Caroline's Cakes 4-Layer Pink Champagne Cake

Aw. My mom ordered this fancy nut-free cake online for our birthdays (Oprah recommended it!) which was super sweet. But alas, I was a little sick, I don't love cake in the best of times, and I don't think this cake was that good. However, it definitely looked the part -- if ever I am sad about not being able to eat wedding cakes, I'm just gonna imagine they taste like this. The frosting is generic sweet, the cake is a little mushy and generic sweet, with a light flavor of either plastic or strawberry, I'm not sure. It's inferior to a pepperidge farm cake for sure (or an ice cream cake, although RIP to the days when I could eat a safe ice cream cake). If you like cakes, though, maybe you'd like this. The company seems cool and legit, but this flavor did not impress me.

Overall
Cost: 3/10 [70$ plus shipping!!!!!!]
Taste: 5/10

Gin Mill

Went here with my family, and I think they liked it more than I did! Don't get me wrong, it was a decent place (although a bit sticky), and they have a huge beer list -- but it's totally different from the one on their website! The server was nice, and the food I got (chicken) was fine but not amazing. Seemed OK allergy-wise. No big opinions :)

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

The Better Chip - Spinach & Kale

They changed the packaging! This version is way less appealing. But I guess it matches the product, because these chips are truly kale-colored. Disturbing! I guess that gives the "healthy" vibe, even though these are mostly corn and oil and not that healthy. But they do taste like kale, which I kinda like -- that aftertaste goes on and on! It's a filling snack, though it's basically a kale-flavored corn chip, and I don't love corn chip. But a fun novelty, nevertheless.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

utz Barbeque Chips

These are very good! Superior even to the sour cream and onion flavor. A classic chip that lives up to the childhood memories. Good stuff, nice and thin, lots of powder.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 8/10

Sam's Fresh Medium Salsa

Hrmm. Long ago, when I actually ate this, I sent a message asking about allergens, but I don't think they ever answered. me. Well, let me confirm that. Nope! They left me on 'read'! Forget you, Sam's salsa. This was fine though. I don't super-remember it, but I think I didn't finish off the whole thing, so I guess the mild one was slightly better. Still very watery/vinegary, but I suppose that's the nature of the preserved beast.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10

Bacio Della Luna Pinot Spumante Rosé Brut

Mentally I conflated Spumante (this, sparkling wine) with Spumoni (not this, a nutty dessert), and so was very nervous to drink this until I did a little research. But then I happily enjoyed this with some friendos during a wedding celebration weekend! No complaints, it was a light, pleasant, fruity fizzy rosé. Cheers!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

SuperPretzel Soft Pretzel Bites - Pub Cheese Bites

My god, these were a disappointment. A very weird (soy-esque?) smell and taste. Not great, bob! Sure, the texture is bound to be bad since it's a 28-second microwave cook, and they are chewy indeed, but the inside is neither saucy nor firm -- it is a weird plasma of non-cheesy flavor. What flavor is it? I just am not sure. I guess a very umami beer/soy sauce mixture. I was not allergic to these and they are quick to cook and filling, yet I still do not plan to buy them again, so that should tell you something about their badness. :(

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 4/10

Orville Redenbacher's Butter Popcorn

Huh. As always, I only bought this type because it was the cheapest brand I recognized, but it really hit on the "butter" sweet spot! The "smart pop"  butter is OK, but tastes like it's the "healthy" version, and the "movie theater butter" was actively oily and gross, but this is decadent, tasty, but not sickening! Wow! I might even seek out this elusive "regular butter" flavor next time. It probably has a lot of unhealthy oils in it, but whatever, it's popcorn.

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

Jack Link's Beef Tender Bites - Teriyaki

I thought I was buying regular old beef jerky, but I accidentally bought these "tender bites" instead! They seem like they'd be a weird texture, but actually they just taste like regular old beef jerky, in a more conveniently consistent piece-size. Not too bad. I would unaccidentally buy these in the future.

Overall
Cost: 4/10
Taste: 6/10

Pretzel Pete Salted Caramel Mini Twists

When I got this in the mail I thought "too bad, I'll probably be allergic to this", but it was shockingly nut (and sesame) free! Even says so right on the packaging, which is really great. So I'm a new fan of this company. The pretzels themselves were just OK -- the caramel flavor is a light powder, just like a cheese flavoring would be, which is kind of unsatisfying. It did have the appropriate sweet flavor, but that's nothing special for me. If they got into the yogurt/choco-covered game, they'd really be lighting my fire! I'm still interested in trying some of the other savory flavors, though.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Trix Cereal

Silly me, I didn't even know the fruity shapes went away! I don't know if these are quite the shapes of my youth -- what is the weird blue one!? -- but it's still a nostalgic cereal. Surely one of the least healthy options, but it's tasty and sweet. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

