SunBelle Blackberries

Although I do not believe in fate, I surely tempted fate with all my silly little fruit and veggie reviews. Because now I have OAS and can never eat a raw fruit or veggie again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or at least I can't eat blackberries without getting super itchy. Dang. I even tried microwaving them like a sicko, which made them hot and taste like weird soap in addition to making me super itchy. I told my mom about this development and she said "try washing them!". Wow, thanks mom, I didn't know about washing them. 😐😐😐

Anyway, they still taste great and are more consistent than other berries. And (until now?!) I wasn't allergic to them, so, that's cool. Time to try a lot of Baked Fruit I guess. Sigh!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Manischewitz Egg Noodles (Wide)

Merry Christmas indeed!! These are the only egg noodles at my store, and they are perfectly serviceable egg noodles, although the truth is I prefer generally a non-egg noodle (and entailed dishes). But 'tis the season for stroganoff, and these are the correct noodles for that. They cook in 6 minutes or so, and taste like egg noodle. Good texture, lovely curl, no complaints.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Kathy Kaye Popcorn Balls

It's probably a little hypocritical of me to get annoyed at "Merry Christmas"es as I gleefully consume every Christmas-themed foodstuff available to me, but so it goes. Popcorn Ball is a very unique foodstuff. There's a certain taste to it that smells uniquely chemical-sweet and would probably be really bad if you had it all the time, but I have approx 1 popcorn ball every 20 years, so it's a treasured sense memory for me instead. Ball-shaped popcorn that tastes like a Rice Krispie Treat, even though it is coated with sugar and not marshmallow. These are also proudly nut-free, right on the package. Kinda filling, too. Merry Christmas indeed!!! If I ever see another living being again, perhaps I will offer them Popcorn Ball.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Ferme Benjo Carrot(te)s

Local produce from... Québec! C'est étrange, but OK. I had a tragic discovery this week that I'm itchy and hivey from raw carrots now. Never again the veggie platter times, I guess. But cooked carrots are still fine, so I get a lot of mileage from these guys anyway. They last a long time compared to other (localler, even) produce, and although they don't taste very good cooked (too sweet!), I know they are good for My Eyes and Mike Aloriecount. A good "team player" veg that can slot in to many dishes.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Haribo Football Mix

Football is cute when Haribo does it. I assume this is a Haribo USA creation, and Germans aren't enjoying Raspberry Foam Finger Gummy like I did. But I did. Soon it'll be time for my annual year in review reflection, and probably the only category on there that won't depress me is gonna be Haribos (a new category invented just for this year to not depress me). Anyway, this was at Wal-Mart, where I rarely go, so it may be a Wal-Mart exclusive, which is too bad because it was pretty fun. These have the white dolphin-gummy coating on the bottom that I like. They're still extremely firm, too firm, but the flavors are mostly good. My ranking is:

Raspberry Foam Finger > Lemon Cleat > Apple Jersey > Orange Football > Strawberry Helmet (tastes like nothing) >>>> Pineapple Trophy (tastes bad)

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Dunkin' Pumpkin Munchkin Creamer

A lot of people (online) talk about how coffee creamer is a major trigger for migraine/vertigo/etc, and I definitely have felt terrible after I consume it, but I don't know if that's fully Biological or fully Psychological, even though I'm trying really hard to be scientific about the whole enterprise (of my agonies). A tragic thing about living alone is that I have no one I trust to set up little masked studies for me! Anyway, the blessing in disguise is that this contains 63 servings but goes bad after 7 days, so I only sampled it a few (=7) times and now I can go back to my biological and/or psychological baseline. I can also feed the neighborhood mammals a lot of janky expired creamer; happy holidays kitten and squirrelfriends.

The flavor isn't even that good, or at least, it isn't good enough to vom because of. I don't usually get cream in my coffee regardless, possibly for vom-based reasons below my past level of awareness, and so this just adds a non-coffee note that I don't need. It turns coffees into desserts, I guess. I do like desserts, but there are many more delicious dessert options. It sinks to the bottom of the cup and so you just get vaguely tangy sweet-ish flavors until you get a sudden burst of "dunkin spice", which if you get a lot of Dunkin products you'll know what I mean. It's not super duper artificial, but it's a bit "off", a bit nutmeggy, sweet and creamy, sure, but not only. I don't know if I've ever had a pumpkin munchkin, but I've had their munchkins and their pumpkin donuts and I would say this is a pale imitation, as if someone sneezed over the pumpkin donut powder and it fell into a vat of expired creamer mixed with a cinnamon flavor shot. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10
Doesmyhousesuddenlysmelllikegarbageorisitjustmybrain: 10/10

Pirate's Booty Cheddar Blast!

