KIT KAT THiNS Milk Chocolate Candy Bars

These are nut free! Bless you Hersheys. I am so grateful for the Normal Chocolates of my youth. (Although my kingdom for a safe Twix, always and forever.) Now I've had two safe kit kat types: these and "kit kat minis". These are, well, thinner. They're in two squares per piece, which is weird. They're also individually wrapped which is good for portion control but honestly a little annoying. They taste mostly like Kit Kat. I had two of them that were only chocolate, which was fun and I think I extra liked those ones, which is kinda weird. Anyway, these are safe and tasty and I love them. I think I love the minis more though!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 8/10

Hillshire Farm Ultra Thin Oven Roasted Turkey Breast

My parents had this at their house, and I choose to believe they bought it with me in mind, since I can't eat meat from the deli counter due to Allergy. I never had the HF turkey before, but I like their ham. This was very ham like. Thin, wet, and a little sweet for turkey. But good for snacking and safe and protein! I support it.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

DeLallo Garlic Mushrooms

I was so nervous to eat these that I waited to visit my parents to try them! Even though the label is safe, the website doesn't say "peanut free", and that's spooky. But I like mushrooms so I wanted to at least try them. The good news is: I don't really like them. I had one and thought "yep, that's enough." They're mushrooms but in vinegar, like a pickle. I like mushroom but I don't like pickle. The texture is good, I guess, but yeah. Not for me. Hope I don't die!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 3/10

Goldfish Crisps - Salt & Vinegar

Well heck! This flavor was surprisingly good. I thought it would be my least favorite by far, but the strongest flavor here is vinegar, which is almost sweet. There's also cheddar vibes. None of that chicken-in-a-biscuit ranch stuff. Neat!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

PERDUE PERFECT PORTIONS - Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast All Natural

OK, so these are perfect because the only ingredient is Chicken. I wasn't actually sure because there are no ingredients listed on the package, but online confirms it! And I never want more than one breast at a time, so these are great for me (although probs not for earth; sorry earth). I usually defrost in the microwave and pan fry, but this bag has instructions on different cooking ways, and one is "oven from frozen", so I figured I'd try that (30min on 350). Unfortunately my meat thermometer is out of commission, so I'm praying it worked! The 30 minutes didn't seem like enough, since it was still pretty pink, so I gave it another 15 minutes and that seemed good. The chicken was tasty and slightly dry but not burnt. Tasted like chicken and was filling and a normal chicken texture. Unfortunately my insides are still broken, but I don't think that's this chicken's fault!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Gatorade Orange

Ew, Gatorade. But I'm in a world of hurt this week, literally. I cancelled my dept meeting, I suffered through class, I almost had my parents take me to the ER. My insides are like "!!!!!!!!!!" and I haven't been eating for a few days. So I was like "OK I'll get Gatorade on Amazon", and so I did. This is the regular sugary stuff, and yet it STILL has artificial sweeteners in it. I swear, those things are the new pea protein. Well it's not like I'm allergic to them, but they do make my insides feel weird, so that's not great for current me, but whatever, I'm drinking it anyway. It tastes like Orange. It tastes like I'm Sick. It's fine for those things. No complaints, except the fake sugars.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10

Progresso Vegetable Classics Hearty Penne in Chicken Broth

On my weekly perusal of the soup aisle, I found a new legume-free one! Holy wow! Sure, it's chicken noodle soup without the chicken, which sounds pretty boring, but I would love love love a safe chicken noodle soup. And this is safe! I ate it and didn't die! And my current horrible internal pain (IDEK guys) was not exacerbated by it, cause it's only like 150 calos and pretty mild stuff. Still it was filling to eat the whole can. So that's all lovely. Unfortunately, it tasted freakin' weird. Why? Apparently there's tomato powder in it. So it tastes like spaghettios but only a little bit and the rest like chicken noodle soup. That is very bad and not good for me. I abhor tomato soup. So, this was a bust and I wouldn't get it again. But I am grateful it exists! Just take out the tomato powder, guys! And also make one with chicken and no soy? xoxo

