a little pleasure in it just now, myself.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Milano: Coconut White Chocolate

Milano historians know that this is not the first coconut milano, but it is the first white chocolate coconut milano. Blog historians know that the other two white chocolate flavors (lemon, strawberry) had some inadequacies, but I was compelled to get to this one eventually. But it's good that I did! This flavor has only adequacies. At minimum! The taste is overwhemingly coconut, but the white choco (which isn't perceptively funky) tempers it with mild sweetness, as does the cookie. All together it's like their coconut cake, but much smaller and therefore less one-note. It also reminds me of the Samoa girl scout cookies, or at least the Dunkin flavor swirl inspired by them. Strong coconut, but not strongly artificial, with some caramelly/choco backnotes (despite white choco only). Delightful for coconut likers, and for me. 

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [5$]
Taste: 7/10

DeCecco Farfalle

I can hardly believe there are still unreviewed pasta shapes, but indeed, this is one. I wanted mafalda for my skillet laz but this was the closest available. It did the job; good bite and cute shape, not too gummy or cronchy. Would be too much pasta without sauce, I expect.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3$]
Taste: 6/10

Creekside Organics Sweet Baby Broccoli

I willfully choose to interpret this as [Sweet Baby] Broccoli, because I sure don't want to eat a sweet brocco. I do understand that baby brocco is classier, fancier, rarer, richer, etc, but it is also (surprise!) much smaller in terms of brocco-content-per-stalk. As a brocco enjoyer I don't want LESS of what I enjoy, even if it is classy and cute. Plus the prep here involves so much more washing, plucking, etc. On the other hand, if I were making a meat main or a fancy italian pasta with a small serving size, I would indeed want these -- it's just that I only ever eat rice-with-veg and (non-fancy) pasta-with-veg and so the baby brocco is not a value add. Taxonomy aside, this is a solid iteration of the Sweet Baby. The taste is good (I'd say mild, not sweet) and it wasn't gritty or mushy or anything, even though I had quite a few yellow flower bits to remove (Sweet Adolescent Broccoli). 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Waterloo Cherry Limeade

Happy 14th! It's Friday, so it actually is a happy 14th, as these things go. And this flavor was a pleasant surprise: I dislike most cherry flavoring, but you add in some lime and I guess it magically becomes ungross. Waterloo seltzers are far from my favorite seltzers, though they are all "OK", but this is my favorite waterloo flavor so far. It smells like cherry limeade (the non-0-cal version) and tastes like, hmm. It tastes like a very fizzy, slightly acidic, vaguely fruity drink. But inhale deep enough and you'll get to where you're meant to go.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

homefree chocolate mint cookies

God, I really am change-averse. I do not need to be tearing up over the fact that I will never get these only-mildly-OK cookies for free from work again, again! I can just buy the mildly OK cookies! Self!!

These cookies are just mildly OK. You know how vitamin water etc is like an eyedropper of juice in a bottle of water? These are the solids equivalent. Like a pinch of Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookie in an airy wafer of... neutral wafer. I like the flavor notes (choco, mint) and I guess it's nice that these aren't too sweet, but they just have very little flavor. This is not a gourmet resto, this is a desperation bag cookie snack, let me have some flavor! 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Birds Eye Steamfresh Super Sweet Corn

I've eaten 5 distinct foodstuffs recently (=in my sick sick 48 hour day), and all of them were corn in some form. (Cereal, muffin, chip, popped, this). I don't even like corn in non-corn form!! Things are dire. Globally, personally, and cornlally. Is there a corn vitamin? I doubt it. My hindbrain yearns for ... salt? Who knows.