Whew. This has been a really rough week for me (not health-wise, actually, just work-wise) so I didn't have time to cook any food; I could only eat this entire bag of mediocre snack product. And now, review it. It is mediocre. Although they claim there is a Cheddar Blast!, I perceived no cheddar presence (which is good 'cause I'm not supposed to eat cheese). Airy gritty small plump puffs, they are a fine substance but not a pleasurable one. If you yearn for Star Trek food, check this out.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Quaker Oats (Quick 1-Minute Version)

I can't believe I didn't review this yet. Back in my peak medication-induced misery (August '24) my diet was essentially just chicken, rice, brocco, and sad, sad oats. These are said sad oats. They aren't even normie oats, because they cook in 1 minute and 44 seconds (yes, "1 minute oats" is a super misleading name!!) and are consequently hella mushy. But I was in such a bad state I couldn't even go to the store, so these are what got bought for me. And I was grateful! (Well, maybe not, hehe. But let the record show that I now am retroactively grateful!) 

The convenience is good, and the nutrition is fair. You can add toppings, in theory, like butter, cinnamon, sugar, fruit. But even so, the taste is not good. It is not BAD, it is simply not good. When people talk about "slop", I say I think of the big brother slop, but I actually think of these oats. That being said, it is a pantry staple that is smart to have on hand, since it is much quicker than rice/noodle/chicken. When I am done with this cylinder I will probably switch to a less "quick" version, though, however that works. (My oat knowledge is pretty minimal....for now.)

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 6/10

Green Giant Riced Veggies - Cauliflower

Where Green Giant Riced Veggies go, I will follow. But I actually got this to put in a pear smoothie (which I agree, sounds gross), where it did what it was supposed to do, I think. Then I ate the leftovers as god intended (riced). So I had occasion to notice that the bag has a ziploc closure, which is nice since it isn't really a large portion. I also made the extra on the stove for the first time, which was fine. Maybe a bit less soggy, which is good, plus you can throw some fresh garlic in there. The taste is, of course, mild cauliflower, which is pleasant. Shockingly my main complaint is that this is too few calories (60)!

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3$]
Taste: 6/10

De Lallo Spaghetti

This was actually quite enjoyable. A good cook time (solid 9 minutes, no gumminess), a good bite, pleasant. Even without spagbol I can enjoy a nice spag bowl. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Haribo Goldbears - Wild Berry

I can't buy a little treat every time a new stressor emerges, because then I'd have infinite little treats and therefore no little treats. But if there's like, 50 new ones and I'm about to go to the store, I feel it's fair game. Plus this is a new flavor. Gotta check it out for the people.

Wild Cherry: Pink is a weird color for cherry. This tastes a lot like plastic and weird gummy. I'm out on Wild Cherry Haribo. 5/10

Raspberry: Tastes a bit like a cough drop. I'm out on Raspberry Haribo. 5/10

Blueberry: OK. Blue is a reasonable color for blueberry. 6/10

Blackberry: This one isn't great either. In fact I assumed it was grape, even though grape is not a wildberry (although it would be a wild berry). 5/10

Strawberry: This is pretty good. Better than strawberry usually is. 6/10 

Hmm. Maybe I'm just in a cranky mood. But at the same time, these are super firm, not very flavorful, and a little plasticcy. So maybe Haribo is to blame instead.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10

Kettle Brand Spicy Pimento Cheese Chips

No, these are not on the approved list. No, I don't care!!!! 

Now that we got that out of the way. These really are spicy. I like a spicy snack. Good burn. The rest of the flavor is kind of "curdley cheese (aged)" and I don't care for it. Maybe it's because I was expecting Kraft Pimento Cheese Spread vibes and I'm getting spicy cat litter vibes, but if there were no spice they would be just no good. Luckily the spice is the extremely predominant note. Also, the brand is nut free and proud, and there have been a lot of high profile (allergy) deaths lately so I'm extra appreciative of that this month. 

 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

McCormick Coarse Ground Black Pepper

Humble black pepper is my most used spice, both historically and presently. It is the only spice I've ever used up before the expiration date. I probably use one container a year, so it's not like I'm doing anything totally wacky. It tastes like black pepper. Maybe good for sneezin'. I prefer the pepper grinder to this pre-ground stuff (for both Fun and Freshness), but at my most recent buying this is all that was available. 

I come to you today in a slightly happy mood, because the reviews on the McCormick website for this stuff are absurdly low (like 2 stars), whereas they are 5 stars everywhere else. What is the nature of the consumer complaint? Is it the lack of freshly ground pepper? No no, nothing about flavor. Instead it is the Holes. People are mad about the size and number of cap holes. People are so good. And they are right to complain -- I use an 11 hole lid and it works great, but I can see how a 5-holer would mess up my whole life. So now I have an additional, previously unknown thing to be grateful for! 

 

 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10
Holes: 11/10

SunBelle Blueberries

Belle from Beauty and the Beast could only see the world through books; I can only see the world through fruit in my local produce box. These bleuets are from Peru! (Distributed via Illinois.) But I digress. Blueberries are a top tier fruit. Never caused me an allergy problem or any other problem. Sure, sometimes you get a moldy one, or a squished one, or a shriveled one, but for the most part they're hardier than {rasp/black/straw}berries and probably equally tasty. Very consistent. These were particularly large, plump, and light-colored (therefore less sweet). There were also a few live ladybugs in the container, which I took as a good omen. (I did not eat or harm the ladybugs.)