Overall
Cost: 6/10
Taste: 5/10

DeLallo Vodka Sauce

On the website this is called "Vodka Sauce Square" and I truly have no idea why. They do make at least two other vodka sauces, but they aren't shape names. Also, unlike the pastas, the pasta sauces don't have the "nut free" etc logos on the website, and they do make nutty pestos, so I'm have a little freakout whenever I eat one of their pasta sauces (foolishly I bought three to go along with the curséd ladyfingers, which aren't updated yet). But I survived this one at least! And it does taste good; creamy like many vodka sauces and cheesy and tomatoey. There are small chunks of tomato and carrot which I like. I have no complaints, other than the shady allergy stuff -- I think other than the pastas, I won't buy any of their other branded things in the future because it's just too uncertain!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

DeLallo Whole Wheat Penne

Aha! Whole wheat pasta! This is 100% wheat, so no legume fears here. I have the vibe that a "veggie" pasta is healthier but actually this is pretty good as far as protein and fiber go, so maybe I'm about to be a whole wheat convert. The cooking time is higher, though (11min), and the taste is definitely different. Maybe it's the wheat berry of it all, but it tastes almost sweeter, in an "unroasted cacao" way. Or a "dark beer" way. IDK man. Nevertheless, the taste is weird and the texture is weird, but if you are having something other than plain pasta, this seems like a nice way to be a little healthier. Plus I bet you'd bet used to it after a while!

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [4$]
Taste: 6/10

Pillsbury Banana Bread Batter

Bread in a tube? Breadtube?! I have some negative associations. But I do like banana bread. Although it was fun to squeeze out of the tube, you still have to spread it in the pan, so the tube is more for fun than function. The smell is kinda "runts banana"-y, which isn't great, but I do like runts banana (in moderation), they just aren't what I expect for a real banana bread. All the reviews of this were like "my mom/grandma/husband's banana bread is the best in the world!" and TBH I also feel that my grandma/ex's (different people) banana breads were far superior. However, the smell of something baking is always nice, and this was no exception. 

I followed the cooking instructions (70min) and it came out a little dark. But the taste and texture were fine, and it was fully cooked which is always my biggest worry. The banana flavor is honestly pretty subtle, which isn't my preference but it's still tasty dense dark bread with a little toy banana vibe. However, halfway into eating I did also get a weird artificial plasticy flavor, but it was fleeting and maybe I convinced myself I tasted it because other reviewers mentioned it. (I gotta stop reading reviews before I eat things!). The calorie/fat/sugar info is also not great since a serving is 1/15 of a loaf which is ridiculous (I'd say it's probably double that in reality). But, this was actually better than I thought it would be. Fun snack. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Marie Callender's Small Apple Pie

So the Small Peach Pie was a disappointment, but mainly due to the filling. Therefore I thought maybe the Small Apple Pie will fare better. However, since I had a bad experience with the other one, I didn't want to wait 50+ minutes to be disappointed, so I made this one in the microwave. That's much faster (~10min) and the box doesn't even recommend one over the other, so I feel it was a valid choice. It's about 680 calos for the full pie, which is I think less than the peach was, so I thought I'd just eat the whole thing. Why not! It's the weekend!

This pie was maybe better than the peach one, but still not as good as a normal pie. The filling is too small of apple pieces, too goopy of thick goop. The crust is fine, so I don't think the microwave made a huge difference either way (maybe slightly less good), but the filling is just Too Fake. IDK what sort of small pie is ever going to have copious real full slices of apple, maybe it's impossible, but like...the mcdonald's apple pie is way better (and fewer calos!!), why can't they copy that a lil more?