2018 Mairena Ocasión Cabernet Sauvignon

My reina! This is good stuff. No allergy info but I've had so many of their wines that I feel pretty safe with it. Couldn't get to any beef empanadas (yet?) but this is fine on its own; reliable and classic.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [18$]
Taste: 7/10

Hatfield Sweet Brown Sugar Ham Steak

This was a solid lil hammy! I think it was better than the honey flavor, although I don't know that they really tasted that different, it's just that this one didn't have a weird flavor and the other one kinda did. I also cooked this less long, so maybe that's a factor. Anyway, it's filling and protein and pretty cheap and fast to make. Decent stuff if you're in the food for a meat. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 7/10

The Brewer's Art

This place is surprisingly big! Lots of different "spaces" inside, which I always like, plus a few outdoor tables too. They didn't answer my FB message, but inside they confirmed the beers are nut-free which was great. I only got a chance to drink one, the Charm City Cherry, and it was really good - nice cherry flavor without being sweet or gross. Too bad I had to rush away to resume my Awkward Dating Life 2022!

Update: they did answer my FB message! Just confirming they're safe. Noice. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [7$/beer is apparently good for B'more]
Taste: 7/10

Sugar River Cheese - Havarti Dill

Apologies for the Used Wrapper photo -- like I said, this company does not have much of an online presence, so I had to make do. I wasn't sure I'd like a Dill Cheese for my usual uses of Pasta and Quesadilla, since dill seems like a "cold dip" cheese, but it actually was fine. Same melty vibes as other cheeses, and if anything a little better tastewise than the muenster. So I'm into it. It does look a bit gross though with all the speckles in there.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Knorr Four Cheese Pasta Side

Aw, my mom got me this noodle packet special because it didn't have soy protein in it. Thanks, mom! It's a new one for me, too. I was a little nervous because I do not like blue cheese at all, but happily the cheese mixture just tasted like "generic white-ish cheese sauce". There was a little bit of tanginess to it, but I wouldn't be able to ID the individual cheeses involved, that's for sure. I like this pasta shape a lot (see also: Cheddar Broccoli Noodle Pack), and the sauce was not outstanding, but it was "fine". All safe noodle packs are winners in my book. I'd eat it again!

Overall
Cost: 7/10
Taste: 7/10

Enjoy Life Soft Baked Cookies - Peppermint Bark

Aw, look at that cute lil pengie. Too bad these are a holiday offering, because I think they're one of the better Enjoy Life cookie options out there. These are indeed soft, and certainly more chocolate-flavored than mint-flavored, but still have a nice minty vibe. The texture is good, and they grew on me the more I ate them. Enjoyable. No actual peppermint pieces, only little dark choco chips.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

2020 Rio Baker Merlot

Maybe I'm just in a good mood, but this was a solid red! No allergy info, but reliable location in Patagonia and the screwtop is good. I think Merlots are generally a favorite of mine. Nice sharp red flavor without too many "earthy" dirtclod tobacco notes. Would probably go with chicken or pasta. Good warm and cold, even after a good few days sitting alone while I drank other drinks. 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [13$]
Taste: 7/10

Super Pretzels

I never realised that this is stylised like a Superman type pretzel. That's cute. Anyway, I love Super Pretzel. They cook in 33 seconds and are a warm, safe, nourishing treat right from your freezer. The salt is a lot but it's addictive nevertheless. Very nice to have a SuperPretzel. What more can I say but "yum"?

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 8/10

2020 Nova Vita 'Firebird' Pinot Gris

Hmm. OK, pros: the bottle is super cute, it's got a screw top, and the taste is fine (typical white, a little pineapple vibe but not a heavy fruitiness, fairly sweet). Cons: they didn't answer my allergy email, and drinking this made me SUPER red-faced the first two days. Bafflingly on the third day it didn't, really -- I don't know if it's because it was older, because my body got used to it (like honey?), or because I ate more beforehand, but that third day raised my score from 5 to 6. Nevertheless, there are wines that don't turn my face into a volcano, so I prefer those, no matter how stylin' this bottle is.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Monsey Dairy Marbled Muenster Cheese

OK, being produced in the same city, I can assume that this is a similar "front" to the Sugar River cheese op. So weird. But the cheese is good; similarly oily but melts fine for noodle or quesadilla. I guess you could also eat it plain! A good 5 servings here. Tastes like generic cheese. Could be cheddar for all I know!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Bonne Maman Strawberry Preserves

More like Mal maman, since it turns out this jam may contain chestnuts/walnuts, as per their website. If it said that on the jar, I wouldn't have bought it. Alas. But I've still been eating it since it's presumably cleaned between lines etc, and the sad thing is, this is a very good strawberry jam. Lots of fun chunky bits, definitely sweet and not too too sticky or wet. I'll miss it, but I won't buy a potentially fatal jam. Best to stick with a fully safe company, of which I know there are some.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10