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Tootsie Roll Harvest Chews

Tootsie sure produces a lot of mid products. But I still love them. Hope for us all! 

Green Apple - It tastes very bad. Like overripe fruit, wax paper, and something uniquely sour. 3/10

Pumpkin Spice - This also tastes like bad artificial wax, or Jones soda. It's better than apple, but not good, either. 4/10

Candy Corn - This tastes like the vanilla (blue) OG tootsie flavor roll, which I like. Maybe a slight candy corn vibe. Pleasant. 6/10 

Cinnamon - This was like a pleasant dessert. Tastes like dulce de leche cookies. 7/10

The ratio was horrible: I got 2 cinnamons, 4 candy corns, and like 5000 green apples and pumpkin spices. It's like they know what the bad ones are (like Starburst and their "mostly yellow" sticks). Interestingly the only flavor that's "natural" is green apple, the rest are artificial, and I never would have guessed that in a million years. Guess my supertaster gene is melting.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10

Altar Asparagus

Hello babydolls. I had to be aggressive-aggressive today (as opposed to passive-aggressive or better yet, passive-passive), and I had to be it multiple times! That's like, my least favorite thing to do. The end of fall semester always ruins my life, but luckily my life was already a bit ruined, so I can probably cure my ills by praying at the Altar of asparagus. Did you know asparagus is espárrago in Spanish? I think that's beautiful. These were quality stalks. Pretty thin, and I was generous in my tip-snapping, but it was a hearty bunch and tasted great with no mealy bits or secret pests. The label is in English/French but they're from Mexico and distributed via California. (Love my local produce box... nothing suspect about the eco-ness of their operations at all...)

Would buy again, weekly. Top tier veg, good producer. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Signature Select Cut Leaf Spinach

I had to decide between this and Signature Select Chopped Spinach. Both had the same price, same weight, and same nutrition, so it was very difficult. Are cut leafs not, in fact, chopped? I'm sure it's a size-of-chop thing, but these were pretty small pieces, so I really don't know if it's worth them producing two near-identical products. Do I like spinach enough to buy the other one next time and investigate? Based on this, it's kinda 50/50. I may switch to Birds Eye or Green Giant actually. I got 3 pounds(!!) of this stuff to make a creamed spinach dish, which was extremely "meh" (possibly because I didn't do a good enough job pressing the cooked spinach with towels, but still). It was also kinda gritty, and while I know spinach is just like that, this was next level. I thought for a moment I had dropped some eggshell in the pot even though there were no eggs involved. Also, there is a warning on the back that it has so much cadmium it'll give you cancer! Dang, spinach. On the other hand, good source of fiber and no allergies? :D?

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3$]
Taste: 5/10

Utz Butter Waffles Pretzels

Whew, rough day. (Rough week... rough month... rough year... rough life??!) I'll spare you the non-pretzel related details, for now. I reached for these as my first food of the day, tried 2, and then had to stop eating them and then later throw out the rest of the bag due to potentially deathly cross-contamination by a family member. Luckily they weren't amazing, so it's more of a monetary loss than a deliciousness loss. I like the cute shape, but I didn't realise these were "artificially butter flavored". That butter flavor is very strong and yea very artificial. So, I wouldn't rebuy these, although if there were "plain" waffles (!) I would get those.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10
Agonies: 9/10

Andes Toffee Crunch Thins

These are, strictly speaking, forbidden. But they're also, strictly speaking, really small. While we're speaking strictly, these are also a little bit gross. But just a little because they're small. 

Meanwhile, I'm cultivating a little dietary restriction paradigm in my head. You've got physical restrictions (allergies, intolerances), ethical restrictions (veganism, kosherism), and then a scale of strength (death vs tummy aches) and temporal resolution (immediate consequences vs longterm consequences). It all adds up to a pretty cool chart that I will not bother to actually produce. But it's something I'm cultivating, OK? So even if the brain diet restrictions are potentially strong, the temporal resolution is long. It's like, yes maybe god will smite me, but it'll take so long that I won't even know if it's because I ate this bad Andes mint or if it was something else I did. Herein lies my defense to my future self (or family, weepily reading this blog as they say "It was the Andes mints that did it"). Thank you for your prompt attention.

Now then. These taste like malted milk balls. I do not know why. Also these are not mints, I shouldn't call them mints. But they aren't chocolate or toffee either. Or even crunch. I guess it's true that they are "thins". The taste is bad. The texture is identical to mint-Andes. The chocolate is worse than mint-Andes because of the weird artificial malt-toffee (and lack of mint). If you want to punish yourself (as I often do), these are perfect. The color makes them look like they'd be good. Sneaky.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 4/10