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

DeLallo Instant Espresso Powder

I got this because of the February DeLallo calendar - affogato! Unfortunately I haven't been able to make that recipe yet, because I also bought DeLallo ladyfingers online for it, and they (and this) read as nut free, and I thought yay! But then when the ladyfingers arrived, they May Contain Nutsed. Annoying and frankly terrifying. I sent them a whiny email, so we'll see if they update the website. Plus when I was googling about that I saw they had a recall for unlabelled pecans in a (different) cookie, so then I got really anxious, etc etc. My calendar dreams might be fading fast in February!!! 

Anyhoo. This is just espresso powder, and both the bottle and the website say it's safe, so like, c'mon, me, I gotta just use it. I tried to make a latte this morning but unfortunately one espresso shot is either not much espresso at all or this is hella weak powder, because it tasted just like Milk Only. And I only put a little milk! So, that wasn't a great success. What I did get from the taste was very "instant coffee", which I guess makes sense. It has that caroby taste, like fake sugary chocolate and not like a strong coffee flavor at all. But, I didn't die! And it mixed with the water well, no grit or any texture issues. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [7$]
Taste: 5/10

2020 Matt Iaconis Paso Robles Cabernet Sauvignon

This is made by Naked Wines, so I guess they're officially joining the Splash/Wine Awesomeness throuple. Whatever, online wine websites, as long as you ship to my state I could care less! Sheesh. At least this seems legit -- I like that it has a clear web presence. It tastes like a typical cab, warm and fairly pleasant. I didn't make the Tri-Tip because I don't want 4-6 pounds of meat, but it seems cool.

Overall
Cost: 4/10 [22$]
Taste: 6/10

2022 Oblisco Tempranillo

Sigh. Another mis-send: I got a pure Tempranillo, as far as I can tell from the bottle, but online I can only find evidence of a red blend! That's frustrating! Anyway, it was very smooth. Kinda tasted like the Raaka spiced cookie chocolate -- like a holiday spice blend cookie or something. Warming, cinnamony. Neat. Too bad I can't find it online anywhere!

Overall
Cost: ??/10
Taste: 7/10

Sunny Fruit Organic Dried Plums

Prunes are dried plums! Plums are prunes! Raisins are grapes! Figs are dates! (Is that right?). This is one of those things I always struggle with. Anyway, I like plums, both fresh and dried. These ones had a weird shape, too -- like little flower pots! There weren't a lot in the bag, maybe 5-6, but they aren't as sweet as other dried fruit (or at least it seemed that way after a sugary drink!!) which I liked. Pleasant! And the bag says "nut free" too!

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Green Giant - Nibblers Corn-on-the-Cob

Some of my best friends are nibblers! These were on sale for like 3 dollars, which made me suspicious, but these are definitely worth 3 dollars. One "nibbler" is not very filling (thus the name, I guess), but it's juicy and tasty like corn is. It does have a weird chemical taste also, especially if you suckle too deeply, but that's OK -- I can roleplay I'm in an institutional context.

Overall
Cost: 5/10 [3$, but usually 12$]
Taste: 7/10

Green Giant Restaurant Style Roasted Root Vegetables with Garlic & Thyme

I made this in the microwave, even though they suggest skillet, 'cause I'm lazy and didn't want to add more oil. The texture was still OK in my opinion, and kind of a fun mix of things. Turns out I really don't love carrots, though, and they're the majority here. The strong seasoning also made me a little allergy-panicky even though they're top-8 free. It was fine and quite filling, plus decently healthy, but the taste and fear make it not my favorite frozen veggie choice (go brussels sporouts!)

