Lucerne Whole Milk

Yes, I'm reviewing milk. The alternative is writing an emotionally charged essay about what the deal is with a support group I'm in where many people are saying that the meds we're on have made them... gay. I have many thoughts on that topic. But I also have many more Whole-some thoughts on milk. Here are some.

1. It expires faster than the printed date. In fact, it even says use within 7 days of opening. But I always misjudge my milk intake. Usually I don't totally finish a (half gallon) bottle in time, but sometimes I'm out in two days and suffer until my next grocery trip. I'm also very sensitive to old milk, so I don't want to push it.

2. I'm lactose intolerant (playing to type, I know) and I always thought the higher milkfats were more likely to trouble me. So, I typically always get skim. But for cooking, I've been getting higher ones occasionally, and I now think my theory is total bunk. I know I could, like, research this, but I do enough research so I'm taking a more experimental approach. Anyway, this week is Whole.

3. I don't ever drink milk as a drink (see 2) but I do have it in cereal. And breaking news alert the media: whole milk tastes, like, a lot better. This is practically a dessert. Maybe I should change my latte lifestyle too!! (Just kidding, skim lattes 4 life).

4. Lucerne is the only brand at my store. It is better (i.e. less watery and goes bad slower) than your gas station and 7-11 milks, which I am no stranger to, unfortunately. But it is worse than my childhood Swiss Miss, which is the most luxe milk I've experienced. No organic milks (Horizon etc) because they all have a nut allergy warning.

That'll do. My essay urges are somewhat abated. Praise milk!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Wishbone Balsamic Vinaigrette

I've always been a subpar speller (relative to my other word-based knowledge anyway), but it's gotten much worse since my 2024 Brain Ailment, and the spelling of Vinaigrette has got me so confounded right now. I took a french class once! Why does it look so weird?! My god. So that's one reason to not get this dressing again. I don't want to be irrationally spiralling over spelling during my salad course. (Google says that's not how you spell "spiralling", but I think I disagree on solid analogical grounds). 

Other, more relevant dressing thoughts? I guess. I have never really used vinaigrettes(!?) on salads before, so having this now is making me think "am I eating an Italian hoagie over here?!" which I guess is OK, because I like an Italian hoagie, but I also always think they put way too much oil and vinegar on. I like moist foods but I do not like wet foods. And this dressing is very wet. Also my lettuce was a little wet, though, because I overwashed it because of my E.Coli anxieties (which are at this stage somewhat irrational, but are soon to be a bit more rational, probably, ha ha), leaving little time for drying. So it's not totally the dressing's fault that I don't love it, but the net result is that I don't love it. Despite vigorous shaking, I got a lot more oil than vinegar, and I would prefer the opposite, also (see above re: moist > wet). I'm about to get an MRI and if I vom and/or pee in there (historically probable), I am going to blame this dressing. So much depends upon a red vinaigrette, etc.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10

DeCecco Fettuccine

This sure is a pasta. Actually I think DeCecco is a little tastier than DeLallo, but maybe it's just because I haven't had it in a while. It's also more expensive, but I needed a fettuccine in a time-sensitive way, so I got old faithful over here. It was nice. Cooked in the time they say it cooks, tasted like a nice egg noodle, and was filling yet delightful. Maybe a little too heavy for a daily pasta shape, but a nice treat. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Green Giant Riced Veggies - Cauliflower & Broccoli

This is no 'risotto' flavor riced veggie, but it's a little milder than the pure brocco one, so it's pleasant. Good with fresh garlic. Moderately filling, generally healthful, not very economical but a nice treat in the veggie sphere. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3.33$ish]
Taste: 6/10

Utz Sourdough Specials - Extra Dark

Faced with my own inadequacies, I turn to pretzels. These are good. First of all, I used to have a tiny roommate named Kate who would play trivia with me under the name "Pretzealous". We sucked at trivia (too many sports and porn star questions) but were very good at eating the soft pretzels. These taste a bit like that, only not soft. A strong barley vibe, which at first scared me (the nuttiness, I guess) but I soon grew to enjoy. These are filling and substantial and crunchy. Great for dipping and pairing. A lot in the bag. These are better than the previous pretzel (logs?). A good discovery. Actually, I might have already discovered these 11 years ago and liked them then too, but the bag looks different now so whatever, I'll keep this one up. I hope lil Kate is doing well. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Kellogg's Frosted Flakes - Pumpkin Spice

Another entry in the pumpkindex! This excites me as all seasoning offerings do, but pumpkin spice is really not a top-tier flavor (unlike, say, peppermint). Therefore these are not a top-tier frosted flake. Not that a peppermint frosted flake would be very good, but then again...maybe? These do have a weird orange color, pumpkin spice odor, and typical flake texture. The taste is fine. It is along the lines of what you'd expect -- a bready, seasoned, vaguely pumpkiny potpourri that is more noticeable in the offmilk than in the cereal itself. It is not something I'd want to eat a lot of, and it's not even something I desire to eat a little of, but it is an acceptable thing to eat and the box is a dainty size so I'm not despairing my future 3-4 bowls.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Holiday Dots

Although I am not a born Christmas celebrator, I like the gimmick of holiday things (and am open to foods related to winter holidays for other religious traditions also!!). I also, of course, like explicitly nut free candies, as all tootsie products are. Having gotten that out of the way, these are a little disappointing. The texture is great: a firm chew but not haribo level gnawing. The appearance is annoying: two flavors (both green/red hybrids) which are, as far as I can tell, identical to the eye! And it's not fun like a jelly bean, because these flavors are very different from each other. One is good (cherry, lime) on each pair, and the other (strawberry, apple) is much less so. Some weird vibes because the pairings also don't really "go" together. I think green apple is the only non-canonical dot flavor here, and it's nothing special. The lime, even though it's good, also sometimes has a funky rancid/bitter undernote. Eating these just makes me wish I had normal dots instead, Christmas be darned! 

Overall
Cost: 6/10 [1.20$]
Taste: 6/10