Anyway. I had some great store brand frozen corn last year before my fridge died, but this time I thought I'd try the Birds Eye for allergy phobia reasons. Well, it wasn't as good. Super sweet? Ha! Hardly! And so on. My reaction to this, even in delicious nacho, was "this is fine. nothing special. I like corn and this is corn, but it's small". That's right. It's small corn. Not plump. Just regular. I'll eat it but I'll return to the risk of Store Brand Corn next time. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Tortiyahs! Restaurant Style

Oh, chip. I got these not because of the frankly unappealing branding, but because I was looking for Utz brand tortilla chips in support of their nut-free copy. And behold, THESE are the Utz brand tortilla chips! Must be a recent rebranding (or I'm just really ignorant about tortilla chips, also possible). How silly. I guess for those consumers who like to try new things (haha...) the gambit might pay off.

Anyway, these taste like tortilla chips. Good size (big), nice crunch, no complaints really. Actually, one complaint: 11oz is a stupid size for a bag. Every recipe is for 6oz, 12oz, etc, and you're giving me 11oz? Horrible. Other than that, no complaints. Uncooked they're very generic; baked for nacho (mm nacho) they have a delightful fried aroma (like chinese crispy noodles) the likes of which I haven't seen before. Perfect nacho chip; normie chip chip.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [5$ish???]
Taste: 6/10

Sour Patch Kids - Peach

A-N-X I-E T-Y! Makes you wonder why you try! 🎵

I got these after googling "BEST CANDY FOR TUMMY ACHE"; the best candy for tummy ache seems to be ginger (no nut-free ginger candy exists, trust me I've looked) or peppermint (a choco-free mint is not a candy, thank you very much). So the second best candy is "sour candy", or so they say. Of course these have a little "not so sour" emblem which I didn't notice 'til I already bought them and thought "well these aren't very sour"!! Foiled again! They also taste like every other peach candy, and I realise I don't like peach candy much. Peaches are great. Peach pastry, very good. Artificial peach flavor? No thank you. I still ate many of them, but no thank you to the concept. Cute shape/coloring on these, though. And my teeth do hurt a little, which is sufficiently distracting. Wahee~

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Chifles Original Plantain Chips

Some of my best friends are platanitos! These are a nice iteration of plantain chip. They're thin and pliable, but not too thin to have a good bite. These are green plantains (so, less sweet/ripe) but they taste just as pleasant as the yellow ones. There's a slight sweetness, a slight saltiness, a slight oiliness, and an overwhelming starchiness. Which I like. Good snack. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Dunkin' Extra Extra Cold Foam Creamer

I waited so long [for brain reasons] to try the Dunkin' cold foam (which was originally in the black Reddi-Wip can) that they released their own branded version! Once I saw this, my [possibly fruitless] cold foam fast was over. Hooray, etc. This doesn't have any artificial sweeteners or flavors in it, anyway, so I like it quite a lot. Is it the same as the foam that Dunkin stores use? That I am not sure, because I didn't have it on cold brew, which is the only place I experience cold foam in Dunkin stores. However, the fact that I am not sure either way is a good sign. Tastes like unobjectionable sweet milky cream; melts properly; lasts 2 weeks. Didn't cause any urgent health issues. I don't get the flavor name (Extra Extra? is this little caesar's?) but that's OK, I don't have to get everything.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [5$ish]
Taste: 7/10

Strawberry White Chocolate Milano

Uh oh! These smell like medicine. Too bad I didn't have these first so I'd think that medicine smells like cookies instead. Alas, I started down the medicine path well before I was ever allowed to have Sweets. Now I yearn for sweets and protest too much about meds; let that be a lesson to all the parents out there. Just kidding (sort of, I dunno). 

Anyway, it's a bad sign that the best part of these is by far the (tasty) cookies and not the (cloying, medicinal) choco-center. This is definitely worse than the lemon flavor. I can see more clearly here that the choco comes in two layers, one light pink "strawberry" and one normie. I can't disentangle them without some serious tools, though, which would be fine if I didn't suspect that at least one layer was kind of gross (but maybe both, jury's out). Sad. Sad cookie disappointment. I'm still aiming not to have choco-choco, but I don't know how long it will last since (a) I feel like crap anyway (b) the external world is also very bad and (c) all these white choco foods are inferior!! 

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [5.20$]
Taste: 5/10