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Goldfish Crisps - Sour Cream & Onion

I still really like the shape and size and hollowness of these fishes. Honestly, though, this flavor is quite similar to the "original" orange ones, but slightly less tasty to me. I guess there's a stronger onion seasoning, but still it's very "chicken in a biscuit" meets "ranch seasoning". I think I'd really like a cheddar flavor even more; too bad they don't make that! (Yet?). Nevertheless, pretty addictive. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

Cocoa Puffs Loaded Cereal

The back of this box is so weird -- it's like "living cereal rich" and "tell us how you live cereal rich" and what does it mean, living cereal rich!?!? I guess if anyone's doing it, I am, because I have a hell of a lot of cereals. Cereal rich and milk poor. Anyway, the cereal itself is also weird. The texture and stuff is similar to the cinnamon toast crunch one, but with no cinnamon flavor. I guess there's a vague chocolatey flavor, but even that is subtle? And then the filling is vanilla. They're kinda like those orange/pink/choco wafer rectangles, except less tasty and a worse texture. The first time I ate them they also made me nervous and cut up my mouth. So, not my favorite cereal.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 5/10

Kellogg's Frosted Flakes - Chocolate Milkshake

Huh, OK. So these taste a bit like the chocolate(?) necco wafer -- a weirdly minty malt flavor. Similarly to the strawberry milkshake flavor, the milk is impressively milkshake-flavored, but the cereal itself is kind of weird and less good than the plain frosted flakes. So IDK if it's worth it to have these just for the milk.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

That's it - Apple + Cherries

Aha! I actually got a bit of the cherry flavor underneath the overpowering apple! It's pretty good -- a little dry yet sticky at the same time, but the simplicity of the ingredients really perks me up.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Smartfood Simply Sea Salt

Ah, now here's a safe sort of food. Smartfood is made by FritoLay/PepsiCo, and they're good about allergies (they have one Kettle Corn variety that may contain nuts, but they say so). But wait!! I just saw a Cheetos that has pea protein in it. So that's terrible and depressing. However, this has like 3 simple ingredients, which I think is kind of the point. So that's good. What's not good is that it makes me want a cheese or kettle popcorn instead of a plain popcorn, which is the most boring kind of popcorn!! It's still pleasant, nice texture and less depressing to have eaten than microwave popcorn, so I do like it. Tastes like popped corn with light salt vibes. And so it is.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10

Marie Callender's Sides - Cheddar Broccoli Casserole

This looks nice and simple -- brocco, cheese sauce, bacon bits. But nothing's ever simple when you have allergies (and/or when you're me, take your pick)!! I had a little bit of a psychosomatic (assuming the label is legit) reaction to this because bacon bits are so often Legume Protein, even though these are just meat. (I think it's legit because I got a pretty sizeable gross chewy meat piece in there too). It's not helped by the fact that this is very "soup"y. 

Now taste wise, I like soup! I like brocco! I like weird goopy cheese-sauce. I'm neutral on baco! So it was good and only 370calos, and it has a veg in, so those are good things. It also gave me a little bit of a stomacache though. But then again I did eat all 2.5 servings myself. Which, 2.5 servings is an annoying number. Just make it 3, guys! Anyway. I made it in the oven, which took 50+ minutes, and it was fine but I suspect the microwave would be very similar. I just wanted to give it the best chance to shine. And it was: fine.

Overall
Cost: 4/10 (7$!)
Taste: 6/10

Simply Watermelon

Watermelon juice!? Now I've seen everything. This was very sweet, like a watermelon candy, but as a juice. Still it was tasty and dare I say complex. I liked it! It would be a great mixer.

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 7/10

DeLallo Mini Potato Gnocchi

I know this isn't really pasta, but it's in the pasta aisle, OK!? So the backstory here is that I saw an ad online for a free calendar from DeLallo, and I like calendars and free things, so I signed up, and they actually sent it. So it's hanging in my office and each month has a food pic and a recipe. So this month was the Best Chicken Gnocchi Soup recipe. So, I made the recipe, which of course calls for their brand of gnocchi, which I bought as you can see. It cooked very quickly and seemed fun. However, the taste is not that great for me. But the texture is good, and in the recipe (a creamy chicken soup vibe) it is good. So I enjoyed it, but outside of the recipe context, IDK. Here is the soup for your viewing pleasure by the by. 

Overall
Cost: 5/10
Taste: 6/10
Soup recipe: 7/10